Trust issues are difficult to deal with. When someone has a broken leg or bronchitis, people are sympathetic. They can see what is wrong and understand. When you suffer from trust issues within your heart and mind, no one can tell what the problem is. They dismiss it or ignore your feelings. Worse still, they tell you just to start trusting people more. If you could just trust people more, you would do it. Not being able to trust people is the problem, but no one seems to understand.
Once you realize that it is impossible to trust anyone, the next problem is figuring out how to deal with it. To start with, you might want to consider the source of the problem. Were you betrayed in the past? Has no one in your life been the type of person you can rely on? Have you been cheated on in relationships? Or do friends gossip about you behind your back? Whatever the reason, learning the source can help you find a solution to the problem.
The first step is to look at the source. If you cannot trust anyone because your friends constantly gossip behind your back, then you might want to find better friends. One of the obvious problems could be that you are surrounded by people who are just not worth your trust.
1. Look at the People
Do you have trust problems in relationships? Is it because of your feelings or because of them? Look at your friends or romantic partner. Are they people who are deserving of your trust? Try to think about their behavior and how they act around you. Have they done anything to make you lose your trust in them? Sometimes, the human mind picks up on gestures and body language subconsciously. You might not consciously realize why you cannot trust someone in particular, but you sense that something is off about them. Your lack of trust might not be in your mind—it could be caused by a very good reason.
2. Have You Been Betrayed Before?
If you have been cheated on in the past, then you have a very real reason to be afraid to date again. Logically, your mind knows that your new boyfriend or girlfriend is trustworthy. The problem is that your mind still remembers the past. You cannot reason with the heart. It has been broken before, so it is naturally trying to warn you away from that hurt again.
3. You Had a Traumatic Childhood
When you are a child, your mother, father and relatives are supposed to care for you. No matter what happens, they are supposed to provide you with unconditional love and support. When they fail in these roles, you lose faith in the world. In some cases, family members go beyond just neglect or lack of love. They can actually do very real damage to your mental, physical and emotional health. Even when you surround yourself with a spouse, friends and children that love you as an adult, it can still be very difficult to move passed this early trauma.
I Know Why I Don’t Trust Anyone. What Can I Do Now?
Even when you know why you have trust issues, solving them is easier to say than do. You cannot just wish away your thoughts and feelings. Regaining trust in humanity and the world around you takes time and work.
1. Find Trustworthy People
The first step is to prevent the mistakes of the past. Find trustworthy people to surround yourself with. It takes time to regain your trust, but the right people can help. Each time your friends and loved ones show that they are worthy of your trust, it helps to undo the harm of the past.
2. Talk to Your Loved Ones
If you have trust issues, you need to tell your partner and the people close to you. If your partner does not understand that your trust issues are from the past, they will feel like you are accusing them of something wrong. It will feel like you are being clingy or jealous without a real reason. Instead of allowing this to happen, be open and honest about your feelings. Make sure to explain to them that nothing is their fault. You are the one with trust issues, and you just want them to do things (such as text if they will be late or avoid flirting) so that you do not have to worry. If you are honest and they love you, they will try to help as long as you are reasonable about what you ask.
3. Talk to a Counselor
It takes time to work through trust issues. If you cannot afford counseling or do not have have time for therapy, invest in some self-help books. At the very least, you can educate yourself about the source of your trust issues and how to deal with them. There are also a number of inexpensive counseling options that you can use as well. For example, Better Help and other online therapy platforms charge around $40 a month for a therapist to message you. You can message them from your smartphone as you go to work and whenever you need more help. If you are religious, your priest, rabbi or other religious leader may be able to give you counseling options for free that can help.
4. Consider a Support Group
If your trust issues stem from a specific event, there might be a free support group that can help you. For example, if your trust issues are caused by a partner’s alcoholism, there are support groups entirely designed for family members of alcoholics. There are also support groups for rape survivors and domestic violence survivors. In addition to helping you work through problems, you will get the support of people who have been in the very same positive as you are in. It takes time to work through mental issues, but you can do it with the right help.