Home Love & Relationship 134 Love Jokes: Funny Husband/Wife or Girlfriend/Boyfriend Jokes

134 Love Jokes: Funny Husband/Wife or Girlfriend/Boyfriend Jokes

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You love your significant other, so all you want to do is make them smile. You try sharing stories from your day, but they are somehow a little less amusing as a story than they were as an experience. If you want to express yourself and make your partner smile, then you have to show off your sense of humor. Funny Husband/Wife or Girlfriend/Boyfriend Jokes

Some people are naturally funny and easily make people laugh. If you are not one of these people, then luckily there are some love jokes you can use. You can use these funny jokes on your husband, wife, girlfriend or boyfriend. Before you use them though, make sure to read it carefully. The last thing you want to do is unintentionally offend your significant other.

You will want to make sure that they are in the right mood for the joke. If your significant other is in a grumpy, unhappy mood, then the best love jokes will still end up falling flat. Once they are in a good mood (or if you are trying to put them in a good mood), then go ahead and pick some of the following jokes! If you are feeling especially creative, you can always try making up some of your own jokes as well.

1. The Bible says to love your neighbor, but you have to make sure to hide your husband away first!

2. No one should ever be in a rush to end their marriage with their husband or wife. You never know when you might need a spouse to finish your sentence.

3. When a man chooses to marry a woman, it is the highest compliment that he could ever pay her. Unfortunately, it is generally the last.

4. Knock, Knock. Who’s there? Abby. Abby, who? Abby anniversary, my dear!

5. Do you know what the difference is between love and herpes? Love is the only one that doesn’t last forever.

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6. We should make a commitment to carry out the perfect crime together. I will still your heart if you will steal mine.

7. Did I ever tell you that my new girlfriend works at the zoo? I heard that she’s a keeper.

8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Harry. Harry, who? Harry up and give me a kiss!

9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Owl. Owl, who? You know Owl always love you!

10. I might not know your name yet, but I have a pretty strong feeling that it must be Wi-fi. I’m feeling a strong connection here.

11. My name is Windows 10. Can I crash at your place tonight?

12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Leena. Leena, who? You got to Leena a little closer so that I can kiss you!

13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Aldo. Aldo, who? Aldo anything if it will make you smile.



14. Some people get butterflies when they see the one they love. Forget about the butterflies—I think that I have the whole zoo!

15. Love is that feeling you get when you walk all the way across the classroom just to sharpen your pencil next to the person that you like. Then, you realize that you are actually holding a pen.

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16. Like most people, I was married by a judge. I just wish that there had been a jury, too.

17. It is so important to marry a woman who can clean, cook and care for the children. It is also important to get a woman who will keep you happy in the bedroom. More importantly, you have to make sure the two women never meet.

18. Do you have the date for Valentine’s Day? Of course, it is February 14th.

19. I feel like you are a type of car because you keep driving me crazy . . .

20. If I could rearrange the entire alphabet, I would make sure to put U and I together.

21. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ben. Ben, who? I’ve Ben thinking about you all day.

22. Women only fake their orgasms. A man can fake the entire relationship.

23. Do you happen to have a band-aid? I think that I may have scraped my knee by falling for you.

24. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Who’s there? Guinevere. Guinevere, who? Guinevere we going to go to the bedroom?

25. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cereal. Cereal, who? It’s a cereal blessing just to be married to you.

26. My husband believes that I am absolutely nuts. He was the one who decided to marry me though, so he must be 10 times crazier than I am.

27. One husband was alone and grumpy. He tried throwing knives at a photo and kept missing the target. All of a sudden, his phone started ringing. It was his wife wanting to know how she was doing. All he said was, “I keep missing you.”

28. Do you know why men with pierced ears are much better spouses after they get married? It’s because they already know how to buy jewelry and suffer greatly.

29. How did a telephone propose to his girlfriend? He just gave her a ring.

30. My wife is someone that you would call a sex object. Whenever I ask her to have sex, she objects.

31. If you looked at a scale of 1 to 10, you would see that you are the only 1 for me.

32. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pauline. Pauline, who? I am Pauline in love with you more and more every day.

33. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Eyesore. Eyesore, who? Eyesore do love you so much.

34. Do you know what happened when two vampires decided to go on their first date? They say that it was love at first bite!

35. Love is getting mad at someone and telling them to go to hell while hoping that they will manage to get their safely.

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36. One 40-year-old husband had a problem. Whenever he saw older men with gorgeous, younger wives, he always wished that he could have a wife who was 20 years younger than him. One day, he happened upon a fairy godmother. She offered him one wish for anything that he wanted. The husband wished that his wife was 20 years younger than him. Poof! The husband turned 60.

37. What did the astronaut’s girlfriend say after he proposed to her from open outer space? She said, “I can’t breathe!”

38. I have not spoken to my wife for a number of years. I just don’t want to interrupt her.

39. I always make sure that my wife knows exactly who is the boss in our home. I just hold a mirror up to her face.

40. Do you know what is really the ideal marriage? One that happens between a deaf spouse and a blind spouse.

41. One woman was hungry for love, but she had no idea where her next male would be coming from.

42. One couple were on a first date at a fancy restaurant when silence fell over the table. The woman told her date to tell her something that would set her heart racing. Pausing, he said, “I forgot my wallet.”

43. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ima. Ima, who? Ima love you forever.

44. When it comes down to it, being in love is like the central heating in your home. You turn it on right before the guests come over and then pretend like it was always that way.

45. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Harry. Harry, who? Harry up and finish!

46. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Orange. Orange, who? Orange you going to kiss me already?

47. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Juno. Juno, who? Juno that you are the light in my day and the love in my life?

48. Have you ever had that tingly building that moves all over your body when you start to have feelings for someone? They say that that is the common sense and logic leaving your body.

49. You are a lot like dentures. I could not smile without you.

50. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive, who? Olive you, and I want everyone to know about it!

51. Do you know why no one ever breaks up with a goalie? Because he is a keeper.

52. I love you with all of my butt. I would say my heart, but my heart just is not as big.

53. Falling in love is like swimming deeper and deeper into the river. It is so much easier to get into it than it is ever is to get out.

54. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stacy. Stacy, who? Stay and see what I want to do to you!

55. Knock, knock. Who’s there? I love. I love, who? Aw! I love you, too!

56. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Anita. Anita, who? Anita another kiss from you.

57. The voice of love kept trying to call me, but then I realize that it was dialing the wrong number.

58. If I was forced to choose between men and shoes, I would definitely pick shoes. They tend to last a lot longer.

59. LOVE is an acronym for Loss Of Valuable Energy.

60. Did anyone ever tell you what the biggest difference is between love and marriage? Love is like the sweet dream you have before marriage becomes the blaring alarm clock.

61. Before you commit to marry someone with the rest of forever, make them use a computer with a dial-up connection. That way, you will know what they are like during the best and the worst times.

62. Some people say that during the first year of being married, the man always speaks and the wife always listens. During the next year of marriage, the wife speaks while the husband just listens. In the third year of marriage, the wife and the husband speak while the neighbors listen in.

63. What did one boat say to another boat? Would you be interested in a little row-mance?

64. The funniest joke that I ever heard was my love life.

65. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Honeydew. Honeydew, who? Honeydew you know just how much I love being with you?

66. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ivana. Ivana, who? Ivana spend the rest of my days loving you.

67. You are y entire heart, mind, soul and body. Actually, I talked to my doctor and he thinks that you must be a parasite!

68. Love is quite a lot like peeing your pants. At first, only you can feel the warm sensation. Before long, everyone can see that you have changed.

69. I would like to spend the rest of my days trying to crawl out of debt with you.

70. Marriage is a deal that comes without any guarantees. If that is the sort of thing that you are looking for, you had better just buy a car battery.

71. Do you know the secret to why my husband I never have to go to a marriage counselor? I majored in theater in college, and he majored in communications. This means he communicates with me a lot and I can act like I am actually listening.

72. Love is all about a complex chemistry between two people. This is probably why my wife treats me like I am toxic waste.

73. An older husband and his wife were sitting on their rocking chairs at home. Suddenly, a fairy appeared before them and gave each of them one wish. Ever the gentleman, the husband told his wife that she could go first. The wife had always dreamed of living in Paris, so she wished to go to Paris. In a moment, the fairy waved her wand and the wife disappeared to Paris. The fairy turned to the husband and asked for his wish. He shrugged. “I got my wish. I just wanted to be alone.”

74. A man and a woman decided to get married in their local courthouse. As they were leaving the courtroom, the new bride turned to her handsome groom. “Isn’t it nice coming here when we are not getting convicted of something?”

75. Do you want to know why I have decided that I will never use Google again? Because after all of this time wasted in my searches, I have finally discovered the love of my life and it is you.

76. Love is like being diagnoses as temporarily insane. The only cure for this terrible sickness is marriage.

77. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Mary. Mary, who? Mary me, and I will be yours forever.

78. There is a special, secret spot where a man can touch a woman and she will go absolutely crazy. Her heart.

79. Love is like a type of amnesia where a girl forgets that there are actually 3.5 billion other guys out there in the world.

80. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Snow. Snow, who? Snow use. No matter what I do, I can’t stop thinking about you.

81. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Halibut. Halibut, who? Halibut you give me a kiss?

82. You could fall out of the sky or you could fall out of a try. The best way to fall is to fall in love with me.

83. Would you mind if I borrowed a kiss from you? I promise that I will give you it back.

84. You are like being diagnosed with asthma. You always manage to take my breath away.

85. A husband and wife were drinking wine together at home. The wife suddenly said, “I love you.” Startled, the husband looked over at her and asked if that was true or if it was just the wine talking. The wife replied, “I was talking to the wine.”

86. An archaeologist is truly the best husband that a woman could ever have. This is because that as she starts to get older, he will only become more interested in her.

87. I have been blissfully and happily married for five years . . . out of 20.

88. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Amish. Amish, who? Aww, Amish you, too, sweetheart!

89. Why do painters always seem to fall in love with their models? Because they always love them with all of their art.

90. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cynthia? Cynthia, who? Cynthia you went away, I have been missing you with all of my heart.

91. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Frank. Frank, who? Frank you for loving me back.

92. Have you ever gone fishing before? I was only wondering because I was really thinking that we should hook up.

93. Never laugh at what your significant other’s choices are because you might be one of them.

94. I love everyone. There are some people who I love to be around and some people that I would love to avoid. Then, there are people I love to punch in the face.

95. What did the patient with a broken ankle say to the doctor? Hey, doctor, I have a crutch on you.

96. There were two antennas that happened to meet on a roof. Quickly, they fell in love and decided that they had to get married. The wedding ceremony wasn’t much to speak about, but I can tell you that they had a very strong connection.

97. You are like dandruff to me. I cannot manage to get you out of my head no matter how hard I keep trying.

98. I love you today more than I ever loved you yesterday. This is only because you really ticked me off yesterday.

99. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Canoe. Canoe, who? Canoe lean over and give me a kiss already?

100. Did you ever hear the joke about the near-sighted porcupine? He ended up falling in love with a pincushion.

101. I think you could be suffering from a lack of vitamin Me.

102. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Churchill. Churchill, who? Churchill would be the best sight for a wedding.

103. When a man decides to try to steal your wife, the best revenge you could ever get is letting him keep her.

104. What are the three major rings that you get in life? They are your engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.

105. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Iguana. Iguana, who? Iguana love you forever and a day.

106. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Muffin. Muffin, who? Muffin on this earth could ever keep us apart.

107. There is one thing that defines true love: No longer having to hold in your gas anymore.

108. Our love will never become icy or hollow unless one day you decide not to swallow.

109. What is the biggest difference between love and marriage. Love might be blind, but marriage is a true eye opener.

110. One day, a husband decided to tell his wife that her read end was quickly becoming as big as their grill. Later that night, he made the mistake of trying to get her to be intimate in the bedroom. The woman coldly replied, “Do you really think that I would fire up this grill for only one little weenie?”

Funny Husband/Wife joke

111. A woman decided that she had to break off her recent engagement with her fiance. After she told one of her friends, the friend was shocked. “What happened? I thought that you guys were a case of love at first sight!” The woman wryly shrugged. “It was the second and third sight that changed my mind.”

112. A husband was staring at himself ruefully in the mirror. He turned to his wife and asked, “Will you still love me when I am fat, old and bald.” She said, “I do.”

113. You might not be able to buy love, but you certainly pay heavily for it.

114. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Will. Will, who? Will you say that you’ll marry me?

115. Romantic love might be like mental illness, but it is a fun one.

116. The brain is thought to be the most impressive organ in the body. From the moment you are born, it works 24/7, 365 days a year . . . until you fall in love.

117. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Keith. Keith, who? Keith me, my dear!

118. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Luke. Luke, who? Luke deeply into my eyes and tell me how much you love me.

119. I think we are both subatomic particles because I really feel this strong force coming from the two of us.

120. Why is it that men prefer to fall in love at first sight? Because doing this saves them a lot of money.

121. Why should you never actually marry a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them.

122. Have you ever heard the concept of Newton’s law? It says that for every idiot, there is an equal and opposite idiot. In popular society, they are known as husband and wife.

123. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Norma Lee. Norma Lee, who? Norma Lee I would not say this, but I believe that I am falling in love for you.

124. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Candice. Candice, who? Candice be love that I am starting to feel right now?

125. A T-Rex turned to his girlfriend and spread his arms. “I love you this much!” His girlfriend replied, “That doesn’t look like much at all!”

126. When you fall in love, it is truly the most amazing two days of your entire life.

127. Marriage is one of the most amazing inventions ever, but then again, so was the toaster.

128. Love is like when you have to pass gas. If you do it too forcefully, then you will just make a mess.

129. A girl was talking to her boyfriend and asking him if he would still love her after getting married. He said, “It all depends on what your husband thinks.”

130. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wanda. Wanda, who? Wanda marry me today?

131. My boyfriend and I actually met on the internet. My mother wanted to know what line he used on me. My boyfriend replied, “It was just a moden.”

132. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive, who? Olive you so unbearably much!

133. What did one volcano say to another on their date? I lava you.

134. Bigamy means that you have one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

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