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Funny Instagram Bios: Best Of All Time

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When it comes to making a first impression, your Instagram bio is important. Like any first impression, it shows people what to expect from you and your account. Often, people choose to create an aspirational online persona. This means that their account reflects who they want to be, but not always who they actually are.

Like any online account, people tend to focus on their strengths instead of their weaknesses. They want to do their best to impress other people, so they avoid talking about anything that does not showcase them in a positive light. Some people do terribly at this, but other people create funny Instagram bios that leave you thinking about the deeper meaning forever. We will include some of the most clever and funny Instagram bios of all time. You can use these bios to create your own or modify some of the interesting ideas you find within them.

funny things to put in your instagram bio

1. “Currently starring in my own reality show titled: A Modern Cinderella; One Girl’s Search for Love and Shoe.”

I absolutely love this Instagram bio.

2. “God bless this hot mess.”

If you don’t want to write anything that long, this would work.

3. “I prefer my puns intended.”



That’s how I prefer my puns as well!

4. “It’s weird that all pics shared from Instagram are always blurry.”

That would be called a filter, my dear.

5. “Nice guys finish lunch.”

This is a drastic improvement over the standard, “Nice guys finish last,” quote.

6. “Recommended by 4 out of 5 people that recommend things.”

This is like the quote that 80% of statistics are made up.

7. “Will show ankle for five minutes of wireless.”



Really, who wouldn’t?

8. “BAE means bacon and eggs.”

When you don’t have a bae, then bacon and eggs are certainly the next best thing. If you do have a bae, then bacon and eggs are still the best.

9. “I am so poor, I can’t even pay attention.”

This is a cute way to say you have no money.

10. “It’s possible that I’m eating frosting with a spoon.”

Sugar overload!

11. “This is my last Instagram bio ever.”

Hopefully, he or she kept that promise.

12. “Car, house, or trip to Thailand? Let’s pack our bags.”

Do you really need a house or a car? You can walk and live in a box. Thailand sounds like a fun, if irresponsible, option.

13. “The fat on my body is designer.”

Mine, too!

14. “Proud supporter of messy hair and sweatpants.”

I agree with this one as well. If I looked good with a shaved head, I would probably get rid of it all.

15. “Making the Snuggie look good since 2009.”

If you are a tad overweight, you could also change this to, “Putting the Snug in Snuggie since 2009.”

16. “I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.”

That does sound like a problem.

17. “I can quote (Insert movie) better than you and all your friends.”

You can insert your favorite movie title into the blank.

18. “Bald. Often Unreliable. Easily distracte . . . ”

Obviously, this person got distracted before they even finished the post.

19. “A caffeine dependent life-form.”

Coffee, anyone?

20. “Born at a very young age.”

This would basically describe every living being.

21. “Currently working towards an MBA with an emphasis in fantasy football.”

You can obviously switch out the degree title and the emphasis if you need to.

22. “Good Samaritan, washed-up athlete, especially gifted napper.”

There need to be more good Samaritans in the world.

23. “I always feel sad for seedless watermelons because what if they wanted babies?”

That’s how I feel about my cat and dog. The shelter didn’t ask them if they wanted to be fixed. The cat seems fine with it, but the dog keeps trying to make babies.

24. “I hope one day I love something the way women in commercials love yogurt.”

Or love something the way women love shampoo or tampons in commercials.

25. “I will go into survival mode if tickled.”

It would be best not to tickle you then!

26. “I’m here to avoid friends on Facebook.”

Wait—is that an option?

27. “In search of sleep, sanity, & the Shire.”

He might be able to find two of those things. Actually, let’s change that to one. He could find one of those things.

28. “Mermaids don’t do homework.”

I want to be a mermaid.

29. “Pudding tastes better with a plastic spoon.”

Pudding always tastes good. Who wrote this?

30. “The only person on Instagram who doesn’t claim to be a social media guru.”

Yikes. This would be one of the more funny Instagram bios if it weren’t so true.

31. “You’re a 10, on the pH scale, maybe. Cuz’ you’re basic.”

This is how a scientist burns another scientist.

32. “Math: Mental Abuse To Humans.”

This only works if you hate math.

33. “I don’t make mistakes. I date them.”

I feel for the guy or gal who wrote this.

34. “Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.”

Again, this is probably true.

35. “I’ve never been able to figure out this damn Twitter bio thing.”

To start with, you aren’t on Twitter.

36. “Trying to elevate small talk to medium talk.”

This sounds like a good goal.

37. “Someday, there’s going to be an updated version of me.”

This sounds both depressed and hopeful at the same time.

38. “Naturally and artificially flavored.”

An easy way to say that some things just aren’t that natural about yourself.

39. “Are you a banker because I’d like you to leave me a loan.”

Is this an Instagram bio or a pick up line?

40. “I’m really a giant cupcake. Afraid of roller coasters and dry ice.”

Dry ice scares me, too.

funny insta bios

41. “I’ve always thought being popular on Instagram is as about as useless as being rich in
Monopoly.”

If only Monopoly money were real . . .

42. “I talk like a baby and I never pay for drinks.”

At least you know this before the date.

43. “I have not lost my mind – it’s backed up on HD somewhere.”

Smart thinking!

44. “I am an actor and a writer and I co-created my breakfast and my son,
Malachai.”

Obviously, you might have to switch out the name of your child.

45. “Every storm runs out of rain.”

This sounds vaguely hopeful.

46. “Chocolate doesn’t ask questions, chocolate understands.”

In my experience, chocolate is very understanding.

47. “A man of mystery and power, whose power is exceeded only by his mystery.”

This sounds like something you would put on a dating profile.

48. “Don’t think for a second that I actually care what you have to say.”

If you use this as your funny Instagram bio, at least you can tell people that they were warned in advance.

49. “I can’t remember who I stole my bio from or why.”

This is a good option to choose, and it is entirely true.

50. “I’m a force to be reckoned with, I reckon.”

This bio is almost too cutesy to use.

51. “Insert pretentious stuff about myself here.”

When in doubt, use this one.

52. “That awkward moment you get accepted to all the schools you applied for.”

If you wanted something pretentious, this is a better option to choose.

53. “Why look up at the stars when the biggest star is me?”

Again, people have over-inflated egos.

54. “I changed my password everywhere to ‘incorrect.’ That way, when I forget, it reminds me, ‘Your password is incorrect.’”

If you actually do this with your password, you probably should not post it to Instagram.

55. “I wish I knew when my Dominos pizza would arrive.”

I wish the same thing.

56. “How we live our life is far more important than how we say we live our life.”

This is a good reminder for basically everyone on Instagram.

57. “The only thing stopping me from being pure white trash is my lack of motivation.”

I kind of like this one.

58. “Putting’ the ‘elation’ in ‘Public Relations’.”

If you are a public relations professional, this is a good option.

59. “My hobbies are breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”

I would have to adjust this one to add “sleep” in as well.

60. “I’m not smart. I just wear glasses.”

Someone needs an ego boost!

61. “I shouldn’t be allowed to go on Snapchat, Facebook or Instagram when I’m drunk!”

This is technology’s version of the Golden Rule.

62. “I absolutely hate Instagram, and anything else having to do with hashtags.”

Why are you on Instagram then?

63. “Buddy, can you paradigm?”

Can you?

64. “Always give your 100%, unless you’re donating blood.”

Another piece of advice that would be good to live by.

65. “Generally, the path of least resistance appeals. Also, I am excellent at parallel parking.”

I wish I were as good at driving as I am at parallel parking.

awesome instagram bios

66. “Millennial and proud of it.”

You can change the first word depending on your age or social group.

67. “Living vicariously through myself.”

This doesn’t even make sense.

68. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.”

I might have to sit by you a lot.

69. “I put the hot in psychotic.”

At least this person is being completely honest.

70. “Recovering ice cream addict.”

You can switch out the ice cream addict for your favorite food of choice.

71. “Coffee-Drinker, eReader Addict, Blogger. I’m very busy and awesome.”

You sound pretty busy.

72. “I’m a Texan with lots of opinions and pretty hair.”

She could have stopped with the word “Texan.”

73. “Just another paper cut survivor.”

Me, too.

74. “Perfect has 7 letters and so does meeeeee. Coincidence? I think not.”

I don’t think it is a coincidence. This is one of my favorite funny Instagram bios because it has a cute factor as well.

75. “I only use Instagram to stalk…”

Another completely honest Instagram user. How often do you see that?

76. “You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.”

If the instructions are written like the directions that come with furniture, you’re probably right.

77. “My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.”

I agree fully with this one.

78. “Words cannot express my love & passion for Fridays!”

Someone likes the weekends a lot. Either that, or they just hate their school or work week.

79. “There’s no such thing as darkness, just an absence of light.”

This is rather poetic, although not that funny.

80. “Probably the best meat eater in the world.”

Your vegetarian and vegan friends probably hate you.

81. “Just a cupcake looking for a stud muffin.”

I think this would be a good bio to use on a dating profile as well.

82. “I’m starting to like Instagram, which is weird because I hate pictures.”

That is weird.

83. “I looked at my Instagram photos and realized I look beautiful.”

Sadly, this might be because of Photoshop. Or, you are like me and took 100 pictures just to get one perfect shot.

84. “Have lots of hair and like ugly things.”

At least this person is being honest.

85. “Camping is intents.”

Do you get it? Intents? In tents?

funniest instagram bios

86. “Analogue at birth, digital by design.”

I like this one. It sounds like a good personal motto.

87. “Eating a whole apple core because you can’t be bothered going to the bin, admit it, you’ve done it.”

I have never done this. I have watched people do it though. Side note: the seeds contain poison, although you probably won’t die from just a couple of them.

88. “I am coming back to face the reality that a normal day is not beer on the beach or
calamari in the belly.”

Someone just returned from their vacation.

89. “I used to act. I also belly dance and eat Jolly Ranchers – not always at the same time though.”

I would like to see them do both activities at once.

90. “I’m real, and I hope some of my followers are too.”

You might not get your wish.

91. “My relationship status? Netflix, Oreos and sweatpants.”

Does anyone else think that they should include “milk” in this list? What monster eats Oreos without milk?

92. “To infinity and beyond.”

Someone likes Toy Story.

93. “I haven’t been myself ever since I was born.”

I haven’t been myself since before I was born.

94. “My Social Security number is hidden in every single image I’ve ever posted.”

This is one way to make people look closely at every image.

95. “Why would I ever leave the house when there’s Netflix and ice cream waiting for me?”

That is a really good question. I might be staying home for the near future.

96. “You can’t fix stupid, no matter how much duct tape you use over their mouth!”

This sounds like one of those sayings that ends up on silly T-shirts.

97. “Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire.”

Can I do that? Is this an actual option?

98. “My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-Mart.”

That is to say: not very organized.

99. “If I could sum up my life in one line, I would die of embarrassment.”

I’m about to die of embarrassment then.

100. “I’m not glad it’s “Friday” I’m glad it’s “Today”. Love your life seven days a week.”

That is a nice perspective on life. I still like Fridays though.

101. “I recently gave up Warcraft so my productivity, and drinking, have increased
dramatically.”

Your social media usage will probably go up as well.

102. “Here to serve…. the cat overlord.”

My cat would like this funny Instagram bio.

103. “Dream big (tiny font).”

Don’t write tiny font. Use a tiny font.

104. “All you hipsters need to stop wearing Nirvana shirts if you don’t even listen to them.”

Someone feels strongly about this.

105. “A human. Being.”

We are all in the act of being, are we not?

106. “Buoyant, waggish, efficacious, indefatigable, demiurgic, convivial marketing companion, self-made thousandaire.”

I’m not even sure what half of those descriptions mean.

107. “Fabulous ends in “us” coincidence? I think not.”

This is another bio that would be good for a dating profile.

108. “I have this new theory that human adolescence doesn’t end until your early thirties.”

I actually think that they might be right. People used to get married at 12 and start a family. Now, everything takes longer. Personally, I like my extended adolescence.

109. “I was addicted to hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.”

I like this one.

110. “I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I am joking.”

This is kind of funny, but also kind of sad.

111. “Life is dumb, and I want to sleep.”

That about sums it up right there.

112. “Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together.”

Good advice.

113. “There shouldn’t be a fear of getting old. It’s the fear of not getting there that scares me.”

I agree fully with this one.

114. “This isn’t rocket science, you take a photo of brunch and you hashtag #yolo #sundayfunday”

Right. This would work if I wanted to put in the effort of actually making brunch. Could I just order brunch and then take a picture?

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