When it comes to dealing with our ex we usually have a lot of’ questions.
‘Do we share our friends or make them pick sides?’
‘Who gets the dog?’
‘Do I still wish their mom a happy birthday?’
‘Can we still be friends?’
The Biebs (Justin Bieber) has a song out on the radio right now titled Can we be friends and the whole song is about whether or not he and his ex can remain friends now that everything has gone kaput.
He brings the topic to light and with reason, because surely many people around the world can relate… And they relate pretty hardcore. Everyone has an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend at some point, right? So we all come to the crossroads of walking the other way forever or remaining in contact. What decides which path we choose? How do we figure this out?
It definitely is one of the hardest decisions to make when it comes to our love lives. We don’t usually make this decision lightly, do we? That is probably why you are here today asking the question of whether it is possible to be friends with your ex or not? Well, you have definitely clicked upon the right place! Because we are here to help you figure just that out.
Unfortunately the answer to this question is not black or white. Meaning that it will not be a straight set answer for everyone. Why? Because there are a lot of different factors to consider before determining whether or not to remain friends with an ex.
What kind of factors should you take into consideration before making this big decision? Keep reading and we will go over them with you!
Are You Over Them?
Being over your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend is super important when coming to a decision in this tough situation. Not being over them can only lead down a very negative path and you might later regret ever making the decision to stay friends with them in the first place. When you continue to harbor feelings for you ex, but lie about those feelings it can end in you getting extremely hurt. Your ex might not notice that you are still attached, but still move on anyways and start seeing other people physically or emotionally. If you are still in love with them it might only damage you further to see them do these types of things. Especially if you have not gone through the heartbreak phase yet, because you were still holding on to hope that you might reconcile the relationship with your ex. Don’t continue to be friends with your ex if you are not 100% over them in every way possible. Which might be never if you want the truth. Sometimes we always have feelings for the people we once loved, but they get weaker with time. Some of us need a lot of time before it’s even an option. And by that time you and your ex will both be in much different places in your lives and it won’t seem to matter as much whether you are friends or not.
Are They Over You?
And just as it is important for you to be all the way over your ex and moving on, it’s equally as important for them to be over you. When one party isn’t moving on, but the other is it only leads down a bad road. There will be pain and maybe even pent up resentment. With those things involved could you really be or stay friends anyways? Probably not. It would be fake at that point. You never know… Your ex could try to sabotage your future relationships because the two of you are still friends. Surely you have seen the movies where the ex is still friends with the main character and he/she is always try to sabotage the wedding or their dates. It does happen in real life! Where do you think they got the inspiration for the movies?
So unless both of you are over each other the answer would be no. No, you cannot possibly be friends with your ex.
However, if the two of you are over each other and consider the other following factors then yes. Yes, you could be friends. For how long? We don’t know, but you could definitely at least give it a chance.
Did You Have Time To Grieve?
You might think that you are over you ex. You might feel like you are revived when it comes to love. You may even go as far as seeing another person. But remember oftentimes that the new person you are seeing is your rebound and doesn’t necessarily mean that you have had time to process the whole break up yet. Give yourself plenty of time to really feel the heartache. Give yourself a chance to grieve the relationship you just got out of. Especially if it was a long term relationship. This isn’t something you do always if the relationship was very short lived. Without giving yourself time to get over it, you won’t actually be over it and you should not move into the friendship stage just yet. But if you have had time to mourn the death of the love you two shared then yes go ahead and become friends.
Only you can decide when you are really done processing everything. Only you can decide when you are ready!
Did It End Badly or Not?
Okay, so really what is the point of being friends with someone who may have screwed you over or purposely ruined your life or severely broke your heart by doing some dumb stuff? Our answer: There isn’t a point so don’t even think about being friends with them. There’s no backing to guarantee that someone who treated you badly in a relationship will treat you any differently as a friend. It’s best to just forget they ever existed and never give them the time of day again.They obviously don’t deserve it for being such a piece of crap to you.
What Are The Intentions?
Think really, really long and hard about this one. Why do you want to be friends with your ex? What are your intentions here? Staying friends with someone because you want to see their dog or use their stuff are not really good reasons. Although we understand dogs are hard to let go of. It’s probably harder to let go of your ex’s dog than it is to actually let go of your ex. However, you shouldn’t stay friends with someone on such shallow grounds. You never know how much it would hurt them or you in the end. Are you intentions to stay friends because you want to keep the door open for a reconciliation? Bad idea! If it didn’t work the first time, it probably wouldn’t work out a second time. You are essentially just bracing yourself for double the heartache. Move on, friend, move on…
Are They or You Seeing Someone Else?
The last thing you should think about before diving into a newly founded friendship with someone you were much more than friends with is whether or not you are seeing someone new. If you are seeing someone new, it is very important to consider how they would feel about you having your ex in your life. Be courteous of their feelings, because how would you feel the person that you are seeing had their ex hanging around all the time? This one is totally something that only you and your new lover can come to a conclusion on!
These are the most important factors to consider when deciding if it’s possible to be friends with your ex. Remember that every couple is different so there is no universal answer to this question, but hopefully this helps you figure it out for you personally! Good luck!