When it comes to finding a right guy, it is hard to find someone with the perfect personality, looks and intelligence. Worse still, you can end up finding the perfect guy only to realize that he has mommy issues. This pop culture term is used to describe a certain type of guy and the way that he relates to his mother.
For many guys (and ladies, too), a mother plays a central role in their life. They were the first person to love and care for him. Unfortunately, they can also be the first loved one to let someone down. If your guy was let down by a neglectful mother, he may end up having mommy issues. If this is the case, there are certain things that you can do understand his mindset and what he is going through.
How Do Mommy Issues Develop?
Often, mommy issues happen when someone grows up without a mother in their life. Normally, a mother plays a central role in your life. She feeds you, love you and cares for you. If you do not have a mother figure in your life, it can make you feel unloved and it can make growing up more difficult. While some people grow up perfectly fine without a maternal figure, others cannot grow into whole, emotionally healthy people. They never had a good female role model or learned how to have a good relationship. He may also think that he cannot trust the women in his life because he was unable to trust his mother.
If you are dating a guy with mommy issues, there are a few common things that you can expect. While it may not be easy at first, you can have a successful relationship as long as you know what to expect and how to handle it.
1. He Avoids Anything Involving His Mother
If he has mommy issues, then he may try to forget about her entirely. He will try to avoid seeing her or ignore phone calls from his mother. At first, you may even assume that his mother is dead because he never talks about her. You don’t want to pry too much, but it seems like their relationship is a rocky one. Even when you bring up the subject of his mother, he shuts down.
If this is what is happening to you, you need to be patient. It may not be easy for him to come to terms with how he feels about his mother. You have to wait until he opens up, and that could takes months or years. At the same time, be cautious. If he seems to show the same hatred he feels about his mom toward other women, you need to run the other way fast.
2. He Does What His Mother Says
Some guys who have mommy issues do not avoid their mother. In these cases, they are the stereotypical “mama’s boy.” If this is the case, then he will go to amazing lengths to make his mother happy. He will be overly worried about every detail when she comes over. He may tell you to change dinner dishes, change your clothes or obsessively clean the house. Basically, he wants to do everything he wants to to please his mother.
He will often feel self-conscious when his mom is nearby. If you argue with his mother or upset her, watch out. Even a simple comment that makes her upset could send him spiraling into anger. If you are going to date him, you will have to get along with his mother.
3. He Always Talks to His Mother
You may love your parents, but you probably do not talk to him multiple times a day. While your boyfriend no longer lives with his mother, he talks to her all the time. He is either texting her on the phone, stopping by her house or calling her. If he has mommy issues, then there probably won’t be a day that goes by that he does not talk to her.
The good news: if his mother is such an important part of his life, it is easy to know when he starts to have serious feelings for you. If he is willing to introduce you to his mother, then that means that he must see real potential in your relationship and wants to find out what his mother thinks of you.
4. He Cheats
This is not true for every guy with mommy issues, but it is true in some cases. If his mommy issues stem from neglect, then there is an excellent chance that he will not view women positively. His mother may have been in and out of his childhood, so he never knew what it was like to have a consistent woman in his life. Now, he may assume that all women are the same. Because of this, he may view women as disposable. Or, he may be trying to fill the empty spot left by his mother. He may bounce from woman to woman in an effort to fill the role that he lost as a child. Even if you are the best girlfriend in the world, he may end up feeling unsatisfied because of this void in his life.
5. He Feels Entitled
If his mother was there for him and he was a mama’s boy, then he may expect to get the same treatment from another woman in his life. He may expect you to do his laundry, feed him and care for him like his mother did. This is basically a type of entitlement where he feels like he should be cared for just because his mother did the same thing. She may have helped him without ever getting a thank you in response, and he feels like he deserves this same treatment from any other woman who enters his life.
6. He Is Insecure
If his mommy issues are due to neglect and a lack of love, then he may naturally feel insecure. The one person who was supposed to love him unconditionally let him down. Because of this, he may have trust issues involving other women. While he may fall in love, it is hard for him to learn to trust you because he thinks that every woman will let him down like his mother did.
When you go out with your friends, he may call you constantly to make sure that you are actually with your friends. He may look through your phone or ask your friends if you were actually with him. His trust issues stem entirely from his mother, but he can’t realize that you are not the same person as she was. All of his interactions with women are tainted by the role his mother played in his life.
7. He Thinks You Will Hurt Him
This sign is similar to the last one. He was hurt by his mother, so he expects that women will hurt him in the future. This can be compounded if he has had an ex-wife who left him or a girlfriend who cheated on him. He may start to think that he will never find someone that he can trust or someone who genuinely cares for him. He will constantly assume that you are going to hurt him, even if you have done everything possible to show him otherwise.
8. He Is Not Respectful Toward Women
If his mommy issues stem from a lack of trust and neglect, then he may find it hard to respect women. He assumes that all women will be like his mother, so he treats them disrespectfully. He may be dismissive of what you say, or he may not listen to your opinion. You may find that you have to be the perfect girlfriend for him to even consider trusting you.
For him to respect you, you will constantly have to prove how committed, faithful and amazing you are. He will expect a lot from you and feel let down if you are less than perfect. This type of relationship can be stressful and challenging to have though, so it is understandable if you do not want to date a man with mommy issues. No one is perfect, and it can quickly become impossible to live up to his unrealistic expectations.