The eyes are considered the window to the soul. Whether you love the beauty of the human eye or work in optometry, these eye puns and jokes can help you start your day off right. You can use these eye puns as they are written or use them as inspiration for your own eye puns and jokes.
1. How can a dictator take a globe? With a contact lens.
2. Where is the eye located? Right between the H and J.
3. What was the lens’ excuse to the police officer for speeding? I’ve been framed, sir.
4. What type of game do frames love to play? Tag.
5. How does an optometrist listen to music? With iTunes.
6. What did the right eye tell the left eye? Just between you and I, there’s something that smells.
7. What did one frame tag say to another? I have a crush on you.
8. How can you put a twinkle in a blonde’s eye? Shine a light in her ear.
9. What do you call a dinosaur if it only has one eye? A Douthinkhesaraus.
10. When is a lens not a lens? When it is actually aphakic.
11. When is it really, really not a lens? When it is a-fake-ic.
12. What type of vision do garbage men have? Bin-ocular vision.
13. What happens when the retina starts to cry? You end up with retinal tears.
14. What did one sailor tell the optometrist? Eye, eye, captain.
15. An eye doctor and a bone doctor were sharing their best jokes. The bone doctor’s puns were fairly humorous, but the eye doctor was just too cornea.
16. What do you call an optometrist from Norway? Toric the Viking.
17. Why wouldn’t the optometrist learn any jokes? He heard that it would break the eyes.
18. Where do you take a depressed eye? To the low vision center.
19. What happened when the lab tech fell into the lens grinder? He really made a spectacle of himself.
20. What do you call a deer who doesn’t have any eyes? No idea.
21. What is an Irish person’s favorite part of the body? The eyeeee.
22. Why was the eye doctor so upset with her son? She thought he was making a spectacle of himself.
23. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
24. What is the difference between an optometrist student and the trash? The trash gets to go out once a week.
25. Why do eye doctors tell such bad jokes? They are just too cornea.
26. Why did the mom buy knew glasses? She thought it was an ideal eye deal.
27. How many optometrists does it take to screw in a light bulb? I don’t know—you tell me, is it one or two?
28. Where do they send bad light? To prism.
29. What did the eye say after it finally got glasses? Eye’m back!
30. What did the mother contact lens tell her naughty baby contact lens? I have had enough of you. Go and sit in the cornea.
31. What happens when you split a prism? You let all the prsimers escape.
32. What did the Latino cornea say to the sexy eyelashes? Eye carumba.
33. The murder of the eye doctor was difficult, but the cops managed to close the lid on it.
34. The eye doctor asked the man if he had ever had his eyes checked. He replied, “No, they’ve always been just blue.”
35. What did the optometrist say to the judge? Iris my case.
36. Why did the pupil break up with the eyelash? She had a bad habit of lashing out.
37. Why are a teacher and an eye doctor similar? They both love to test pupils.
38. Why were the eyebrow and the eyelid always fighting? They could never see eye to eye.
39. Why did the eyes hate wearing glasses? He kept asking them to lens some money.
40. Why did the optometrist want to go to the beach? He heard that there was a lot of eye candy.
41. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses? Because her students were so bright.
42. Why did the optometry student drink so much? He heard that booze would double his vision.
43. What did the potato tell her boyfriend? Tell me more about my eyes.
44. Why did the girl keep losing her contact lenses? She just couldn’t keep her eye on them.