There is a drastic difference between chasing women and being persistent. If you are chasing a woman who is playing hard to get, your best option is to forget about her. If she is immature or insecure enough to need to play hard to get to find a date, then she is not someone that you want to be around.
The difference between chasing women and being persistent is not just about nuance. These are very different tactics that have differing success rates in getting you a date. Chasing a woman rarely works because of the type of woman who expects to be chased. Often, women read in advice columns or are told by a friend that they have to play hard to get to win a guy’s heart. As most men will tell you, they would much rather that the woman flirt back and show that she is interested. Unless you are a mind reader, a woman who plays hard to get is very infuriating and confusing to deal with.
Worse still, some women play hard to get because they are insecure. While emotional or relationship immaturity is understandable—everyone has to mature at some point–, insecurity is not. By playing hard to get and making you chase her, she is confirming that she has a self-worth and deserves attention. If you were to actually date her, you would find a very demanding, stressful relationship. The insecurities she started with will not just go away over time. She will continuously need you to reaffirm her self-worth. If you don’t do that, she may resort to manipulation or annoying tests to get the affirmation she needs.
For you, chasing a woman is also a bad idea. If you have to chase her, then you are wasting your time. As we have already covered, you are most likely investing a lot of time in a woman who is not date-worthy material. For whatever reason, she thinks that she has to be chased to get a date. You do not want to be with this type of woman in a relationship. Even if you only want a one-night stand, you are still investing a significant amount of time in wooing her. There are many fish in the sea, and you could have had five or more one-night stands in the time it took you to woo a single woman.
Chasing a woman is when you are trying to attract someone who plays hard to get. You may be chasing a woman who is not yours or is acting cold or aloof. In comparison, the persistence method is quite different. Remember: chasing is unattractive to women with any level of self-worth. If you have to chase her, chances are high that you have already pushed her away by seeming desperate or overly pushy.
How Persistence Works
Chasing a woman makes you feel desperate, confused, uncertain and even fearful. When you use the persistence method instead, you end up feeling like you are working toward a worthwhile goal. Chasing is what happens with immature women or unattainable women. You use persistence when you are pursuing a woman who is attainable, but just needs more convincing.
Chasing involves desperately pursuing a woman with the goal of acquiring her and making her unattainable to anyone else. The type of language many men use involving chasing ranges from borderline unnerving to all-out disturbing. There is a reason for this. In one research study, men who used courtship methods linked to stalking (and which were the definition of many chasing techniques) were more likely to have violence in the relationship.
In the study, they looked at persistence behaviors like performing unrequested favors, attempting to communicate, waiting where the person knew the crush would be, showing up at events where the person would be, sending notes, asking friends about the person, trying to scare the person, making threats, following the person, manipulating them into dating you, spying on the person, threatening to hurt yourself or similar behaviors. People who did these behaviors had relationships with more violence both during the relationship and after the break up.
When the interest is purely one-sided, it places the relationship on an unequal footing. This unrequited love does not get any better once the partners are together. Ultimately, the difference between chasing and persistence is that chasing is highly emotional and demonstrates a one-sided interest. Meanwhile, persistence is generally unemotional and generally mutual. You are persistent with a woman that you know is interested and would potentially date you. Chasing tends to be one-sided and extremely emotional.
Ultimately, a persistent man is different because he persists when it matters. A guy who is chasing the woman is going after someone who is unattainable (or, as we mentioned before, isn’t really relationship material anyway). A guy who is persistent knows that she is potentially interested and makes calculated moves to make her more interested in him.
Worse still, the girl has probably already decided that she will never be with you. Chasing is something that happens with extreme infatuation and unrequited love. Even though the guy can’t help it, he obsesses with her and constantly thinks about her. Initially, the woman might think that his crush is cute. Before long, it is just an annoyance that keeps bugging her. If it is left to spiral out of control, this behavior can even start to become scary for her.
Try a Better Way
Chasing is addictive, so it can be hard to stop. You have to stop though. If you missed your shot or just realized that nothing would ever be possible, it is time to move on. With persistence, you can improve your dating chances. To do this right, you have to focus on:
Acting Immediately: Chasing often happens when you miss your shot. To have a chance, you need to make a move when you have the chance. If you hesitate too much, you can miss your chance forever. You know that this could be your only chance with her ever, so you are smart enough to make a move while you still can.
Staying on Track: If you think that spending time hanging around her or rambling on for hours will win her heart, you would be wrong. If your goal is to be with her, you have to know what you want and stay focused on your goal. Just being around her is not going to be enough to get her interested. Figure out how you will get her number, ask her on a date or make sure that you see her again. Focus on the outcomes and not the time spent on each endeavor.
Be Willing to Move on: Whether you just want a date for the night or are looking for a long-term relationship, you have to know when to move on. While it might seem like all of the intelligent, beautiful women are taken, this is not the case. You just have to go to places where you will actually find them. In the meanwhile, you have to learn how to cut your losses. If you are trying to woo a woman who is obviously not interested, you need to learn when it is best to just give up.