Nothing is worse than going on a few dates with the perfect guy (or gal) and realizing that they are married. You invested a lot of your time into getting to know someone. If he or she is married, then they based your entire relationship on a lie. Worse still, you helped them cheat on their spouse without ever knowing it.
The problem is figuring out if someone is married or not. If they are trying to slyly cheat on their spouse, they will probably not just tell you that they are married. You have to basically become a private detective if you ever want to find out their relationship status. To help you become the Sherlock Holmes of relationships, we have a list of the different techniques you can use to find out if someone is married.
How to Find Out If Someone Is Married
1. Ask Them
The easiest and most obvious option is to just ask them. They might lie, but you will at least be able to determine their truthfulness by their response. If they take a moment to answer you back, then it might be because they are trying to hide the truth.
While you might not want to start your first conversation with their marital status, you can generally slip this in fairly comfortably within the relationship. In addition to being less awkward, this means that you will be asking about their marital status at a time when they are not on guard. Watch out for telltale signs of lying like becoming defensive, sweating or shifting uncomfortably.
2. Look at Their Ring Finger
If your date is trying to cheat on their partner, they probably already thought about removing their ring from their finger. One thing they did not think about is removing signs of the ring. If he has been married for a while, the ring might be the wrong size. If that is the case, then it may leave indentations on his ring finger. During summer months, you have another option as well—check for a suntan. If he is normally wearing a wedding ring, there will be a white mark at the spot where the sun could not tan the skin. The only danger with this method is that he could always tan at a salon without his ring on, but really—who goes to all that extra effort?
3. Carefree or Careful?
When you are single and child-less, you can go where you want, when you want. Other than having to go to the work each day, you can easily head out for a late drink with a friend. If your date cannot meet up with you randomly, then you might want to be suspicious. People with children or spouses have to head home after work on most days unless they already have a planned excuse. If your date can never meet up randomly or seems to have very specific times where they can meet, you might want to be cautious.
4. Look on Social Media
It seems like just about everyone is on Facebook or other social media sites. If he says that he is not on Facebook, take him at his word—but research it later. There are some people who don’t want to be constantly connected online, so he might not actually have a social media site. At the same time, he may have said that he does not have one because he does not want you to see it. Facebook shows your relationship status, so you could easily see if he is taken or not. Search for his first and last name on Facebook and see what comes up. If there are photos of him getting quite intimate with another lady—especially if he has said he is not currently in a relationship, you might want to be cautious.
5. Listen to Them
The type of life that you live as a single person is a lot different than what a married person does. Imagine your weekend. If you are single, coming home to a lonely apartment seems like less fun. You might plan a wine/movies night with the girls on Saturday and then head out for shopping or a nice hike on Sunday. If you were married, it is extremely easy to spend the whole weekend at home. You have someone to share your life and home with, so you can lounge about all weekend without feeling bored.
Listen to how he spends his time. If he seems to be fairly busy with friends, work and having fun, then he is probably single. If there are a lot of unexplained gaps in his schedule, then there might be something else going on. Don’t assume the worst right away though. If you are not exclusive yet, it is always possible that he is still dating around. While there is nothing wrong with that, he might feel awkward about telling you exactly who he went out with last weekend.
6. Go to His House
Do not—I repeat, do not!–go to his house without him. That is called stalking, and it is a fast way to end a relationship. If he invites you over though, check it out. After you have been dating a few weeks, it is normal for him to go to your place or for you to go there. If he always has a reason why you cannot go to his house, then there might be a spouse involved. There is also a chance that he still lives with his parents, cares for an ailing family member or something else, so don’t judge too quickly.
7. Check Your County or State Government
You do not have to head down to the courthouse or capitol building to find out if they are married. All you have to do is go online. Many counties and states will list court appearances on their websites. Sometimes, this includes information like child custody agreements or divorces. Sometimes, it does not include everything you need. Either way, you can check the county and state websites first using the date’s name. Afterward, you can also do a Google search for their name to see if any results come up.