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How To DM A Girl


People often talk about ‘sliding into her DMs’ like it’s as easy as making a box cake. However, we all know there’s a little more to it than we first expect. DM-ing a girl is more of an art form that we tend to realize. DM-ing her successfully is less like making a box cake and more like make a wedding cake all from scratch. It takes time, effort and talent. Do it too shabbily and you get rejected right off the bat. It’s best to take your time and start carefully planning out what you are going to do before you do it. My friend, you need what is called a strategy. And that is exactly what we are here to help you with today. We’re here to help you with a strategy.

What’s a DM?

DM is the shortened version of saying direct message. So this could be applied to several things such as Facebook, Snapchat or even Instagram. Usually it’s for Instagram, but it can be applied anywhere that has an inbox.

How do you send a DM?

Easy as pie. All you do is find the ‘send message’ button and type away. Then all you have to do is click send and you are golden!

The Dos and Don’ts of DM-ing A Girl


  • Be Sincere

Of course the one thing that you always want to do when you are finally messaging a girl that you like is be sincere when you do it. Girls can tell when a guy isn’t being genuine in the way that they are speaking. When you don’t come off as sincere, you come off like you are only after one thing and one thing only. That one thing- Sex. Well that might work out for one in a million girls, it’s usually not going to fly with your average woman. Women like to be wooed and talked to sincerely before diving into intimacy. Especially when they are being approached on the internet of all places.

  • Be Sweet

As much as you want to be sincere, you will also want to be sweet to her. Being obnoxious and rude is never going to get you anywhere. You want to talk to her like she is the only girl you are interested in. Even if that is not true. You should be kind to her. Even if she rejects your advances at first. Stay sweet and keep the conversation between the two of you as simple as you can. Let her lead the way and decide where the convo is going to go. This gives her a sense that she is in charge and doesn’t make her feel overwhelmed or pressured to have a discussion with you.

  • Be Approachable

Being approachable is important when you are trying to talk to anyone on the internet. The internet can make us weary of talking to strangers. So if you are a stranger to her you want to make yourself more approachable than ever. This means you might have to do a little work on your profile. Go ahead and take down any douchey pictures you might have or, at the very least, hide them.
Get rid of those posts that might appear blunt and aggressive to others. Although you might be proud of your political stance or whatnot, you will want to lay off of it for awhile. You don’t know how she thinks or what will be on her mind when she takes a peek at your page and sees that kind of stuff.

Next you will want to ensure that any signs of previous girlfriends or even friends that are girls mysteriously disappear for the time being. You want to give off the look that you are available. Which we sincerely hope that you are. She might not even respond to you if she sees that you have tons of pictures with other girls.

Lastly, we recommend you think carefully about what your introduction is going to be. You don’t want to come on too strong. Keep it friendly. A good way to grab her attention is by mentioning something that you both might have in common. You might be wondering how you are supposed to know what you have in common when you haven’t met this girl. That’s a great thing to wonder, but it has a very simple answer. Scope her profile. Find something that you can talk about. Say that she has a picture with a dog or a post about boats. Mention those things and surely you will be on your way into a conversation in no time.

Doing these things will definitely make your more approachable than you were before.

  • Be Yourself

Remember that you want to base your conversation off of authenticity. You never want to start a relationship with anyone built on lies. Be yourself. If she doesn’t like it then she doesn’t like it. But if you are not being honest about who you are, you might end up struggling to keep the jig up later down the line. She is going to appreciate the effort to be who you truly are more than she would you being a liar.

It’s also uncomfortable to be lied to because someone wants to be close with you. It almost feels perverted in a sense, don’t you think?

  • Be All About Her

We get that you will probably want to talk about yourself to show her all of the reasons that she should be into you, but we suggest you hold back that urge. Why? Because now is the time to make it all about her. Get to know her and who she is. She will like that you are taking the time to do so. And in turn it will make her also want to get to know you. She will see that you are more into her than you are into herself. Ask her about things that you think she will enjoy talking about. This is a guaranteed way to keep the conversation going smoothly. Talking about only the things that you have interest in might grow boring for her.

  • Be Consistent

One thing you need to do is make sure that you are consistent once things start rolling between the two of you. That means not being flaky in your conversation. Let her know when you are leaving the conversation to go and do something else. She will appreciate not sitting there waiting for a long period of time wondering why you have not gotten back to her. She might consider it rude otherwise. When she says to message her later try not to wait for her to initiate conversation. Take the lead and message her! She will see that you are consistent and actually enjoy talking to her.

  • Be Mysterious

When you like someone it can be hard to contain yourself from spilling everything out on the table. You want so badly for them to get to know you. We understand that! However, it’s important to remember that giving away too much too soon can be poisonous. It can make her not want to continue to get to know you. This is grouped under ‘coming on too strongly’. Let her get to know you at a slower pace. This will assure that you do not run out of things to talk about anytime soon.


  • Be Creepy

Being perverted is a huge no no when you are DM-ing a girl. Especially when it is the first time that you are doing so. Being creepy is a major turnoff to most girls. They will most likely brush you off and move on to the next guy. You want to appear romantic and kind. Not creepy and weird. That is never really a good look for anyone, wouldn’t you agree? You might think that she is super hot, but it’s best to not say something outright sexual the first time that you talk. Or even the first few times that you talk. You will want to wait until the two of you have talked enough for her to initiate the sexual behavior.

  • Be Persistent

Being consistent is one thing, but being persistent is no-go. Again this is something grouped under ‘coming on too strongly’. Let her pick and choose when she wants to talk to you. Wait a good amount of time before sending a duplicate message if she hasn’t responded to you in awhile. But we will get to timing soon! Don’t worry.

  • Be A Jerk

You might get rejected right off the bat. Go into this knowing that. The last thing that you want to do is react badly if you are rejected right away. By being a jerk you will most likely blow any future chances that you have of connecting with her. Even if she blows you off right away the best thing that you can do is respond with kindness. This will make her see that you are patient and nice. It may even get her to reconsider talking to you soon.

  • Be Cheesy

We get that there are a lot of great, hilarious cheesy pick up lines out there, but you might want to hold off on sending one of those right off the bat. It might just make her cringe. You can try out one, but make sure you keep it light and don’t continue being cheesy there after that.


Timing is important when you are directly messaging, or DM-ing a girl. You want to ensure that it all works out without you being a weirdo who can’t seem to set your phone down.

If she doesn’t respond to you right away, it’s okay, don’t panic! Just remember not to continuously send her messages every ten minutes. Send one message and wait. Wait an entire twenty four hours. Yes, you read that right. Twenty four hours minimum before sending your second message. This will ensure that you don’t appear too desperate. What if she doesn’t respond to the second one? Wait another six to twelve hours and send the third message. We are sorry to inform you that if you don’t respond after the third one that she probably isn’t interested.


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