When you are dating someone or are married to someone, you expect them to listen to you. Your boyfriend keeps making promises that he will do certain certain things, but he never does what he says. You are frustrated and wondering if there is a deeper meaning to his behavior. Does he genuinely forget to do things? Or does he just not care. Find out what it means when he never does what he says and what you can do about it.
He Never Does What He Says
The meaning why he never does what he says can depend on the situation. If you are constantly asking him to do his share of chores, he may just be busy. He could also feel like it is unfair that he has to do so much work, or he could just be lazy.
It is possible that he feels put upon by all of these promises and chooses not to do them as a minor act of rebellion. It is important to talk to him about why he does not do what he says. You don’t want to make him angry or make him feel offended because your ultimate goal is for him to actually listen to you. Talk to him calmly about how he feels and the type of behavior pattern you want. It is possible that you might be pushing the limits too much, so it is also important that you think about whether your requests are fair or reasonable.
Work Through the Problem
Most likely, he is not breaking promises because he does not care. He might feel trapped by the relationship or he might just be too busy to remember all of the little things. It is important that you work through the problem as a couple. The best relationships are based on love, respect and communication. For you two to solve the problem, you have to kindly discuss the issue and work through it as a team.
If he does follow through on his promises, make sure you reward him for it. This could be as simple as a thank you, a kind word or a hug. When someone does something for you, they want to feel appreciated. If he feels like you recognize his efforts, he will be more likely to do what he says in the future.
Give Him an Out
If he dislikes confrontation, he may be agreeing to things because he does not want to start a fight. Unfortunately, he might not have any plan to do what he says. He could even have a legitimate reason why he can’t do what you ask. Instead of demanding that he does something, give him an out. Ask him if he has enough time to do it, and let him know that he can send you a text if he can’t pick up the milk or clean the house like you asked.
Priorities can change, so it is possible that he entirely meant to do what you asked. If he was suddenly given a major project at work, he may become too distracted to run errands or he might just run out of time. Either way, you want him to feel comfortable expressing that to you. Many people are unable to multi-task and balance multiple priorities at once, so he might be unable to do what you asked when other priorities pop up before he can get them done.
Rethink Your Requests
There is a psychological term called confirmation bias that could be in play here. When someone thinks a certain way—say, a certain political belief or a stereotype–, they tend to accept facts that support their views and ignore the ones that don’t. This is known as confirmation bias, and it happens to every human being. It is possible that you have a confirmation bias that he never does what he says. In reality, there may be a number of times when he does exactly what he says. You just do not notice because the things get done and you forget about them. The only time anyone really notices is when things do not get done. Before you accuse him of never doing what he says, think through all of the times that you have asked him to do something. How many of those times has he followed through? It is easy to remember the times when he failed to do something, but much harder to remember all of the little things that he actually did.
If he loves you and loves the relationship, then he will most likely try to make you happy. Unless he has checked out of the relationship and is thinking about a break up, there is no underlying reason why he does not do what he says. Talk about the problem with him and see what you can do to change the situation as a couple. He might feel overwhelmed or is just terrible at remembering things. Whatever the case, keep your cool and try to find a solution that works for both of you.