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200 Funny Instagram Bios

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Your Instagram bio is one of the first things that people will notice about you. They might not have time to look at every photo or message you post on your account, but they will notice the bio. If you want people to follow you, then you need to find funny Instagram bios.

Some people just use a basic adjective or two and forget about their bio. Other people write out entire paragraphs about themselves that no one will ever read all of. For your audience to learn more about you and follow you, you need a bio that is short enough for them to read while still being interesting. The following funny Instagram bios can get you started on your brainstorming session.

Best Funny Instagram Bios To Spice Up Your Instagram Profile

For your funny Instagram bio to work, try to make it match your account style and personality. You also want it to match the type of followers that you are looking for. Keep it brief and give your followers a reason to be interested in you. Something interesting or funny will make people notice you and want to follow your page.

200 Funny Instagram Bios

1. Always give your 100%, unless you’re donating blood. True enough.

2. Life is too short to update Instagram bios. That’s how I feel.

3. Just a simple cupcake looking for her stud muffin. Perfect for single ladies.

4. Time is precious, so waste it wisely. I got this one down.



5. I’m 99% angel… but oh, that 1%. True.

6. Scratch here to see my status. I hope someone actually does this.

7. I thought I wanted a career, but it turned out I just wanted a paycheck. Me, too.

8. Born to express, but not to impress. Nice!

9. I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that I don’t have any good news. The good news is that I don’t have any bad news. That’s not too bad.

10. Fabulous ends in “us.” A coincidence? I think not. Nope!

11. Words cannot express my passion and love for Fridays! Ditto.

12. I will go into survival mode if tickled. This is certainly one of the best funny Instagram bios.



13. I’m a force to be reckoned with, I reckon. Cute.

14. I can’t remember who I stole my bio from or why. Ditto.

15. Buddy, can you paradigm? Nice.

16. Analogue at birth, digital by design. This is a fun choice.

17. I work an unpaid internship as a professional nerd. Excellent.

18. Hey, are you reading my bio again? Nope!

19. I’m just having an allergic reaction to the universe. Me, too.

20. You have to sift through a lot of gold to find my dirt. This is a decent option.

The Best Instagram Bio Ideas

21. *Insert your bio here* This one is a bit over-used.

22. Buoyant, waggish, efficacious, indefatigable, demiurgic, convivial marketing companion, self-made thousandaire. This has been used before, but it still works.

23. I have not lost my mind – it’s backed up on HD somewhere. Nice.

24. I’m not glad it’s “Friday” I’m glad it’s “Today”. Love your life 7 days a week. This sounds like it would work well for a more inspirational page.

25. I’m here to avoid friends on Facebook. Me, too.

26. BAE means Bacon And Eggs. Delicious!

27. Where am I and how did I get here? Who knows?

28. I’m not lazy. I’m on energy-saving mode. Excellent point.

29. Being weird is the side effect of awesomeness. Maybe.

30. Don’t blindly follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.

31. Don’t worry if plan A fails; there are twenty-five other letters in the alphabet. That’s the right perspective!

32. Not a complete idiot–there are some pieces missing. This is a funny Instagram bio.

33. I’m so open-minded, my brains might fall out. Eek!

34. Professional procrastinator. me, too.

35. WiFi, food, my bed. Perfection. An excellent recipe for life.

36. Here to serve the cat overlord. At least, that’s what my cat thinks.

37. If my dog likes you, we’ll be friends. If my cat likes you, we have a problem. True enough.

38. Whenever I have a problem, I sing. Then, I realize my voice is worse than my problem. That puts things in perspective, right?

39. Living vicariously through myself. Nice!

40. Spent a large portion of my life eating. Will do the same in the next life. That’s a great goal.

41. I’m only pretending to be me. Fake it ’till you make it!

42. Wait, where am I? How did I get in here? Beats me!

43. You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions. Ouch.

44. My relationship status? Netflix, Oreos and sweatpants. Perfect.

45. I like to live vicariously. Nice.

46. Who else are you going to follow? Really? That’s what I think, too.

47. I’m not smart. I just wear glasses. Nice.

48. I always feel sad for seedless watermelons, because what if they wanted babies? That’s how I felt when I realized that my cat was fixed.

49. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. True.

50. God bless this hot mess. Not that funny, but it still works.

51. A human. Being. Cute.

52. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them. I feel that way a lot.

53. I don’t make mistakes; I date them. That’s depressing.

54. Are you a banker because I’d like you to leave me a loan. I’d rather if you just gave me the money though.

55. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why people appear bright until they speak. Very true.

56. Chocolate doesn’t ask questions, chocolate understands. Nice.

57. Good Samaritan, washed-up athlete, especially gifted napper. Cute.

58. There. I joined Instagram. Happy now? An easy option.

59. I absolutely hate Instagram, and anything else having to do with hashtags. I think a lot of people would agree with you.

60. I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them. This is definitely a funny Instagram bio.

61. I always learn from the mistakes of others who took my advice. Nice one.

62. Making the Snuggie look good since 2009. It’s like a backwards robe.

63. Naturally and artificially flavored. Cute.

64. Recommended by 4 out of 5 people who recommend things. Nice.

65. It’s not easy being green. For someone who cares about the environment.

66. Instagram bio is loading. A bit over-used.

67. Your life doesn’t get better by chance. It gets better by change. Very inspirational.

68. Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes? Nice.

69. I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure. I like this one.

70. My social security number is hidden in every single image I’ve ever posted. That’s one way to get people to look at your pictures!

swag bio for instagram

71. I’m on Instagram, like you! True.

72. I wouldn’t trade one stupid decision for another five years of my life. I would.

73. *Insert your judgments here.* This is a funny option.

74. My laziness is like the number 8. Once I lie down, it’s infinite. Perfect for math lovers.

75. Relationship status: Looking for WiFi. Agreed.

76. There are three kinds of people in this world, and I don’t like any of them. That’s too bad.

77. Spread love as thick as you would spread Nutella. Delicious!

78. Benjamin Franklin wasn’t a president. Just so you know. Some people may need to be reminded of this.

79. Stop the earth from spinning, I want to get off. And go where?

80. This is mostly a ____ fan page—please adjust your expectations accordingly. Insert whatever you care about most.

81. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. Hopefully, at least.

82. Time flies after you hit the snooze button. I think we can all agree with that.

83. Gifted napper, talker, and ice cream eater. Me, too.

84. Living proof that pobody’s nerfect. This is a funny Instagram bio option.

85. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. Get it?

86. My hobbies are breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I firmly agree with this.

87. If I could sum up my life in one line I would die of embarrassment. True enough.

88. I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I am joking. Ouch.

89. I only rap caucasionally. Nice one.

90. I still don’t understand Twitter, but here I am. There might e a problem.

91.I am coming back to face the reality that a normal day is not beer on the beach or calamari in the belly. I hate that moment.

92. Eating a whole apple core because you can’t be bothered going to the bin. Admit it, you’ve done it. Nope, I haven’t.

93. Absolutely awkward, proudest of nerd & geek, decreaser of world sucking. Hopefully, at least.

94. I’m cool, but global warming made me HOT. Me, too.

95. Bald. Often Unreliable. Easily distracte . . . You can switch the initial adjective if you need to.

96. Camping is intense. Get it? In tents>

97. I put the whine in wine. Agreed.

98. Every storm runs out of rain. At some point.

99. I can quote (Insert movie) better than you and all your friends. Nice.

100. I know I left my sanity around here somewhere. I just can’t find it.

101. I prefer my puns intended. Nice one.

102. If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together. I second this.

103. A caffeine dependent life-form. Me, too.

104. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right. I think most people can agree with that.

105. I have not failed, my success is just postponed for some time. How long is anyone’s guess.

106. Probably the most talented TV binge watcher you’ll find. Me, too.

107. Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance? Why, indeed.

108. I smile because I have no idea what’s going on. I agree with this statement.

109. Dream big. Write it in a small font to be ironic.

110. I like hashtags because they look like waffles #. I love waffles.

instagram bio ideas for girls

111. Just keep swimming. This is from Dory’s line on Finding Nemo.

112. It’s possible that I’m eating frosting with a spoon. Anything is possible.

113. I hold the key to world peace, but somebody changed the lock. Nice one.

114. The bags under my eyes are Gucci. That’s the only Gucci bag I own.

115. I hope one day I love something the way women in commercials love yogurt. Me, too.

116. My life is about as organized as a $5 DVD bin at Walmart. That’s unfortunate.

117. I’m so fresh they call me Febreeze. Nice.

118. Due to an intense mind fog, all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice. Very clever.

119. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. For married folks out there.

120. People will stare. Make it worth their while. Perfect for your pictures.

121. Born at a very young age. This works for everyone.

122. In search of sleep, sanity, and the Shire. Awesome.

123. The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. True.

124. Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe, one day, you’ll find a brain back there. Ouch!

125. I am best served with coffee and a side of sarcasm. The coffee is the most important part.

126. One person’s LOL is another person’s WTF. That’s certainly true.

127. Everything on this earth is self-centered, the difference is the radius. Interesting.

128. Born to wear my birthday suit. Forced to wear a real one. Think about it: what did you wear on the day you were born?

129. I am living proof that God can make mistakes. Clever.

130. Trying to elevate small talk to medium talk. I’m still trying.

131. This is my simple Chipotle dependent life. You can switch Chipotle to anything you want.

132. On a scale of 1 to 10, I’m a 15. What are you rating though?

133. I’m done with my dinner when I’ve had my dessert. Nice.

134. I only drink on two occasions: when it’s my birthday and when it’s not. Let’s party.

135. I am so poor, I can’t even pay attention. Me, too.

136. Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. I guess that is somewhat true.

137. I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. Nice.

138. Knowledge is like underwear, important to have, but not necessary to show off. I suppose so.

139. Can Bob the Builder fix my bad attitude? Nope.

140. Friendship is like peeing on yourself; everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. Eww.

141. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep! Agreed!

142. This isn’t rocket science, you take a photo of brunch and you hashtag #yolo #sundayfunday. The newbie’s guide to Instagram.

143. Math: Mental Abuse To Humans. For someone who hates math.

145. Car, house, or trip to Thailand? Let’s pack our bags. Excellent.

146. Where the hell am I, and how did I get here? Who knows?

147. Mermaids don’t do homework. I want to be a mermaid.

148. Sometimes, I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire. Me, too.

149. Recovering ice cream addict. Nice.

150. The only thing stopping me from being pure white trash is my lack of motivation. Interesting.

151. Why look up at the stars when the biggest star is me? Your confidence level must be pretty high.

152. Why would I ever leave the house when there’s Netflix and ice cream waiting for me? Good question.

153. This is my last Instagram bio ever. Nice.

154. Millennial and proud of it. An easy option.

155. I do yoga sometimes, drink sometimes, party sometimes, and study rarely For students.

156. You’re a 10, on the pH scale, maybe. ‘Cuz you’re basic Ouch.

157. Will show ankle for five minutes of wireless. Nice.

158. There shouldn’t be a fear of getting old. It’s the fear of not getting there that scares me. This is less funny and more true.

159. That awkward moment you get accepted to all the schools you applied for. That sounds like a good awkward moment.

160. Spreading smiles like they’re herpes. Gross.

swag bio for instagram

161. Perfect has 7 letters and so does meeeeee. Coincidence? I think not. Nice.

162. I’m real and I hope some of my followers are too. Keep hoping.

163. Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together. Nice.

164. Just another paper cut survivor. Me, too.

165. I’ve always thought being popular on Instagram is as about as useless as being rich in monopoly. Probably.

166. I used to act. I also belly dance and eat Jolly Ranchers – not always at the same time though. Too bad.

167. I shouldn’t be allowed to go on Snapchat, Facebook or Instagram when I’m drunk! That’s certainly true!

168. Generally, the path of least resistance appeals. Agreed.

169. I was addicted to hokey pokey but I turned myself around. Clever.

170. Probably the best meat eater in the world. Maybe.

171. They call me the Baconater because I saw bacon and ate it. This is certainly one of the best funny Instagram bios.

172. Sarcasm connoisseur. An easy option.

173. I changed my password everywhere to ‘incorrect.’ That way, when I forget, it reminds me, ‘Your password is incorrect.’ And now everyone else knows that.

174. The only person on Instagram who doesn’t claim to be a social media guru. Probably true.

175. I only use Instagram to stalk… Agreed.

176. I will be back before you pronounce afjkhnfknluancakhufhjcnk. That could take a while though.

177. I’m not smart, I’m just nerdy. Nice.

178. A man of mystery and power, whose power is exceeded only by his mystery. And your power and mystery are only exceeded by your arrogance.

179. Without me it would just be aweso. True.

180. Anyone knows my Instagram username? Not making a new account again. Funny, very funny.

181. I have this new theory that human adolescence doesn’t end until your early thirties. I like to think so.

182. Pudding tastes better with a plastic spoon. That’s certainly true.

183. Why be yourself when you could be me? Nice.

184. I talk like a baby and I never pay for drinks. Interesting.

185. I put the hot in psychotic. Nice.

186. Insert pretentious stuff about myself here. For lazy folks.

187. Proud supporter of messy hair and sweatpants. Me, too.

188. I haven’t failed, my success is just postponed until later. True.

189. I recently gave up Warcraft, so my productivity and drinking have increased dramatically. There are many people who could agree with this.

190. Is it bad I’m constantly craving either cupcakes or donuts? Nope.

191. How we live our life is far more important than how we say we live our life. A good reminder for Instagram users.

192. I wish I knew when my Domino’s pizza would arrive. Me, too.

193. Exercise, ex..er..cise, ex…ar..cise, eggs are sides, for BACON! I love bacon.

194. Not all men are fools; some stay single. Someone has been burned too many times.

195. Guest-starred in Frasier S6E8: “The Seal Who Came to Dinner.” You’re welcome. Nice.

196. After Monday and Tuesday, every calendar says WTF. That’s the truth.

197. Life happens. Coffee helps. Coffee helps a lot.

198. Don’t drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink. That’s one way to look at it.

199. Gonna be a great day. But first: coffee. Agreed! This is the first step in any good day.

200. The hardest part of business is minding your own. Some people have to be reminded of this.

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