Have you found yourself in a situation, where whatever you do doesn’t seem to impress the lady you’re on a date with? Did you get on like a house on fire over Facebook Messenger but then when you meet in real life, she seems cold, distant and as if she’s about to fall asleep any second? You’d be surprised how common that is!
It might not be common knowledge but women can find very specific traits unattractive in men and, because first impressions are everything, that might mean that she will never want to see you again. Certain traits are bad enough to leave you with a bad taste in your mouth and women are specifically sensitive to that.
Of course, we can’t put all women under one umbrella, however trying to navigate the complicated world of women’s preferences, likes and dislikes, turn-ons and turn-offs can be very challenging. The turn-offs can generally be a lot more difficult to guess than the turn-ons, as women are generally not as vocal about them as they would be about the things they like. That said, there are a set of ground rules that you can stick to.
There’s no way to promise these will work, however if you’re experiencing a significant decline in your successful dates, then there may be a reason why – a reason you’re not even expecting. Are you making one of the rookie’s mistakes when it comes to dating? Read on for a list of the most common turn-offs for women and do your best to avoid them to turn that date’s frown upside-down.
Feeling a bit nervous, or low on your self-esteem? Even if you think that your pokerface is great, trust me, it’s not. Women can sense things like that a mile off and it’s one of the top reasons why your sweet date might suddenly turn sour. Once you start believing in yourself more, you’ll see the changes coming quickly.
Guys who have self-confidence are great company and emit a positive aura that makes everyone like them. Plus, a lot of women find self-esteem very attractive and are a lot more likely to call you back for a second date. So work on your self-esteem, maybe even do some personality coaching, and watch your love life change drastically!
That’s the other end of the spectrum of self-confidence. If women don’t like someone with low self-esteem, they absolutely hate someone who has too much of it. Is “I” the most commonly used in your dictionary? Have you found yourself talking about your new expensive car, or your new fancy TV, just to notice the woman opposite you begin to nod off and look for quick ways to end the date?
Then you’ve fallen into the trap of cockiness. It’s never good to brag about yourself too much, because it’ll make her think that you don’t care about her and her achievements. She may be a Nobel Prize Laureate for all you know, but you never might find out! Find some humility and balance on the confidence scale and you’ll soon see the difference.
If you’re the type that likes crying at romantic movies, then maybe you need to rethink your dating strategy – or even your dating pool sometimes. Women do like men who are in touch with their feelings but that doesn’t mean you can compromise on your masculinity. They want you to be a shoulder to cry on, not to share their tissues with them.
So, man up and show them what you’re made of. The best way to demonstrate you’re not oversensitive is to avoid asking your date if they’re having a good time every five minutes. Even if you’re wondering, internalise it – because it’ll only leave a bad impression if you do. Besides, women find strong, supportive men very sexy and it will attract them, even subconsciously.
The other extreme to the oversensitivity issue is someone who has no sensitivity at all. And this includes good manners. Sure, you have to offer emotional support and strength, but also when you’re wrong about something, just admit it. Apologise and move on. Don’t make a fuss, don’t throw a tantrum, because the sooner you go on with your lives, the sooner it’ll go away and it will be like it never happened.
Man up and admit you make mistakes, like every other human being. Do you never hold the door open for her, or pull out her chair? Doing this doesn’t mean you’re over sensitive, it’s just common sense chivalry that you should have for any woman, not just ones you’re dating. It’s just a sign of bad manners and it will leave your date wondering why your parents never taught you any better.
Sure, you’re not dumb – but are you? A lot of men think they aren’t but that’s because they don’t see themselves through the eyes of the woman they’re dating. If she’s getting obviously uncomfortable talking about something, then just stop talking about it.
Don’t urge her to tell you if she’s bored, or make comments about the way she looks – unless they’re flattering – on a first date. You might think she’ll appreciate your honesty but in reality she’ll be looking to get out of there as soon as possible. So save yourself the embarrassment and don’t be a dumb guy.
Do you ever find yourself chewing at your nails, the end of your pencil, your hair, playing with your clothes or anything else? Then you’re fidgety. You might not even know it but now that you’ve read this, start paying more attention to it. Fidgetiness and touchiness show a low self-esteem and, as we talked about earlier, that’s a massive turn-off for women.
It’ll make you seem insecure and as if you want to be anywhere else but where you are at that moment. So make an effort to stop – perhaps create a visual cue for yourself, like drawing a little symbol on your hand in black pen and whenever you see it, that’ll be your reminder to stop fidgeting.
It’s no coincidence that Narcissus, the hero from Greek mythology who started the notion of narcissism, drowned himself because he looked at his own reflection in the water too closely. Narcissism leads to a lot of problems and issues, so if you catch yourself being too self-obsessed, then it’s time to reconsider your behavior.
Women truly hate a narcissist, because they know it can only be trouble for them. In their eyes, you’ll never be able to love anyone else as much as you love yourself, so why even try? They’ll drop you in a heartbeat and you’ll wonder why you’re always alone.
We all have special interests – films, TV shows, sports, music, etc. But if you like to dominate the conversation with your own special interest, that will just make your date lose interest in you. She doesn’t want to hear about the latest football match you saw, or about that band you’ve seen live fifteen times. She wants to know about you, not your interests.
So if you have a tendency to obsess over something, it’s best to leave it at home with your memorabilia. Of course, if she’s into the same thing, then that makes things different – find out if that’s the case by probing. Because if she doesn’t care about your obsession, chances are she’ll be bored with you fifteen minutes into the date.
We’ve all had a foot-in-the-mouth kind of moments but if this is you all the time then perhaps you need to reconsider your behavior. The date’s over and you share your first kiss and it’s all lovely – but you interrupt her to tell her how lovely her boobs look in that dress.
Now she might appreciate that comment another time, but now she’ll think you’re only interested in her body and not her personality. If you’re just naturally awkward, try to work around it and keep your mouth shut when it needs to be. Be mindful of the comments you make and how they can affect her – and see what you can do to stop yourself from bouts of word diarrhoea.
This sounds fairly simple – and again, if you’re reading this, you’re probably exclaiming “This isn’t me!” – but it’s surprising how you can seem boring to a woman without trying too hard at all. It’s not even a matter of being silent all the time. You could keep talking and still bore her to sleep. You have to prove to her that you’re good company and fun to be around with.
If you see her eyes starting to drift away, or even worse – if she yawns – it’s time to change the subject. Try to gauge what she wants to talk about and steer the conversation in that direction. That way, you’ll not only make some progress with her but it also means she’ll be interested to see you again because she knows you’re good company!
Disastrous dates happen to everyone and sometimes there’s nothing you can do to prevent it. But if you manage to follow these ground rules, then you’re at least giving yourself a chance. Of course, you can’t expect this to work on anybody, as every woman is as unique as a snowflake, but this will give you a base to work on. Follow this advice and you’ll see your love life take a turn for the better – either that, or you’re just really really unlucky with your dating pool!