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He Says He Just Wants To Be Friends, But His Actions Show Differently


Men send confusing signals all the time. Too bad we can’t all be mind readers, right? That would definitely make life so much easier for us, wouldn’t it? Unfortunately we can’t! It’s just not possible. Unless you’re a psychic of some sort of course. But what are the chances of that? Probably slim to none.

Instead of just expecting them to tell us what is going on in their very handsome skulls (because let’s face it, men are terrible at expressing their emotions… Well, most of them anyways) we have to put in some effort and do some digging. So that means that it’s very important to pay attention to not only what a guy is saying to us, but what his body language is telling us as well. We have to master the art of all language when it comes to men. But there can be a slight problem with that. He might be saying one thing, but his body might be saying something completely, and frustratingly, different.

He says he doesn't want a relationship but actions say otherwise

Sadly this happens all the time. Like when a guy says he just wants to be friends with you, but his actions say something entirely different.  His body is saying, “Hey, I kind of dig you.” While his words are saying, “I don’t think we should take this to the next level.”

Why!? Why would he put you through this torture and do this?

The answer is actually pretty simple. He doesn’t really know what he wants.

Let’s go over some of the reasons that he might be putting you through this mess. What on Earth could possibly make him act so cruel and confusing? Don’t worry, there’s an explanation for everything. Yes, even including this.

First you need to think about whether or not he is showing you actual signs of liking you or if you’re mistaking friendliness for flirtiness. How do you do that? Read these following signs to help you out.

Signs He Likes You As More Than Just A Friend

He Spends Time With Only You: This is the number one sign that a guy actually likes you as more than friends. He will not give his focus or attention to any other girls than you. So, if you catch him saying he wants to be friends, keep an eye out to see if he has other girl friends or not. Because if he doesn’t, he is probably harboring some strong feelings for you.

He Texts You In The Morning and At Night: Sure friends like to keep in contact with their friends, but when a friend of the opposite sex is talking to you almost constantly something is definitely up. He might be trying to hide his emotions by telling you he doesn’t like you, but if he is wishing you a good morning and a good night everyday then he probably likes you more than he is letting on.

He Surprises You: Now, you should be weary of this one, because this is something that friends do as well. However, if you notice he is consistently surprising you and thinking of you all the time then there might be a strong chance he is lying about the way he feels towards you.

He Gets Intimate With You: As in he isn’t just flirty or friendly, but he actually gets a little bit physical towards you. You might notice that he is always looking for every excuse to be as close to you as possible. He will sit right next to you and ensure that your legs are touching. He will touch your arm, elbow or knee while the two of you are talking. He might even go as far as to brush hair out of your face or play with your hair when you are near him. These are all strong signs that he likes you as more than a friend… Even if he is saying he doesn’t.

Next we’ll walk you through the reasons that he might be acting this strange way towards you.

Reasons He Says He Wants To Be Friends, But His Actions Show Differently

He Doesn’t Want To Ruin Your Friendship: He might tell you that he doesn’t want to be more than friends, but if his actions, words and body language are saying otherwise then there is a good chance he is just saying these things because he doesn’t want to ruin your friendship. When you two are such good friends he might be scared that if you take things to the next level you will ruin everything. You can’t blame him, because it is definitely a legitimate fear to have. Once you cross that line into more than friends it’s going to be extremely hard to come back ever again.

He’s Just A Flirty Guy: Or he might actually not be interested at all in you. Why? Because he’s just an overly flirty guy. The best thing to do in this situation is to tell him that he is confusing you with his outgoing personality. Tell him that he is coming off the wrong way and sending the wrong signals. Hopefully that gets his words and actions leveled out.

He’s Just Not Ready… Yet: The last reason we can think of as to why he might say he wants to stay friends, but he acts differently is that he likes you but he just isn’t ready to take things to the next level. Some people have severe fears of commitment. It might just take him a little longer to get there!


  1. I’ve had this weird relationship with this guy for a long time. We were really good friends but there was also some attraction there. We’be been really good friends for years. He had a girlfriend. So we kept it friendly. He would talk to me a lot about his life. We kissed once but we both agreed it was wrong. I knew he was in love with his girlfriend so I respected that and I minded my own business. I dated a few guys but I never felt the fire I feel for this guy.
    His girlfriend coldly dumped him months ago after his grandfather died and has a new boyfriend already. She post tons of pics with her new boyfriend and travels frequently to visit him so I think they are serious.
    He’s overseas visiting his family for a few months. He sent me a Christmas postcard and it said that he really didn’t have any one but me he felt he wanted to send any to. I wrote him back and told him I missed him and was ready for him to come home. About a week later I got another letter. In the letter he said that he’s going through the most difficult time in his life. He said that when his girlfriend dumped him she left him when he needed her most and that he’s still not over it. He said he hopes I understand that he’s only looking for a friend right now. He said at least until he gets his life situated. As he won’t be back until the summer.
    I wrote him back saying that I apologize if he felt I was coming on to him and that it wasn’t my intention. I really feel embarrassed and rejected.
    He also said in his letter that he’d pay for me to come visit him and he hopes i will come…..
    Why would he tell me he only wants to be my friend and then offer me to come visit him??

    • He has dealt with a hard breakup and may have other concerns in his life at this time. It is certainly possible that he is interested in developing a relationship with you. Treat him with kindness and compassion, as this will ensure that he knows that you care for him. Attempt to spend time with him in person, as this will help to strengthen your relationship. Have a great day, Gabby!

    • Yes Gabby, I agree with the Admin’s comment. You two have a really strong foundation of friendship that now more than ever is being tested. And your friend needs the time and space to heal. You certainly do not want to get involved with a guy if he’s carrying trauma from a previous relationship; I think it speaks loudly that he’s able you acknowledge he’s need for time in sorting things out. He wants to be his best version for you! And the fact that he’s offered to fly you in to see him means he wants to keep you close and in the loop as he’s pulling himself back together. Just be open and light about everything. Have fun, take things easy, and be a source of joy and support for him. Tis is the journey of love and life!

      • Thank you for sharing your positive comment. Please feel free to share more of your insights and experiences in the future. Have a great day, Ranzh!