You had a fight, and you aren’t talking. If it was a bad enough fight, you may have even broken up or decided to take a break from the relationship. Now that you have had time to think about things, you realize that the argument did not really matter. You miss being with him, and you just wish that you could go back to the hour before the fight and keep it from happening.
For days, you have been depressed. It seems like he has completely gotten over you and moved on. He does not seem to care about the fight or the problem in your relationship nearly as much as you do. You want him to miss you as much as you miss him. Now, the question is how you will go about doing that.
Before you go to extreme measures, try to reach out and talk to him first. The best relationships are based on communication, and you may be able to get over the fight by talking through the problem. Be careful when you do this though. If you just reopen the same argument, it could make things worse. You both have to be willing to put your differences behind if you want to move on from the fight. If just talking to him won’t work, try the other ideas in this list.
1. Keep It Casual
You miss him greatly and just want to move on. Be careful though. If he realizes that you miss him too much, then he may take you for granted and feel like you will always come back to him. If you go overboard in trying to reach out to him, it can also come across as needy and clingy. While you want to know how he is doing since the fight, you don’t want to overdo it. He needs to think about whether he has made the right decision in moving on. If you bombard him with messages, he will not have time to realize his mistake and reconsider his decision.
2. Cut Off (Most) Communication
One of the biggest traps to watch out for is in communication. In MRI studies, the brain actually looks like it is mentally ill after a break up. Because of this, you are basically temporarily insane after a break up. This can lead you to do things you would never normally do like texting, calling and emailing your boyfriend constantly.
Constant texts are a problem for many reasons. The first issue is that it will make you seem clingy and needy. It can drive him away from you by reminding him of everything that he does not want in a relationship. In addition, the first person to reach out after a fight often has the least power in solving the argument. It shows that you are willing to do anything to solve the problem, which can be an issue.
Obviously, you do want to be open to communication if you want to solve your problems and move on. At the same time, there is a careful balance. You do not want him to take you for granted or view you as someone who is always at his beck and call. If he reaches out, talk to him. Otherwise, give him a little space so that he actually has time to miss you. He can only miss you if you aren’t there. If you are bombarding with texts, he will never miss you and may start to wish that you would just go away.
3. Focus on Yourself
This argument could be an opportunity. You have a chance at this moment to learn more about yourself and what you want. When the relationship starts up again, you can be a better person. When you are single, you have a chance to explore interests that you never had time for before. You can reconnect to yourself, learn from your mistakes and be a more awesome version of you.
The good news about this approach is that it will keep you busy. You won’t be as focused on him, so it will make it easier to give him time to miss you. Plus, he will now be missing someone who is even more amazing. He will hear about your new hobbies or your after work language class and realize that you were too good for him. Each new talent or hobby that you pick up is a reminder of the relationship that he is missing out on.
4. Avoid Being Cold
When someone hurts you, your first response is to shut down. It is natural to want to prevent yourself from being hurt again. Unfortunately, this can make it even harder to get back together. You may feel bitter, hurt or depressed about the way the relationship ended. When you get in touch with him again, some of this hurt may make you sound cold.
In some cases, you may even try to sound intentionally cold. You do not want to seem too eager or excited to talk to him, so you unintentionally seem cold or bitter. You have to be extremely careful about how you talk to him. Treat him like you would a friend or co-worker. He is someone you want to talk to, but not someone that you sound eager or overly excited to hear from.
If you are unintentionally cold, it can drive him away from you. He will think that you no longer care and move on. Instead, you have to find the careful balance between not being too cold and not being too eager. Treat him like you would a friend and be slightly aloof. Get him talking and listen to what he says. He has a reason for getting in touch with you again, so give him a chance to make that move before you decide how to respond.
While you can learn how to make him miss you after a fight, it won’t always be easy. Sometimes, the relationship was just meant to end. You have to take care of your own heart and focus on yourself. If the relationship was meant to be, you will end up together again later on.