When you’re at the office and your cute co-worker comes up and starts talking to you, you may find yourself to be flirting with him. He’s cute, you’re enjoying the conversation, it’s fun. When you were talking to him, you didn’t feel an ounce of guilt but now that the conversation is over, you start thinking about your husband and if flirting is considered cheating. Can you flirt as a married woman? What are the boundaries when it comes to flirting? These are important questions that need to be answered. But before you start to feel guilty about smiling to the pizza delivery boy, here are some things that you need to remember about flirting.
#1 Flirting is natural.
If you’re flirting, it’s completely normal. In fact, everyone has the natural instinct to flirt with someone they find attractive. We all do it, it’s a part of us, so don’t think it’s cheating. So, if you’re flirting with someone and you’re feeling guilty about it, don’t feel this way. It’s natural and most likely your spouse does it too.
#2 You have to know where the line is.
If you’re naturally flirtatious, that’s fine. However, you need to know where the line is. What is your personal boundary and what will you do when you feel that it’s getting crossed? This is something you need to ask yourself seriously because it’s very common for people to overstep the line especially if they don’t know where the line is. So, make the line, know where the line is and don’t cross it.
#3 Are you taking this flirting outside of the conversation?
If this just office flirting or are you also talking to him when you’re at home or at the gym? Flirting at the office is one thing, however, texting and emailing when you’re out of the office is another. This is crossing the line. You may think it’s okay because it’s “just texting” but if you’re investing more time talking to them than your spouse, that’s a problem that you need to fix.
#4 Are you using this to fulfil your intimate needs?
Is your partner not giving you the sexual attention or affection that you feel you need? If so, then this may be why you find yourself flirting with other people. Your partner isn’t fulfilling your needs so you’re getting them from somewhere else. That’s completely normal and understandable. But before this goes too far, you need to talk to your spouse instead and tell them what you need from them. That way, they’re aware of what’s lacking and can work on it.
#5 What is your motive by flirting with him?
You may not think that there is one, but sometimes it’s not so clear straight away. You need to really look at why you’re flirting with someone. If there a sexual motive on either side or is this just fun? If there are sexual innuendos and undertones, then you need to be careful. If you feel like you’re kinda having sex with this person already, that’s a bad sign and you need to step back from the situation.
#6 Don’t keep this a secret from your spouse.
If you find yourself leaving out information when you’re talking to your spouse, deleting emails – then that’s a red flag. If you have to exclude information or delete texts/emails, then obviously you know your partner wouldn’t appreciate reading that information. If you’re in this position, read your emails/texts and think to yourself, would I like this if he was talking to someone like this? If the answer is no, then you’re overstepping your boundaries and you’re entering a grey area.
#7 Don’t be the one to start flirting.
Don’t be the first one to initiate flirting. Let the guy start flirting with you. This puts you in control of the situation and you have the option to pull out of the scenario without people pointing the fingers at you. You have a spouse for a reason, this is the person you want to spend your life with, so there’s no need to seek other people’s attention. If they initiate the flirtation, then it’s fine to engage.
#8 If your friends are commenting, you’re going too far.
Friends are great indicators at letting you know how far is too far. Sometimes we get caught up in the moment and don’t realize our behavior, but that’s why you have friends. If you’re overly flirty with someone and your friends are commenting on it, listen to them. They would know since they have the 3rd person perspective on the situation. Better your friends to tell you than your spouse.
#9 Why are you flirting with him?
Though flirting is natural, you need to also look at why you’re flirting. If you’re flirting for fun and entertainment at work, okay. But if you’re flirting for attention, attention that you’re not receiving elsewhere, then this can be a slippery slope. If you’re flirting for self-esteem, this is also something you should look into. Flirting can be good for self-esteem but when you rely on this method as your only way to boost yourself, this is a problem.
#10 How does your spouse feel about it?
Does your spouse know that you’re a flirt? Does he see you flirt with other men? How does he feel about it? Though it’s natural, you also have to consider the feelings of the man you’re married to. How would you like it if he was flirting with other women in front of you? Usually, if your spouse doesn’t like it, that’s a good indication that your perception of flirting is off balance with his. Anyways, if you feel the need to flirt, try to flirt more with your spouse! Isn’t that why you married him?
#11 When your flirting turns into a therapy session.
If you’re talking about your spouse and your marital issues to the guy you’re flirting with, this is a recipe for disaster. If you feel the need to talk about your marital issues, then seek professional therapy. The guy you’re flirting with can easily use this as a way to get what he wants. Now, we don’t want to say that he has an alternative motive, but many people use marital issues as a way to lure others into having sex with them.
#12 Flirting won’t lead to divorce. But sleeping with another person will. We all flirt like we said before, it’s completely natural. So, don’t think because you flirt with your co-worker, your husband is going to leave you. You have to realize that your husband isn’t going to be the only man that you connect with on some level. As long as you know that this is innocent flirting and you know where the line is drawn, then there’s nothing to worry about.
Remember, flirting is completely natural. So if you find yourself flirting with another guy, it’s fine, enjoy the moment. As long as you know where your boundaries are and as long as you don’t cross them, there’s nothing wrong with flirting. That cute guy at the office? Go ahead! Have an innocent flirtatious conversation, it’ll make the work day go by a lot faster.