Nothing is worse than the end of a relationship. In MRI studies, researchers have found that the brain during a break up looks like it has gone temporarily insane. The trauma of a break up can damage your psyche and leave you emotionally distraught. A break up from a boyfriend is bad enough. When your husband says that it is over, it is even worse. You have joined your lives together and combined your finances. Now, you are worrying about where you will end up living, how you will pay rent and what you will do with your life. If you have children or a mortgage together, the divorce is even harder to go through.
You never expected or wanted a divorce. Depending on the reason, it is possible for you to learn how to get your husband back. Before you decide if you want to win his heart again, you have to also decide if it is worth. Spend some time thinking through your decision very carefully before you act on your feelings.
As we mentioned before, you should first take some time to decide if you want to get your husband back. Look at the reason why he is leaving you. Did he cheat on you? Did he say that he is no longer in love with you? Is it because of fights about money? Some of these reasons can be healed through mutual effort, counseling and time. Other reasons are unforgivable.
There is no reason for a break up that can really stop you from being with him again. Other than verbal, emotional or physical abuse, most other problems can be forgiven and solved if you both want to fix the relationship. For example, some people say that you have to automatically leave a cheater. While this is often a good idea, it all depends on if he really regrets his choice and wants to be in the relationship. If he has broken up with you and moved in with the other woman, then you should leave him. If he already ended things with her, then there is a potential for you to heal the rift and learn to trust him again. What matters is that he is just as willing to work on the relationship as you are. If he is totally unwilling to even try counseling or give the relationship a few more months, then you might have to just move on.
1. Ask Him for Time
Time can work in your favor. If he is adamant about a divorce, then don’t try to argue with him. Tell him that you will sign all of the papers he wants, but he needs to give you three months. During those three months, he has to live in your house, not date other people and agree to marriage counseling with you. If he still wants a divorce after three months, you won’t stop him.
If he is smart, he will agree to this. A contested divorce can be dragged out for years, so he will get what he wants a lot faster if he just agrees with you. Once he does agree, you have time and proximity to him that will give you a chance to woo him back. Being close to someone, gazing in their eyes and having deep talks during counseling will give you a chance to work through your problems. It will also give you time to assess the depths of problems in your relationship and what you want to do about it. By the end of three months, he might decide to come back to you or you might realize that it is impossible to keep the relationship going any longer.
This sounds like such a simple thing to do, but it can actually work. Have you ever noticed how you dislike people who dislike you? You may have even liked them at first, but you stopped liking them when you realized that they did not like you back. If you act grumpy or broken around him, it will start a spiral of negative emotions between you. Each snide comment or angry look only fuels the anger and resentment you feel toward each other. If you want to start getting your relationship back on track, you have to be the bigger person and start having a more positive attitude. Over time, he will start to react in a similar way.
3. Look at Your Own Actions
A relationship takes two people to work. While there is no excuse for bad behavior like cheating, he probably wasn’t the only guilty party. He might have had an out-sized, immoral reaction to your own actions, but there was probably something you could have changed that would have made him less likely to cheat. Angry arguments, not spending enough time together, nagging or ignoring him are all reasons why he might have become less invested in the relationship. While this does not ever justify his behavior, it is something you should think about. If you want the relationship to work, you have to take a cold, hard look at your own attitude and actions to see if there is anything you can change. Even better—ask him if there is something you can do to make his life better.
4. Show Gratitude
When you have been married for years and years, it is easy to take the other person for granted. He is always there when you need him to be, so you just expected that he always would be there for you. It takes conscious effort to show your gratitude and appreciation for your partner. If your husband starts to make changes and try to make you happier, show your gratitude. When someone feels appreciated, they are more likely to keep trying to improve the relationship.
5. Have a Serious Talk
In most cases, the problems that lead to a divorce have been ongoing. He didn’t wake up one morning and decide on a divorce. Instead, he kept trying to say that something was wrong and just put up with things. Each day, he became more disgruntled and unhappy. Before long, he started wondering if the relationship was really worth it.
In most cases, a husband will tell his wife when there is a problem. If you are like most people, you may have been too busy or distracted to really hear what he was saying. You didn’t realize that his request for a change was as serious as it was. Now, you have to try to fix the situation. Sit down and talk to him about what he wants. If you need to, write down the problems that he is having in the marriage. Then, promise to work on those problems and follow through. If you are also having problems in the relationship, talk openly, calmly and honestly about them. You can change the downward spiral, but you have to discover the problem and then work to fix it.
6. Don’t Get Angry
Think about the last time someone was angry at you. How did you respond? Most people respond to anger with anger. Even if the person had a valid reason for being angry, you were unable to listen to them because they were so upset. The same thing is true for your husband. You have important things to talk to him about. If you get angry with him, he will shut down and stop listening. You have to stay calm if you want him to hear what you are saying.
7. Try Flirting
If he has agree to try again, then you have to bring the romance back into your relationship. Do you remember how excited you were just to look at each other when you first met? Bring that spice back. Start by flirting with him. Gentle touches on the arm, leaning in while he talks and compliments are a good way to start. Once he starts reciprocating those flirts, see if he wants to go on a romantic getaway with you. Or, find an exciting, unusual date nearby. Do something to bring the mystery, romance and excitement back to your life.
8. Make Each Meeting a Date
If he has already moved out and refuses to keep trying, your only option to win him back is when you are around him. Even if this is only for a meeting with the marriage counselor or divorce attorney, try to treat it like a date. Smile, dress up and look your best. Try having some fun and being light-hearted. This is your only chance to seduce him with your charm and personality, so work it.
If you have decided to learn how to get your husband back, stick to your decision. This is no time to be wishy-washy. Commit to winning his heart and throw your all into it. If your efforts do not pay off, it will only reflect on him and you will know that you did everything possible to save your marriage.