Neil Sedaka once famous crooned, “Love is a many-splendored thing.” But then again, he might have been singing that while wearing rose-tinted glasses. There are so many songs about the all the beautiful things about love that the cynics in society can’t help but be, well, cynical. After all, how truthful can you possibly be about love when your mind is clouded by the haze of romance?
There are many things about love that we have yet to understand. After all, it is hard to be objective when you’re falling head over heels over a woman. That’s why there are numerous cynics in the world that will tell you the truth about love, and in many cases even warn you against it!
Below are some of the most hilarious yet truthful sayings about love coming from all sorts of people – from ancient proverbs to famous artist to Hollywood actors. Take note that these quotes were compiled over the course of decades, so you can’t say that the concept of love and marriage has changed all that much!
Without further ado, here’s our list of quotes that every man might want to read before he commits himself to a relationship. We hope these catchy little sayings give you a lot of insight into what it’s really like to be in love, or worse, married!
1. ’I love you’ is a dangerous word. It takes less than a second to say, hours to explain and a lifetime to attest.
2. A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.
3. Any husband who says, “My wife and I are completely equal partners,” is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.
4. Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.
5. Being married has many wonderful perks. You have that one person to annoy for the rest of your life. Someone you can comfortably release your farts and burps it without shame. And most of all, you have someone who accepts you in spite of your smelly feet or your bad habits.
6. By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
7. Cold normal shower means alone. I prefer hot showers for two, it saves water!
8. Don’t feel bad if you see your ex with someone else. Remember, our parents taught us to give the things we don’t need to the less fortunate.
9. Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain’t.
10. Falling for you was like falling down the stairs. I was in complete control at first, then, without warning I was spinning, tumbling, and had no idea why or how. Then, before I even knew what happened, I lay at the bottom; shocked, stunned, and so oddly aware that I still ended up exactly where I was trying to go.
11. Humans have 206 bones in their bodies. Spare the heart, break the bones instead!
12. I am known to follow my head wherever I go, but up until now it has lead me nowhere. Should I risk following my heart and brace myself for disaster?
13. I can prove the existence of phantoms after I met you. I see you among the crowd, I see you in my dreams and I even see you in every photographs and posters that I pass by. Is this the madness you call love?
14. I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself.
15. I solemnly swear I am up to no good…especially when I am all alone with you.
16. I want someone who will pause his game just to answer my call.
17. I want to be your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.
18. I want to be your sweet good morning, your lovely good night and your most painful goodbye.
19. I wish there’s a traffic light to tell me when to stop, go and slow down when I took this road of falling in love.
20. If love is a blunder, then it means that the biggest fault in my life is loving you.
21. If love is the answer, could you rephrase the questions?
22. If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.
23. If you want a perfect girlfriend, go find her in a Barbie store.
24. In love, somehow, a man’s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting parked in the wrong place.
25. Is it possible to calculate how fast you are falling? Apparently, by the time you’ve tried calculating, you’ve already fallen miserably on the bottom of an endless pit. And still, there will be no answer, my dear.
26. It is important to see the real character of the person you will marry first before sealing the deal. How? Give him a slow internet service. They say that lag brings out the real you.
27. It is not love that makes a relationship complicated; it’s the people in it who do.
28. Look, I scratched my knees when I feel for you. The least you can do is to give it a kiss, please?
29. Loss for words? Give that person a hug. It’s worth a thousand and more. Plus, it’s free!
30. Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.
31. Love is a sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.
32. Love is blind, and then marriage opens your eyes.
33. Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
34. Love is great, but a divorce can cost greater than thousands of dollars.
35. Love is like a fart – if you have to force it, it’s probably shit.
36. Love is like a headache or a backache. It does not show in the MRI or X-ray, but you just know that it’s there.
37. Love is telling someone that his zipper is open or her wig looks too fake.
38. Marriage is a lot like the army, everyone complains, but you’d be surprised at the large number that re-enlist.
39. Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.
40. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
41. My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
42. My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan!
43. My wife, Mary, and I have been married for forty-seven years, and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.
44. Not everyone falls in love at first sight. Sometimes, other looks at the amount written on the pay check.
45. Remember this: If you send ‘I love you’ to someone, an emoji as a reply is never a good enough answer, no matter how colorful or big it is.
46. Sadly, love is part of growing up. It requires you to buy gifts for anniversaries, forgive over and over again, and most of all, deal with someone else’s farts and burps.
47. The best way to find out what to get for your girl? Ask her to guess the gift you bought for her.
48. The brain is the most outstanding organ; it works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year from birth until you fall in love
49. The three vital things a woman needs are night creams, chocolates and compliments.
50. There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.
51. To fall in love is to live in a world of both heaven and hell. There is no in-between.
52. Women hope men will change after marriage, but they don’t; men hope women won’t change, but they do.
53. Women still remember the first kiss after men have forgotten the last.
54. You are the pain in my butt, the dent in my wallet and the scratches in my brand new car that I don’t mind.
55. You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.
56. You will always be my 11:11 and the name I write in my naughty list.
57. You’ll know a person is in love when he can laugh like a fool by himself and keep a goofy smile plastered in his face all day long.
58. You’re just like bacon, beer and chocolate – you make everything better.
59. You’re the cheese on top of my spaghetti, the cream on top of my cappuccino, and the cheesecake on my red velvet cake.
60. To all you guys out there, we hope this list was able to give you a little wisdom about the world of love. And if you’re still decided on letting yourself fall in love with that lucky women, don’t say we didn’t warn you!