These are some of the worst words to hear as a wife. When your husband asks for a divorce, your first response is “no.” Even if you have had significant problems and you know in your heart that it is the right choice, you still can’t imagine it actually happening. When you married each other, you promised to be together forever. You built a home, a family and a life as a couple. From the moment your husband asks for a divorce, you have a short time period to figure out if you can save your marriage and what to do as you prepare for an uncertain future.
Signs Your Husband May Want a Divorce
Everyone has watched someone be cheated on and wondered how their partner did not know. After all, the partner was obvious about it and everyone else figured it out. The reason why people rarely realize when they are being cheated on is because of hope, trust and love. When you love and trust someone, you imagine that they feel the same way. You do not want them to cheat, so a part of your mind deliberately ignores the signs.
Divorce is the same way. All marriages have arguments and difficult times. It takes work to make a marriage successful, and happily ever after only happens in movies. Someone may realize that they have been arguing more often or that their partner is unhappy, but they don’t realize that there is a bigger issue in play. There are some signs that a divorce talk may be coming up. If you know how to look for them, you can be better prepared.
These are not the signs that happen for every couple—there are genuinely some people who seem to make this decision out of the blue. In addition, individuals are different. If you only notice one or two of these signs, it may just be because he is tired from work or stressed out. Seeing multiple signs from this list means that a divorce is a potential outcome, so watch out.
– He does not show signs of affection like cuddling, hugging or kissing like he used to.
– He never opens up or talks about how he is feeling.
– He is not interested in spending time with you alone or as a family.
– He is easily irritated or angry with you.
– He seems distant.
– He does not wear his wedding ring all of the time.
– He likes being away from home or spends less time with you.
If you notice these signs, then it may mean that he wants the divorce. Obviously, you should be a bit careful before you make that determination though. If he has always been distant, then it probably isn’t a sign of a divorce. If he is normally talkative and open, but suddenly becomes distant, then you should be worried. He might not want a divorce, but it is a sign that something is wrong with your marriage or life together right now.
Another easy way to see how he feels is to look at how you feel. When couples argue a lot or feel disconnected, it is generally both couples that feel that way. If you feel irritated with him or distant, then there is a good chance that he feels that way as well. The goal right now is to figure out the best step to fixing the source of the problem and healing your relationship. No matter how much you fight, you did love each other once. If it is not too late, you can work to rekindle that love and get your relationship back on track again.
What You Cannot Do If Your Husband Wants a Divorce
When you realize that your husband wants a divorce, your first impulse is to be angry or upset. Many women do not know how to respond when their husband asks for a divorce. You want to solve the problem immediately so that you can move on, but you aren’t sure what to do. There are a few things that you definitely should not do when your husband asks for a divorce. Among the many potential pitfalls, here are a few of the things that you should avoid doing.
1. Be Careful About Apologies
If you apologize immediately for everything, then your husband might not take it as seriously. In the face of a divorce request, your apologies may seem like desperation instead of an actual apology. An apology is also not a solution to the problem. To show that you actually mean what you say, you have to put your words into action.
2. Skip the Texts
Texting is one of the worse things that you can do right now. When he is not near you, your emotions can easily control your actions. You can end up texting things that you did not mean to say. Worse still, you may accuse him of something like an infidelity that he did not actually do. In most cases, texting will only make your relationship problems worse. Text can easily be misconstrued, so save your serious conversations for in-person talks.
3. Avoid Promises
Another knee-jerk reaction is to immediately promise that everything will be different. If you promise this just once, he might believe you. But, honestly, people do not generally change that much. If you have promised this before and broken that promise, he won’t believe you. Even if this is the first time you have made this kind of promise, he will naturally be suspicious. Immediate change is difficult, so don’t promise something that you can’t actually do. Unless you actually know that you can make those changes or already have made them, don’t make any false promises.
What You Should Do When Your Husband Wants a Divorce
Now that you know what not to do, your next step is to decide what to actually do about it. One option is to agree to a temporary separation. He obviously wants a divorce, so a temporary separation is like a compromise. It is a chance for both of you to take time apart to decide if this relationship really works for you. It gives him what he wants, while also giving you time to make changes.
During the temporary separation, don’t just sit at home. Talk to your husband about going to marriage counseling during the separation to see if you can make things work. If there are changes that he wanted you to make, right now is the time to put them into action. If he sees you actually doing those changes, he will realize that your promises were genuine. The time apart will also remind him of how much he loves you and misses you.
Do not spend all of your time calling him and texting him. Most likely, those calls and texts will only drive him further away from you. Other than counseling, you should let him be. Everything will work out if it is supposed to, and your relationship needs space for things to change. Focus on improving yourself and going to counseling. Other than that, let him relax and sort out his emotions.
Right now, you also have an opportunity to work on yourself. The best marriages happen when two people get together who were already happy, stable people on their own. If you were not happy in your marriage, now is the time to think about why. Find new goals, hobbies or interests. At the very least, this could be an opportunity for you to learn more about yourself.