When a relationship ends, it can either be amicable, or pretty difficult. It doesn’t matter if the relationship was only a few months, or several years – when you miss someone who is no longer in your life, it can eat up a lot of your thoughts and emotions.
Missing someone is never easy, especially when it’s someone that you loved and cared about for so long, and spent so many intimate moments with. When you miss someone, it can feel like all you’re ever doing is thinking about what they’re doing, feeling and saying right now. Unfortunately, we rarely ever get the opportunity to find out, so we are often left plagued with questions that we can’t answer.
When you’re missing your ex boyfriend, figuring out how to best get around those feelings and move on can feel daunting, or impossible. Don’t worry: it’s possible, it just takes some time. Here are some helpful ways to stop missing your ex boyfriend and move on with your life.
1. No more negativity
You may be missing your ex-boyfriend because you’re thinking about why you’re no longer together – and that’s never a good place to be. If you’re still thinking about the last fight that you had, or wondering if he cheated on you or found someone better, then you’re going to be stuck missing him longer than you want to be.
You’re better off getting rid of that negative energy than dwelling on questions you may never get the answer to. Just remember that you can’t control other people, only yourself. Focus on the positive things happening in your life, even if it feels like they’re all clouded by how much you miss your ex.
2. Recognize your feelings
Why exactly are you missing your ex? Is it because you loved him, or is it because you’re lonely? Pinpointing the exact reason that you miss your ex boyfriend can help you overcome the feeling of missing him much faster. The truth of the matter is, all of us have emotions and feelings sometimes that aren’t nice or convenient.
If you’re missing your ex because you don’t want to be alone, figuring out how to confront that will make your life so much easier. You may also come to terms with the fact that you’re just still in love with him. Those feelings aren’t easy to confront, either, but they’ll be much easier to face once you’re able to name them for what they are.
3. Write to him – but don’t hit send!
Write a handwritten letter or an email, but make sure you don’t actually send it to him. Writing can be an extremely therapeutic way to get all of your emotions out, and it can even help you work through all the things that you’re feeling.
If you’re missing your ex boyfriend and can’t figure out what to best do with all of those emotions, writing them all down can be just the way to work through your feelings. Of course, don’t send it to him! Those writings are private, and it can even feel great to burn it afterwards.
4. Find a hobby
Keeping yourself busy can be a great way to keep your mind off your ex boyfriend. You’re single, you’re hurting, and you deserve to have all of your attention on yourself. Healing can take a while, so keeping yourself busy and focused on yourself is a great way to get over missing your ex. Find a new hobby, or pick up a hobby that you dropped when you were together. Start writing again, or drawing, or playing video games.
If you like to jog, go for a run and play your favorite music. Or, if you’ve never been one for hobbies before, now might be just the right time to focus on getting a new one. Try something that you’ve never tried before, just because you can. Keeping yourself busy will help distract you from missing him – and before you know it, you won’t be missing him all that much anymore.
5. Give him space
It may feel tempting to sending him texts, emails, snaps or check up on his social media … but resist! If you want to get back together, or if you think there might be a chance, don’t bombard him with messages and notifications as if you were still dating.
He may need time to work through his own feelings about the break up, and he won’t be able to do that if it feels like you’re constantly hanging over his shoulder. So, even if it may be tempting to see what he’s up to, resist the urge. If he’s ready to come back, he’ll come back.
6. Get rid of the reminders
You’re broken up and you miss him, but there’s no reason to keep the photos of the two of you up on your fridge. Take off the jewelry he bought you and don’t re-read old text messages or emails. I know it feels like all you want to do is remember all the good times that you had together, but indulging will only make letting go of him much harder.
When you’re hurting, you want to remember all the nice, wonderful things that you’ve done together, but that won’t help you stop missing him. When there’s no more constant reminders around, you’ll be able to stop missing him that much sooner.
7. Meet new people
Go out! Meet new friends! You don’t have to jump on a dating website or Tinder and start looking for a new beau right away. But, you should get yourself out of the house and meet the people around you.
Making new friends can help you get over missing your ex boyfriend, because you’ll be too busy learning about these new people and getting to know one another. Filling your life with new, exciting energy can help you stop missing your ex boyfriend. After all, if you both had never broken up, you wouldn’t be having these new, amazing experiences right now.
8. Talk to someone
Therapy can be extremely helpful, especially if you’re struggling to stop missing a long-term ex boyfriend. Long-term relationships can be just as devastating to get over as marriages, especially if you were cohabitating and planning for the future.
Seeing a therapist doesn’t make you “crazy”, even though a lot of people have that misconception. Having someone who’s trained in helping you work through feelings and coping mechanisms can be helpful when you’re struggling to let go of the feelings you had for your ex.
9. Ask your friends to avoid talking about him
They may desperately want to know what happened, or they may just still hang out with him. Whatever the reason, real friends will respect your boundaries during your time of mourning and missing.
If you’re not constantly bombarded with information about what he’s doing, how he’s feeling, and who he’s seeing, you’ll find it easier to get over missing him. So, if your friends still hang out with him, ask them to avoid talking about him when they’re with you. They don’t have to stop hanging out with him, but if you’re trying to stop thinking about him, it really helps when you’re not being forced to.
It doesn’t have to be on a expensive vacation, but if you’re in the same city or town as your ex boyfriend, it may do some good to get away for a couple of days. If you have some friends in another city, or you owe your parents a visit, why not take the time to just get away?
Being in another city can make you feel so much better, since you won’t be constantly stressed thinking about running into your ex boyfriend. Plus, you’ll get to enjoy a few days of just relaxing and having fun. Everyone deserves to get away every once in awhile. Take a few of those saved up vacation days and enjoy a honeymoon with yourself.
Learning how to deal with missing your ex boyfriend isn’t always the easier thing you’re going to do in your life. But, having the skills to get over missing him will mean that you’re going to live a happier, stress free life once you do. Getting back together isn’t always an option. While it make take some effort on your part, ultimately you will live a life free of anxiety once more. No more late nights spent thinking about what he’s doing or who he’s with. No more staring at your old pictures, wishing that you could go back to happier times.
And definitely, no more checking up on his social media to see what he’s been doing. Leaving behind the thoughts and behaviors that keep perpetuating how much you miss him is a must. Taking control of your own emotions and thoughts is exactly what everyone who is struggling with missing their ex should do. Hopefully, these tips will make the first few months as a newly-single woman much, much easier.