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100 Good Comebacks For Every Occasion


In life you will notice that a lot of people will talk a lot of crap to you. This calls for you to have a comeback for each and every occasion there is out there. The good thing here is that we have 100 amazing, nasty, sarcastic, hilarious comebacks that you can use for just that- ANY OCCASION! You will never be caught off guard again with these awesome comebacks here for you. They can be applied to almost any situation, anytime, anywhere. All you have to do is be ready with these in your pocket. Take a peek below to see for yourself how awesome and good these comebacks are.

best comebacks to use

1. Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.
2. Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.
3. If you’re waiting for me to care, I hope you brought something to eat, ‘cause it’s gonna be a really long time.
4. Some day you’ll go far—and I really hope you stay there.
5. I’m trying my absolute hardest to see things from your perspective, but I just can’t get my head that far up my ass.
6. Sometimes it’s better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you’re stupid than open it and remove all doubt.
7. I’m not a proctologist, but I know an asshole when I see one.
8. You only annoy me when you’re breathing, to be honest.
9. You know how you can do yourself a huge favor? Ignore anyone when they say to just be yourself. That’s such a bad idea in your case.
10. Remember the one time I told you that you were cool? That was totally a lie.
11. I wonder if  your parents realize that they are living proof that two wrongs simply don’t make a right.
12. Everyone gets to act silly and stupid once in awhile, but you are truly abusing that.
13. I can’t believe how much better the world would be if your dad would have just used the pull out method. It’s really a shame.
14. Do you ever find yourself curious as to what your life would be like if you would have gotten enough oxygen at birth?
15. You might want to stop talking so that you can save your breath. You are going to need it to blow up your next date.
16. I wonder if you can die from constipation. You just seem like you are too full of crap.
17. That is a cool story bro, but when is the part where you shut the heck up?
18. Don’t hate me because I am beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.
19. If you ran like your mouth does, you’d be in much better shape.
20. Were you perhaps born on a highway? Because I’m sure that is where most accidents happen.
21. Your face is just fine. It’s your personality that you need to throw a bag over.
22. I can always get surgery to fix my ugliness. But you on the other hand will have to deal with your stupidity for eternity!
23. Sorry, sarcasm tends to fall out of my mouth as much as stupidity seems to fall out of yours.
24. I am not sure what makes you act so dumb, but keep doing it because it’s working great.
25. If you are going to be two faced, you could at least make one of them pretty.
26. Fat is a temporary caloric imbalance, but being an idiot is pretty permanent.
27. I don’t care what you think about me, I don’t think about you at all!
28. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought that you already knew.
29. A pretty face means nothing for you since you seem to have a really ugly personality.
30. It’s better to arrive late than to arrive ugly.
31. Some of you really need to eat makeup. Why? Because it might make you prettier on the inside.
32. Keep rolling your eyes. You might actually find a  brain back there.
33. I would love to insult you further, but nature did a good job of doing that to you already.
34. It must be difficult for you to use all of your vocabulary in one sentence.
35. I wasn’t insulting you. I was just describing you with honesty.
36.  Please keep talking. I only yawn this much when I am truly fascinated.
37. If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I would just fart.
38. If ignorance is really bliss, you must be the happiest person on this entire planet.
39. Are you always such an idiot or are you just showing off because I’m here with you?
40. There are some magnificently dumb people in the world. Thanks for being my true reminder of that.

41. I could eat an entire bowl of alphabet soup and crap out a smarter statement than what you just said.
42. You are about as useful as a screened door on a submarine.
43. You always bring me so much joy. As soon as you leave the room, that is.
44. I was hoping for a battle of wits, but then I realized that it is not fair to attack someone who is totally unarmed.
45. I would tell you how I really feel inside, but unfortunately I don’t have that many middle fingers so I won’t be able to express it as of right now.
46. Stupidity is definitely not a crime. So feel free to leave anytime now.
47. I would tell you to go screw yourself, but that would be cruel and unusual punishment.
48. It seems like when you talk my middle finger gets a boner.
49. I love your tan. Only because orange is my favorite color.
50. If you were any day of the week it would be a Monday. Because no one likes you. At all.
51. It really is shameful that you can’t photoshop a personality. That would be really useful to you.
52. I cannot decide if I should pity you or laugh at you. Maybe it is best to do both!
53. Your family tree must be more of a cactus, because you are all huge pricks.
54. People like you are the reason I need to take medication every day.
55. I bet if I threw a stick right now that you would chase after it, right?
56. Earth is overpopulated. Go home.
57. You have the right to remain quiet. Anything you say next will probably be stupid anyways.
58. I Googled, ‘Who gives a crap’ and my name definitely did not pop up.
59. I could care less if you talk, but just as long as I’m not around to hear it.
60. I would love to insult you, but you probably wouldn’t catch my drift.
61. Are you still a nature love, even though it ruined you for good?
62.  I wonder if your mom ever apologizes for the bad looks she gave you.
63. The people that I wish I could be like are the ones that have never had to meet you.
64. You might grow on people, but then again… So does cancer.
65. I have no idea where you got your personality, but I hope you kept the receipt.
66. You look exhausted. Have you been thinking again?
67. They say laughter is the best medicine. That makes me that your face could cure the world.
68. I’m going to call you a penny from now on. Because you are two faced, useless and always in everyone’s pants.
69. Your birth certificate is actually an apology letter from the condom factory.
70. And how long did it take you to come up with that one?

71. It’s terrifying to think that people like you are allowed to vote.
72. I would love to see things from your point of view. Unfortunately my head doesn’t go that far up my butt.
73. Wow, you are even more idiotic than you look.
74. 1 universe, 7 seas, 809 islands, 196 countries and I have had the displeasure of meeting you.
75. My straightener is hotter than you ever will be.
76. I thought that I said goodbye to you this morning when I flushed the toilet. Apparently not because you are still here.
77. Stop calling yourself hot. The only thing that you are able to turn on is a microwave.
78. Look deep into my eyes. Stare. Now take a deep breath. Does it look like I give a crap?
79. I’m sorry, but in order for you to be able to insult me that would mean I would actually give a crap about what you say in the first place.
80. I’ve got high heels that have heels higher than  your standards are.
81. Brains aren’t everything. In your case, they are nothing.
82. You’re spreading rumors about me? Well, it’s good to know you’ve found another hobby besides being an idiot.
83. Some babies were dropped on their heads, but clearly you were thrown against a concrete wall.
84.  You’re so ugly that when you were born your mom said, “What a treasure!” And your dad said, “Yeah, quick, let’s bury it!”
85. I bet that your brain feels good as new. Considering you have probably never used it before.
86.  I would spell it out for you, but I have seem to left my English-Dumbass dictionary at home today.
87. We can always tell when you are lying. It’s only when your lips are moving.
88. Roses are red, violets are blue. I thought Voldemort was ugly, but then I saw you.
89. You are the type of person that stares at juice cans simply because they say, ‘Concentrate’.
90. I’m sorry, I didn’t seem to get that seeing as I don’t speak ‘idiot’ fluently.

91. Oh, sorry about that was I supposed to be offended or something? Good try, though.
92.  Science tells us that this whole world is made up of Neutrons, Protons and Electrons. I don’t remember learning anything in class aBout morons.
93. I would take my parents to court and sue them if I ended up as ugly as you.
94. Okay, who ordered one idiot, extra idiotic with a little bit of stupid on the side?
95. I was certain I had food poisoning until I realized it was your face that was making me as nauseas as I am.
96. How do you look worse after taking a shower?
97. I’ve never met someone who’s voice actually is the equivalent to nails on a chalkboard.
98. I want to punch you in the mouth, but the thought of me touching you grosses me out too much.
99. Hey, how did you find me here. Did someone leave your cage open again?
100. I don’t have the energy to pretend that I like you today.