It’s been estimated that 90% of communication is non-verbal. So how can you tell if someone likes you just by looking at their body language?
If you’ve ever watched the TV series Lie To Me (based on Dr Paul Ekman’s studies), you know that body language is a science. However, while the TV show’s main character knows how to read micro expression in the face, you don’t have to take it that far to understand how a person is feeling. There are many much more easily observed clues in people’s body language.
Learning to read body language is a lot about taking in the full picture. Just because someone does one thing to indicate they like you, it doesn’t mean they like you. You have to look for several signs.
The easiest way of staying alert to someone’s body language is to take a step back (mentally, not physically), to observe them. If you are too caught up in the conversation and worry about how you are perceived, what to say next, etc. you won’t be able to study their body language at the same time.
Likewise, flirting doesn’t mean that someone actually likes you. It means they want to flirt with you. Bartenders often flirt with everyone. Sales people too. They have no intention of taking it anywhere beyond making you smile; ensuring you’re having a good time.
In a similar manner, some women are flirtatious by nature. That doesn’t mean they are into you. It just means they are flirtatious.
Lastly, remember that you can’t just sit analyzing someone’s body language all day long — you need to stay engaged in the conversation, or they will lose interest. Women respond to what you put out there, so learn how to flirt! If in doubt read a book on pick-up skills. Don’t take it too far, just learn a few basic pick-up skills when it comes to starting a conversation and controlling your own body language. It’s like learning to say please and thank you: people respond to you differently when you do.
1. She Leans Into You
If you’re having a conversation with a woman who leans into you, as if drawn to you, then chances are she truly is drawn to you! If you’re sitting by a table she might be leaning her torso over the table, so as to get closer to you. If standing next to her and chatting, her body is tilted towards you.
This also happens when we are really interested in what someone is saying, as people so to speak lean into the story. Or they lean in because they can’t hear the story…be sure to speak loud enough!
In short, if she looks like the Leaning Tower of Pisa, chances are she’s into you, or at the very least what you’re saying!
2. She Touches You
If a woman feels comfortable with you, then she’s more likely to touch you. If she’s attracted to you, she’s even more likely to touch you. After all, you don’t generally touch people you don’t feel comfortable with! And touching someone is one of the easiest way of flirting with them.
Remember that some women (and people trained in sales) are touchy feely by nature. They naturally touch your arm so as to make a point, or hug you to the point of crushing you when saying goodbye. It’s their natural way of being. They wouldn’t do it unless they feel comfortable with you, but it’s not necessarily a sign of flirting.
3. She Turns Her Body Towards You
If you are standing with this woman in a group, or you’re at a bar, or a party, where she has spotted you and she turns her body towards you, this could be a sign she’s interested in you. Women tend to angle their body in the direction of their desires.
This is a subtle sign, but keep an eye out for it!
4. She Draws Attention to Her Lips
If she licks her lips, bites her lower lip, or in some other way tries to draw attention to her lips, chances are she wants you to think about kissing her.
This, of course, is a seduction technique, so it’s so to speak on a level where she isn’t just interested in you — she’s actively trying to seduce you. That means that she’s unlikely to do it while still deciding how attracted to you she is. And women who don’t actively go out to seduce men, likely won’t do it at all unless it’s an unconscious reaction she has when thinking of kissing you!
5. She Makes Eye Contact
If someone keeps making eye contact across the room, it usually means they are checking you out. Especially if it’s accompanied with an inviting smile.
Likewise, in conversation, if someone looks you straight in the eye it’s a sign they are comfortable and, possibly, interested. Of course, most people engaged in a conversation will make eye contact if they enjoy your company, so it’s not a sure sign of attraction. However, if it’s accompanied by also looking at your lips it’s a strong possibility she’s considering kissing you.
Do beware though that shy women, whether they like you or not, are less likely to look you in the eye! Eye contact simply makes them uncomfortable as they’re uncomfortable with themselves. That doesn’t mean they’re uncomfortable with you. In all likelihood they are just frightened you won’t like them, so they’re nervous. And as the story goes, when we are nervous we do things that make other people less likely to like us. Which is one of the little absurdities in life!
Here’s a tip: research has shown that people tend to fall in love and feel attraction if you share intimate details from your life and look each other in the eye. There was an experiment done where strangers were given a set of questions that ranged from easy-going and fun to intimate questions like their worst and best memories, etc. The strangers also had to look each other in the eye by the end of the series of questions. This led to such an intimacy that it generated feelings of falling in love. You can read about it here.
I mention this experiment as it’s a great thing to focus on building that kind of intimacy on a mental level during a date, before you attempt something physical. The more comfortable we are with someone, the greater the chances of us inviting them into our personal space.
6. She Touches Herself
If a woman slowly touches her own body, or face, in a seductive manner, it makes you think of doing the same. In other words: it’s one of the oldest tricks in the seduction book to make a man think of you in a sexual manner. If she is aware of seduction techniques, she might very well try this one on you if she likes you!
As mentioned before, someone who has just met you and is unsure of whether she likes you or not, will probably not pull a seduction move, though some women, notoriously, seduce every man in sight just for fun.
7. She Smiles
A woman who doesn’t enjoy your company is unlikely to be into you, whereas one who does is likely to be, whether as a friend, or more. The easiest way of showing we like someone’s company is to smile. Of course it depends on what topics we talk to someone about (deep revealing details about your terrible childhood probably won’t make her smile, while great jokes will make her smile whether she’s attracted to you or not!), but smiling tends to happen naturally when we speak to someone whose company we enjoy.
In short, you want a woman to feel relaxed around you and the more relaxed she feels, the easier it will be for her to smile. If she’s on guard, those smiles won’t come as easy.
8. She Colors
When we are physically attracted to someone, we tend to blush. Not necessarily the kind of full-blown blushing we do when feeling embarrassed (unless you’re outright talking about sex, or love), but our face goes one shade darker due to the attraction, or happiness. The happier, or more turned on, we get, the more our cheeks (and sometimes neck and chest) color. That means that if her face goes redder as the night goes on (and it’s not due to heat and alcohol), she is feeling good around you!
Keep a look-out when speaking to a woman you’re attracted to, to see when her coloring changes. If she colors when you touch her (and it’s not from raging anger, or mortification) then, you have a chance!
9. She Opens Up
A woman who crosses her legs and arms and tilts/turns her body away from you, is unlikely to be interested in you. Or she is interested in you, but you just said, or did, something that put her off.
A woman who feels comfortable with you will open up her body, as well as her heart and mind, to you. Her palms face up, her chest opens up and so forth.
Of course, many women tend to sit cross legged and, in fact, crossing and uncrossing her legs, might be a sign a woman is drawing attention to them. In other words, she wants you to think of her legs, meaning she wants you to think about sex. However, if she closes off her whole body, then it’s an indicator that she wants to close herself off, or protect herself from you.
If you say something during a conversation that makes her tense up and close off, then make a note and steer the topic to something else, or take a step back if you got too close, too soon. Build rapport again — talk about things you have in common, show your caring side, show her you can be trusted, show you have a life and aren’t looking to use her as a “happiness pill,” show you don’t need her approval, make her laugh, don’t invade her personal space, etc.
10. She Matches and Mirrors Your Body Language
When we establish rapport with someone, they tend to match and mirror (i.e. do the same thing; sometimes using the opposite hand/leg like a mirror image) our own body language. If you uncross your legs, she’ll soon do the same. If you put one hand on the table, she’ll soon do the same. It’s an unconscious way we respond to people we want to engage with. Many people use this to make people feel comfortable in their presence i.e. they start matching and mirroring the person they’re talking to on purpose.
So if you want to make a woman feel comfortable, try matching and mirroring some of her body language. Don’t make it too obvious and truth be told, if you genuinely feel a connection, you’ll do it without thinking about it.
11. She Breathes Faster
Shallow breathing sometimes indicates attraction. When we get aroused our breathing tends to get faster. Of course a woman is unlikely to start panting by the dinner table — you’ll have to look for more subtle changes!
Another sign to look for with breathing is to see if a woman starts breathing at your pace. Hypnotherapists like Milton Ericsson actually used to make people breathe at his pace, by keeping a calm, slow rhythm and sometimes tapping his foot, or finger at the same pace and slowing down his speech. It’s a way of creating rapport and taking control over a situation. You can use it if you sense someone is nervous and you want to calm them down. Set a slow pace (though not so slow they fall asleep…and only do it for a little while) to help them relax. It can also help you relax by controlling your breathing.
12. She Plays with Her Hair
Whether she’s twirling it, tossing it about, or just playing with it in some other way, it’s generally a sign of attraction. Women usually draw attention to their hair when they are attracted to someone. Possibly because pretty hair has long since been considered something people are attracted to, which is why there’s a desire to draw attention to it.
13. She Giggles and Laughs a Lot
A woman who giggles a lot at what you say is showing
A woman who giggles a lot at what you say is showing appreciation for your words. It’s an age old mechanism for making someone feel good, as you no doubt will. We want to make people we like feel good, as it makes them more likely to like us. For most women though, this is an unconscious reaction — they instinctively giggle when you say something they like, or when they feel a wave of attraction for you.
Sometimes a woman in a group will raise her voice to draw attention to herself as well; together with the giggling it’s a sign she’s trying to catch your attention. Unless of course she’s just tipsy or giggly as a person…
14. She Moves Closer to You
Whether she moves her hand slightly closer across the table, she moves her legs so close they almost touch yours under the table, or she moves to stand in your personal space when discussing something, it’s a sign she’s comfortable to be physically close to you.
This often signals attraction, though of course, it could also mean she sees you as a great teddybear kind of friend. As with all these signs, it’s important you look at them as a totality — one alone signals little, many together signals a lot more.
15. She Arches Her Back
In short arching her back means she’s sticking her breasts and bum out. That, in turn, means that whether you see her from the front, side, or back, you’re getting a view of her female assets. Even someone who doesn’t have a J-Lo bum or Pamela Anderson rack will do this as it’s a natural instinct to show off their body.
What’s more, when a woman arches her back, she stretches up, which, again, draws attention to her. Think of it as a peacock strutting its feathers… And if you start paying attention to your own behavior, you’re sure to notice that you stand a bit taller when you next see a beautiful woman.
The only time this does not apply is with women who are shy, or ashamed of their bodies. These women tend to hutch over as they’re scared if they’re exposed you’ll see something you do not like. Always look upon a woman’s personality as a totality: if she is shy her behavior is different from an outgoing seductress. There are different reasons women get nervous in your presence, but for shy women that’s often a sign they like you. Unless of course, they just feel intimidated by you, but that difference should be pretty clear if you’re paying attention!
16. She Uses Her Face to Give You That Kind of Look
She tilts her head slightly down and angles it. She looks up at you through her lashes. She smiles and pouts her lips. She narrows her eyes and raises an eyebrow. She flares her nostrils. She’s given you the look. The come-on. The challenge. The catch-me-if-you-can. It’s a sure sign she’s interested in you, or at the very least — wants you to be interested in her.
17. She Flares Her Nostrils
The flaring of nostrils, believe it or not, is an involuntary sign of attraction!
Just beware if she’s sighing at the same time, then it could signal something else. But as a general rule, when a woman sees a man she likes, she flares her nostrils.
18. She Bats Her Eyelids
If those long eyelashes are being used to their advantage it’s likely she’s flirting with you! Unless, of course, she just wants something from you and is using her womanly charms to get it…
It’s really important when looking at body language to look at the full picture. A woman giggling a lot can mean she likes you, but it can also mean she’s a giggly kind of person. If she touches herself seductively while looking at you, she’s trying to seduce you for one reason, or another, but if she doesn’t do that, it might simply mean she’s too shy to do so. She could still want to seduce you, or be seduced by you. And shy or not, we’re all distracted sometimes due to events in our lives, but it doesn’t mean we aren’t interested in the person in front of us. It just means we’re pre-occupied.
So, look at woman’s overall personality. Then add up the different signals she’s sending you. What she says and what she does. That will give you a totality; a true picture of whether she’s interested in you, or not. As well as, hopefully why she’s interested in you — whether for a one night stand, to get something from you, or to date you.
Also, remember pacing: if you get it wrong once, try again. That’s to say, if she shows signs she isn’t interested, then step back. Build her trust. Engage her in fun and intimate conversation. Match and mirror her body language. Show you have somewhere else to be soon and won’t bother her forever. Show you have a life and won’t attach yourself to her like a plaster. Show you’re a caring person. Show you have integrity. Show you have things in common. Show there are other women who desire you so that you don’t come across as desperate. Show you don’t need her approval — you’re confident no matter what she thinks of you. And soon she’s likely to start to relax.
To learn to read body language, start by checking the body language of those around you. Look at your friends when you speak with them. Remind yourself every day to watch people’s body language. This is important because when you’re on a date, or flirting with someone, you’re much more likely to be nervous; be so engrossed in the moment you forget all about body language, etc. That’s why you need to train, so that when that moment comes, it’s second nature to you.