Breakups are awful. There’s no way around it. Even if you know that a breakup is the worst, there can still be a sense of loss that comes along with it. Things are even worse when you’re the one he was dumped, forced to deal with your lingering love while she goes through life like everything is perfectly fine.
You’re at a very important point in your life. How you deal with this breakup can send your life in a few very different directions. Men have done some really stupid things out of desperation and loss.
But you don’t need to be like that; you can take these lemons and turn them into lemonade. This might sound impossible to you now, but if you just give our suggestions a chance, you might find that healing is possible.
Take a look back at your relationship
This isn’t easy. Trying to make sense of a relationship post-breakup is sort of like doing an autopsy. Neither is appealing, but both are essential. You need to try and look at your relationship as it really was rather than letting your imagination and emotions run wild.
If your ex was willing to leave, then the relationship probably wasn’t as great as you thought. Keep in mind that relationships are two-sided, if she wasn’t happy then it wasn’t working, even if you were enjoying yourself.
Avoid both emotional extremes
Love and hate are two sides of the same coin. That’s why you can see a couple that is kissing and hugging one day and at each other’s throat the next. As humans these sorts of crazy mood swings are natural, but that doesn’t mean they are healthy.
Try and avoid looking at your ex as either an angel or a demon. It’s easy to become fixated on one aspect of your ex’s character to try and make sense of things. If you make her look like an angel, you’ll probably end up being too hard on yourself. If you think of her as evil, you can end up trapped in hate, becoming more and more bitter.
Your ex was human. She had strengths, and she had faults. She might have been special, but that doesn’t mean she deserves control over you. Once you realize that she was only human, you’ll be able to move on to one of the many other women that might be better suited for you.
Think about the downsides of your relationship
You might be looking back at all the good times you had with your ex, but not everything was smooth sailing. Every relationship has their ups and downs, if you focus too much on what went wrong, you won’t be able to move on. You’ll slowly turn your old relationship into this imaginary ideal that no real relationship can match up to.
Things weren’t perfect. You and your ex argued and disagreed. She did things that annoyed you. Time with her got in the way of things you wanted to do. Take some time to think about this side of things, and you might see your breakup as a positive.
Try and understand why she feels the way she does
As guys, we can sometimes be a bit obtuse when it comes to emotions. Don’t be down on yourself if you have trouble understanding why your ex left or why she seems fine without you, but you should still try and put effort into making sense of things.
For example, there’s a big difference between a girl who moved on because she wasn’t getting what she deserved and a girl who simply wanted to upgrade to a guy who has more money.
Maybe your ex wasn’t such a good person, but there’s also a chance that your breakup was caused by your behavior. If she’s happy because she doesn’t have to deal with your crappy behavior anymore, then you should try and fix that behavior before you force it on anyone else.
Understand that people process things differently
She might look like she doesn’t care about the breakup, but that doesn’t mean that she’s really cold as ice. Some people are better at hiding their issues. And some can process emotions quicker than others.
Your ex might have gone through the full gamut of emotions out of your sight. She might look fine now, but maybe she was a wreck earlier. No two people handle breakups exactly the same. Don’t get upset at her for handling things differently from you and don’t beat yourself up because you feel your emotions are illegitimate.
Understand that all relationships are a bit lopsided
This is a painful fact of life; there is always one person in the relationship who is more attached than the other. Hopefully, you and your girlfriend feel similar levels of commitment, but there’s always going to be a chance that she isn’t as into you as you’re into her.
And that’s OK, with time things can change. If she broke up with you, it’s because the attraction she felt for you weakened, if you had stayed together your attraction to her might have faded.
You can’t just assume that your girlfriend feels the way you do. This isn’t supposed to discourage you; it should encourage you to take positive steps. From now on try and put more effort into your relationships, helping to bind it together with thoughtful actions. Too many men assume things are great and allow relationships to slowly fall apart.
Men are often taught that they need to do things alone. We’ve all got this image of a lone rider on his horse, off to face the world on his own. But in real life, this just isn’t healthy behavior. Humans are social by nature, if you cut yourself off from others, then things can quickly go from bad to worse.
Friends and family are great because they are there before she shows up and after she leaves. We appreciate that you’re reading this article in hopes of finding the help you need, but there’s no replacement for a good heart-to-heart with a close friend. Reach out and get that conversation started.
We may hate it when our favorite stories come to an end but what’s even worse is coming to the end of a story and feeling abandoned without any sense of closure. That’s why we feel so strongly about our favorite canceled TV shows. A relationship that comes to an abrupt end is a lot like a prematurely canceled TV show; it can leave you feeling hollow inside.
If you still need answers, then you might have to look for them before you can truly move on. If she broke up with you, then she understands exactly why the relationship ended, while you might not truly know until you go back to her and ask some questions.
Start having fun without her
One reason she might not be missing you is because she knows how to have fun without you. After a long relationship, it can be easy to forget that there’s a life outside of romance, but you used to have fun before you met your ex. You can do it again.
What gives you pleasure? Try and remember the things you did for fun when you were single. Now you’ve got a chance to do them again! Did your girl give you a dirty look when you played video games all night? Then it’s time to break out your favorite.
Meet new people
Guys often have trouble moving on because they get this idea that they will never do better than their ex. The fact is that there are plenty of other girls out there, and at least one of them can make you as happy as your ex did.
You don’t have to jump right into a new relationship. In fact, that’s probably more trouble than it’s worth. But you should get back to meeting people as soon as possible. Just keep it light and friendly, remember that you can enjoy time with someone even if you aren’t in a relationship with them.
Learn to be happy alone
How long can you last as a single person before you start to go crazy? Some people are completely content on their own while others go crazy if they have to sleep by themselves. It’s OK to feel lonely, but you shouldn’t let that emotion control you.
If you aren’t OK with yourself, then you’re going to have trouble in a relationship. Neediness is a big turn off. Even if she thinks it’s cute that you always want to be around her in the start, eventually she will feel like you’re smothering you.
If you want a healthy relationship, you need to learn to enjoy alone time. This doesn’t mean you have to embrace a life of celibacy; it just means you should consider a break from relationships to focus on yourself.
Embrace your singleness
Hopefully some day you find the relationship you’re looking for. It’s great to look for a woman you can spend the rest of your life with. But life is long, and you deserve to get the most out of it.
You’ve got the rest of your life to be tied to a woman. You need to take advantage of the time you’ve got now. Besides, you might find that when you’re enjoying your life you’re more likely to attract someone special who will want to share it.