Narcissism is actually a psychology term. Someone who is a narcissist has an overly developed, false sense of self. Often, it is someone who suffered emotional, intellectual or personal traumas and injuries at an early age. To compensate, they created an over-inflated idea of who they are. One thing is for sure—the last thing that you want to do is date a narcissist. If your boyfriend is a narcissist, you should run the other way.
What Is a Narcissist?
Someone is a narcissist if they have a grandiose idea of themselves. They think that they are above everyone else, so they are extremely conceited. They are self-absorbed and in love with the idea they have of who they are. Unfortunately, our society often encourages people to become a narcissist. Mild forms of this mental disorder are encouraged in business, politics and other arenas.
People say that a narcissist is in love with themselves, but this is not quite true. There is no “self” to really be in love with. A narcissist sees himself as more awesome, charismatic, intelligent, beautiful or talented than they really are. What he really loves is his idea of himself. On a very deep level, he painfully feels like he is the ugly duckling and not worth anything. To hide this, he develops this new, unrealistic self-image. Even when he is alone, he will not admit to himself that he actually has deep insecurities.
Is My Boyfriend a Narcissist?
While you would really need a psychologist to talk to your boyfriend and figure out if he is a narcissist, there are a few things that you can look for. Narcissists can be dangerous individuals. They are emotionally draining and absorb your attention. If their image is threatened, they can even become violent. Anything that threatens how he sees himself is a threat. If your boyfriend does most of the following things, you should seriously thinking about ending the relationship.
1. He Breaks Rules
A narcissist typically views himself as above the rules. He is aware that social norms and rules exist, but he does not think that they apply to him. He is the type of guy who cuts in line, breaks traffic laws and tips less than he should. If he makes an appointment, he feels no guilt about breaking the appointment if it suits him.
2. He Hogs the Conversation
What does your boyfriend like to talk about more than anything? If his favorite subject is himself, you should be worried. A narcissist loves to talk about what he likes, how his day was and what he thinks about the world. Even if you have something important to share, you will have a problem getting a word in edgewise. If what you have to say does not agree with his views, then he will ignore you or dismiss your ideas entirely. Or, he will argue with you and tell you how you are wrong.
3. He Manipulates You
A narcissist will manipulate you in any way that he can. Initially, he may manipulate you to boost his own ego. As his girlfriend, you show how smart or attractive he is because he was able to win your affection. He may use you to reach his unrealized dreams or to cover up his flaws. Unfortunately, this will not make you feel good about yourself. He has to be the best (whether he is or not), so he will still put you down so that he feels better.
A narcissist will also manipulate your emotions and make you sacrifice things for him. Your friends, goals, happiness and career or all lost because he wants to be the enter focus of your life. Whenever you try to argue, he makes you feel guilty and ashamed.
4. He Feels Entitled
A narcissist has a grandiose idea of himself. Because of that, he feels like he deserves better treatment than anyone else. He expects everyone to cater to him, but does not offer the same treatment in return.
5. He Has an Over-Inflated Ego
In the story of his life, he thinks he is the hero or king. He has an exaggerated idea of how important he is and the contributions that he makes to the world.
6. He Hurts the People Around Him
Since he is so self-important, he does not feel like he has to consider your thoughts, belongings, space or feelings. He might borrow money or items without returning him. He breaks promises and blames you for not respecting/caring/loving him enough.
7. He Is Charming
A narcissist is often extremely persuasive and charismatic. This is a bad combination because it means that it is easy for him to find girls to date. He makes you feel like you are special, desired and extremely attractive. Once he has “caught” you, he flips a switch. He doesn’t care about your feelings. If he loses interest in you or is distracted by anything else, he may move on without caring about how you feel.
8. He Interrupts Conversations
Because everything is about him, he typically interrupts conversations. Even if he lets you talk for a while, he will try to bring the conversation back to yourself. This is because he really has little interest in others. He only cares that other people support his own ego and needs.
9. He Projects a False Image
A narcissist treats himself like a trophy. He wants to show off how good, intelligent, attractive or talented he is. His goal is to impress other people through a superficial way. If he cannot attain an actual accomplishment, he will use objects or people to show off how much better he is than everyone else. These symbols and “trophies” help to create the false image the narcissist has of himself.
10. He Causes Negative Emotions
If you are insecure or depressed, a narcissist feels better about himself. He feels like he is more powerful or capable than you are. Because of this, a narcissist will often make other people feel bad intentionally. He wants to break down your ego so that he can control you and boost his own ego. While he is quick to judge, he is extremely sensitive to criticism.