This is a common sentiment. When you are in love, it seems like nothing is more important in the world. The sky seems brighter, the birds sing more beautifully and your coffee even tastes better when you have someone to love. Before long, your entire life revolves around him or her and you absolutely love it. Once you fall out of love or go through the dreaded break up, you realize it was a complete waste of time. Getting together and breaking up seems like a never-ending cycle that just wastes your time, your happiness and—in some cases—your money as well.
Why Love Is a Waste of Time
We are not saying that all love is a waste of time or that it is even a waste of time for everyone. We do want to point out that it is often a distraction and completely useless. After all, how many middle school and high school students marry their sweethearts? Was it really necessary to go through a string of partners during and after school when you are not willing to settle down until you are 25 or 30? What is the point of all that time?
When you find the perfect partner, get married and spend a lifetime together, love is a wonderful thing. For many people though, the first, second, third or twentieth date is still not with the right person. All of these people might help you “grow” as a person or “find out what you want” in a mate, but they probably are not all worth your time. Most of them, in fact, are a complete waste of your time, money and energy.
1. You Are Wasting Time on People You Know Are Going Nowhere
We don’t mean nowhere as in nowhere in life or their career. We mean nowhere in terms of your relationship. If you are dating someone as just a fling or a temporary relationship, you need to stop and ask yourself why. Be honest with yourself. If you know from day 1 that this is not the right person for you and you will ultimately end the relationship, get out while you are ahead. A bit of temporary comfort is not worth the time or stress of a relationship that is ultimately headed nowhere.
2. You Keep Thinking About Him or Her
Thinking about the one you love is normal. While a bit of daydreaming is fine, love can quickly push all other thoughts out of your mind. This is entirely not your fault. When you fall for someone, your body ramps up hormones to make you feel infatuated. Basically, your body wants you to feel constantly enamored as you think about him or her constantly. It’s not your fault.
The problem is that you only have so much time in each day of your life. If you spent all of your time thinking about your newest date, you would have no mental left over for doing your schoolwork or working on a project at the office. If you gave up love completely until you were truly ready to settle down, you could be a millionaire and a much better catch.
When you do find the right person, the good news is that this mental energy is not wasted forever. Your infatuation hormones slow down after you have been in a relationship a few months because it is just not sustainable to devote that much energy to a specific person. If you find and date the right person the first time, then you only waste this energy once—and if you are with the right person, it won’t be a waste.
3. You Do Have a Life, Right?
One of the hardest things about dating is learning to balance your relationship with the rest of your life. Many, many people make the mistake of throwing all of their energy into their romantic relationship. They forget about their hobbies, their friends and their goals as they get entirely wrapped up in love. After the infatuation ends, you start to look around and wonder what else is left. You gave up everything, and all you have is your relationship to show for it.
This leads to a number of negative things. First, you have nothing going on in the rest of your life and you lost sight of your goals. The next problem is that you may start to feel clingy or needy because your partner is literally all you have in life. The last issue is with what happens when the relationship eventually ends. You need a balanced lifestyle because it helps you get over a break up, have healthy relationships and have meaning in your life.
4. You Get Nothing Back
Do you prefer giving more than receiving? Unfortunately, kind-hearted, loving people often get a bad deal in relationships. They just give and keep giving, but their partner does not return their attention or love. If you are in this kind of relationship, your love is a waste of time. You need someone who deserves you. Until you find that person, there are other aspects of your life that you can focus on instead.