Have you come across the term “basic white girl” yet? It’s pretty new, but have taken off and become a thing. That’s because there is literally nothing more annoying than someone who tries so damn hard to be unique by trying to fit in at the same time.
The definition of basic white girl is someone who tries to show her individuality by doing stuff that is cliché, shallow, and hellaciously annoying to everyone around her. Are you sitting there, reading this, and wondering if you’re a basic white girl?
There are some pretty spot-on signs and symptoms that you can check yourself for. That’s right, check yourself before you wreck yourself. Been waiting all year to use that one.
1. You let everyone on social media know exactly what you are doing. I know this is really hard for basic white girls to understand, but no one cares if your hair is on point or having a bad day.
2. You think Justin Bieber got robbed and love his music.
3. Seriously, we don’t want to know what you had for breakfast, snack, lunch, snack and dinner. Yes, may be that cheesecake was to die for, but instead of posting a picture of it and adding thirty-three hashtags, how about you eat it and just post a recommendation instead? No one is on pins and needles wondering if you’ve eaten yet and what your meal looked like. Trust me.
4. You own one of every season’s Ugg boots. Uggs are a 100% sign that you’re walking a mile in basic white girl boots. One pair is great, two is doable, thirty is NOT cool!
5. Basic white girls will ditch friends and stab them in the back over saying their leggings didn’t look good with their Uggs.
6. You think that Starbucks should be its own food group and necessary.
7. If you waited in a fifteen-minute-long line to get the unicorn frapa-lapa-whatever, then you’re a basic white girl following the crowd in an attempt to say that you got a one of a kind drink.
8. You are always late and focused on your phone.
9. Your ride is a huge SUV that has hit every curb in a 100-mile radius and you may want to step back and reconsider your life choices.
10. You keep the Urban Dictionary app on your phone and have notifications when new, cool words appear. Most of those words have gone out of style before the rest of us even learn them, so just back away and stop pretending like you invented something cool.
11. Quit using phrases that you think are from the hood, but are only from your rich neighborhood. “Hit me up” and “kicking it” should exit your vocabulary now, please.
12. Your closet is filled with name brand clothes and you wouldn’t be caught dead in something that wasn’t. No one knows, or cares, what brand of clothes you are wearing besides the people selling them. You could spend that money on way cooler stuff and have a lot more of it.
13. You still wear boxer shorts at home. The real kind.
14. Walmart is for the poor. If you refuse to ever go into a Walmart because it isn’t all high-end merchandise with only upper-class people in it, then you’re basically wearing a shirt that says “Basic White Girl.”
15. Target is your soulmate. Yes, Target has some cute stuff, but a lot of it is the same damn stuff for a higher price. Except their dollar bins. Everyone loves those!
16. You complain that you’re cleaning lady should be forced to give a month’s notice and find a replacement for her week-long vacation. First of all, cleaning lady? I wish! Secondly, that is such a first world problem and those just absolutely get you down.
17. If your life is over because the local Whole Foods shut down, then you need to take a long, hard look in the mirror.
18. Your phone holds more selfies then picture of your family. No one wants to see your duck face.
19. You use u instead of you in texts followed by a zillion emoji’s.
20. No one cares about your Snapchat-filtered picture that makes you look like you have butterflies in your hair. You don’t really look like that.
21. If you’ve been taking selfies for ten minutes to find the right one to post, and then keep the other ones just in case, you may have a problem.
22. If the waitress can’t help but roll her eyes at your order, it’s a pretty big clue. No, you don’t need gluten free, sugar free, only organic paleo pancakes. Your taste buds aren’t that special, lady.
23. Your children’s names have to be sounded out phonetically with fingers crossed. If you are naming your kid a popular name, just spell it the right way. Changing a ‘y’ to an “ie” is all good, but altering Sierra to Cyera, why?
24. You absolutely cannot leave the house with the family without taking a group photo. You may be pretty, but this is just not cute. Trust me, people will survive without seeing your face every ten minutes.
25. You want to show off that you have a scarf that matches your boots that match your purse.
26. If you think that your playlist should contain some off-color rap music just to make you feel a little raunchy, reconsider your choices. Spoiler alert, Eminem and Drake are considered classic basic white girl icons. Yes, I’ll wait while you delete a few things from your song list.
27. You absolutely must visit Victoria Secret every time you’re close to one.
28. You complain about being poor while visiting Starbucks daily and carrying Gucci purses. Sorry, no one’s buying it. If you’re poor, it’s because you keep buying stupid stuff.
29. Not being able to plan that month-long trip to an exotic island is not considered poor but you claim it is. Poor is worrying about food and mortgage payments but you don’t know about that life.
30. You are constantly watching shows like Gilmore Girls, Grey’s Anatomy, The Bachelor and Gossip Girls. News flash, those shows suck and are mostly for teenagers, not grown women.
31. You quote girl cult movies like Mean Girls and think people will get it.
32. If you dress for the event and don’t even like it, you’re showing symptoms. No, you should not wear that brand-new jersey to a football game if you don’t even like football!
33. Talking about your tween’s personal drama like it’s yours is a favorite pastime of yours.
34. You try to be trendier than your tween. Take a step back, admit that you’re in your thirties or forties, and roll with it.
35. You choose your Halloween outfit carefully to match your best friend’s and not your partner’s. Yes, we all know that the pair of you think you’re adorable, but we are all rolling our eyes at you internally because we have your number.
36. This will ruin your night, but all eyes do not always have to be on you.
37. You are constantly passing along ridiculous inspirational quotes that really mean nothing. No, Marilyn Monroe was no philosophical genius, so just stop sharing it. No, giving a woman the right pair of shoes or shade of lipstick will not make her conquer the world.
38. You would never date a guy who isn’t at least a 7.
39. Owning a ton of Pampered Chef, Sapada, and Southern Living items does not make you chic.
40. Hosting tupperware parties doesn’t make you upper-class either. Try stocking your house with items that are actually useful and not just absurdly expensive and you’ll actually love the difference.
41. You think anything French is classy. Enough with the French signs everywhere in your home! You can’t speak it anyway.
42. You consider any bar that doesn’t serve cosmos as a dive bar.
43. You would be blindsided if anyone suggested you were a basic white girl. You would be completely shocked that people didn’t see you as some unique, trendy unicorn of a woman that everyone should know.
44. I know that you think you’re super special, but you’re just one of a million basic white girls that we all encounter every day. Yes, we may adore you as a friend, but that doesn’t mean that you are exactly what you think you are.
45. You treat your nanny like she was born to wipe the gum off your shoes.
If you’ve read this list and thought “Oh no, I’m a basic white girl,” then it’s not too late to change it. If you recognize it, but enjoy your life, then just roll with it. The world needs all kind of people and you, people pleasure, have tons of friends, so maybe it’s not so bad after all.
Just try not to get annoyed if you notice people rolling their eyes at you occasionally. Embrace your basic white girl life and try not to look down too harshly on the simpletons below. Remember, we’re the ones who hold that pedestal of your up off the ground to put you in such a basically unique position.