Most people focus on the high divorce rates—although the divorce rate actually declined during the Great Recession. While divorce gets all the attention, there is an entirely different problem that affects marriages. For some reason, a number of people do not seem interested in getting married. A number of men do not want to marry and settle down. If you are stuck in a relationship with someone who does not want to commit, you may want to learn why men do not want to marry and what you can do about it.
While it might be a problem with the man, there is also a larger societal reason why marriage is on the decline. Marriage is declining across all races and demographics. To start with, there has to be a positive benefit to getting married. As people become less religious, marriage is no longer a moral, religious necessity. Without this religious imperative, there has to be some other kind of benefit.
For some people, taxes and financial reasons are the main reason to actually make things official. Unfortunately, this reason does not always hold true. If you have children, getting married could make it harder to get health insurance or food benefits. Many states offer help paying for childcare if your income is at a certain level or less. If you do not get married, your income is less than what it would be otherwise. In these cases, it does not make financial sense to marry. Raising children is already expensive enough. Getting married can actually make it more expensive.
Another reason people might get married is to have sex in a socially acceptable way. Again, people are less religious. This reason is less important than it used to be. People can have sex without a commitment. They can live together without being stigmatized by society. Instead of being forced to get marry to have sex or live together, they can do the same things as a non-married couple.
Some men may also be afraid of the financial repercussions of getting married. If they earn more than their wife, they could be responsible for alimony if they get divorced. While we think that no one should plan on divorce when getting married or starting a relationship, it is certainly something that men would think about before they get married.
All of these societal reasons mean that marriage is becoming less common than it used to be. There is less of a stigma on having sex, living together or having children as partners instead of spouses. Because of this, many people do not see a valid reason for getting married.
Individual Reasons Why Men May Not Want to Marry
Of course, there are other reasons why an individual might not be interested in getting married. One of the most common reasons is a fear of commitment. After all, marriage is supposed to be for life. Someone should plan on being with a partner forever if they want to get married. Forever is a long time, so it is natural to be wary of such a commitment. If you can’t decide where you want to work in five years or where you want to live right now, deciding on your partner for a lifetime seems crazy.
Other men are afraid of losing their independence. Right now, he may be able to live in his own apartment and do what he wants. While he is presumably being faithful, he still has a lot more freedom than he would as a married man—or, at least, he thinks he does. Even if he is committed and is always there for you, the mental aspect of being in a relationship is different than being married. He knows that he could break up with you or leave if he wanted to. He may feel like he loses his options if he gets married.
Some men are also afraid of losing their sexual freedom. Yes, he might be committed to just sleeping with you. There is a drastic difference between committing to only sleep with one person for now and deciding to be exclusive for the rest of your life. He might keep dating you exclusively for decades, but there is still that potential that he could hook up with someone else if the relationship does not work out. In his mind, there is still that possibility. If he marries you, then he loses any possibility of ever experiencing a different partner. He might not actually want another partner ever, but he may want to at least have that possibility exist.
The Elephant in the Room
We started with societal reasons before moving on to more individual reasons for the man. One possible reason we have to suggest is that he just does not want to marry you. This is the hardest reason to look at because it makes you feel like something is wrong with you. In reality, it is more likely that there is something wrong with him.
If he does not think that your relationship could ever lead to marriage, then he is dating you for all of the wrong reasons. He might be in the relationship because you pay part of the rent. He might like the comfort or closeness of having a partner. He might just think that you are drop-dead gorgeous and love sleeping with you. Whatever the reason, he does not feel like it is enough to actually marry you. Instead of manning up and telling you that you are not his dream mate, he says that he does not want to get married.
Whatever the reason, you have to have a serious talk with your partner. After you have been together for a couple of months or years, it is time to talk about where the relationship is headed. If you want to get married at some point and he does not, you have to decide if you want to stay in the relationship. There is nothing wrong with just being committed, non-married partners forever. If marriage is something you want in your future, you have to make sure that your partner is on the same page or you may be wasting your time.