Home Love & Relationship I Miss My Ex-Boyfriend: Ways to Stop Missing Him

I Miss My Ex-Boyfriend: Ways to Stop Missing Him

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When a relationship ends, it can either be amicable, or pretty difficult. It doesn’t matter if the relationship was only a few months, or several years – when you miss someone who is no longer in your life, it can eat up a lot of your thoughts and emotions.

Missing someone is never easy, especially when it’s someone that you loved and cared about for so long, and spent so many intimate moments with. When you miss someone, it can feel like all you’re ever doing is thinking about what they’re doing, feeling and saying right now. Unfortunately, we rarely ever get the opportunity to find out, so we are often left plagued with questions that we can’t answer.

When you’re missing your ex boyfriend, figuring out how to best get around those feelings and move on can feel daunting, or impossible. Don’t worry: it’s possible, it just takes some time. Here are some helpful ways to stop missing your ex boyfriend and move on with your life.

why do i miss my ex

1. No more negativity

You may be missing your ex-boyfriend because you’re thinking about why you’re no longer together – and that’s never a good place to be. If you’re still thinking about the last fight that you had, or wondering if he cheated on you or found someone better, then you’re going to be stuck missing him longer than you want to be.

You’re better off getting rid of that negative energy than dwelling on questions you may never get the answer to. Just remember that you can’t control other people, only yourself. Focus on the positive things happening in your life, even if it feels like they’re all clouded by how much you miss your ex.

2. Recognize your feelings

Why exactly are you missing your ex? Is it because you loved him, or is it because you’re lonely? Pinpointing the exact reason that you miss your ex boyfriend can help you overcome the feeling of missing him much faster. The truth of the matter is, all of us have emotions and feelings sometimes that aren’t nice or convenient.

If you’re missing your ex because you don’t want to be alone, figuring out how to confront that will make your life so much easier. You may also come to terms with the fact that you’re just still in love with him. Those feelings aren’t easy to confront, either, but they’ll be much easier to face once you’re able to name them for what they are.

3. Write to him – but don’t hit send!

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Write a handwritten letter or an email, but make sure you don’t actually send it to him. Writing can be an extremely therapeutic way to get all of your emotions out, and it can even help you work through all the things that you’re feeling.

If you’re missing your ex boyfriend and can’t figure out what to best do with all of those emotions, writing them all down can be just the way to work through your feelings. Of course, don’t send it to him! Those writings are private, and it can even feel great to burn it afterwards.

4. Find a hobby

Keeping yourself busy can be a great way to keep your mind off your ex boyfriend. You’re single, you’re hurting, and you deserve to have all of your attention on yourself. Healing can take a while, so keeping yourself busy and focused on yourself is a great way to get over missing your ex. Find a new hobby, or pick up a hobby that you dropped when you were together. Start writing again, or drawing, or playing video games.

If you like to jog, go for a run and play your favorite music. Or, if you’ve never been one for hobbies before, now might be just the right time to focus on getting a new one. Try something that you’ve never tried before, just because you can. Keeping yourself busy will help distract you from missing him – and before you know it, you won’t be missing him all that much anymore.

5. Give him space

It may feel tempting to sending him texts, emails, snaps or check up on his social media … but resist! If you want to get back together, or if you think there might be a chance, don’t bombard him with messages and notifications as if you were still dating.

He may need time to work through his own feelings about the break up, and he won’t be able to do that if it feels like you’re constantly hanging over his shoulder. So, even if it may be tempting to see what he’s up to, resist the urge. If he’s ready to come back, he’ll come back.

missing my ex

6. Get rid of the reminders

You’re broken up and you miss him, but there’s no reason to keep the photos of the two of you up on your fridge. Take off the jewelry he bought you and don’t re-read old text messages or emails. I know it feels like all you want to do is remember all the good times that you had together, but indulging will only make letting go of him much harder.



When you’re hurting, you want to remember all the nice, wonderful things that you’ve done together, but that won’t help you stop missing him. When there’s no more constant reminders around, you’ll be able to stop missing him that much sooner.

7. Meet new people

Go out! Meet new friends! You don’t have to jump on a dating website or Tinder and start looking for a new beau right away. But, you should get yourself out of the house and meet the people around you.

Making new friends can help you get over missing your ex boyfriend, because you’ll be too busy learning about these new people and getting to know one another. Filling your life with new, exciting energy can help you stop missing your ex boyfriend. After all, if you both had never broken up, you wouldn’t be having these new, amazing experiences right now.

8. Talk to someone

Therapy can be extremely helpful, especially if you’re struggling to stop missing a long-term ex boyfriend. Long-term relationships can be just as devastating to get over as marriages, especially if you were cohabitating and planning for the future.

Seeing a therapist doesn’t make you “crazy”, even though a lot of people have that misconception. Having someone who’s trained in helping you work through feelings and coping mechanisms can be helpful when you’re struggling to let go of the feelings you had for your ex.

9. Ask your friends to avoid talking about him

They may desperately want to know what happened, or they may just still hang out with him. Whatever the reason, real friends will respect your boundaries during your time of mourning and missing.

If you’re not constantly bombarded with information about what he’s doing, how he’s feeling, and who he’s seeing, you’ll find it easier to get over missing him. So, if your friends still hang out with him, ask them to avoid talking about him when they’re with you. They don’t have to stop hanging out with him, but if you’re trying to stop thinking about him, it really helps when you’re not being forced to.

10. Travel

It doesn’t have to be on a expensive vacation, but if you’re in the same city or town as your ex boyfriend, it may do some good to get away for a couple of days. If you have some friends in another city, or you owe your parents a visit, why not take the time to just get away?

Being in another city can make you feel so much better, since you won’t be constantly stressed thinking about running into your ex boyfriend. Plus, you’ll get to enjoy a few days of just relaxing and having fun. Everyone deserves to get away every once in awhile. Take a few of those saved up vacation days and enjoy a honeymoon with yourself.

Final thoughts

Learning how to deal with missing your ex boyfriend isn’t always the easier thing you’re going to do in your life. But, having the skills to get over missing him will mean that you’re going to live a happier, stress free life once you do. Getting back together isn’t always an option. While it make take some effort on your part, ultimately you will live a life free of anxiety once more. No more late nights spent thinking about what he’s doing or who he’s with. No more staring at your old pictures, wishing that you could go back to happier times.

And definitely, no more checking up on his social media to see what he’s been doing. Leaving behind the thoughts and behaviors that keep perpetuating how much you miss him is a must. Taking control of your own emotions and thoughts is exactly what everyone who is struggling with missing their ex should do. Hopefully, these tips will make the first few months as a newly-single woman much, much easier.

4 COMMENTS

  1. It’s been years now. I just can’t do it. I work, engage in hobbies, have friends, have been on several dates. I was so in love with this man and he is a tough act to follow. I am not sure I will find another. I am never married and not so young anymore. I look good but the men are very slim pickings at my age.
    So sad, I feel like it will not happen again for me. I am lonely, it’s true. And lonely for 5 years now. Just have not met one single man that is of any interest to me.

    • Take this time to determine what you want for your future. If you are interested in not being in a relationship in the future, then there is no reason for you to attempt to establish a relationship with anyone at this time. You may attempt to find someone at a new location. You may find someone who is interested in similar hobbies or events. Have a great day, Frieda!

  2. I had been with my boyfriend for 10 years, we were both leaving in the same city. We met in University . He is 33 and I am 28 this year 2018. He had been looking for a stable job for a while and so he was lucky enough to get two job offers – one in the city where we both lived & offered more money while the other was in a different city but didn’t offer as much. We set down together and looked at the one that would bring career sustainability & growth. We both had decided it was best he accepts the offer in a different city as it would bring more growth opportunities in the future.

    What was great about all this was that I’d also be able to look for a job in the same city as I had only a month left to finish my with varsity. The city is 2hours away by flight.

    So the deal was since I was still finishing off school I’d stay behind for 2months take care of his car and would make frequent visits whenever possible – until I was able to officially move in with him in December 2017. I had planned to stay with him till I found a job and move out at a later stage to my own place.

    September 2017 he started at the new job, he had asked me to escort him to the city so he could settle and I stayed with him for a month there, things were great.

    Fast foward to October 2017 I went back to school but that’s when I had noticed that things had changed…he did not want me to visit him anymore…he would say” we don’t have enough money….you will distract me while I try to focus, I need to be by myself and grow as a man, I’ll do right by you and marry you so not seeing you around makes me work hard as a man to make sure I do right by you”. I somehow agreed with him and we continued as per normal talking on the phone as per normal. Hee assured me he wasn’t there for women, he was focused and so I believed him. We spoke on the phone everyday without fail. I could sence he was happy and I was too. Being apart didn’t bother me as much I was counting days till I could be with my man forever.

    The month when he started at his new job he stressed a lot , he did not enjoy it and at some point regreted ever taking up the offer. But as time passed he ended up enjoying it and I was happy that he was finally settling in well.

    Fast forward to December 2017 I went to visit however things had changed, he wasn’t as excited to see me. He never made passionate love to me as he would when he hadn’t seen each other in months. When we would be apart for months/days it would show, he looked at me a certain way, he touched me a certain way. Things were different this time around.

    I had only been there for a day when he started recieving calls from different women, he would take these calls outside . I confronted him and was told they were just friends. However the girls didn’t sound like they were just “friends” as they would ask things like “what are you wearing, how was your day at work, what are you doing later, why haven’t you called? etc. I obviously picked these up from his responses.

    While cleaning his apartment one time I found condoms&viagra in one of his drawers, he again denied and said they belonged to a married friend who had asked to use his bedroom one night with some girl. I believed him “How stupid could I have been?” I noticed he had bought so much alchohol which was shocking as he isn’t much of a drinker…he had bought loads of snacks however they we’rent for me or him but they were for his guests he said. His behaviour got wierd, he coloured his hair platinum blonde, shaved his legs, took extra care of how he looked a lot of things just weren’t adding up.

    The phone calls didn’t stop he was now spending so much money on airtime, he literary would buy it every other day. I asked him why he was buying so much airtime to which he replied “people spend money on airtime it’s a thing nowadays” another shocker as I had known him to be somebody who is cautious about spending too much money on airtime.

    My suspicions rose , he would now go outside the same time every night with both his phones. He also was very short tempert he’d get angry over the smallest things like drinking the coke he had bought for his supposed guest’s and asked me to finish it as it wouldn’t tastes the same after opening. He didn’t want me to watch soccer with him at his friends place (the friend had left him with keys to his flat when he went on vacation as my boyfriend still didn’t have a tv) so I guess this was great for him as he would get all the time to call all these girls…he was now watching soccer at the same time every night. He’d get extremely angry and ask for space when I wanted to tag along and watch soccer with him (I had watched soccer with this person many times before but now it became an issue)…I would apologize and he’d still be mad at me calling me annoying and a which hunter.

    I was meant to leave his place on the 24th of December 2017 to go home for xmas and come back to him in January. He rushed me and asked when I’d leave because he wanted to visit his family too. That’s when I lost it.

    I looked through his phone and found that he had 10 different girls who he referred to “baby, hun, love etc” , sending them voice notes and all…he had slept with one of them as the were text about their sexual encounter (how he fucked her, touched her breast the whole night, the two rounds they had, the kissing, how he muffed her) you get the point….images still haunt me till this day. He had plans with the rest of the girls as the conversations would suggest. Some of them he had paid Uber’s for so they’d come and visit him and drink the alcohol and eat snacks he had bought. He had deposited R500 to one of them.

    All these girls he found on Tinder, the guy had a tinder account where he is using a different name. Upon finding all this out I packed my bags and left. I blocked him from calling and texting me for 5 days, I couldn’t face him I was broken. I sent him a text days later informing him about what I had seen. He replied by taking a picture of a blanket he had bought me along with a message “I know to you I am cheater, I bought you a fleece for your flights”. (No idea what that even meant) Followed by a long text telling me that he was going through something and that he needed to make these mistake and is aware of them, he didn’t want anyone stopping him. I never replied. He tried calling a few times I never picked up until I cracked, I gave in. We started talking again. Not once did he say sorry. He hasn’t apologised at all instead he says it’s my fault his doing this & that I broke my own heart. He has said things like ” I’m tired of having a mother, I want to be alone, you don’t want me to grow as man, don’t start no soap opera or drama, You must move on and find another guy, you dont know how to love, I don’t see any contribution you bring into my life, anything you can do for me I’m able do for myself so I don’t need you”.

    He said that he feels as though I won’t be ok without him, I wont succeed. He aslo feels like he is leaving me too early he doesn’t want to do the same thing his dad did to his mom. He wants me to succeed in life before he can leave me.

    After all these hurtful words why do I still love him?

    But I still love him so much and so I asked if there’s anything I could do to make this work. I told him we have to work on trust again to which he replied “I don’t trust you also what’s the point, you can’t come to my place because I don’t trust you”. At times he’d say we are fine he doesn’t know why I’m stressing other times it would be a different story.

    We are not fine he cheated but I am willing to make us work if only he’s willing to as well.

    Sometimes days go by without him calling/texting. Sometimes I’d text him hoping he would say he’s sorry and that we must try again but nope hasn’t happened yet. I want to work things out but he is not willing to instead he blames me for everything. He was my best friend more than anything. I cry myself to sleep every night, some days I feel better but others I feel like going into a hole and never coming back out. I want to forgive him, this is the first time we experience something like this. Am I giving up on this relationship too early or am I crazy for wanting him back? What do I do? Why do I still miss him? Why do I love him?

    • It sounds as though the decision was made to end this relationship. He has decided to treat you without respect. Take this time to determine what is acceptable to you. There is no reason for your to reach out to him at this time. If he reaches out to you, then share your kindness and compassion with him. Have a great day, Zilo!

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