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12 Funny Jokes to Tell Your Girlfriend

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If you ask just about any women what they are looking for in a man you’ll hear one thing come up, they are looking for a man with a sense of humor. Many funny guys who have trouble getting dates will try and call BS, but you have to think about the full picture.

True, being funny won’t necessarily land you the supermodel of your dreams, but it will make any woman more likely to go out with you. It’s also important to remember that you need to tell the right sort of jokes. When guys get together the main kind of comedy is the insult variety.

 

Calling your bro every name in the books might be a good idea for male bonding, but you need to take a different approach when joking with your girl. The key word is “fun,” keep things light and flirty. At least, to start with.

Eventually, you’ll get to know what sort of sense of humor your girlfriend has, and you can let things flow more naturally. But if you’re just learning how to make her laugh it’s best to start with something a little safer. That’s what we’ll be looking at with the 12 jokes we’re going to look at.

1. What state are you from?

Are you from Tennessee? Because I’ve always heard that girls from that state are especially beautiful and you are the most attractive woman I’ve seen all day.

(Hopefully, she’s heard corny pickup lines a lot because this is a play on a classic. The old version goes like this, “Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only ten I see.” But this joke switches it up and shows her that you aren’t the same as other guys who use canned lines, you switch things up. If she gets it, she will think you’re witty. If she doesn’t get it, then she might just get confused. It’s a good way to screen girls to see how sharp they are.)

2. Checking the goods

When you’re hanging out with your girlfriend you need to lean towards her and start rubbing the cloth of her clothes between her fingers and say this:



You: Ahh, just what I thought!
Her: What?
You: Feels like girlfriend material.

(You can also tell her to feel your shirt and then ask if it seems like girlfriend material, but wouldn’t you rather have an excuse to touch her? Exactly what I thought, go get it!)

3. The Art of the Joke

You: Why do painters always fall for their models?
Her: Why?
You: Because they love them with all of their art.

(If you’ve got any artistic abilities at all you can have her model for you before you tell this joke. It’s a silly little joke on its own, but if you tell it to her while you’re sketching her or even snapping photos with your phone it will pack a little more punch.)

4. An Irish Compliment

You: Do you know what sort of vegetable you remind me of?
Her: What?
You: A sweet potato.

(Be careful telling this joke if you are dating a nutritionist because while potatoes are defined as vegetables by both botanists and the average person you might remember that potatoes are put into the starch section of the food pyramid alongside things like rice and bread. Just thought you might appreciate a heads up.)

 

5. Trickery

OK, this joke requires her to make the right reply even though you can’t be sure what she’ll say. We’ll start by going over the way it’s supposed to play out.

You: Want to make out?
Her: No.
You: What did I just say?
Her: Want to make out?
You: Alright, since you asked politely.



(Of course, the trouble with this joke is the fact that you can’t be sure if she will say no or not. That’s not really so bad since if she wants to make out that’s pretty great too. So it’s a bit of a win-win. You can also use this to ask for other, kinkier things. Feel free to use your imagination.)

6. Cutlery

You: I just checked the cutlery drawer, and I’ve got a problem. I’ve got a big fork and a little fork, a big knife and a little knife, but I’ve only got a big spoon. Could you help me?
Her: How?
You: Wanna be my little spoon?

(The girl in this scenario is a little slow, your girl might catch your drift and offer to be your little spoon before you can ask her. Or she might demand to be your big spoon, that’s a pretty good outcome too.)

7. Heating up

When you see your girl is ready for your date to say this to her:

You: Before we go out I have to go grab some oven mitts.
Her: Why?
You: Because you are looking way too hot to handle right now.

(If you really want to sell this one you can have oven mitts nearby and put them on before you explain your reasons. Girls appreciate the dedication.)

8. Nothing but animals

You: If you could be any animal what would it be?
Her: I’d be an X. What would you be?
You: I’d be an X too. No way I’m missing out on a chance to make babies with you.

(Of course, for this line the X will be replaced by whatever animals she says. You can also change up the last line if you don’t want to talk about having kids, but I thought I’d use a PG version of this line. Feel free to spice it up.)

 

9. Turning red

Just a heads up, for this joke to work your girlfriend needs to be wearing lipstick.

You: I think I have something on my lips.
Her: What? I don’t see anything.
*Kiss her*
You: Your lipstick.

(Of course, you can change the word lipstick out for anything else she might have on her lips, like lip balm. If you are really dedicated to comedic timing then wait for her to touch up her lips and then spring this joke.)

10. Legal action

First, find some post-it notes. Then take one off and write down “You owe $100” on it. Then you find a sneaky way to stick the note on her butt.

Her: What is this?
You: Isn’t it obvious? You’ve got one fine rear-end!

(For extra points you can actually print off some sort of real fine slip and stick it on her. The only limit is how much energy you’re willing to dedicate to one silly joke!)

11. Sheer poetry

You: You really inspire me, you know that? I was so inspired that I had to write you a poem. Want to hear it?
Her: Sure.
You: Roses are red. Violets are blue. You’re really hot. I’m not good at poems.

(Yeah, it’s silly, but so what? The key is that you have fun. Also, act totally serious at the start, really make her think you might be a poet. The more serious you are, the funnier the joke is once you get to the end. Also, feel free to change out “You’re really hot” for any other sort of compliment.)

12. Knock Knock

You: Knock knock
Her: Who’s there?
You: Kiss.
Her: Kiss who?
You: Kiss me, silly girl!

(Yeah, it’s a silly joke. But if you’re a decent kisser she’ll forget how silly the joke was in just a few seconds.)

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