Uh oh, your man seems to be really mad about something you did, and you can’t find the right words to say to make things better. We know it can be tempting to be mad at your guy because he’s mad at you, but that’s just a recipe for an even bigger argument.
First and foremost, you need to calm down and look at the situation rationally. Skip the blame game and come to terms with any wrongdoing that you have done. And even if your guy can’t see that he did something wrong, take the moral high ground and say the following things that might just save your relationship.
I’m sorry. Sorry seems to be the hardest thing to say when you’re in a relationship. This is especially true when you let your pride get ahead of you. People seem to have the mistaken notion that apologizing is one way of admitting any wrongdoing. But when you really think about it, saying sorry is just saying that you understand how he feels and that you wish things weren’t the way they are.
When you’re saying sorry to someone, you have to keep in mind one very important thing: you have to mean it. Giving your boyfriend a fake apology is tantamount to lying to his face, and that’s not something you should do when you want a healthy relationship.
So when you say sorry, make sure you mean it and you say it in a way that conveys the way you feel. Don’t go for cop-out apologies like “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Instead, go for the genuine route and say something like, “I’m sorry I hurt you or made you feel that way.” This can then soften your guy’s resolve and make him more responsive to a discussion on how to repair your relationship.
It won’t happen again. What’s the point of an apology if you keep doing the same thing over and over again? An apology is supposed to mean that you feel remorse for what you did, and therefore, you don’t want to do it again. So to reassure your guy that you won’t do what you did ever again, say so! Make it a promise to both him and yourself that what happened will never happen again, whatever it may be.
How can I make it up to you? Once you’re done with a sincere apology and a promise to never do it again, the next thing you need to do is ask your guy what you can do to make it up to him. Oftentimes, in arguments we say words that we wish we could take back. But we know that once these hurtful words come out of our mouths, there’s no taking it back. So by asking your guy what you can do to make it up to him, you’re telling him that you’re willing to do what it takes to repair what your actions have damaged.
When saying this, however, you have to keep in mind what you did and what you need to do to make it up to him. Your so-called “punishment” in making it up to him should be proportional to your “crime.” SO for example, if your goof up was that you scratched his car, a reasonable thing for you to do would be to get it repaired, and NOT to buy him a new car!
Do you want to talk it over? When apologies have been made, that doesn’t guarantee you a free pass into your man’s good graces again. There are times when you have to talk about the exact reason why your actions have made your man upset. By saying “Do you want to talk about it?” you’re giving your man the opportunity to discuss his point of view. This also allows you to better understand the things that can trigger your man’s anger.
But I love you! If apologies and promises don’t work and your man is still mad at you, this might be the perfect thing to say. In the heat of an argument, it’s easy to raise voices and want to get everything off our chest as opposed to discussing the real issue. In the chaos, you can easily forget that you’re in a relationship because you love each other, and that this should be enough reason for you two to work it out. So when you’re tempted to be mad at your guy because he’s mad at you, throw him this line and remind him that you love him even when your relationship isn’t exactly perfect at the moment. This might just calm him down enough to open up a reasonable discussion.
Skip the screaming match and instead go the rational route by being honest, apologetic, and sincere in what you say to your man. After all, he can’t be mad forever, right?