Home Love & Relationship He Initiates Conversations, But Never Initiates the Dates

He Initiates Conversations, But Never Initiates the Dates


When you are with him, it seems like everything is wonderful. The problem is actually getting to spend time with your boyfriend. You talk online and on the phone all the time. After a while, you want to meet up, but he never initiates the dates. He will show up for the date if you ask him out, but he never asks you out on his own. What does it mean when he initiates conversations, but never initiates the dates? 

There are a number of reasons why this may happen. In most cases, it is not a sign that he is uninterested in you. In reality, he may be unsure about how you feel. After initiating the first couple of dates, he is uncertain if you really like him or are just talking to him to be polite. Now, he wants to wait and see if you ask him on a date. He wants to make sure that he is not just bothering you, so he is waiting to see what you do.

If he has held off on initiating the next date, try asking him out. It feels awkward, but that is exactly how guys feel when they ask you on a date. By asking him on the next date, you show that you are interested and want to play an active role in the relationship. He is not looking for some doll or model who just shows up wherever he puts her. He wants a real woman who has opinions and wants to take part in the relationship.

What If He Never Initiates?

This is an entirely different problem. If you have only gone on a couple of dates, he might hold off on asking you out for another date to see if you are interested and want to be with him. If he never, ever initiates the date, then there might be another problem.

One possible reason is that he is just not interested. He keeps up the conversation because texting you is easy. He might avoid asking you on a date because he only wants this to be a fling and does not want it to turn into a normal relationship. You can generally tell if this is the reason by how he acts when he is around you. Does he ever talk about a future date or event you could go to? If not, it might be because he does not see a future with you.

It is also possible that he is just not the type of guy who initiates anything. It seems fairly easy to plan your basic dinner and movie date, but he might be unsure about what you would like or what type of date would make you happy. Another option? He doesn’t have any money. He wants to be with you, but he can only afford so many dates before his budget takes a major hit. He might be holding off on initiating any more dates until he can actually afford you. While modern women pay for dates and are willing to go Dutch, he might be afraid of asking you on a date unless he can actually afford it.

There are also some guys who just dislike dates. A date can seem formal and contrived. Some guys want a girlfriend that they can relax and hang out with. Dates seem too stressful to want to do for long.

Be Patient

In general, your best course of action is to be patient. You should also consider asking him on a date. He might be waiting to see if you really like him or not. If he is afraid that you are not interested, then asking you on a date would seem pushy—at the very least, he would feel like he is bothering you. Ask him on a date and see how he responds. There is no reason why women cannot initiate the dates. Many guys want a strong, confident woman, so go for it! Plus, asking someone on a date is intimidating and awkward. It seems entirely unfair that he would have to initiate every date if you are just as interested in having a relationship as he is.

Look at His General Behavior

When you are together, does he seem interested in you? Does he always respond to your texts? When you make a date plan, does he show up on time and pay attention to you? If he always texts you back and is attentive in person, then don’t worry about it. He could be busy or lack the money for a lot of dates. He could be shy and afraid that you are not really interested in him. As long as the rest of his behavior makes you think that he is genuinely interested, don’t worry about it.


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