Relationships can be the best thing in the world, and they can also be one of the most. It’s especially hard when you and he start to drift apart, and your feelings no longer align. When you find that you miss him, but it seems like he doesn’t even think about you it can be painful beyond words.
If this sounds familiar to you, don’t worry. We know what you’re going through and we are here to help you through this difficult time. In this article, we will provide you with positive steps you can take to deal with this stressful phase of your life.
Questions to ask
Mental clarity is very important. You can’t move forward effectively if you don’t understand the situation at hand. To help you make sense of things we’ve prepared some questions to ask yourself.
Why do you think he doesn’t miss you?
Do you have solid evidence or are you jumping to conclusions? After a breakup, it’s easy to go a little crazy. You might find yourself projecting emotions on your ex or making wild assumptions.
If he broke up with you, there’s a real chance he might not want you back. But this doesn’t mean that he doesn’t think about you fondly. Please note, we’re not saying that he’s looking to get back with you. Still, if you think your ex doesn’t care about you at all, then you might have a harder time thinking positively about yourself.
Try not to let a man control your self-worth, but if you think it will help try and see if you can find out how he really feels. You can do this by talking to him or asking his friends. You might want to follow him in person or online, but that sort of behavior can lead to some dark places.
Why do you miss him?
Think carefully about this one. The answer might seem obvious at. First, you miss him because you love him and now he’s gone. But emotions can be complicated things. Sometimes we fall in love with the idea of love, and we don’t handle the actual relationship the way we should.
It’s also possible that you miss being in a relationship more than you love the specific man who left you. Sure, he was definitely unique. But a lot of things you got from your ex can be provided by a new man.
If you miss hugs, kisses, and other forms of intimacy you should remember that other men can provide these services. It might not be the same, but eventually, you might even find a man who treats you even better than your ex did.
You shouldn’t turn your ex into a monster in your mind, but you also should try and avoid making him some sort of saint. Everyone has their faults, and if you try and truly see your ex, warts and all. If you can do this you’ll find it easier to move on.
What would bring you closure?
Think about why exactly you’re having trouble moving on. Of course, you are going to feel a sense of loss shortly after the end of a relationship, but as time passes by it becomes less and less healthy to obsess about your missing ex. At some point, you need to move on with your life. So, ask yourself what would allow you to move on.
Do you still have questions about why the relationship ended? Then maybe you should talk to him and see if you can find the truth out. Are you just feeling lonely? Then maybe a date with a new guy will make you feel better. Is it hard to see him now? Then maybe a change of scenery is just what you need.
Steps to take
Asking questions is a great place to start the healing process, but eventually, you need to take positive steps to improve your life. Fortunately, we’ve got some ideas you can use.
Get in touch with your friends and family
You don’t have to deal with your emotions alone. Hopefully, you have a support system you can fall back on to help you process the things you are feeling. This step can be especially painful if you’ve drifted away from your friends and family because you were so wrapped up in your relationship.
But real friends will take you back even if you’ve ignored them in the past, just make sure you apologize if you haven’t treated them properly.
Humans aren’t meant to live life alone. You shouldn’t be alone in this world without your ex; you should have other people you can rely upon. If you don’t have those kinds of people in your life, you should try and find some.
Handle your feelings
Many women are taught that being strong means suppressing feelings. They take their emotions and push them down, so they don’t break down blubbering. But blubbering is OK! If you are hurting, you need to deal with your pain, not pretend that it doesn’t exist.
Just make sure that you find a healthy place to let your emotions out. One of the issues with bottling them up is that they can then explode in places where you’ll end up embarrassing yourself. Find a place where your honest feelings will be encouraged rather than mocked or dismissed.
Consider one last conversation
If you find that you never got the closure you needed, then you might need to contact him again. However, you need to be very careful about this. For example, it shouldn’t be the first thing you do. You should try and see if you can go on without hearing from him again first.
Talking to your ex can be like picking a wound, it can interrupt the healing process. Before you contact him come up with the things you want to say. Consider writing them down, when the emotions are flowing it can be hard to think clearly. When you talk to him, say what you wanted to say and then walk away.
This is the hard part; you have to keep your head held high the whole time. Don’t throw yourself out his feet or debase yourself in any other way. And don’t get violent with him either. Let yourself be heard but be as restrained as you can be.
Mistakes to avoid
It’s important to try and follow your heart, but when you’re dealing with grief, your heart can point you in some dangerous directions. Try and avoid these common pitfalls and you’ll be much better off in the long run.
Don’t jump into a new relationship to avoid loneliness
Getting out there and dating again can be healthy, but you should avoid getting too serious too quickly. Some girls have trouble living without a boyfriend. This isn’t healthy. Boys are great, but they should be an added bonus on top of a life that’s already good, you shouldn’t build your life on them.
If you find that you don’t know how to handle life by yourself, then you need to take some time and deal with this issue. This sort of thinking can lead to extreme neediness, which will drive men away. Don’t let a need to be in a relationship sabotage your future.
Don’t obsess about him
What you think about defines your life. When you spend all day thinking about your ex you are essentially giving him control over your life. That’s terrible no matter the situation but it’s even worse when he isn’t even thinking about him. You need to get out of your head. Do things that will get your mind off of him. Meet new people, do new things, and focus on the things you like about the world.
Don’t burn bridges
You should plan for a life without your ex, but at the same time, you never know what the future will hold. Many couples break up and come back together time and time again before they reach a final decision.
This isn’t to say that you should be waiting for him to call, it just means that you shouldn’t give into the urge to start to demonize him. It may feel great to call him every bad name in the book, but if he doesn’t actually deserve to be cussed out, then it’s not worth it.
By all means, completely shut off abusers. But if you were dating a decent man then you don’t want to turn abusive in search of catharsis.
Poets like to talk about the sort of love you can’t live without. It’s a very romantic idea, but it can also be destructive. The fact of the matter is that life goes on after even the worst breakups.
Don’t just sit around moping. There are things you can only do when you’re single, don’t let this opportunity pass you by. Get out and have some fun. Do that thing you’ve always wanted to do. See the world. Kiss some boys.
Give yourself time to grieve your old relationship, but don’t let yourself wallow in despair. Eventually, you need to pick yourself up and move on with your life. When you do that great things can happen.