Breaking up with someone is never enjoyable, especially if you love them. You know that this isn’t what you want, but you don’t want to see them hurt. Staying with them isn’t the right decision. Just because you’re scared to break up with them, doesn’t mean you should torture them. It’s time to be the bigger person and do what’s best for both you and your partner. So, if you don’t want to be with them, you have to end the relationship. Now, it’s not going to be easy, but if you follow these steps, it won’t be such a traumatic experience for you and your partner. Instead, you two will be able to walk out of the relationship without resentment and anger which is what many people wish they could have had.
Is this a fight or a real breakup?
If you just had a fight, don’t be so quick to pull out the “break up card”. I mean, come on, if you keep using this when you two fight, eventually, they won’t come back to you. So, don’t use this as a way to manipulate someone. If you’re just having an argument, take a break for a day or two and then continue on with your relationship. You have to know the difference between breaking up and fighting. This will help you prevent any unwanted future break ups from happening.
Are you still in love with your partner?
Now, there’s a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. If you love your partner but you’re not in love with them, then you should end the relationship. However, if you’re still in love with your partner, why are you breaking up with them? If they have addiction issues or they’re violent, then I understand. But if they relationship is going well, what is making you want to end it? If you feel that you’re still in love with your partner, before breaking up with them, maybe you need to sit down and think about what you’re going to do.
Plan ahead of time
If you live with your partner, you need to plan this breakup out. You need to have a place that you can immediately move into right after your breakup. The worst thing is breaking up with someone and having nothing planned. You’ll then that to continue living with them until you find a place and this isn’t going to be a fun experience for either of you. Plus, you don’t know how they’re going to be after the breakup, so the best thing you can do is give them their space as soon as possible. So, if you’re going to dump someone, make sure you have everything you need to be figured out done ahead of time.
Don’t do it over the phone
You don’t want to be known as the period who broke up with their partner over text message. Though technology is great, it’s not meant to be used when you’re breaking up with someone. Now, unless this person poses a threat to your safety then go ahead and dump them via text. But, if they’re not posing a threat to your safety, go meet them for coffee or another public place and speak to them about the breakup. If you really love them, then you’ll give them the respect they deserve by talking to them about it. Plus, if you do it face-to-face, you walk out of the relationship without anger and bitterness.
Don’t ghost them
You have to show respect towards the relationship you have with someone. Ghosting them is not respectful. Being ghosted is actually very hurtful and leaves many unanswered questions that’ll stay in their head. You don’t want to torture someone like that. If you don’t have the courage to tell them to their face, then write them or call them. I know I said that you shouldn’t call or write them, but it’s a better option then ghosting them. So, show your respect for someone and tell them that you don’t want to be with them, preferably face-to-face.
Know the reasons why you want to breakup with them
If you’re not sure why you want to breakup with them, well maybe you need to take some time to think about what you’re about to do. You should be certain as to why you want to end the relationship. Firstly, it’s important for you to understand how you feel and secondly, they’re going to ask you why. When they ask you why you’re going to have to the answers ready for them. Maybe you don’t like how much they drink or how they treat you. Whatever the reason, know why you want to end the relationship.
Don’t point fingers and blame them
This isn’t the time to point the finger at them and blame them for the breakup. If you’re here to breakup with them, then just do that. If they start to argue with you, tell them that you’re not going to argue with them and that this is how you feel. Perhaps they’ll need some time to process what’s happening, so you can give them a couple days and then meet up with them to talk about it. If they’re angry or very upset, you need to give them some time to cool down. Pointing the finger at them and blaming them will only cause an argument and that’s not how you want to end the relationship.
If you don’t know what to say, use one of these lines
If you don’t know how to start the conversation, then you should use one of these lines. It’ll get the conversation started.
- I need to talk to you about how I feel about our relationship.
- I feel that I can no longer be in this relationship.
- I don’t feel the chemistry between us anymore.
- We tried to make this work, but I don’t feel I’m the right person for you.
They may say something back or they may stay in silence. If they’re silent, you can explain why. This may come as a surprise to them, so allow them some time to process what’s going on – you have to be patient.
Make sure you explain why you’re breaking up with them
They deserve to know the truth. If you love them, then you need to tell them why you don’t want to be with them any longer. Now, you don’t need to be brutally honest, you can lighten your reasons, however, don’t fabricate them. If you feel that the sex is bad, don’t say that straight up. Instead, say that you don’t feel the chemistry anymore, which is the truth, but it’s gentler. Remember, you’re breaking up with them, so it’s already hard enough for them, you don’t have to squish their ego in the process. So, make sure you tell them what they need to know but empathetically.
After it happens, you’re going to be upset
People think that because you’re the one to breakup, you shouldn’t be upset. But that’s completely wrong. People don’t know the reason why you broke up and that’s your business. The point is, regardless of why you broke up, you’re allowed to feel upset, angry, happy, relieved. Whatever you feel, it’s perfectly normal. You’ll probably experience a range of emotions and you’ll end up questioning if what you did was right or not. But again, this is normal. What’s important is that you stick to your emotions and your decision.
Don’t have breakup sex
People think that having breakup sex is a good way to end the relationship. It’s not. This is possibly the worst thing you can do after breaking up with someone. You’re not allowing each other the space you need to move on. If you still want to have sex with them, well, it’s not possible. You can’t transition to a friends-with-benefits relationship if you two love each other. This will only create drama and possible resentment towards each other. So, keep everything tucked away in your pants. Break up sex is a big no-no.
Don’t text, call or Facebook them
This is going to be hard because you’re used to always talking to your partner. But, now that you two are broken up, it’s best that you cut off all contact for a least a couple months. You both need time apart from each other – it’s very important that you have this time for yourself right after your breakup. If not, you won’t be able to move on. Keeping contact with your partner can happen, but after some time has passed. To make this easier for you, you should block or delete them from all social media and any other form of communication.
If they contact you, let them down gently
It’s going to be hard for them to not contact you. They’re the ones that were dumped, so they’re feeling a whole slew of emotion. If you find them constantly messaging or calling you, you have to tell them nicely that they need to stop. Let them know that you think it would be best if you two weren’t in contact for a couple months. Tell them that you’d like to maintain a friendship but you’re going to need time to process the breakup before a friendship can occur. It’s going to be hard for them, but you have to reassure them that this is for their own benefit.
Let mutual friends know you’re no longer together
You should let your mutual friends know that you two are no longer together. That way, they’ll know not to bring you up in conversation and they can do their duties as friends to support you both during this time. Plus, they’ll know not to invite you two to parties or activities together – this is something that’ll need to be done at least for the first couple of months after the breakup. But, do know that some people will pick sides and they may not choose to choose your side. Other friends will remain neutral and maintain friendships with both of you. But this is just a part of breaking up.
Give yourself time to heal
It’s going to be hard for both of you, especially since you love them. So, take some time to grieve and cry it out. It’s completely normal to be upset even though you’re the one to breakup with them. Though, try not to get yourself in unhealthy habits such as drugs or drinking. If you’re upset, there are other ways to cope through this period, like running, dancing or hanging out with friends.
Now that you know how to break up with someone you love, make sure you follow these steps if you want it to be a smooth breakup. Breakups aren’t fun, but you may be able to save a friendship by doing it the right way.