If there’s one thing people get wrong the most, it’s that they’re in love when they’re actually only feeling lust. I can’t really blame them. The two emotions are very similar in a lot of ways, but you must know the difference if you want to find that one person to spend the rest of your life with.
Lust is something we all feel and we can feel for different people – even at the same time. True love though, it much rarer and you want to know the difference so you can know who is really worth your time. The problem is that they’re not easy to tell apart if you don’t know what to look for.
That’s why we’re here. We want to make sure you know the difference between the two so you don’t get stuck in a relationship that’s only lust and no love. While you definitely want lust in the relationship with someone you truly love, you can’t be in a relationship with ONLY lust and no love. Here are the signs your relationship is all about lust and not about love.
- Everything revolves around sex.
This is definitely the biggest sign you’re in a lustful relationship and not a loving one. When you first arrive to see them, do you immediately jump into sex first? That’s a huge sign you only feel lust for someone. When you only want to jump their bones instead of getting to know them, it’s lust.
- Your emotions are only surface-deep.
How do you truly feel about this person? Do you really like them for their personality or are you completely consumed with only physical attraction for them? While feeling physically attracted to someone is also important for love, if that’s all there is, it’s definitely only lust you feel.
- You don’t know much about your partner.
Another way to determine if you’re feeling lust and not love is to think about how well you know your significant other. Do you know what they were like as a child or what makes them angrier than anything else? If you barely know anything about them but you’re still having sex with them, it’s likely you only feel lust.
- You can’t see any flaws in them.
This may seem counterintuitive, but it’s not. When you love someone, you see all parts of them – even their flaws. However, if you only feel lust for someone, you don’t see anything wrong with them at all. In fact, they seem completely perfect and you’re so distracted by being turned on my them you don’t see any flaws.
- You were never “just friends”.
When you fall in love with someone, you go through a period of being friends, first. You get to know each other on a friend level and you enjoy their company like you would a friend. If you’re only feeling lust for someone, you never would have gone through that phase. You skipped right over on your way to the bedroom.
- You can’t act yourself around them.
Do you hide who you really are and don’t let your flaws be seen? If so, you might just be in a lustful relationship and not a loving one. If you’re too worried about letting your true self shine because you don’t want them to be turned off by you, then you don’t really love them at all.
- You never talk about important things in life.
If your conversations never get deep and you don’t talk about anything important to you, then it’s not love. When you love someone, you can talk freely about the things that matter in life but when it’s just lust, you forgo those topics completely.
- Your relationship isn’t really “official”.
Do you feel like you’re in a committed relationship? If it’s lust, then you never really do. You may have someone as a “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”, but if you feel like you’re not truly in a relationship then it might be because your relationship is based on lust and not love.
- You never really talk about the future.
If the future is never something that you two talk about, then it’s definitely a lustful relationship. When you’re in love, you always talk about the future and how you want to be with them a long time from now. But with lust, you really only think about how you feel in the moment.
- You don’t actually care about their personal life.
Do you really care if they’ve had a bad day or are struggling with something in school or work? If not, then it’s definitely not love. If the only thing you’re concerned about is whether or not they want to sleep with you, your relationship is completely based off lust.
- You usually leave after sex.
Do you two usually only have sex and then you leave? That’s not a relationship at all. When it’s love, you want to spend as much time as you can with them. You want to be there for them and get to know them and just talk about anything and everything.
- You get bored with the sex.
This is the biggest sign that you’re in a lust-only relationship. If after a while, you get completely bored in the bedroom with them, it’s not love. True love is always exciting when it comes to having sex because you care so deeply about the other person. After the initial attraction wears off with lust, you’re left bored.
Why Your Relationship Needs More than Just Lust
Having lust in your relationship is actually a great thing, but you definitely need more than just lust to make it work. Here’s why.
- Because sex can’t always be the most important thing.
You need to have love because there will be times in your relationship when you can’t have sex or you don’t want to have sex. Knowing the person you’re with still wants to be around no matter if they’re getting laid is really important for a healthy relationship.
- You need to be able to open up to your partner.
You can’t hide who you are with the person you love. You need to be able to push your problems aside and just have sex with someone forever. That’s why you need more than just lust. You need love so you can be who you really are and they’ll still love you. You can’t live a life hiding everything about your personality from the person closest to you.
- Lust won’t satisfy you forever.
Lust goes away after a little while. You may have fun and be really into someone, but eventually you’ll get used to their physical appearance and will be left with nothing to attract you to them. That’s why you need love. Even after you’re used to how good-looking they are, their personality will always be attractive to you. Lust is fleeting, but true love will make you feel excited and into someone forever.
It’s understandable that many people think lust and love are the same thing. However, you now know that they’re actually very different. You want to make sure your relationship isn’t only lust-based if you want to make it last.