Home Love & Relationship He Says He Just Wants To Be Friends, But His Actions Show...

He Says He Just Wants To Be Friends, But His Actions Show Differently

15078
225

Men send confusing signals all the time. Too bad we can’t all be mind readers, right? That would definitely make life so much easier for us, wouldn’t it? Unfortunately we can’t! It’s just not possible. Unless you’re a psychic of some sort of course. But what are the chances of that? Probably slim to none.

Instead of just expecting them to tell us what is going on in their very handsome skulls (because let’s face it, men are terrible at expressing their emotions… Well, most of them anyways) we have to put in some effort and do some digging. So that means that it’s very important to pay attention to not only what a guy is saying to us, but what his body language is telling us as well. We have to master the art of all language when it comes to men. But there can be a slight problem with that. He might be saying one thing, but his body might be saying something completely, and frustratingly, different.

He says he doesn't want a relationship but actions say otherwise

Sadly this happens all the time. Like when a guy says he just wants to be friends with you, but his actions say something entirely different.  His body is saying, “Hey, I kind of dig you.” While his words are saying, “I don’t think we should take this to the next level.”

Why!? Why would he put you through this torture and do this?

The answer is actually pretty simple. He doesn’t really know what he wants.

Let’s go over some of the reasons that he might be putting you through this mess. What on Earth could possibly make him act so cruel and confusing? Don’t worry, there’s an explanation for everything. Yes, even including this.

First you need to think about whether or not he is showing you actual signs of liking you or if you’re mistaking friendliness for flirtiness. How do you do that? Read these following signs to help you out.

Signs He Likes You As More Than Just A Friend

He Spends Time With Only You: This is the number one sign that a guy actually likes you as more than friends. He will not give his focus or attention to any other girls than you. So, if you catch him saying he wants to be friends, keep an eye out to see if he has other girl friends or not. Because if he doesn’t, he is probably harboring some strong feelings for you.

He Texts You In The Morning and At Night: Sure friends like to keep in contact with their friends, but when a friend of the opposite sex is talking to you almost constantly something is definitely up. He might be trying to hide his emotions by telling you he doesn’t like you, but if he is wishing you a good morning and a good night everyday then he probably likes you more than he is letting on.

He Surprises You: Now, you should be weary of this one, because this is something that friends do as well. However, if you notice he is consistently surprising you and thinking of you all the time then there might be a strong chance he is lying about the way he feels towards you.

He Gets Intimate With You: As in he isn’t just flirty or friendly, but he actually gets a little bit physical towards you. You might notice that he is always looking for every excuse to be as close to you as possible. He will sit right next to you and ensure that your legs are touching. He will touch your arm, elbow or knee while the two of you are talking. He might even go as far as to brush hair out of your face or play with your hair when you are near him. These are all strong signs that he likes you as more than a friend… Even if he is saying he doesn’t.

Next we’ll walk you through the reasons that he might be acting this strange way towards you.

Reasons He Says He Wants To Be Friends, But His Actions Show Differently

He Doesn’t Want To Ruin Your Friendship: He might tell you that he doesn’t want to be more than friends, but if his actions, words and body language are saying otherwise then there is a good chance he is just saying these things because he doesn’t want to ruin your friendship. When you two are such good friends he might be scared that if you take things to the next level you will ruin everything. You can’t blame him, because it is definitely a legitimate fear to have. Once you cross that line into more than friends it’s going to be extremely hard to come back ever again.

He’s Just A Flirty Guy: Or he might actually not be interested at all in you. Why? Because he’s just an overly flirty guy. The best thing to do in this situation is to tell him that he is confusing you with his outgoing personality. Tell him that he is coming off the wrong way and sending the wrong signals. Hopefully that gets his words and actions leveled out.

He’s Just Not Ready… Yet: The last reason we can think of as to why he might say he wants to stay friends, but he acts differently is that he likes you but he just isn’t ready to take things to the next level. Some people have severe fears of commitment. It might just take him a little longer to get there!

225 COMMENTS

  1. We dated before but we broke up and a years later we were friends with benefits which then I stopped but we kept seeing each other and making out. We text every day and we call each other at night and fall asleep on the phone. Last time I tried to ask him about how he felt he said he felt nothing for me but still he does all this and he is interested in someone else at the moment but still kisses me and likes being around me and mentions how I do things a certain way no one else can.what does this mean?

    • The two of you are maintaining a relationship that the two of you have agreed to. It seems as though you are interested in changing the nature of your relationship. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. If you are no longer interested in maintaining the current style of your relationship, then you don’t have to. If he does not respect your desire, then do not spend time with him in person. Have a great day, Andrea!

  2. I need someone’s point of view. My ex boyfriend broke up with me. We had been in a relationship for a year. He’s had past history of alcohol abuse. When we met he was in recovery and remained this way. He was sober through our entire time togethor. He treated me like a princess. He was genuine, caring and affectionate towards me. Prior to us splitting up I noticed that he seemed a bit depressed and started to feel in a dark place. When we were togethor for the last time he took me to a nice fancy dinner, we went back to his apartment, we made love. He told me ” I love you, baby!” He told me your my ride and die, my wifey”. He broke up with me a week later by telling me that he wants the best for me and that he loves me. That he has been having bad drinking dreams.. that he needs to work on himeself, mentally, physically, and emotionally. That he needs to focus on himself. I am extremely heartbroken and confused. everything seemed to be going well the last time we were togethor.He says im his best friend and that he doesnt want to lose me. Idk what to do. I love him so much. I don’t know why he would want us to remain best friends. Idk what to do on whether I should stay in contact and be there to support him or not contact him anymore. Please help. 🙁

    • Sometimes, it is not possible for someone in recovery to have a relationship. It is a sign of his maturity and his love for you that he realized this. While it must be unbearably hard for both of you, he is probably right. He needs to focus on staying sober, and he can only focus on so many things at once. Being with you could make his recovery harder right now–and, worse still, he would feel unbelievably guilty if he hurt you in any way by relapsing while you are together. He probably wants to remain friends because he hopes that you’ll still be around once his sobriety is back to a point where he could have a relationship. Whether you stay in touch with him or not is up to you. There is no way to know how long it will take him to stabilize again, so what you do is entirely your decision and does not have a right or wrong answer.

      • I need some advice… He is my friend… He treated me very spcl and more imp. For particular months at beginning and i identified that he has feeling and he act more than friend and i too feel the same then he suddenly ignores me completely for 8 months… He said that he doesn’t knw y he ignores me for that past months later he shows me to everyone like his girl and takes care. He ill be possessive whenever i talk with boys and he took efforts to see me.. I confirmed that he is loving me. I discussed with my friends they said to confess my love to him and his actions also says me that he wants me to confess first and one day i confessed him that im loving him but he rejects me by saying we ill be a gud frnds.. I dont want love and commitments and all.. And i understand that he is not stable he is in some confusion to make things serious… Plz give me some advice

        • His behaviors are indications that he is uncertain about his feelings for you. You informed him of your feelings toward him, and he said that he is not interested in maintaining a romantic relationship with you. Since you are aware that it is unlikely that the two of you will become romantic partners, make a decision about what you want for your future without him. Ensure that you share your kindness and compassion at all times, as this will draw positive people and energy into your life. Have a great day, Pooja!

  3. Hiii i need some advice for my next step towards him..he is my friend. At beginning he shows me so much intrest makes me to feel special.. I thought he has feeling for me but later i feel the same for him but suddenly he ignores me completely for 8 months but he ask about me to my friend.. Later i talked with him and asked for the reason he said that he doesn’t knw y he ignores me for that past month. Later he makes me to show others like im his girl like that.. Then he ill be possessive while i talk with boys. And i thought he is loving me but his action shows he wants me to confess my love first so he is playing hard like that… I confess my love but he said he wants me as his friend he doesnt want love or commitments but his action shows that he is loving me… He is not stable, he is confused… Plz give me advice wht shld i do for the next step..?

    • His behaviors are indications that he is uncertain about his feelings for you. You informed him of your feelings toward him, and he said that he is not interested in maintaining a romantic relationship with you. Since you are aware that it is unlikely that the two of you will become romantic partners, make a decision about what you want for your future without him. Ensure that you share your kindness and compassion at all times, as this will draw positive people and energy into your life. Have a great day, Poojitha!

  4. So…there this guy that I thought was cute so I made the movie of writing in his math journal “I think you’re cute”. After he found out it was me we totally hit it off. We were on the track team so we always talked and he was so sweet and I liked him officially in a week. After 2 weeks I was so happy! he would do all these little cute things and I really thought we would work out. Except he never really opened up. Like we mostly just flirted with each other. He never even told me his last name. But he talked to his friends about me and he would always walk me to class. After our first “date”, he started this bet so he would try to avoid me for 2 days. It was cute at first, but then it got really annoying. After those two days when the bet was over, the communication got…weird. I heard some stuff about a senior girl and him talking when she was going through something but I don’t think it had anything to do with it…He stopped texting that much. and us talking was a little weird too….then on a track meet I get a text from him saying…” your sweet, kind, cute, blah blah blah…but I’m moving in 2 months so we should just be friends”. But the thing is….we are not friends. He texts me sometimes then when I reply he just leaves me on “read” so I blocked him. And now whenever I see him in class he just has this look when we catch the eyes of each other and he is moving so I shouldn’t care. But the situation is so confusing I just can’t get it out of my head.

    • The two of you were maintaining a social relationship. Both of you determined that this relationship is no longer viable because he was moving. He made the decision to block you. Make a decision about what you want for your future without him, and focus your emotional energy elsewhere. You will find great benefit in sharing your kindness and compassion at all times. Have a great day, Emily!

  5. So…there this guy that I thought was cute so I made the movie of writing in his math journal “I think you’re cute”. After he found out it was me we totally hit it off. We were on the track team so we always talked and he was so sweet and I liked him officially in a week. After 2 weeks I was so happy! he would do all these little cute things and I really thought we would work out. Except he never really opened up. Like we mostly just flirted with each other. He never even told me his last name. But he talked to his friends about me and he would always walk me to class. After our first “date”, he started this bet so he would try to avoid me for 2 days. It was cute at first, but then it got really annoying. After those two days when the bet was over, the communication got…weird. I heard some stuff about a senior girl and him talking when she was going through something but I don’t think it had anything to do with it…He stopped texting that much. and us talking was a little weird too….then on a track meet I get a text from him saying…” your sweet, kind, cute, blah blah blah…but I’m moving in 2 months so we should just be friends”. But the thing is….we are not friends. He texts me sometimes then when I reply he just leaves me on “read” so I blocked him. He used to flirt even when he ended it but I still feel tension, I cry every night because of him And now whenever I see him in class he just has this look when we catch the eyes of each other and he is moving so I shouldn’t care. But the situation is so confusing I just can’t get it out of my head. Pls, help me…

    • The two of you were maintaining a social relationship. Both of you determined that this relationship is no longer viable because he was moving. He made the decision to block you. Make a decision about what you want for your future without him, and focus your emotional energy elsewhere. You will find great benefit in sharing your kindness and compassion at all times. Have a great day, Emily!

  6. So, I’ve been having an issue with an older Korean guy (15 years older) I met last year. We currently live on opposite sides of the sea of Japan, I’m in Japan and he’s back home. When he was here, we had a good, but confusing relationship. Always very close physically, such as hugging and holding hands, and hanging out but never past that and undefined. After he left, the messaging kind of slowed then it’d be weeks to months without contact. I’d even initiate, he’d read them and not reply. I even had to have one of our mutual friends reconnect us via a different chat app after 4ish months of nothing. I was insulted that he replied to him so easily, but we began talking again and he even gave me his email if we ever lost chat app contact because he’s not always in Korea.
    Fast forward a bit to May of this year, I took a trip to Korea. I steeled myself with the thought If I did see him, we’re just friends, don’t feel anything. I didn’t expect to see him much, if not at all, but there he was after he got off work and stayed with me all the time I was there. Unfortunately, despite the fact he was with me, introduced me to his best friend, took me around, laid and held me, kissed my cheeks, caught up with everything we missed in each other’s lives from the past year, he STILL addressed me as, “friend” or “my old friend” even when he said he missed me. Ugh, so frustrating. I got on him about his no texting and he replied, “I’m an old man, I don’t text”. Lies. When it was time for me to leave, the night before he was crying, but I tried to brush it off as simple nostalgia from when we went on crazy adventures across Tokyo.
    So now, I’m back on my side of the sea, and texting has been minimal to none. Haven’t gotten a reply in 2 weeks or so. The “I miss you” feeling is not mutual I’m assuming. I refuse to be played with, so really on the road to just cutting it off completely with a, “Thanks for the memories”.

    I’ve never had a boyfriend before despite being a hop, skip, and a jump from 30, so I’m not versed in handling such feelings, so kind of need some help. 😅 I do have a bad temper sometimes which makes me burn bridges quickly with people with annoying behavior.
    Treading on egg shells a bit…. 😤

    • The two of you are maintaining a strong social and emotional relationship. It is clear that the two of you are attracted to each other. He may be aware of the difficulties of maintaining this relationship. This could be the reason for why his behaviors are confusing. Make a decision about what you want for the future of this relationship. Nourish this relationship by attempting to spend additional time with him in person. Have a great day, Lia!

  7. Me and this boy named Sean where talking during school. We planned on going on a double date with my friend and her boyfriend to the movies. During the I tapped Sean hand so we could hold hands but he put his arm around me I put my head on his shoulder. After the movies my mom brought us home. Sean does not have his license yet, so when we got to his house I usually bring my friends to their door so I got out of the car when we got to the door we hugged and then he kissed me and hugged again. A couple weeks later he said we should be friends because Sean does not have his license and other stuff. He was my first kiss too I felt like I got played. I told him what I felt like and my point of view, we basically stopped texting we just sent memes. A couple of weeks later he texted me that he is sorry about what happened between us. He said that he actually misses talking like texting, and said he likes me and he said I know it a hang of heart. He asked sexual
    question and I asked him some to he opened up to me about his family and I did too. I said we should just be friends he said he agreed with me but he texted his friends that he said treat the girl he likes wants to be friends, but his friends don’t know what my name is they know he is talking to a girl. A coupe days later I went to a party for cross country and he was there too he kept looking at me and I kept looking at him. There was a party recently for cross country and I asked if he was coming he said yes and I asked if he is goin to this fundraiser for cross country he said hopefully I said yeah hopefully we could hangout maybe, he said hopefully I could hangout with a cute girl named Aubrey/me. I said basically the same thing back too him. At the party I played volleyball and one time the ball got on the other side of the fence I went to get it he went to get it too I got it he took the ball I said okay than he gave it back too me because I was serving. It started to rain we went inside, Sean was still outside with his friends and I told this girl named Avery that I liked Sean my other two friends Caroline and Tristan already new that. Avery is friends with Sean, she know what he was talking to someone but did not know who it was. A group of people decided to go to he creek everyone took their shoes off, someone pushed me and Sean in the water. Tristan pushes me into Sean and he asked if I was okay I said yeah. I kept shivering he kept asking if I was okay I said I was just cold. We went back to the house to go in the hot tub and Avery made me go in the middle of her and Sean walking back. When we got in the hot tub I asked Tristan if she wanted to sit by her boyfriend and Carolina asked Avery to sit by her so she could tell Avery something so I had to sit by Sean. Again, he kept asking if I was okay I said yeah. We had to get out of the hot tub because it started storming the people that owned the house gave us towels I had one but I was shivering and Sean was already warmed up he asked if I wanted his towel I said yes please and gave it to me and he looked at Avery and smiled after he gave the towel to me. Avery and Sean kept texting each other I think it was about me I don’t know for sure. But later that night when I got home Sean texted me we should just be friends. I said your probably right I said see you at the cross country parties, and the fundraiser maybe.

    • His behavior definitely seems confusing. It seems like he liked you at first and just was afraid that he wouldn’t be able to take you anywhere or go on dates. His more recent behavior seems to indicate that he isn’t interested though, so I would focus on just moving on and forget about it. Best of luck, Aubrey!

  8. I had been seeing this guy. When we met he admitted that there was a connection and we want to explore it. For a few weeks he was saying how he likes me, falling for me, couldn’t wait to call me his. He then moved here as he has good friends here, I saw him the day he got here and then we spent time together the following day. He wanted me to stay the night but didn’t, he then was in a grumpy mood cause he was annoyed with people and from then acted distant when talking with him. I saw him twice during the week and stayed over one night. Both those times we made out and he left hickies. He went back home to pick some stuff up because his parents were harassing him and since getting back he said that he isn’t ready for a relationship, that his life is a mess and then said he only sees me as a friend I’m his eyes. It’s so confusing to fall for someone and then instantly say no, only friends.

    • It is definitely a let down to realize that someone you cared about never felt the same way. It sounds like he has explored the connection enough to realize that this isn’t what he wants–although I have a slight suspicion that he probably wasn’t really interested in a relationship to begin with. Whatever the case, it certainly sounds like he is no longer interested in having a relationship of any sort, so the best thing you can do is move on. Best of luck, REM!

  9. So I was at a creek with a group of friends and someone pushed me and a dude that I sort of like in the creek I was putting my arms around my shoulders because I was cold. We went back to the the house to got to the hot tub and my friends made me sit by him and he kept asking if I was okay and I said yeah. When we had to go inside I was shivering and I had a towel and he said if I wanted his I said yes please and he smiled at his friend Avery. You answer a question about him I sent it June 14 you answer it on June 15 and it was about the about a boy named Sean. I don’t get why he kept asking if I was okay, and he smile at Avery after giving me his towel.

    • His behaviors are indications that he cares for you. It is possible that he is interested in developing a relationship with you. Make a decision about what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. You will find great benefit in sharing your kindness and compassion at all times. Have a great day, Aubrey!

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here