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He Says He Just Wants To Be Friends, But His Actions Show Differently

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Men send confusing signals all the time. Too bad we can’t all be mind readers, right? That would definitely make life so much easier for us, wouldn’t it? Unfortunately we can’t! It’s just not possible. Unless you’re a psychic of some sort of course. But what are the chances of that? Probably slim to none.

Instead of just expecting them to tell us what is going on in their very handsome skulls (because let’s face it, men are terrible at expressing their emotions… Well, most of them anyways) we have to put in some effort and do some digging. So that means that it’s very important to pay attention to not only what a guy is saying to us, but what his body language is telling us as well. We have to master the art of all language when it comes to men. But there can be a slight problem with that. He might be saying one thing, but his body might be saying something completely, and frustratingly, different.

He says he doesn't want a relationship but actions say otherwise

Sadly this happens all the time. Like when a guy says he just wants to be friends with you, but his actions say something entirely different.  His body is saying, “Hey, I kind of dig you.” While his words are saying, “I don’t think we should take this to the next level.”

Why!? Why would he put you through this torture and do this?

The answer is actually pretty simple. He doesn’t really know what he wants.

Let’s go over some of the reasons that he might be putting you through this mess. What on Earth could possibly make him act so cruel and confusing? Don’t worry, there’s an explanation for everything. Yes, even including this.

First you need to think about whether or not he is showing you actual signs of liking you or if you’re mistaking friendliness for flirtiness. How do you do that? Read these following signs to help you out.

Signs He Likes You As More Than Just A Friend

He Spends Time With Only You: This is the number one sign that a guy actually likes you as more than friends. He will not give his focus or attention to any other girls than you. So, if you catch him saying he wants to be friends, keep an eye out to see if he has other girl friends or not. Because if he doesn’t, he is probably harboring some strong feelings for you.

He Texts You In The Morning and At Night: Sure friends like to keep in contact with their friends, but when a friend of the opposite sex is talking to you almost constantly something is definitely up. He might be trying to hide his emotions by telling you he doesn’t like you, but if he is wishing you a good morning and a good night everyday then he probably likes you more than he is letting on.

He Surprises You: Now, you should be weary of this one, because this is something that friends do as well. However, if you notice he is consistently surprising you and thinking of you all the time then there might be a strong chance he is lying about the way he feels towards you.

He Gets Intimate With You: As in he isn’t just flirty or friendly, but he actually gets a little bit physical towards you. You might notice that he is always looking for every excuse to be as close to you as possible. He will sit right next to you and ensure that your legs are touching. He will touch your arm, elbow or knee while the two of you are talking. He might even go as far as to brush hair out of your face or play with your hair when you are near him. These are all strong signs that he likes you as more than a friend… Even if he is saying he doesn’t.

Next we’ll walk you through the reasons that he might be acting this strange way towards you.

Reasons He Says He Wants To Be Friends, But His Actions Show Differently

He Doesn’t Want To Ruin Your Friendship: He might tell you that he doesn’t want to be more than friends, but if his actions, words and body language are saying otherwise then there is a good chance he is just saying these things because he doesn’t want to ruin your friendship. When you two are such good friends he might be scared that if you take things to the next level you will ruin everything. You can’t blame him, because it is definitely a legitimate fear to have. Once you cross that line into more than friends it’s going to be extremely hard to come back ever again.

He’s Just A Flirty Guy: Or he might actually not be interested at all in you. Why? Because he’s just an overly flirty guy. The best thing to do in this situation is to tell him that he is confusing you with his outgoing personality. Tell him that he is coming off the wrong way and sending the wrong signals. Hopefully that gets his words and actions leveled out.

He’s Just Not Ready… Yet: The last reason we can think of as to why he might say he wants to stay friends, but he acts differently is that he likes you but he just isn’t ready to take things to the next level. Some people have severe fears of commitment. It might just take him a little longer to get there!

256 COMMENTS

  1. We dated before but we broke up and a years later we were friends with benefits which then I stopped but we kept seeing each other and making out. We text every day and we call each other at night and fall asleep on the phone. Last time I tried to ask him about how he felt he said he felt nothing for me but still he does all this and he is interested in someone else at the moment but still kisses me and likes being around me and mentions how I do things a certain way no one else can.what does this mean?

    • The two of you are maintaining a relationship that the two of you have agreed to. It seems as though you are interested in changing the nature of your relationship. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. If you are no longer interested in maintaining the current style of your relationship, then you don’t have to. If he does not respect your desire, then do not spend time with him in person. Have a great day, Andrea!

  2. I need someone’s point of view. My ex boyfriend broke up with me. We had been in a relationship for a year. He’s had past history of alcohol abuse. When we met he was in recovery and remained this way. He was sober through our entire time togethor. He treated me like a princess. He was genuine, caring and affectionate towards me. Prior to us splitting up I noticed that he seemed a bit depressed and started to feel in a dark place. When we were togethor for the last time he took me to a nice fancy dinner, we went back to his apartment, we made love. He told me ” I love you, baby!” He told me your my ride and die, my wifey”. He broke up with me a week later by telling me that he wants the best for me and that he loves me. That he has been having bad drinking dreams.. that he needs to work on himeself, mentally, physically, and emotionally. That he needs to focus on himself. I am extremely heartbroken and confused. everything seemed to be going well the last time we were togethor.He says im his best friend and that he doesnt want to lose me. Idk what to do. I love him so much. I don’t know why he would want us to remain best friends. Idk what to do on whether I should stay in contact and be there to support him or not contact him anymore. Please help. 🙁

    • Sometimes, it is not possible for someone in recovery to have a relationship. It is a sign of his maturity and his love for you that he realized this. While it must be unbearably hard for both of you, he is probably right. He needs to focus on staying sober, and he can only focus on so many things at once. Being with you could make his recovery harder right now–and, worse still, he would feel unbelievably guilty if he hurt you in any way by relapsing while you are together. He probably wants to remain friends because he hopes that you’ll still be around once his sobriety is back to a point where he could have a relationship. Whether you stay in touch with him or not is up to you. There is no way to know how long it will take him to stabilize again, so what you do is entirely your decision and does not have a right or wrong answer.

      • I need some advice… He is my friend… He treated me very spcl and more imp. For particular months at beginning and i identified that he has feeling and he act more than friend and i too feel the same then he suddenly ignores me completely for 8 months… He said that he doesn’t knw y he ignores me for that past months later he shows me to everyone like his girl and takes care. He ill be possessive whenever i talk with boys and he took efforts to see me.. I confirmed that he is loving me. I discussed with my friends they said to confess my love to him and his actions also says me that he wants me to confess first and one day i confessed him that im loving him but he rejects me by saying we ill be a gud frnds.. I dont want love and commitments and all.. And i understand that he is not stable he is in some confusion to make things serious… Plz give me some advice

        • His behaviors are indications that he is uncertain about his feelings for you. You informed him of your feelings toward him, and he said that he is not interested in maintaining a romantic relationship with you. Since you are aware that it is unlikely that the two of you will become romantic partners, make a decision about what you want for your future without him. Ensure that you share your kindness and compassion at all times, as this will draw positive people and energy into your life. Have a great day, Pooja!

  3. Hiii i need some advice for my next step towards him..he is my friend. At beginning he shows me so much intrest makes me to feel special.. I thought he has feeling for me but later i feel the same for him but suddenly he ignores me completely for 8 months but he ask about me to my friend.. Later i talked with him and asked for the reason he said that he doesn’t knw y he ignores me for that past month. Later he makes me to show others like im his girl like that.. Then he ill be possessive while i talk with boys. And i thought he is loving me but his action shows he wants me to confess my love first so he is playing hard like that… I confess my love but he said he wants me as his friend he doesnt want love or commitments but his action shows that he is loving me… He is not stable, he is confused… Plz give me advice wht shld i do for the next step..?

    • His behaviors are indications that he is uncertain about his feelings for you. You informed him of your feelings toward him, and he said that he is not interested in maintaining a romantic relationship with you. Since you are aware that it is unlikely that the two of you will become romantic partners, make a decision about what you want for your future without him. Ensure that you share your kindness and compassion at all times, as this will draw positive people and energy into your life. Have a great day, Poojitha!

  4. So…there this guy that I thought was cute so I made the movie of writing in his math journal “I think you’re cute”. After he found out it was me we totally hit it off. We were on the track team so we always talked and he was so sweet and I liked him officially in a week. After 2 weeks I was so happy! he would do all these little cute things and I really thought we would work out. Except he never really opened up. Like we mostly just flirted with each other. He never even told me his last name. But he talked to his friends about me and he would always walk me to class. After our first “date”, he started this bet so he would try to avoid me for 2 days. It was cute at first, but then it got really annoying. After those two days when the bet was over, the communication got…weird. I heard some stuff about a senior girl and him talking when she was going through something but I don’t think it had anything to do with it…He stopped texting that much. and us talking was a little weird too….then on a track meet I get a text from him saying…” your sweet, kind, cute, blah blah blah…but I’m moving in 2 months so we should just be friends”. But the thing is….we are not friends. He texts me sometimes then when I reply he just leaves me on “read” so I blocked him. And now whenever I see him in class he just has this look when we catch the eyes of each other and he is moving so I shouldn’t care. But the situation is so confusing I just can’t get it out of my head.

    • The two of you were maintaining a social relationship. Both of you determined that this relationship is no longer viable because he was moving. He made the decision to block you. Make a decision about what you want for your future without him, and focus your emotional energy elsewhere. You will find great benefit in sharing your kindness and compassion at all times. Have a great day, Emily!

  5. So…there this guy that I thought was cute so I made the movie of writing in his math journal “I think you’re cute”. After he found out it was me we totally hit it off. We were on the track team so we always talked and he was so sweet and I liked him officially in a week. After 2 weeks I was so happy! he would do all these little cute things and I really thought we would work out. Except he never really opened up. Like we mostly just flirted with each other. He never even told me his last name. But he talked to his friends about me and he would always walk me to class. After our first “date”, he started this bet so he would try to avoid me for 2 days. It was cute at first, but then it got really annoying. After those two days when the bet was over, the communication got…weird. I heard some stuff about a senior girl and him talking when she was going through something but I don’t think it had anything to do with it…He stopped texting that much. and us talking was a little weird too….then on a track meet I get a text from him saying…” your sweet, kind, cute, blah blah blah…but I’m moving in 2 months so we should just be friends”. But the thing is….we are not friends. He texts me sometimes then when I reply he just leaves me on “read” so I blocked him. He used to flirt even when he ended it but I still feel tension, I cry every night because of him And now whenever I see him in class he just has this look when we catch the eyes of each other and he is moving so I shouldn’t care. But the situation is so confusing I just can’t get it out of my head. Pls, help me…

    • The two of you were maintaining a social relationship. Both of you determined that this relationship is no longer viable because he was moving. He made the decision to block you. Make a decision about what you want for your future without him, and focus your emotional energy elsewhere. You will find great benefit in sharing your kindness and compassion at all times. Have a great day, Emily!

  6. So, I’ve been having an issue with an older Korean guy (15 years older) I met last year. We currently live on opposite sides of the sea of Japan, I’m in Japan and he’s back home. When he was here, we had a good, but confusing relationship. Always very close physically, such as hugging and holding hands, and hanging out but never past that and undefined. After he left, the messaging kind of slowed then it’d be weeks to months without contact. I’d even initiate, he’d read them and not reply. I even had to have one of our mutual friends reconnect us via a different chat app after 4ish months of nothing. I was insulted that he replied to him so easily, but we began talking again and he even gave me his email if we ever lost chat app contact because he’s not always in Korea.
    Fast forward a bit to May of this year, I took a trip to Korea. I steeled myself with the thought If I did see him, we’re just friends, don’t feel anything. I didn’t expect to see him much, if not at all, but there he was after he got off work and stayed with me all the time I was there. Unfortunately, despite the fact he was with me, introduced me to his best friend, took me around, laid and held me, kissed my cheeks, caught up with everything we missed in each other’s lives from the past year, he STILL addressed me as, “friend” or “my old friend” even when he said he missed me. Ugh, so frustrating. I got on him about his no texting and he replied, “I’m an old man, I don’t text”. Lies. When it was time for me to leave, the night before he was crying, but I tried to brush it off as simple nostalgia from when we went on crazy adventures across Tokyo.
    So now, I’m back on my side of the sea, and texting has been minimal to none. Haven’t gotten a reply in 2 weeks or so. The “I miss you” feeling is not mutual I’m assuming. I refuse to be played with, so really on the road to just cutting it off completely with a, “Thanks for the memories”.

    I’ve never had a boyfriend before despite being a hop, skip, and a jump from 30, so I’m not versed in handling such feelings, so kind of need some help. 😅 I do have a bad temper sometimes which makes me burn bridges quickly with people with annoying behavior.
    Treading on egg shells a bit…. 😤

    • The two of you are maintaining a strong social and emotional relationship. It is clear that the two of you are attracted to each other. He may be aware of the difficulties of maintaining this relationship. This could be the reason for why his behaviors are confusing. Make a decision about what you want for the future of this relationship. Nourish this relationship by attempting to spend additional time with him in person. Have a great day, Lia!

  7. Me and this boy named Sean where talking during school. We planned on going on a double date with my friend and her boyfriend to the movies. During the I tapped Sean hand so we could hold hands but he put his arm around me I put my head on his shoulder. After the movies my mom brought us home. Sean does not have his license yet, so when we got to his house I usually bring my friends to their door so I got out of the car when we got to the door we hugged and then he kissed me and hugged again. A couple weeks later he said we should be friends because Sean does not have his license and other stuff. He was my first kiss too I felt like I got played. I told him what I felt like and my point of view, we basically stopped texting we just sent memes. A couple of weeks later he texted me that he is sorry about what happened between us. He said that he actually misses talking like texting, and said he likes me and he said I know it a hang of heart. He asked sexual
    question and I asked him some to he opened up to me about his family and I did too. I said we should just be friends he said he agreed with me but he texted his friends that he said treat the girl he likes wants to be friends, but his friends don’t know what my name is they know he is talking to a girl. A coupe days later I went to a party for cross country and he was there too he kept looking at me and I kept looking at him. There was a party recently for cross country and I asked if he was coming he said yes and I asked if he is goin to this fundraiser for cross country he said hopefully I said yeah hopefully we could hangout maybe, he said hopefully I could hangout with a cute girl named Aubrey/me. I said basically the same thing back too him. At the party I played volleyball and one time the ball got on the other side of the fence I went to get it he went to get it too I got it he took the ball I said okay than he gave it back too me because I was serving. It started to rain we went inside, Sean was still outside with his friends and I told this girl named Avery that I liked Sean my other two friends Caroline and Tristan already new that. Avery is friends with Sean, she know what he was talking to someone but did not know who it was. A group of people decided to go to he creek everyone took their shoes off, someone pushed me and Sean in the water. Tristan pushes me into Sean and he asked if I was okay I said yeah. I kept shivering he kept asking if I was okay I said I was just cold. We went back to the house to go in the hot tub and Avery made me go in the middle of her and Sean walking back. When we got in the hot tub I asked Tristan if she wanted to sit by her boyfriend and Carolina asked Avery to sit by her so she could tell Avery something so I had to sit by Sean. Again, he kept asking if I was okay I said yeah. We had to get out of the hot tub because it started storming the people that owned the house gave us towels I had one but I was shivering and Sean was already warmed up he asked if I wanted his towel I said yes please and gave it to me and he looked at Avery and smiled after he gave the towel to me. Avery and Sean kept texting each other I think it was about me I don’t know for sure. But later that night when I got home Sean texted me we should just be friends. I said your probably right I said see you at the cross country parties, and the fundraiser maybe.

    • His behavior definitely seems confusing. It seems like he liked you at first and just was afraid that he wouldn’t be able to take you anywhere or go on dates. His more recent behavior seems to indicate that he isn’t interested though, so I would focus on just moving on and forget about it. Best of luck, Aubrey!

  8. I had been seeing this guy. When we met he admitted that there was a connection and we want to explore it. For a few weeks he was saying how he likes me, falling for me, couldn’t wait to call me his. He then moved here as he has good friends here, I saw him the day he got here and then we spent time together the following day. He wanted me to stay the night but didn’t, he then was in a grumpy mood cause he was annoyed with people and from then acted distant when talking with him. I saw him twice during the week and stayed over one night. Both those times we made out and he left hickies. He went back home to pick some stuff up because his parents were harassing him and since getting back he said that he isn’t ready for a relationship, that his life is a mess and then said he only sees me as a friend I’m his eyes. It’s so confusing to fall for someone and then instantly say no, only friends.

    • It is definitely a let down to realize that someone you cared about never felt the same way. It sounds like he has explored the connection enough to realize that this isn’t what he wants–although I have a slight suspicion that he probably wasn’t really interested in a relationship to begin with. Whatever the case, it certainly sounds like he is no longer interested in having a relationship of any sort, so the best thing you can do is move on. Best of luck, REM!

  9. So I was at a creek with a group of friends and someone pushed me and a dude that I sort of like in the creek I was putting my arms around my shoulders because I was cold. We went back to the the house to got to the hot tub and my friends made me sit by him and he kept asking if I was okay and I said yeah. When we had to go inside I was shivering and I had a towel and he said if I wanted his I said yes please and he smiled at his friend Avery. You answer a question about him I sent it June 14 you answer it on June 15 and it was about the about a boy named Sean. I don’t get why he kept asking if I was okay, and he smile at Avery after giving me his towel.

    • His behaviors are indications that he cares for you. It is possible that he is interested in developing a relationship with you. Make a decision about what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. You will find great benefit in sharing your kindness and compassion at all times. Have a great day, Aubrey!

  10. We met through work. We would talk on the phone, for work maybe 2-3 times a week. It progressed to laughing and joking, asking personal questions about life outside work. We have the same sense of humour, we flirted alittle on and off. We sent photos and still do so we know what we look like. The calls went on for a few months and then I gave him my cell no. We live in the same city but we never discussed meeting. We have become closer and we talk everyday on the phone, 3-4 times a day, even weekends. Long conversations. If by chance we don’t talk for one day I feel lost, we even say we miss each other, or send texts saying ‘thinking about you’ I once brought up that I was showing up at his office and he got all excited but I was j/k I said I was nervous, and maybe we should wait. He agreed. We have never spoke about us dating or anything like that, but I feel the connection. I mentioned meeting up again and he said there is so much pressure and he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship. Now I think he is nervous. We have known each other 2 years. Our relationship took a turn 1 year ago, but went to talking on the phone daily without fail for last 5 months. He says I’m special and I’m his favourite person. Just how we talk I get butterflies.
    Honestly we both don’t talk about dating each other even though I so want too. My friends says he’s not interested as he would have asked me out, but I know how I feel about him and I don’t want to ruin the friendship either. We have such high expectations of each other that we are scared to lose what we have maybe?
    I’m always wondering if he’s actually into me in that way.
    Or if he’s on the same page I am.
    I’m scared if I bring up it will change us.

    • The two of you share a strong social and emotional relationship. His behaviors may be indications that he is interested in maintaining a romantic relationship with you. Make a decision about what you want for your future. Determine what you believe is viable and appropriate. Nourish this relationship by spending additional time with him in person. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Nic!

  11. So my neighbor and i have been messing around for 9 months now. He told me he doesn’t like me as more than a friend and that became a big argument which he apologized for saying he just doesn’t want to hurt me if things don’t work out the way i want them to; that it doesn’t work like i just get tot say here’s my ticket so when you’re ready I’m you’re woman. We spend time together at the end of everyday, most times falling asleep together. I’m his only intimate partner but every couple of months he goes on a date with 1 of 2 other women. We go out too. We help each other emotionally, financially, and mentally. We call each other when our days are good or really bad to talk about what made it that way shortly aftertastes the event that triggered it. We don’t use protection beyond the pill. He’s 18 years my senior (31/49). When we 1st started he told me he wasn’t going to jump back into another relationship because his was just ending when we started.

    • It sounds like the two of you share a strong social relationship. It seems that your partner is uncertain about what type of emotional relationship he wants to maintain. If you want to change your relationship, then determine what you want for your future. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Marie!

  12. My ex and I broke up after a two-year relationship. We didn’t speak for a year. When we did reconnect. Our relationship seemed to be better than the first time. We rarely argue, his communication is amazing. He calls me daily, texts good morning and good night, and we talk throughout the day. We literally communicate all day, through social media, memes, messages, or just a ” hey I’m on break and wanted to talk to you”. We are also in different states so we don’t see each other much so he visited me last month and we spent the whole weekend cuddling and hugging and we even spent a lot of time with his family. Last night I asked him what he thought about us and he said:” we’re best friends, I can’t see a relationship with my best friend”. I’m completely lost and confused? Should I just stop communicating with him?

    • He has informed you that you are his best friend. By no means should you stop communicating with him. He does not have a responsibility to maintain a romantic relationship with you. It is possible that his feelings for you will grow in the future. Nourish this relationship by spending additional time with him in person. He likely is aware of the difficulties of maintaining a long distance relationship. If you want to maintain a romantic relationship with him, then you may need to speak with him about the two of you living near or with each other. Have a great day, Ross!

  13. So I met this guy because we had a class together. We began talking and became rlly good friends. We talked everyday and hung out casually. A couple months later we both admitted we liked each other more than friends and started to date. Everything was going well for a month or so until I had a gut feeling something was off. He started to be more distant and I felt like I was trying way harder than he was. I decided to confront him about it after 2 months of dating and he said he really likes me but isn’t in the right place for a relationship and that we will still definitely be friends. I said i would be more than happy j being friends and tht it was okay. He said he would still wanna hang out with me too. Buuuut after tht day things were still off. I tried to be friendly and unbothered but his energy towards me was still different. Like we barely talk and he hasn’t tried to hang with me. it doesn’t seem like he cares to be my friend. I’m just a little confused and don’t kno if I should just stop trying to communicate with him. Im a little hesitant on cutting him of because we have another class together when school starts again and I don’t want it to be awkward.

    • I wouldn’t try to stop communicating with him, but I wouldn’t make an effort to communicate with him again either. It sounds like you could just allow things to gradually drift apart–hang out if he reaches out and you want to, but don’t worry too much about it. It sounds like he just realized like the relationship wasn’t right for him at some point and gave up. After realizing this, he may have felt awkward or uncomfortable trying to talk to you about it, so he gave up on the friendship as well. It doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong–it just seems like he wanted out of the romantic relationship and had no clue how to keep the friendship still going.

  14. Hi, I’ve known this guy for a year and at first we were just friends, it was purely platonic and I didn’t really care about him that much, he texted and called me all the time and showed me he was interested in what I was doing etc… We grew way closer 4 months ago, spoke on the phone every night and went on a few “dates”, he was always flirty and complimented me a lot and often hinted to there being something more between us even though he never said anything explicitly. He had broken up with his girlfriend of 8 years (on and off) a few months before and he mentioned to me once or twice not wanting to be in a relationship with anyone, which I respected cause I was in the same mindset. One night, he came over and we kissed and cuddled for hours and then I went away for 4 weeks so we didn’t see each other for a while after that but we spoke CONSTANTLY, all day everyday and he was very cute and caring and showed me more than just friendship, but I was trying not to get too attached cause I knew he was moving away for a year and I wasn’t looking for a long distance relationship. We saw each other again two weeks ago after staying apart for one month an a half and we spent almost everyday together, he kissed me hello the first time so I thought that meant something, we held hands when we were in public, he hugged me and kissed me everywhere and basically acted like a boyfriend, but I knew our time together was coming to an end so I was trying to enjoy the moments without thinking about what would happen next. A few days ago I found out his ex reached out again after months of not speaking, and she asked about me and he told her we were very close and more than friends etc.. So I took it as a good sign and tried not to be jealous over the fact that they were talking again (but I was and he knew it). Anyway, he left two days ago and we finally had “the talk” in which he told me he loved me but didn’t want a relationship with me or in general because he thinks he’s too emotionally unstable and lost and confused to date me. But he said I was also his best friend and that he doesn’t want to lose me so he asked me to stay friends (even best friends) but nothing more cause that’s not what he’s looking for. He also said that he should’ve told me this sooner but the moments we spent together were so good that he “forgot” he didn’t want a relationship but now he’s realizing it again. He said distance isn’t a problem to him and it’s just the “relationship” aspect that he wants to avoid. I’m lost and confused and I keep wondering if I’m not good enough for him. His words and his actions were so different than what he’s saying now, he really acted like a guy in a relationship and often implied that I was the perfect girl for him and now he’s saying he doesn’t want more than friendship with me. As I said, I didn’t want to date him because of distance, but deep down I always thought that if we managed to keep talking we would eventually get together at some point in the future, and now I’m starting to wonder if he ever even thought about dating me or if this was all an illusion. He also told me that he believes if two people are meant to be together they’ll end up together, I think he’s confused and it’s confusing me. What should I do? Should I ask him if he thinks we could be together someday or would that make me sound desperate? Why is he acting this way?

    • The two of you maintained a social and emotional relationship. Over time, her realized that he wanted something different. He has informed you that he doesn’t want to maintain a romantic relationship with you. It is reasonable for you to maintain this friendship, so share your kindness and compassion with him at all times. Determine what you want for your future without him, and focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Have a great day, Sarah!

  15. So we’ve been seeing each other for past 2 months, and have a great bond. There isn’t a day that passes by that we don’t laugh until it hurts. Even on vacation out of the country he would find ways to communicate with me and state that he misses me. He’ll even ask if I’ve missed him and compliment me often. The chemistry is undeniable and we can talk about anything. BUT he just confessed that he didn’t want to ruin a great friendship, which killed me. He went through a breakup almost a year ago and has had a hard time opening up to people. I really like him and care for him, but also would like something more than just a friendship. I’m afraid of wasting my time. Should I give him more time or should I move on? Currently confused.

    • The two of you share a strong social and emotional relationship. You are aware that he has difficulties in maintaining relationships. It is certainly possible that he is interested in maintaining a relationship with you. It will certainly be beneficial for you to share your kindness and compassion with him. You may want to speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Mar!

  16. So I’ve been talking to this guy for almost 3 months now bear in mind we’ve known each other for more than 5 years actually but never really got the chance to properly have a conversation until this year. He texts me everyday without fail, the messages can sometimes be flirty and intimate as well. Adding onto that, he’s actually in a polyamory relationship (he has 2 other girlfriends) and he talks about me to them and they’re both excited (well, that’s what he said). Just recently the guy and I went to his place and had dinner just the two of us. Slowly tension started to rise up and he made the first move and kissed me. Now it wasn’t just a peck or soft kisses but they were very saucy and it got the both of us heated up. So on other words we just made out. However after that, when he drove me home he sent me a text saying he hope that our friendship could just be platonic and he doesn’t want to take advantage on me because he thinks I’m too special for him. Honestly at this moment, I am very much in confusion. Does he actually have feelings for me? Why did he kissed me in the first place then if he knew he’d regret doing so.

    • The two of you are maintaining a social relationship. He has informed that you that he is in a poly amorous relationship. He said that his girlfriends are excited about you. You may want to reach out to them to get to know them better. Since you are thinking of joining this relationship, you should know who your partner’s partners are. After that, make a decision about what you want for your future, and speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Stephanie!

  17. There’s this guy that I was seeing for 4 months when we first got together he told me that I seemed like the person that he needed in his life and if I would be his girlfriend. The first three months we’re fine then I noticed that he became more clothes off our schedules are total opposites except for Sundays and Mondays when he would come over and spend the night. In between those four months I have broken it off with him because I feel like he wasn’t giving me the attention he gave me when we first were together I know that attention dies down after a while but not after 4 months. The last time that we broke up which was three weeks ago he would not answer my texts or my calls. So I showed up at his work and I let him know that I really did care about him that I loved him he called me and we talked and he said that he just wants to be friends. So since then we’ve talked everyday and every night not romantically just about things that happened throughout our day. What I’m confused about is he helped me with my car yesterday and he had bought me these washcloths that he knew that I wanted when he got in the car he put the bag in the car and after he was done fixing my car I took him back home and I went home myself. I got off my car and I grab the bag and in the bag was a dozen roses. I was so surprised because he’s never bought me flowers before. I feel like he’s giving me more attention now than when we were dating I haven’t been intimate with him since the last time that we had broken up which was 3 weeks ago. That day that he fixed my car I let him know that I did want him to come over but that I wanted the relationship not just friends with benefits and he said I think we should just stay friends. I don’t know if I should stick around to see if this comes out to anything more is it that he’s just not ready.? We are doing everything that people do in a relationship except have sex we even have a trip planned to go to Legoland with me and my three girls next week. I just feel like he’s sending me so many mixed signals but yet telling me that he wants to be friends is this what friends do?

    • The two of you maintained a relationship with each other for four months. Three weeks ago, the two of made the decision to end your relationship. He helped you with his car, which is an indication of your friendship, but not a sign that he wants to nourish a romantic relationship with you. It seems that he is uncertain about what he wants for the future of this relationship. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Angela!

  18. Hi! So I met this 34 year old guy online and we’ve known each other for 4 months now. When we spend time together, we have a lot of fun and he stated at first that he was only looking for friends outside post-grad school. I was okay with it. But everytime we meet, things become a bit more intimate with us. We never spoke about relationships but we talked about a lot of things. He has been keeping in touch when we’re not together and I do give him space too. I’m not clingy and I like that the 2 of us are focused on our priorities and when we’re free, we spend time together. I have been staying over at his place when we meet and although things slowly started getting intimate with us, I never allowed him to go “all the way” because I didn’t want it until there was certainty or commitment. The first time we were physically intimate when I stayed over, he kept texting me everyday after that. He asked to meet again a week later and we were a bit more intimate that day and at times he would just look at me and smile. However, I decided I would limit the intimacy and stop staying over but still show him my care and support. I feel like he isn’t ready (or bored since he lives alone) and I don’t want to ask him about it because I’m scared it will ruin everything we have and make us move on with our lives. I just want to enjoy every moment with him but I also don’t intend to wait for him. Is there anything different that I should be doing?

    • The best thing you can do is ask him about it. He isn’t a mind reader, so he doesn’t know what you want–and if you suddenly seem less interested in him romantically, he’ll take it as a rejection if he doesn’t know why. Also, the worst that can happen is that he tells you he isn’t ready, which is what you already think anyway. In the best-case scenario, you could find out that he is ready after all! Good luck!

  19. Hi,
    I have this situation with this guy. I started to like this guy about a year ago and over that time I got his Snap and his phone number. I became great friends with him until I realized that I started to have feelings for him a few months later. What was kind of off was that he wanted to have a friends with benefits relationship with me, but I didn’t know what to do. Until in October of last year, this guy would notice me more and he would flirt with me over text. He also has nicknames for me. In public, he will still talk to me, but he would just act like a normal friend. What I noticed though, is that when my friends weren’t around, he would flirt with me. He stares at me and makes it obvious sometimes. About a month we were both together and he suddenly kissed me. I felt great and I was happy but what I don’t like is that he tries to hide it. I don’t know what to think. Was that kiss real? Did it have any meaning to it?

    • A first kiss is often from infatuation and attraction, so “meaning” doesn’t really happen until you’ve been with someone long enough to have more than just an attraction to them. It sounds like the guy likes you, although it is still possible that he just wants a friends-with-benefits relationship still. The best thing you can do is just talk to him and find out what he wants. Good luck!

  20. it started as friends with benefits for over a year, he kept telling me to find someone else if I wanted a relationship so I did. It was only for a month then my friend with benefits came to me and said he loved me and wanted to be with me that he missed me. So I left the other guy. We was boyfriend and girlfriend for for a couple months and he had a breakdown and said he just wanted to go back like we use to be that he cared me but did not want a relationship. Just friends. We still hung out every day, had sex, kisses he stays the night etc. now all the sudden because I asked him if he was coming to see me he says he just want s to be strictly friends with nothing else. This was a few days ago and since he has been to my house stayed the night but no kissing, sex, or anything.. my heart is broken.. how do I just be friends with a man who said he loved me and I’m in love with? How do I let him go? And do you think he really loves me since he keeps coming back to see me every day and stays the night? I need advice on what to do?

    • You won’t be able to let go of him if you keep seeing him every day and sleeping with him. Those feelings will keep remerging each time you see him, so you should really cut down on how much you see him. As for his feelings, he says he doesn’t want a relationship, so you can’t expect anything from him. It seems like he finds your arrangement convenient, but he wants to stay available in case something else comes down and he doesn’t want to be tied down. If he doesn’t want a relationship now, it is unlikely that he will anytime in the near future, so you should act with that fact in mind. Good luck!

  21. There’s this guy who is a friend, apparently we’re platonic friends and before he left to aboard for a year, sometimes we hangout at night in a car just talking while hugging/cuddling, before he left, I asked him, does he like me and his answered was “I don’t know, I want to have fun.” I know he is sexually attracted to me since he’s always touching me. So I take his answer as a no. Now he’s back and during his party, he got drunk and was showing affection towards me. Right before I left, he pulled me back just to give me a goodnight kiss on the forehead. Two days later, we almost had sex, but didn’t. We haven’t seen each other for months after that night and he doesn’t act the same as before towards me. I asked him a question because I was just curious and I put him on read when he answered. A week later he would bring up the topic of why I asked him that question when it was past midnight time. And wanted me to go to him late at night even though I cannot when he have lots of other girl friends that they can come right away if he text. I find it to be weird. So I asked him the next day what are we. He answered friends, he’s not looking for anything since he’s busy. But I feel like it’s the opposite of what he said. I feel like he doesn’t know what he wants because he’s busy with other things in life. I’m getting mixed feelings, does he likes me or just using me?

    • I think the answer is yes to everything. He does like you, he is using you, he is busy, he does want to be just friends and he does want to be with you as more than just a friend. Judging by his behavior, he doesn’t want anything more than a fling because he is busy with school, his goals and having fun. He is attracted to you and would like to sleep with you, but he doesn’t want a relationship with you or anyone else right now. It could be years before this situation changes, so I wouldn’t wait around for him if what you really want is a committed relationship.

  22. There’s this guy who is a friend, apparently we’re platonic friends and before he left to aboard for a year, sometimes we hangout at night in a car just talking while hugging/cuddling, before he left, I asked him, does he like me and his answered was “I don’t know, I want to have fun.” I know he is sexually attracted to me. So I take his answer as a no. Now he’s back and during his party, he got drunk and was showing affection towards me. Right before I left, he pulled me back just to give me a goodnight kiss on the forehead. Two days later, we almost had sex, but didn’t. We haven’t seen each other for months after that night and he doesn’t act the same as before towards me. I asked him a question because I was just curious and I put him on read when he answered. A week later he would bring up the topic of why I asked him that question when it was past midnight time. And wanted me to go to him late at night even though I cannot when he have lots of other girl friends that they can come right away if he text. I find it to be weird. So I asked him the next day what are we. He answered friends, he’s not looking for anything since he’s busy. But I feel like it’s the opposite of what he said. I feel like he doesn’t know what he wants because he’s busy with other things in life. I’m getting mixed feelings, does he likes me or just using me?

    • I think the answer is yes to everything. He does like you, he is using you, he is busy, he does want to be just friends and he does want to be with you as more than just a friend. Judging by his behavior, he doesn’t want anything more than a fling because he is busy with school, his goals and having fun. He is attracted to you and would like to sleep with you, but he doesn’t want a relationship with you or anyone else right now. It could be years before this situation changes, so I wouldn’t wait around for him if what you really want is a committed relationship.

  23. I am friends with the guy I like, we met at work & we are quite close, usually we will hang out in a group but occasionally he will ask me to hang out like just the two of us, then we will share stories with each other, he teases me a lot, and he’s always asking me about a guy that was pursuing me, my personal interests, etc. Then he asked me who else is single in the workplace and obviously he’s one of them, and that he told me to consider any guys that are single, so I asked if I should consider him too, and he was like why not, and he said he would consider me too or anyone that is single. But then few days ago he said like “thanks my friend” and I asked if that was a friend zone line, then he asked if I asked that cause I like him? But I didn’t want him to know that I do so I avoided the question, then he said that he means that we are friends and, sorry if he made me think of something else, like he has never thought about this friend zone question, so i guess I got friendZoned but I’m really confused cause I do felt that he felt something for me.

    • It is certainly possible that he is interested in maintaining a relationship with you. He is asking about you because he is considering his feelings. Make a decision about what you feel is appropriate, and speak with him about your thoughts and feelings.

  24. I could use some advice.
    So I have been talking to (and lightly flirting back and forth) with a guy I really like for the past couple months.
    Multiple people have asked if we are together or like each other because there is a “spark”
    I finally decided to say something to him, he didnt reply for almost a day and when he sent me this message: “I appreciate that you were honest and very mature about this. You have been such a great person to have met and I always look forward to talking to you at rehearsal or after over text. Unfortunately, I don’t share those same feelings. I feel really bad. I won’t be at rehearsal tonight though because of a voice lesson and two finals I have to study for. When I see you again Monday, I’ll promise not to be awkward because I like spending time with you and want to continue this friendship. Sorry I took so long to respond.”
    I guess what I need help on is two things. 1) I am getting very mixed signals because after talking to some other people and doing research we have definitely been flirting and I dont know why he would flirt with me (especially because hes really shy and not the flirting type) if he had no romantic feelings? So is there a chance he likes me and if he does, why is he saying he wants to just be friends? 2) If he doesnt like me, what are some techniques I can use to get over my feelings, because I really want him in my life, but at this point the way he responded almost made me like him more because you dont meet guys who are seemingly that mature, sweet, and polite.
    Thank you to anyone who can help or has advice.

    • Some people just have a flirtatious personality, so that is probably the reason why it felt like he liked you, but he didn’t actually like you. As for getting over him, all you can do is try not to encourage those feelings. Many people struggle to be friends with someone they like because it makes it harder for them to get over their feelings. No matter what you do, it’ll probably take some time until you can move past these feelings, so just be patient.

  25. Hi, it’s me again:) So, a left a comment a few months ago asking if the kiss I had with a guy had meaning or not, well this guy kept getting closer and closer to me over text. There was a time that I felt kind of sad because I heard rumors about him dating an ex-friend of mine. I didn’t want to ask, but it looked like something was happening between them. I found out though, that she was actually dating another guy, so I felt that I still had a chance with the guy that I liked. Well, a few weeks later a friend of mine texted me asking if I wanted to go out with her and our group of friends. I said yes and when I get to the place I saw that he was also there and I got a little nervous. I was talking to a guy and all of a sudden he comes and he hugs me while grabbing my waist. I was shocked but I didn’t want him to let go. That night we had so much fun, but we also held hands! Well, time passes, and one night he texted me and told me that he loved me. I was so happy and I asked him why he didn’t say anything before and he said that he was scared to mess up our friendship. Since that night we have been dating and today actually marks one month. I’m so happy that we finally talked about everything!!!

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