When you are in a relationship, there are always going to be some problems. While a normal argument can be disconcerting and infuriating, nothing is worse than being accused of something that you did not do. You know that you did not cheat on your partner and that you never even considered cheating. When he accuses you of cheating on him, you are not just angry—you are frustrated. You can’t prove that you never thought of cheating, so all you can do is hope that he trusts you enough to listen.
When you’re accused of cheating, there are a few things that you can do to try to solve the problem. Fear and insecurity are generally the reasons why someone would make this type of accusation, and you have some options for addressing these problems. If your partner continues to accuse you of cheating, then you might have to consider leaving. If they cannot learn to trust you enough, then no relationship will ever last for long.
Why Would Someone Accuse You of Cheating?
There are three main reasons why someone might accuse you of cheating. One of the most obvious reasons is because of their past experiences. If they have been cheated on in the past, then they may fear that you will do the same. Likewise, they may fear you cheating if they cheated on a partner before. If you have cheated on them or a former boyfriend, their jealousies may stem from a very justifiable fear.
In some cases, the past has nothing to do with their current accusations. In these cases, they are accusing you because of the fear and insecurities that they are dealing with. They may have a low self-esteem or confidence issues that make having a relationship difficult. They cannot understand how they could ever deserve you, so they are constantly afraid that you will figure it out and leave them.
Unfortunately, there is another scenario that could be in play right now. If your partner is cheating on you, then he (or she) may be understandably insecure. He knows that he was able to cheat without getting caught, so he is afraid that you could do the same. He might not have even cheated. If he just contemplated cheating and decided not to, he may still be afraid that the same opportunities may come up for you. His accusations are not based on what you are doing. Rather, they are rooted in his own actions and thoughts. He is essentially projecting his behavior onto you.
What Can You Do?
There are some options that you can take when your partner accuses you of cheating. Initially, you should try to figure out the cause of the accusations. If it is based on a past experience, all you can really do is continue to work on trust issues and earn his good faith. It takes time for someone to recover after they have been cheated on, so you may have to be patient.
If his accusations stem from his cheating on you, then you have another problem. He is not going to trust you all of a sudden because he knows that trust can be misplaced. He doesn’t deserve your trust, so he cannot understand why you expect him to trust you. In this case, your best option may be to just break up with him. Even if you do everything possible to deserve his trust, he will still have nagging thoughts about whether you could treat him the same way that he treats you.
If his concerns stem from insecurity, you do have some options. Work toward building trust with him. While it is understandable if you want to have friends of the opposite gender, you may want to exercise caution. Let him meet your friends so that he realizes that they are not a threat. Avoid flirting with people or doing anything that would make him think that you are cheating. Ideally, avoid being alone with an attractive member of the opposite gender. You can still hang out, but it would probably make your partner feel better if he knows that you are hanging out as a part of a group instead of alone.
Your Next Steps When You’re Accused of Cheating
When you’re accused of cheating, there are a few things that you should do. Start by not getting mad or defensive. This will only make things worse. Something may have happened to make him suspicious, so be open-minded as you listen to his concerns.
Once he has explained his worries, ask him why he thinks that you are cheating. See which behaviors make him think that and see if you can make some changes. If you are naturally flirtatious, then he may just want you to be a little less friendly to the people you meet. Talk to him about his worries, remind him that you love him and let him know that you will never hurt him. Once you agree on making some changes, drop the subject and stop bringing it up.
You also may need to look at your behavior to see if you are unintentionally fueling his suspicions. Have you been staying unusually late at work? Do you get secretive when texting other guys? If there is something that you are doing that makes him suspicious, consider changing the behavior.
If the problem does not go away, you need to take a hard look at your boyfriend. Other than being insecure, another leading cause of suspicious is actual cheating. He might not be cheating on you, but he may have considered. If he continues to be suspicious, then you may need to take a look around to see if he is doing anything secretive or shady behind your back.