Everyone has been in relationships that they just are not that in to. Sure, they guy is nice, and the two of you do alright together, but that is no reason to keep going on the way you have been. Even though you already know them and are in denial, there are a few sure signs that you are hanging in a relationship that is doomed because you are settling.
No matter how small your settling seems right now, it will be monumental later in life. Those small compromises and nuances that seem to be worth overlooking right now will open like giant fissures the longer you stay in an unhappy relationship. Everyone around you always tries to tell you that your relationship isn’t right and that he is just not the guy for you, but you refuse to hear anything you are hearing.
Just like anyone who is young and in love, you think you have it all figured out., sure, that little voice in the back of your mind has been nagging at you here and there, but that’s just cold feet, commitment issues, or a self-sabotaging problem of yours and nothing that has to do with him. Right?
As women, we have a very bad tendency to ignore all of our intuitive feelings and try to use our brain to figure out everything. However, we were created differently, and with intuition for a reason. Since we were blessed with that extra little bit of sense, it’s only right for us to actually use it and listen to it. That being said, for some reason we refuse to use intuition because we just can’t make ourselves explain anything that we can’t explain logically and with scientific facts.
Perhaps it’s because we are scared of having to listen to any mansplaining about how we are just making it up or being ridiculous and flighty. Or perhaps it’s because we still don’t trust ourselves. Either way, we need to work it out.
There are very obvious signs that you have been wasting your time away on something that will never work out. For the most part, you already know all of the signs and symptoms but are ignoring them in hopes that something will abruptly change. Since they won’t change at all, you need to reexamine your choices and take a chance elsewhere. So, how do you know for sure that you are wasting time in a relationship that is doomed to a lifetime of unhappy mediocrity? Here are the signs to watch for:
1. You think that your relationship is not the worst on you have seen. You know that you are unhappy but are constantly trying to convince yourself that others have it a lot worse than you. Your life can’t be so bad if it isn’t like theirs, right? Wrong, if you are not happy, then you don’t have any right to judge. Your relationship will be just like theirs one day.
2. You know that your relationship isn’t the best, but think it is good enough. You are in the relationship simply because they are in it with you. There is nothing exciting, or passionate about it; it is just easy. You are thinking that a relationship is all about compromises and you can make a few. He may not actually line-up with most of your dreams and hopes about your guy, but you will just compromise that away until it’s no longer important.
3. You think you can work it out yourself. You know that the relationship kind of sucks, but you think that if you really tried, you could fix it. That doesn’t mean you will though, because you subconsciously know that it isn’t worth it to put that much effort into it. You keep walking around thinking that one day soon, you will work out the problems in your relationship.
4. You are thinking that he will change and then you will be happy. Here’s the thing, if he is not changing for you right now, then he is not going to change for you later. As Steve Harvey once said, “A man only changes for one person. If he ain’t changing for you, then you are not that person.” It is true that men don’t change, which is why it is such a well-known saying. However, a man that does change is in love. That is how you know how he feels.
5. You think that your time will come one day. If you are just hanging around until something better comes along, then you are not really happy. There is no point in just biding your time with someone. Life is short, so be happy. Take a chance and take that leap of faith that there is more out there.
6. You think that you can handle it. If you are thinking that you can deal with an unhappy relationship, then this is you. Again, life is too short for settling. You have to try to find a happier relationship. It is out there waiting for you so go looking.
7. You feel guilty every time you think about walking away. You feel very sad for your partner and just know that leaving him would cause him to crumble. That is not something you would ever want to do, so you stick around too long. After all, you do feel something for him or you would not be there. But just because you feel something does not make it worth your time.
8. You think that time will heal everything. Time only hides the problem, covers the scars, and lessens the pain, but it doesn’t fix relationships. Only communication can do that, and somethings just can’t be talked out. If whatever is between you is something you could never forgive, forget, or let go, then why waste your time hoping it will magically resolve itself?
9. You are too comfortable with your partner and don’t want to leave. Everything would change if you left and that is just not worth it to you. Honestly, your relationship isn’t that bad and the trade-off might be. How would you even remember to take out the trash, fix the air conditioner, or change your breaks?
10. You find yourself thinking that the sex is great. If that is what pops into mind when you think about your relationship, then you are in it for the wrong reason. Trust me, when you actually meet your soulmate, it will be like nothing you have ever felt before because love makes everything different and this guy will be looked back on as a complete waste of time. You will regret the wasted time you spent on him.
11. You are scared of how you would make it on your own. If you are thinking about how scary it would be to have no one to go home to, then what is the actual point of your relationship. You could accomplish the same feeling with a dog. You know that you couldn’t pay the bills without him. This happens and is tricky because he supports you, but is also completely and totally wrong because you are using him to keep you comfortable.
12. What about our children/commitments? If your only reason for staying is that it would be hard on your kids, or your credit, then you are staying for the wrong reasons. You are already committed to the relationship. You are thinking that you have already jumped in the deep end and it is too late to get out now. Trust me, eating crow is horrible, but it can also be amazingly freeing and refreshing.
13. You don’t want them to be with anyone else and just could not imagine him with others. You are being purely selfish about someone that you don’t even want which makes absolutely no sense. Sometimes, when we have committed a lot of time to something, we feel a sense of belonging to it and just can’t seem to let it go. But that is no reason to keep holding on to something that is doing nothing for you.
If any of these sound like what you are feeling right now, then get a hold of yourself and make a change. True happiness doesn’t come from finding the things and people in life that make you slightly happy. It comes from finding the things and people that you truly enjoy and spending as much time with and around them as possible. If he is not a person that you truly enjoy spending all of your time with, then you need to try something else. Check out some of those other fish.
I once was told by a woman that she was getting back with an emotionally abusive ex because he loved doing all of the things that she loved and introduced her to some of them. She never once said anything about him, just his hobbies. After remarrying the guy, he became very emotionally and physically abusive even to the point of hospitalizing her before she finally got the nerve to leave again. She is now happy with a new husband who treats her with respect.
The point is that problems are problems, and unless it is something very miniscule that you will be happy to deal with when it is magnified, then you are making a mistake. Truthfully, you already know if it is a mistake and your pride is the only thing holding you back. No one wants to admit they have made a judgment error, and not a single person wants to throw away something they have invested their time and energy into.