Traditionally it’s been the guy’s job to ask the girl he likes out. But this is 2017 and tradition doesn’t need to rule us anymore. If the guy you like hasn’t asked you out, then you can stop waiting and make a move yourself.
Of course, there’s a good reason that even the most empowered woman might fall back on old gender norms here, asking someone out can be a scary experience. It’s especially hard if you’ve never done it before, which is why we’re here to help.
We’ve got the perfect suggestions to help you overcome your fears and ask the man in your life out on a date.
Take a deep breath
The worst thing you can do is psych yourself out. Know this, the worst thing you can imagine isn’t going to happen. You aren’t going to be insulted by the man of your dreams. Most guys know how to decline dates politely, and those that are jerks about it aren’t worth worrying about. Would you want to date the sort of guy who would mock a girl who asked him out politely?
Hopefully, you know the guy you’re asking out at least a little. If he seems like a decent guy, then you have nothing to fear. The worst thing that’s likely to happen is that he’ll say no. There’s no getting around it, rejection sucks. But it’s healthy.
It’s better to take a chance and get shot down rather than wasting your life dreaming about something that is never going to happen. If this guy isn’t the one, then it’s better to get him out of the way now so you can find the right guy sooner.
On the other hand, there’s a good chance he’ll say yes. Don’t count yourself out before you’ve even tried. Too many girls underestimate their worth.
Come up with a date idea
Planning is important. You don’t need to come up with with a complicated plan or huge romantic gesture, but you should have some date idea planned out. If you’re like most girls you will probably have trouble thinking around your crush, so you don’t want to simply trust you’ll be able to come up with a good date idea in the heat of the moment.
Try and come up with something fun that he will enjoy. You should also pick something that will make it easier for you two to get to know each other. Going out to the movies together can be fun, but it doesn’t allow you much time to talk.
Still, if you think that an evening of entertainment is the way to go, then you should suggest you meet up before the event so you can get some talking in before you have to sit in silence next to one another for two hours.
Be prepared to reschedule
You need to keep in mind that the guy you’re asking out has a life of his own, separate from you. He might not be able to drop everything and show up for your invitation even if he really wants to meet up with you. So don’t get too married to one time and place before you’ve even talked to him, there’s a good chance you’ll have to find a later date that actually works for him.
It can take some time for two active people to find a date night that works. But know that if he wants to go out with you, he will make time for you. If he keeps pushing the date back without trying to make room for you, then chances are he’s not actually that interested in you.
Keep things low key
If you’re a romantic type, then you might want to go all out with your date planning. After all, you’ve probably spent your whole life watching movies and TV shows where dates are these extravaganzas set to beautiful music. But reality is different from fiction.
A fancy or complicated date puts pressure on you and him. If you like a guy just being in his presence will be more than enough, and if the feeling is mutual, he’ll feel the same way about you. So keep things a little casual for the first date.
It will also show him that you’re not high maintenance, if your first date is at a fancy restaurant he might feel that if he wants to see you again, he has to match or top the first date. Keep things relaxed, and everything is more likely to go swimmingly.
Consider the value of ambiguity
If you’re afraid of coming out and telling the guy that you like him there are subtle ways to let him know without fully exposing yourself. This goes back to keeping it casual, ask him to hang out like it’s just one friend talking to another friend.
This takes some of the tension out of the situation, since they just need to accept an invitation to spend some time with a friend rather than leap into a new relationship.
The danger with this is that the guy might not get your hints. Guys don’t read clues like girls do. Some guys will think you’re just friends even after you practically throw yourself at him.
Send a text message as a last resort
Just to be clear, if you want to attract a guy you should be willing to put yourself out there and ask him out in person. But with that being said, some people are just so self-conscious that they couldn’t possibly bring themselves to ask out their crush in person. If this describes you, then you can ask him out using a more impersonal method of communication.
Do you talk to him through text or over social media? If you’ve already got an ongoing conversation going, then you can simply send him a new message asking him out. This works because it’s casual and it makes sense. Things can be a bit riskier if you’ve never sent him a message before and suddenly he gets a message from you.
Text messages are tricky because it’s difficult to know their true intent. A guy can’t see your face or hear your tone just by reading words on a screen, and he might not understand what you’re really saying. So you need to be clear if you go the text route.
All of these suggestion can help improve your chances of hooking the man of your dreams, but there’s no such thing as “cupid’s arrow.” You can’t point a bow at a man and make him fall in love with you. That’s why you need to be prepared for rejection even as you hope for the best.
The important thing to remember is that there is a man out there for you. You probably don’t know how many guys look your way whenever you walk down the street. So while we hope that things work out with the guy you’re going to ask out we also hope you remember that a “no” isn’t the end of the world.
Your value isn’t determined by men. If you take that to heart as you go forward you’ll do fine; men respect a woman who respects herself.