When you are dating someone,your emotions become entangled in their emotions. Over time, your life, financial situation and friends become intermingled. When you end up breaking up with them, it can be an exceptionally traumatic experience. You have to learn how to emotionally detach from someone if you want to be happy in your own life. You can no longer link your happiness to their life, so you have to stand on your own and stop thinking about them all of the time.
Unfortunately, it is much easier to say this goal than to actually do it. After being with someone for a long time, your emotions are always going to be mixed up into theirs. Now, you have to learn how to be detached from this situation so that you can be happy and move on.
The biggest factor in learning how to emotionally detach from someone is time. It took months or years for you to feel so attached to them. The tips on this list will certainly help you out, but it will ultimately take time for your feelings to become untangled and separate. Sometimes, all you can do is focus on yourself, be patient and wait for enough time to pass for your mind to really start healing.
When you remain emotionally attached to someone, it can cause negative emotions as well. You may feel depressed, resentful or angry. It can cause agitation, helplessness and anxiety. For you to be happy, you have to develop emotional freedom. Even if the relationship is not officially over, you need to start getting emotional freedom now so that you have the emotional space necessary to make logical decisions.
1. Take a Step Back
You will never be able to get emotional freedom if you are still stuck on the relationship. Smothering and clingy actions will only make it harder to move on. Plus, they will remove any chance that you had of being friends or dating in the future. You have to take a step back from everything so that both of you have a chance to breathe. You have to just accept that the relationship was real, but it is no longer going to be a part of your life. This is tough to do, but you have to do it if you want to start healing.
2. Find a New Focus in Life
When you are dating someone, it is oral to spend a lot of time with them. You talk to each other after work and eat dinner together at night. When you see something that makes you laugh, you automatically send him a text. Once you break up with him, you realize that you no longer have that communication. You no longer have someone to eat dinner with or to cuddle with hen you are watching a movie. An entire hole opens up in your life.
The easiest way to start healing this problem is by finding a new focus in life. This does not men that you should start dating or you should find someone else. In reality, you should probably avoid dating for a few months until your emotions have healed completely. Instead of filling the hole in your life with another person, fill it with new hobbies, interesting activities and new friends. Go on hiking trips or take a cooking class. Start painting in the evening or finish your bucket list. Just do something that will take your mind off of the relationship and give you a new focus in life.
3. Take Time to Grieve
You think that you should just move on without worrying about the relationship or crying. That’s great if you can manage it, but it will not be easy to do. A break up is similar to losing a job, losing a loved one or a divorce. This is something that you may need to grieve. You obviously cared a lot about your ex while you were together, so it is only natural that you would grieve his loss. Instead of trying to stop those feelings, let them out. If you let yourself grieve naturally, it will ultimately make it easier for you to emotionally detach from him.
4. Heal Thyself
This is one of the most common problems after a break up. Even if you initiated or agreed with the break up, you start regretting your decision before long. You end up trying to reach out to your ex, even though you don’t really think that the relationship will end up working out. Do not try to get back together with your ex. You broke up with him for a reason, and that reason still exists. If you get back together, you only push off the break up for later on. In the meanwhile, you end up with the same fights, stress and problems. Instead of trying to get back together with him, focus on healing yourself. Learn to love yourself again and find happiness in just being by yourself. Boost your self-confidence, reconnect with who you were before the relationship started and spend some time healing.
5. Understand That a Friendship Might Not Be Possible
You found this article because you were looking for how to emotionally detach for someone. Obviously, you already recognize that your feelings have to end for you to move on. You are already having a problem forgetting the past and ending your feelings for him. Being friends will not help. While some people can be friends with an ex, this is probably not the best idea. You will never be able to really move on if you keep having him as a constant part of your life. And when he starts dating again, the last thing you want is to see him all the time as a friend. There is no reason that you have to be friends with him. If he cared for you at all, he will understand that you need to focus on yourself and not be friends (at least for now).
6. Look at Why You Are Still Attached
If it has been more than a couple of weeks since your relationship ended and you have not started moving on, then you might need to think about why you are still attached to him. Are you unhappy with your new partner? Do you have low self-confidence that makes you think that you have to be with this guy? Do you have trust or relationship issues from the past that are making you clingy? Sometimes, the reason why you are still attached is not the person himself. It is because of how you respond to relationships or from underlying problems in your life. If something else is causing your emotional attachment, then you have to address the actual source of your feelings to start healing.
7. Keep Away From His Friends, Family and Girlfriends
If you are around his family members, they might ask you how he is doing or when you will get back together. At the very least, you will feel extremely hurt by the constant reminders of his ex. Anyway, it’s time to be honest. Most people do not and cannot remain friends with their ex’s family and friends. Over time, those relationships would naturally disintegrate. Right now, you need to focus on moving on and taking care of yourself. Hanging around his family and friends will only remind you of the relationship and make it that much harder to move on. Plus, being around his family will only tempt you to ask about him and find out how he is doing.
8. Try Being Objective
When emotions are involved, it is hard to be rational. If you are like most people, you threw your entire heart into the relationship. You thought that it would last forever, so you made yourself vulnerable. When the break up happened, it was easy to listen to your feelings and feel upset. You feel like you are missing out on an amazing relationship because you are not being objective.
Take a look at your relationship. If you had a daughter and she was in this kind of relationship, would you be happy? If your best friend said that their boyfriend and relationship was like this, would you tell her to leave? Did your ex actually treat you well? Did she give you everything you deserved and wanted? If you are honest with yourself, you will probably realize that there were signs and indications that he was not right for you. If your best friend told you about all of those arguments, you would have told her to leave. The only reason you stayed is because you are a nice person who was emotionally attached. Whenever you are doubting your decision to stay separate, look at the relationship objectively and remind yourself of why you are no longer a part of that relationship.
9. Try No Contact
When people are dealing with a break up, they often have problems keeping their distance. You are used to telling him all of your thoughts and feelings from each day. It is very tempting to send him a message when you hear a funny joke or had something unusual happen to you at work.
You don’t want to do this. Texting him and talking to him will only cause the relationship to continue. You have to focus on healing now, and staying in touch with him will not help. The best option is to go with the no contact rule. For a set period of a few weeks or a few months, do not talk to him at all. If the relationship was meant to be, you will still care for each other and want to be together at the end of that time. In most cases, not talking to each other will actually give you the space to realize that he was not right for you and to move on.
Let your ex know that you are doing the no contact rule so that he does not freak out when you never message him back. Other than giving him a heads up though, stop reaching out to him entirely.
10. Talk to Your Friends
At some point, just about everyone will go through a break up. Unless you are that one lucky person who marries their high school sweetheart, you will have a break up at some point. Instead of dealing with these feelings on your own, try talking to your friends. Your friends have gone through break ups before, so they can give you advice about how they moved on. They can also help you stay busy and think positive thoughts as you move on. Being alone and depressed will not help. Surround yourself with the people who love you and start living your life again.
11. The Pain Will Pass
Don’t worry. No matter how bad it hurts right now, the pain will eventually pass. That sense of emptiness will not last forever. You need to believe that the pain will eventually go away. Stay busy, focus on healing and surround yourself with your closest friends. It will take time, but the pain of a break up will always end eventually. You just have to be patient.
12. Remove Your Rose-Colored Lenses
You need to be logical now. When you love someone, you look past their faults and every problem in the relationship. While this is an admirable quality when you are in a relationship, it will not help you get over a break up. At this point, you have to take off those rose-colored lenses and allow yourself to move on. Your logical mind was clouded while you were in the relationship. You loved him so much that you were able to focus on all of his good qualities and ignore all of the reasons why the relationship was not right for you. Now that you are trying to get over the break up, it is time to be logical. Don’t focus on just the good things in the relationship. Be honest about why the relationship ended and why you should not be with him.