Hate is a pretty strong word. You probably would admit that there are some things in this world that you do indeed ‘hate’ – like snakes, taxes, and when the power goes out during your favorite television show! It is conceivable that there are some people you hate as well. Maybe they beat your best score on a video game, or they just are rude and have never been nice. But what about your family? Do you hate them?
We have heard people say, “I hate my mom” or “I hate my sister” both on television or perhaps in real life – but do they really? Sometimes you hear about a family that hasn’t spoken in a long time since they had a fight. Do you really hate them? Sounds like an odd question, but it could happen – you do have disagreements and arguments – right?
It is natural to butt heads with the people in your family, you probably spend a lot of time with them and have different ways of handling things. But, family is so important – you shouldn’t ever find yourself saying that you hate them (no matter how frustrating they can be at times)! They are only doing the things that irritate you out of love (believe it or not), they have your best interests at heart.
Chances are that they have been in your shoes and know the outcome, they could be trying to save you from yourself! So, their heart is in the right place, it is just that their methods are all out of whack!
Avoiding those words “I hate…”
If you are upset at what is going on, tell them. Don’t hold it in. Find a solution together, so you don’t end up resenting them. How are they going to know that you are upset – is it by the yelling and screaming or the conversation – the silent treatment? Generally, yelling and screaming don’t accomplish much and staying quiet won’t get your side heard. Have a conversation instead.
Tell a third party
Sometimes talking to the person who is upsetting you is not going to work. Bounce things off another person to get their viewpoint. What if you are overreacting?! Maybe your friend has been through the same thing and can help. Plus, it just feels good to get it off your chest!
Try and see the issue from their perspective
Are they really being unfair? What if the roles were reversed and you were in their position? Would you do the same thing or something different? Sometimes putting yourself in their shoes makes their motives easier to understand.
Take a hard (hard) look at yourself
Could it be that you are overeating, being overly sensitive, or perhaps a little immature? We all can overreact to things we think are unfair. Your feelings get hurt, then you just fly off the handle. That never solves anything, and your family deserves better.
Hate is a robust and lasting feeling. Is it fair for you to use that word in this particular situation? Again, take a look at yourself here, it is hard to come back from hate.
Are you really sure you want to use the word “hate?” Sure, it comes out quick enough in the heat of the moment – and it hurts. Telling someone you hate them can be devastating. Are you prepared to crush someone by using that word? You can’t take it back once you have said it – so, think carefully before reacting. You probably just have hurt feelings, or are upset, and that is okay. Telling someone you hate them because your feelings got hurt is not okay.
Get help – from a professional
Not just you – the whole family. If things have gotten to the point where you constantly at odds with your family. Maybe you should talk to a family psychologist or a counselor. Often times going to therapy can help you solve problems you didn’t realize were holding you back! Learning how to communicate with each other will be a valuable skill!
Find the good
You love them, deep down. In the heat of the moment, it is hard to remember the good times. But there have been a lot of good things you and your family have been through. Write them down. The vacations, the movie nights, and picnics. Remember those happy times and bring back to the surface the love you have for them. A single incident can’t destroy years of love and happiness – and you shouldn’t let it.
Take a little time
Maybe you just need space. Get some time away from your family to let things cool down. Once you have had some time to yourself, maybe you will see things differently. Go out for a run, a walk, listen to music or get lost in a book. Giving yourself a break will do you (and them) wonders!
So, things are to the point where you can’t live in the same house with your family anymore. Each day brings so much angst that you are ready to scream. Walking into the house gives you a sinking feeling in your stomach. Reach out to another relative and go live with them for a while. Take a break. No one wants to live in an unhappy home. Get some space, take time, and refocus.
If you are stressed everything that goes wrong is blown out of proportion. It is okay to be overwhelmed with things going on in your life. Lowering your stress will not only help you physically, but it will help your relationships.
To diminish stress, take a relaxing bath, go for a walk, lift weights, play a game, or scream at the top of your lungs into a pillow! Find some inner peace, and you may realize that things aren’t so bad after all!
Express your emotions in a healthy way
Keep a journal. Journaling is a proven stress-relieving technique. It may not sound helpful, but writing your feelings down gets them out of your system. After you write them down, they are out and not pent up inside. You can feel better because you have expressed yourself. And by not yelling and screaming all those things to a person, you have saved a lot of hurt!
Take a hard look at life without them
In life, there are things that will make you happy and things that will upset you – it is part of life. The people who love you most are the ones you need the most. Sure, you get upset with them – but can you live without them? What would your life be like without your family? Once you realize that you need your family, you will realize that hate isn’t the right word. Frustrated, upset, disappointed – those may be the real words you are looking for.
Make amends, be better people to each other
Above all, realize again that the things your family does that really upset you are done out of love and protection. They want the best for you – and you want that for them too. Don’t let hate destroy your family. Family is all we have in this world. It is okay to disagree, but don’t harbor hate, it will never have a good outcome. Learn from your mistakes, apologize when you are wrong, and love one another.