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He Says He Just Wants To Be Friends, But His Actions Show Differently

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Men send confusing signals all the time. Too bad we can’t all be mind readers, right? That would definitely make life so much easier for us, wouldn’t it? Unfortunately we can’t! It’s just not possible. Unless you’re a psychic of some sort of course. But what are the chances of that? Probably slim to none.

Instead of just expecting them to tell us what is going on in their very handsome skulls (because let’s face it, men are terrible at expressing their emotions… Well, most of them anyways) we have to put in some effort and do some digging. So that means that it’s very important to pay attention to not only what a guy is saying to us, but what his body language is telling us as well. We have to master the art of all language when it comes to men. But there can be a slight problem with that. He might be saying one thing, but his body might be saying something completely, and frustratingly, different.

He says he doesn't want a relationship but actions say otherwise

Sadly this happens all the time. Like when a guy says he just wants to be friends with you, but his actions say something entirely different.  His body is saying, “Hey, I kind of dig you.” While his words are saying, “I don’t think we should take this to the next level.”

Why!? Why would he put you through this torture and do this?

The answer is actually pretty simple. He doesn’t really know what he wants.

Let’s go over some of the reasons that he might be putting you through this mess. What on Earth could possibly make him act so cruel and confusing? Don’t worry, there’s an explanation for everything. Yes, even including this.

First you need to think about whether or not he is showing you actual signs of liking you or if you’re mistaking friendliness for flirtiness. How do you do that? Read these following signs to help you out.

Signs He Likes You As More Than Just A Friend

He Spends Time With Only You: This is the number one sign that a guy actually likes you as more than friends. He will not give his focus or attention to any other girls than you. So, if you catch him saying he wants to be friends, keep an eye out to see if he has other girl friends or not. Because if he doesn’t, he is probably harboring some strong feelings for you.

He Texts You In The Morning and At Night: Sure friends like to keep in contact with their friends, but when a friend of the opposite sex is talking to you almost constantly something is definitely up. He might be trying to hide his emotions by telling you he doesn’t like you, but if he is wishing you a good morning and a good night everyday then he probably likes you more than he is letting on.

He Surprises You: Now, you should be weary of this one, because this is something that friends do as well. However, if you notice he is consistently surprising you and thinking of you all the time then there might be a strong chance he is lying about the way he feels towards you.

He Gets Intimate With You: As in he isn’t just flirty or friendly, but he actually gets a little bit physical towards you. You might notice that he is always looking for every excuse to be as close to you as possible. He will sit right next to you and ensure that your legs are touching. He will touch your arm, elbow or knee while the two of you are talking. He might even go as far as to brush hair out of your face or play with your hair when you are near him. These are all strong signs that he likes you as more than a friend… Even if he is saying he doesn’t.

Next we’ll walk you through the reasons that he might be acting this strange way towards you.

Reasons He Says He Wants To Be Friends, But His Actions Show Differently

He Doesn’t Want To Ruin Your Friendship: He might tell you that he doesn’t want to be more than friends, but if his actions, words and body language are saying otherwise then there is a good chance he is just saying these things because he doesn’t want to ruin your friendship. When you two are such good friends he might be scared that if you take things to the next level you will ruin everything. You can’t blame him, because it is definitely a legitimate fear to have. Once you cross that line into more than friends it’s going to be extremely hard to come back ever again.

He’s Just A Flirty Guy: Or he might actually not be interested at all in you. Why? Because he’s just an overly flirty guy. The best thing to do in this situation is to tell him that he is confusing you with his outgoing personality. Tell him that he is coming off the wrong way and sending the wrong signals. Hopefully that gets his words and actions leveled out.

He’s Just Not Ready… Yet: The last reason we can think of as to why he might say he wants to stay friends, but he acts differently is that he likes you but he just isn’t ready to take things to the next level. Some people have severe fears of commitment. It might just take him a little longer to get there!

256 COMMENTS

  1. So I have this friend I’ve known for a few months now. From the minute we met, he seemed to be attracted to me. We would walk places together, he would get really close to me when we talk, he let his hand linger on my waist after a hug, he even held my hand once. And yet he’s told me multiple times he doesn’t like me that way. There’s also a 5-year age gap between us (I’m in my late teens and he’s in his early twenties) and we live in different states. Help me, please.

    • If your relationship with him is legal and acceptable, then take this time to determine your thoughts and feelings for this person. If you want to develop a relationship with him, then speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Allow him a chance to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, GJ!

  2. So I have a co-worker that I have liked for about four months. We talk everyday including days off. So I get the nurse up to tell him how I feel because he is very shy and I knew I would have to make the first move. He said he just wants to be friends. I mean he looks at me longingly and asks me to sit next to him all the time. We have a 24 year age difference. I am 29 and he is 53. Should I just leave it alone?

    • It is possible that he wants to develop a relationship with you. It is possible that he is unwilling or unable to establish a relationship with you at this time. He has told you that he wants to be friends, so he has been clear about his thoughts regarding your relationship. Take this time to look inward and determine what you want for your future. Have a great day, Heather!

  3. I met a guy on Instagram 10months ago and then we clicked instantly.I started gaining weight last year.He indirectly confessed that he loves me.After a month we met.Seemed as if he’s bothered about my weight.Im not that fat but chubby.but he likes me and introduced me to his family and friends.He’s possessive about me and vice versa.When ever I ask about what are we,he says that we’re just friends.before and after this conversation he told me twice that he always wanted to kiss me.we never did.just a cheek kiss n hugs.it upsets him when I don’t hug back.I think he started dating someone and isn’t telling me.There is rapid increase in his snapscore.so i delete him everywhere and stop replying him.this bothers him and he asks me to talk and meet.if I say that I don’t want to meet he gets upset.Today I had a fight with my mom and wanted to talk to someone.i got fnds but only one bestie.shes out of town.so I called this guy whom I love and he was busy with his fnds and told me that he can’t meet.out of frustration I called one of my seniors who wanted to kiss me and then I met and we kissed.i wanted my first kiss to be with the one whom I love but somehow ended my kissing a fuckboy senior.On my way home I called this guy whom I love and met on insta about this and it seemed to bother him.Adter coming home I texted him everything.He replied saying…I’ve done a great job sarcastically.I feel as if I cheated on him though we aren’t Ina Relationship.I don’t know what’s cooking in his mind.he says that we’re just fnds but he also says that he likes me n always wanted to kiss me and gets possessive.i feel like a culprit.please help me sort out.

    • Take this time to determine what you want for your future. Look back on your actions and determine what changes you can make in the future. You may find it to your advantage to not reach out to people when you are in a confused or upset state of mind. Speak directly and honestly with the people who are in your life. Have a great day, Jujubi!

  4. I have this ex who I’ve been out with twice now over an 8 year gap and he fell extremely hard the second time but I got cold feet at the thought of happiness and went back to my children’s dad, but 8 months down the track we’re talking again not withchildrens dad anymore and all those feelings have come back up he tells me I give him butterflies, and the fuzzies from when I text him, tells me I’m good enough for him and he will wait for me till I’m ready and that I’m the only one who has ever made an impact on his life. Tells me he really likes me but won’t say anything else as he doesn’t want to complicate things, but when we’re together he kisses me and holds me like he used to but last night has said he needs to be friends because his still really hurting and he doesn’t know how he feels or what he wants..,. I feel like I should wait for him but not sure if his just playing

    • He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He explained that he is unwilling to establish a relationship with you at this time. It is clear that he is not playing. Respect his wishes. Treat him with kindness and compassion. There is no reason to reach out to him, as he is unable to nourish a relationship with you. Have a great day, Anastasia!

      • I am on the same boat with he orginal poster but curious how to treat him with kindness and compassion at the same time not to reach out to him. He calls me like 20 times a day, I am the first person he calls when he wakes up and the last person to talk before he sleeps. He demonstrates all the signs when the man is inlove. I am confused and frustrated as hell

        • His actions are indicative that he is interested in developing a relationship with you. If the two of you speak, then act with kindness and compassion. It is clear that you speak with him often, so it is possible that you want to develop a relationship with him as well. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Del!

  5. Hello i have been seeing a guy he is in jail for about 5 years . He was all over me then he broke my heart . Then i went back to see him aome time this year he told me that he has some feelings for me and doesnt want to loose me but in aletter he says we are only friends . But his actions are like we are in a relationship . Makeing shore males are just my friends he goes funny when i mention other males . I relly want to be woth him he said when he gets out thing will be diffent . I relly dont want to get hurt again .

    • He is unwilling to establish a relationship with you and is showing signs of jealousy. There is no reason to attempt to nourish a relationship with him, as he has made it clear that he views you as a friend. You do not need this person controlling aspects of your life. You can determine if you want to continue this friendship. Have a great day, Kim!

  6. I’ve been seeing a guy for over a year. He claims we will never happen, however we spend a lot of time together and he isn’t seeing anyone else. He says one thing, but acts completely different. He is very caring and affectionate. He genuinely wants to know what goes on in my life and so do I. We want different things but cannot seem to let each other go, we are obsessed with one another. The only real issue I can think of is a 5+ year difference

    • It is possible that he only views you as a friend. He may be interested in developing a relationship with you, though he may be uncertain or confused about his thoughts and feelings. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with your partner about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Attempt to strengthen your relationships with your family and friends at this time. Have a great day, Daniel!

  7. So I have this great friend who I adore and we talk a lot and hang out one on one and he always comes up to me and we have the flirtiest conversations but he says he likes someone else and is planning on asking them out and has never made any move to ask me out so what does this mean?

    • If he has told you that he is interested in someone else, then he is not interested in you at this time. Continue to spend time with this person, as it is clear that he is your friend. Share your kindness and compassion with him. Take this time to determine what you want for your future. If you want to develop a relationship with him and he becomes available, then speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Jasmine!

  8. Hi there, I have been seeing this guy for over a year and we have so much fun together. We do so much together and we really enjoy each other. He is divorced after 31 years and I understand that he is not ready to jump in another relationship. I have never been in a true relationship. We do ALL relationship things, but he calls me his friend. I do not like that term because it seems to be more. I don’t want to pressure him, but I feel like there’s more. What do I do in this situation? Please help 😔

    • It is possible that he is interested in developing a relationship with you. It is likely that he is in a confused emotional state. Attempt to spend additional time with him, as this will strengthen your emotional connection. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak direct and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, TI!

  9. Soi met this guy five months ago and we clicked instantly.. We love each other but he doesn’t want a relationship.. So we just kept going but we’ve done ever that people in relationships do… But suddenly everything is getting bad between us and now he wants a relationship. But not with me… Another person has his attention but he claims that he still loves me.. I’m so tired of the mixed signals.. What do I do?

    • He has shared his feelings with you. He has explained that he is not interested in developing a relationship with you. There is no reason for you to continue to nourish this relationship. End this relationship and focus on your friends and family. Have a great day, Victoria!

      • I have been in a relationship for almost 2 years in the last 3 weeks he kinda stop texting me calling everyday as I’m use too; today I actually had a change to se him and he said the reason for that is he does not want a commitment relationship but yet he wants us to be friends but I’m in love with him. He still wants to have sex? But as friends! Need advice!

        • He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. If you do not feel that this relationship is acceptable, then do not nourish this relationship. Have a great day, B!

  10. there’s this guy and we’ve talked for a month. he told me that he likes me lightweight and he’s told me that he flirts a lot but i don’t know if he does that to other girls. he’s always telling me how beautiful i am, he calls me baby, babe, babygirl, etc. but when i told him i really liked him he said he didn’t like me enough to date me.. it broke my heart and he knew that and he’s still calling me beautiful..

    • He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He is unwilling or unable to establish a relationship with you at this time. He likely thinks that you are attractive, Allow thoughts of him to fade at this time. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere at this time. Have a great day, Kassey!

    • He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. If you do not feel that this relationship is acceptable, then do not nourish this relationship. Have a great day, B!

  11. This guy got out of a 2 year relationship about a year ago. His Bestfriend has a crush on me and said he was a hoe and talked to lots of girls including his ex. But I’m not sure if it’s true or not , He told me he doesn’t want a relationship right now but he really likes me and wants to talk but I’m not sure if that’s why or if it is bc he’s a hoe .. I’m a teenager , We’ve been talking for 2 months now. I don’t want to waste my time and my feelings for him are there I’m just confused on what to do

    • Do not allow rumors influence your actions. If he has numerous partners, then determine if you believe that you want to establish a relationship with this person. At this time, he is unable to establish a relationship. It is possible that this relationship will blossom in the future. Have a great day, A!

  12. my ex and i are just friends we talk all the time and he justs flirts with me in a dirty way sometimes and we kissed … i asked if he still loved me he said not more than a friend … IM SO CONFUSED

    • It is possible that he is interested in nourishing a romantic relationship with you. It is clear that he is interested in having a physical relationship with you. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of your relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Serena!

  13. I’ve been working with this guy for 4 years, but last year we became extremely close. Our colleuges started asking questions as we were always together. We laughed it off as he is in a relationship, but he suggested we give the people something to talk about. We would sit together at lunch, meetings, any gathering at work and flirt with each other, touch each other and only pay attention to each other.

    The problem came in during winter when i was cold he would give me his jacket or sit very close to me to keep me warm. Our legs and arms touching became a normal way of sitting next to each other.

    One night while playing with a beanie he had on his head, he took it of and placed his hand in it and told me to put my hand in so we could hold hands. Thats when I realised he meant more to me than a friend when our hands entertwined.

    We are now on a 5 week break, he sent me a message saying he will miss me and he loves me as im his best friend.

    The problem is his girlfriend is extremely jealous, so I knew i wouldnt hear from him. He texted me christmas morning and I havent heard from him again. He does check my whatsapp status so I know he goes on my profile.

    He has become my best friend, is he using me or am i reading to much into it?

    • There is a reason why his girlfriend is jealous. The two of you have a flirtatious relationship and he has told you that he loves you. He may view you as his best friend. However, he is currently in a relationship and you should not attempt to damage his relationship. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Have a great day, Amelia!

  14. I met this guy on a dating app about 6 months ago. During our initial conversations he stated that he was not looking for a committed relationship even though his profile stated he was. He explained that he was divorced a few years ago and was focusing on his career and obtaining his undergraduate degree. I enjoyed his conversation so I went along with being friends. He takes me to concerts, plays, dinners and has flown me to visit him on a work trip. We are not intimate but he treats me like his girlfriend. He fixes things at my home and calls every day. We talk for hours on the phone. I have met some of his friends and family. He also has a lady that comes in town Every month to visit him that he IS intimate with. When I tell him I have a date he gets jealous but says he is not ready for a relationship. I really like him but am confused. Why treat me like I’m your girlfriend when he doesn’t want me? I don’t want to spend time waiting on a man that may not be my future. What should I do?

    • It is possible that he is confused or uncertain about his thoughts and feelings regarding you. He may want to develop a relationship with you, but he may be unable or unwilling to do so. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Kiersten!

  15. I met a guy who said he just want to be friends however he text goodmorning have a great day and thru out the day and good night we hang out talk on the phone from time to time he throw little hints I need to find me a boo. But when I say go head he say you want me to. I’m only being a friend as he stated. So I won’t pursue anything he don’t want . He is a gentleman so I don’t want to assume he likes me. But he says he don’t think he will marry again. But I enjoy out outings and conversation.Help

    • It is possible that he cares for you. It is possible that he is uncertain or confused about his feelings. Continue to spend additional time with him, as this will strengthen your relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Teresa!

  16. hi,
    I have been seeing this guy for over a month before we even went on a date he gave me his number and said he doesn’t want to get married we can go for a drink and see where it goes, prior to that a friend of mine knew I like him and said we should get married which I wasn’t happy about. i went to his house we had a drink than he thought that i was going sleep over op me home he would txt me everyday before going to work with kisses and hearts I see him on my way to school almost everyday and he always kiss me so we got intimate and after he had come over to place a few times he stared being cold so I had feeling something was up so I ask him to call me after work and he started telling me how he his sorry for being cold his just afraid of relationship and that he get like that and also that he work and he does over time and that there is no girl she just work go to the gym that’s it I know that he works a lot ,he said he’s afraid and his worried that he wont give me attention and he keep saying he doesn’t know if he wants to be in a relationship ,he doesn’t want anyone getting mad at him if he doesn’t call them because he doesn’t like the phone and he also said that maybe his over thinking than he next day I saw him and I told him I don’t mind him going to work and that I appreciate his honesty ,than he said I don’t want a relationship its not me its him he just want to be single he did mention that he was in a 6 years relationship which ended badly…. than he said we should just be friends so he would still txt me and I reply so for Christmas and txt me and said he got me something so the other day he came over my place with the gift and drinks I did not want to sleep with him but we did I was intoxicated so i told him that i didn’t want to have sex than the next day i saw him and he told me that he felt bad that we should not do that anymore and that we can hangout without having sex he said he can do that than he ask me if i can i said yes ,he said he doesn’t want to do that to me and to himself that i am a special women i honestly wish things was different i am so confuse tell me what you think?

    • The two of you have a complicated relationship. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Maria!

  17. So I met this guy in July )through a mutual friend who happens to be his best friend and mine as well also they are roommates) and for me I was instantly intrigued. He cuts hair so I went to have him cut my hair two months later and we flirted back and forth. A month later we hung out and I made it very clear I was into him and we started talking things very quickly got explicit over messages but nothing ever happened in person. It seemed like he was shy but I couldn’t be sure. I didn’t understand why he hadn’t made any moves finally I was playing with his hair one night and he started to rub my thighs. I went outside to smoke a cig with him and I just kissed him he kissed me back and we all but did it right then and there. Since then we have hooked up on different occasions. He has expressed that he isn’t ready to be in a relationship that he is very attracted to me and thinks I am a wonderful kind and loving woman he told me he didn’t feel right for hooking up once he realized I was catching feelings because he isn’t ready for any commitment that was over a month ago since then things are different he hugs me or I catch him starting and then he will smile I’m just confused because he told me he is not ready but sometimes some of the things he does says very otherwise I see him everyday

    • He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He is unable to establish a relationship with you at his time. It is clear that he is interested in developing a friendship with you. You may want to spend additional time with him in person, as this will help to strengthen your relationship. If he reaches out to you, then speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Girl!

  18. I met this guy through a blind double date and at first he was shy and I did most of the talking but then he started to talk after a little bit of the date. Then after he added me on all social media and now we have been talking for 2 months I am about to be 18 and he is 20 I was thinking maybe this is why he doesn’t want to date me and that he is waiting for me to be 18. But we have gone on many dates and he is very flirty with me but keeps saying I am glad we are friends!? I am just confused at this point because he calls me pretty and always wants to hang out sometimes alone but other times in groups and we always talk to each other and hug after every date. So is this a sign that we will always just be friends or should I keep doing stuff with him and see if it turns into anything?

    • It is possible that he is interested in a developing a relationship with you. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Johnson!

  19. I have a guy in my life for about a year.
    It started out with a lot of flirting and fun. We were a team, talked everyday and then one day he just stopped texting or talking or being there for me.
    I keep stuff of mine at his house I’m close with his kids and family but he recently told me he doesn’t want a relationship and fears I do. He told me he realized long ago that he doesn’t deserve someone like me and doesn’t want me wasting my life with a man who is beneath me. He also told me I am the best thing to ever happen to him or the kids and that scares him. He told me that night also that while he knows I would never hurt the kids he fears I would hurt him. He would not admit or deny he has any type of feelings for me but said he’s scared of losing me because he could not imagine his life without me. He said I make his bad days better. He stated also he is so confused and doesn’t know what he wants but he’s trying to get through his past hurts.
    Since that night he has been much more distant when I’m there but when I leave says I can stay. If I’m not there he asks where I’ve been. He will ask me to go somewhere with him but then barely acknowledge me. He still uses terms like us and we but he barely looks at me and only barely speaks to me and is very fidgety. He said he cherished our friendship but I’m not getting a positive vibe. What am I missing.

    • He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He is unable to continue nourishing a relationship with you. There is no reason to reach out to him. Allow him to fade from your thoughts. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Have a great day, Patty!

  20. I’ve had this weird relationship with this guy for a long time. We were really good friends but there was also some attraction there. We’be been really good friends for years. He had a girlfriend. So we kept it friendly. He would talk to me a lot about his life. We kissed once but we both agreed it was wrong. I knew he was in love with his girlfriend so I respected that and I minded my own business. I dated a few guys but I never felt the fire I feel for this guy.
    His girlfriend coldly dumped him months ago after his grandfather died and has a new boyfriend already. She post tons of pics with her new boyfriend and travels frequently to visit him so I think they are serious.
    He’s overseas visiting his family for a few months. He sent me a Christmas postcard and it said that he really didn’t have any one but me he felt he wanted to send any to. I wrote him back and told him I missed him and was ready for him to come home. About a week later I got another letter. In the letter he said that he’s going through the most difficult time in his life. He said that when his girlfriend dumped him she left him when he needed her most and that he’s still not over it. He said he hopes I understand that he’s only looking for a friend right now. He said at least until he gets his life situated. As he won’t be back until the summer.
    I wrote him back saying that I apologize if he felt I was coming on to him and that it wasn’t my intention. I really feel embarrassed and rejected.
    He also said in his letter that he’d pay for me to come visit him and he hopes i will come…..
    Why would he tell me he only wants to be my friend and then offer me to come visit him??

    • He has dealt with a hard breakup and may have other concerns in his life at this time. It is certainly possible that he is interested in developing a relationship with you. Treat him with kindness and compassion, as this will ensure that he knows that you care for him. Attempt to spend time with him in person, as this will help to strengthen your relationship. Have a great day, Gabby!

    • Yes Gabby, I agree with the Admin’s comment. You two have a really strong foundation of friendship that now more than ever is being tested. And your friend needs the time and space to heal. You certainly do not want to get involved with a guy if he’s carrying trauma from a previous relationship; I think it speaks loudly that he’s able you acknowledge he’s need for time in sorting things out. He wants to be his best version for you! And the fact that he’s offered to fly you in to see him means he wants to keep you close and in the loop as he’s pulling himself back together. Just be open and light about everything. Have fun, take things easy, and be a source of joy and support for him. Tis is the journey of love and life!

      • Thank you for sharing your positive comment. Please feel free to share more of your insights and experiences in the future. Have a great day, Ranzh!

  21. Have also been kept in the dark for so long..don’t really know what he wants have told him several times to stop talking to me because have been tortured for so long..he makes me upset and yet I always fit in…thank you for these encouraging words at least we know how to a bit interpreted what other people think and say about us..

    • Thank you for sharing your insights and experiences. It is great that you made a decision to end a relationship with someone who abused you. Take this time to strengthen your relationships with your friends and family. Have a great day, Oliver!

  22. I am currently interested in a man. We work together and he pursued me. We have been hanging out and he actually kind of lives with me. Well he is at my house all the time. We have engaged in sex more than a couple times. He has always said we are just friends. He also gets jealous when other guys talk to me. When we argue we do so as if a couple would. I have been giving him my friendship and stopped treating him like he is my man and he expressed to me that he doesn’t like how I have been treating him. When I tell him I want a relationship he always says he doesn’t want one. It seems to me that he wants all the benefits without a commitment. I am ready to let him go and see what happens. Any advice for me on my situation?

    • He has shared his thoughts and feelings with you. He is interested in nourishing a physical relationship with you. He may not interested in nourishing an emotional relationship with you. Take this time to determine what you want for the future. Decide what you think is appropriate for your relationship. Have a great day, Angela!

  23. I’ve been seeing this guy for over a year yet he says all he can offer is my friendship and have my back but we been sleeping together when we see each and we hang out just about every weekend and shows that he cares but he never kisses me in the mouth or holds hands with me he says he’s not the affectionate type. But how can we be friends when I feel like he is into me?

    • It is possible that he wants to develop a relationship with you. He may not be affectionate, but that does not necessarily indicate his feelings. Some people are less affectionate than others. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Laura!

  24. I met this guy through online dating and we have been seeing each other for almost a month now. We go out, then we go back to his place or sometimes we just watch movies at his Place. Most of the times when I’m at his place, I end up sleeping over and every morning after that he makes me breakfast sometimes. But the weird thing to me, he will say stuff like he has to go to the gym or grocery store, I feel like it’s a way of telling me to go home although he won’t say it to me. Another weird thing to me is the way he asks me out. He would say some like; let’s hang out, or he would say I cooked this type of food, do you want to eat? He doesn’t say like; I would like to take you on a date or I’m cooking dinner for you something like that. When we are out, he would pay for dinner or drinks, hold hands, open door. We look like we are dating but we are not. My point is that is a kind of guy hard to read he doesn’t like to express his feelings but we have good chemistry when we around each other. I’m just so confused. What do you think?

    • It is possible that he is interested in a developing a relationship with you. It is possible he wants to maintain a physical relationship with you. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, A!

    • Wow, Im in the same situation. I met a guy online, and we are so much a like. I enjoy spending time with, however, like you Im not sure what we are. He doesnt ask me out. He also says things like are you stopping by, or something like that. For the past 2 months we’ve spent every saturday together. Shopping and dinner. Its nice. I stay over his house from time to time, and its always intimate. Cuddling and watching movies. Sometimes he is just going about his normal routine and Im in a corner reading my book. Its wierd kinda of natural chemistry, howevet; he refers to me as a friend, which makes me wonder. Ive pretty much decided to ki da step back a bit, because I dont want to get my feeling hurt. Am I crazy for doing that?…please I need some kinda direction on this

      • It is possible that he is interested in a developing a relationship with you. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Nadia!

      • Nadia, litteraly your describing my life. I met a guy online, we went on a couple of dates. Ended up hooking up, then one night I brought up the “well what are we,what does this mean?” To him, and he just says, I like you but I dont want a relationship. Which I can honestly say at the current moment I don’t either. But in the same way i want to grow with him. I’m.over just about every other day, sometimes we don’t even hook up we just sit around and watch tv. Others we just sit around and co exist (he plays video games, I read a book). Anyway the point I’m trying to get at is how do you step back? I go on dates with other guys, and all I wanna do is call him after to laugh with him about how terrible they are. I’m scared to being anything up, because there is always the chance I get an outcome I don’t want, and get heart broken. But if I leave well enough alone, he could text me one day and tell me about how he met someone and is head over heels. And than what? I’m still heart broken. We agreed when this whole thing started. That we would be glorified FWB. Meaning still going on dates. But nothing serious. Just sex and occasional food. But this is a whole new level with sometimes not having sex haha. Like, did I just find the only decwnt guy out there? Or does he feel the same way about me?

        • Thank you for sharing your insights and experiences. It seems as though you are comfortable with this relationship. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Rachelle!

  25. I’ve been friends w a guy since I was 13. I’m 34 now ..both been in and out of each other’s lives because we had gotten married ..had kids w other people ..he’s been divorced for 5 yrs now, I’ve been separated for 6. We recently linked up and have been having a great time, we went out and ended up crossing the line ..I’ve been spending the night with him every night for two weeks. He calls and text me all day when I’m not around and makes jealous jokes , but he’s mentioned that we’re friends a couple of times. I’m confused ..his actions don’t match his words. Am I maybe wasting my time ? Thinking that he cares about me ?

    • It is possible that he is interested in a developing a relationship with you. Since the two of you are divorced and separated, then make a decision about what you want with your current separation. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Ness!

  26. I have been seeing someone roughly six months ago, we always go out, we are constantly with his kids and are intimate as well. We generally spend time together on the weekends due to our busy schedules. I’m always looking forward to my weekends with him however sometimes I’m unsure if he feels the same. However he is affectionate as I am, he is constantly caresseing me and loves on me however he says he does not want a relationship. I’m so confused because of course my feelings are 100% vested and I can say I love him, but hearing him say he does not want a relationship is a blow. Should I just be his friend and cut off all the romance and intimacy? I sincerely confused.

    • It is possible that he wants to develop a relationship with you, but it unable to do so. It is clear that he wants to maintain a physical relationship with you. Take this time to determine what you want for your future. Speak directly and honestly with him bout your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Ash!

  27. I’m in a confusing situation right now too. I met a guy on a dating site and it turns out he is very nice and smart, etc. We exchanged social media info and talked off and on. We really have alot in common on the surface level -same movies, we both like clean homes, are scheduled and routined, hard working, like the same music, take care of our physical health, etc. We hung out on 4 occasions where I came over his house and we watched movies and then things progressed slightly sexually. we flirted and kissed but no sex. He doesn’t even try ( and yes he’s not gay) the flirting stuff is so great though – we hit it off in that area too. He made breakfast the next morning and we talk a little. but then he goes on to say (over text) that he is off the market right now. I ask if he’s seeing someone -he says not really. He’s just really independent blah blah. so things go on and I decide to ask him to see a movie. he says yes but then clarifies later that “wait this isn’t a date right?” and I’m like bothered by this. like just go with the flow? I didn’t ask you on a date but so what if it was?
    so later that night he asks me if I’m alright and I decide to just go for it and have the talk…tell him I’m confused because I met him on a dating site and what is so wrong with me that would make it so bad if we did go on a date? and etc etc. he responded very nicely saying there is nothing wrong with me. he has a memory issue which is why he chooses to not really date. he also claimed that he doesn’t really see us being compatible long term and doesn’t see the point in dating if it’s going to end. I asked why he thinks we are incompatible and he said he doesn’t really know “he just thinks he’ll feel it when it’s right”. okay. whatever. so I was dine at this point…just said you seem like a great man from what I can tell. when you find what you’re looking for in sure you’ll have no issues. and he turns around and is like wait we can still be friends right? and I said sure and hrs like okay that last message seemed really dismissive I’m sorry I’m wierd about not wanting you to feel led on. Then proceeded to make the plan for the movies that started this whole wierd conversation.
    I don’t understand how he came to that judgement so quickly when we literally never disagree on ANYTHING. and had a great time flirting. and how if he doesn’t see anything long term he still wants me in his life. We still talk as friends and get along great. I don’t do any flirty stuff with him anymore so I don’t get hurt but this situation is hard and confusing

    • It is possible that he is interested in developing a relationship with you. It is possible that he may want more with your relationship than you are interested in nourishing. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of your relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Kendra!

  28. I am in this sort of situation myself. I’ve known this guy for a year, we started crushing on each other, but he started dating someone else, a few months later she broke up with him, he messaged me and apologized for “putting me on the back burner.” We started getting close, he started texting me from sun up til sun down. Spending weekends with me, but expressed that he couldn’t be in a relationship with me because he’s too emotional, and I deserve so much better than him. But claims he cares for me, more than I could possibly know, and I’m just confused. He even stated that we are too much alike and he’d rather be just friends because he knows what happens when two people who are alike get together, that it may not work out and he doesn’t want that to happen between us. I was upset about it, because it confused the hell out of me, and now I’m stuck trying to figure out what next.

    • It sounds as though he is uncertain about his thoughts and feelings. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. You may find benefit if you attempt to spend time with him in person. Have a great day, Tiffany!

  29. Hi,
    I met a guy online and decided to meet personally. I felt this instant connection with him and we went to a lot of dates after that day. He told me that he loves me after weeks of dating. He even introduced me to his daughter. I thought everything is okay until one day, he became cold towards me. I asked him why and said that I deserve someone better and I should find someone who does not have a lot of emotional baggage like him.
    I know that he still loves his ex wife. (His ex wife is a lesbian and is currently in a relationship with with another woman) They live near each other for the sake of their daughter. But I can see that he still goes to her when things get tough and his ex wife tells him that she still loves him but she just cant sleep with him. Then I realized that he just wanted me for sex. I decided to break up with him.I told him that I cant see him anymore. He says its okay with it but I still have to go the movies with him. It was a movie that we promised to watch together when we were still dating. Will it be okay if go? Sorry for my bad English

    • You can go with him to view the movie. He will likely view the date as you nourishing the relationship with him. He is available and not married, so determine what you want for your future. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Grace!

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