You see a girl from across the room. You get the courage to approach and chat her up. The conversation is going so well, you’re thinking you may get a date out of this conversation, but then she drops the big bomb – she has a boyfriend. Where is he? It doesn’t matter because he exists. So, what are you going to do? We’ve all been in these situations before. Some friends may be telling you to do one thing while other friends tell you other advice. Right now, you’re probably overwhelmed with all the advice you’re getting on top of that, you’re bummed out that she’s taken. Though you really like her and you think she likes you, her having a boyfriend is a problem. One thing you don’t want to do is get in the middle of the relationship. It’s a thin line you’re walking on, so here are the do’s and dont’s when it comes to a girl who has a boyfriend.
Don’t try to sabotage her relationship
I know you want to try to meddle in and win her from her boyfriend, but it doesn’t work like that. Don’t try to make a plan and sabotage her relationship. If she really likes you, she’s probably considered leaving her boyfriend for you, but if she hasn’t, there’s a reason why. Maybe she feels more safe with her current boyfriend or isn’t sure what your intentions would be with her. The point is, sabotaging her relationship doesn’t guarantee that you’ll end up with her but it will guarantee that you’re going to look like an asshole. Plus, karma is a bitch, a big one. If their relationship is meant to end, it’ll end and if she wants to be with you, she’ll find a way.
Don’t make a move on her
Many men think that if they make a move on her, she won’t resist and thus, she’ll break up with her boyfriend because your kiss was out of this world. Now, in the movies, these situations play out very smoothly. However, in reality, you’re forcing yourself on her after she’s already verbalized that she has a boyfriend. I know, she may be giving you signs that she wants you to kiss her, but for your own self-worth, don’t do it. You’re not going to be her second option while she’s still seeing her boyfriend. Aside from the fact that you’ll look shady, you’re also not giving yourself any self-respect. You’re literally her side guy that she escapes to when she has a fight with her boyfriend. Now, you may be cool with that if you’re not looking for something serious, but, come on. There are an endless amount of single women, pick one of them.
Do talk to her
If you genuinely like her as a person, no one is telling you that you can’t talk to her. Of course, don’t send her dick pics, but you can always text her and chat. This isn’t crossing the line, this is a safe way to keep in contact with her without being forceful. Though, when you text her, don’t be overly emotional or flirty. Just keep it casual. If she starts flirting with you, flirt back but always be a little reserved and know where you stand with her. Crack jokes, talk about general things, be normal.
Don’t bad mouth her boyfriend
This is the worst thing you could do, especially if you want to be with her. Never, ever, ever, bad mouth her boyfriend. She chose him for a reason, reasons that you probably don’t know about. You may be her friend, but when you start insulting who she’s with, that’s a direct insult to her. Just be cool. You don’t have to like him, but you need to respect the fact she chose him because that’s what happened.
Do say hi to her in public
Listen, you being shady and only talking to her over text is weird, there’s nothing else to it. It’s weird. You two have a friendship between each other, so it’s okay to say hi to her in public even when she’s with her boyfriend. You haven’t done anything inappropriate with her, you’re friends. So, naturally, friends say hi to each when they see each other, it’s okay. The minute you start acting weird, it changes the relationship and also put her boyfriend on alert. You don’t need to attract that attention to yourself nor to her, it’s not fair.
Don’t ask her out on a date
She has a boyfriend, you’re wasting your time. If you’re asking her for dinner or to watch a movie, it’s pointless. Plus, you’re really crossing the line. I mean, how would you feel if some guy asked your girlfriend out on a date? Exactly. If things are rocky in her relationship, let her and her boyfriend figure it out on their own. Trust me, if you get involved, she’s not going to run into your arms. So, just be a friend and wait it out on the sidelines.
Do show her why you’re better
You don’t need to give her a list of reasons why you think you’re better for her. Just show her. That’s it. You just need to show her that you’re better than him. Show her that you can give her what he can’t. If he works a lot, show her that you have the time to invest in her, unlike her boyfriend. This doesn’t mean you sleep with her, that’s not what I’m getting at. I’m saying you need to show her, very subtly, that you can provide her with the needs that are missing. If you listen, she’ll open up to you and tell you what’s wrong with her relationship. You just need to be paying attention when she starts talking.
No romantic moves
If she wants to hang out with you, do not show up at her door with a bouquet of flowers and chocolates. This is going to make things awkward very fast. No matter how much you like her, how much you want to kiss her and confess your love, you need to keep it cool, like, really cool. If not, you’re going to make this relationship between you two uncomfortable and it’ll only push her away. This isn’t what you want. If anything, you want to show her that you’re a better guy than her current boyfriend, so, your goal is to show her you’re more interesting, exciting and funny then her boyfriend. That’s it. Keep your romantic candles and teddy bear in your drawer. Don’t bring them out.
Do be a friend
If you’re approaching her as a friend, then genuinely be her friend. There’s nothing worse than when a guy is pretending to be your friend and the minute we’re vulnerable, they make a move. All the trust we give to you suddenly vanishes into thin air. What did you expect? We trusted you and considered you as a friend but you crushed that friendship. I know it’s hard to be with friends with someone you like, but no one told you to do this. If you can’t handle it, then cut the relationship.
Do know your limits
If you’re unable to control yourself around her and find yourself dreaming about her without seeing a possibility to be with her, then you need to ask yourself if this is what you want. Do you want to torture yourself by only ever being her friend? Do you want to wait around for the chance that she may dump her boyfriend? Some guys have no problem sitting on the sideline while dating other women, however, some men don’t want to put up with it. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. So, if you find this friendship more of a burden, then it’s okay to cut it. Trust me, she may be sad for a little while but she has her boyfriend who can console her.
Do your research
What does she like to do, what’s her favourite music, etc. You need to know these things. If you know her friends, ask them about her. Get information about her before you talk to her. So, when you approach her, you already know what she’s into. It’s much easier to connect with someone when you already have some background information on her. Then, you don’t actually need to hit on her, you can simply have an engaging conversation with her, that way she becomes interested.
So, the girl you like has a boyfriend. Well, this isn’t totally uncommon. Your goal shouldn’t be to steal her from her boyfriend. But rather, you just want her to see you as someone who’s better than her boyfriend. You don’t have to be the guy that tries to pull her away from her man or tries to sabotage them. Don’t interfere in their relationship but rather make yourself look like the better option. If she really likes you, then she’ll have to decide for herself whether or not she wants to be with you. If not, then you know that she’s not the right one for you and move on. It’s really that easy. At the end of the day, she’ll be the one that has to decide.