Single and looking to date? Tired of seeing the same old faces amongst your friends? There are plenty of ways to meet single gay men – you just have to get out there and start mingling
1. Dating Sites and Apps
If you haven’t yet signed up to a dating site, you belong to the minority. The time when only desperate people used online dating are far gone. After meeting singles through friends, online dating is the most popular way of meeting someone. And why wouldn’t it be? You can flirt at any time, anywhere and easily search for people nearby with similar interests. What’s not to love?
Here are some tips for online dating:
- Keep your profile fairly short, but interesting; give people a glimpse of who you are and make them want more…
- State things in the positive, i.e. what you are looking for and what you enjoy in life, as opposed to what you aren’t looking for and what you don’t enjoy.
- Add profile photos that show off you and your life (i.e. show yourself doing things you enjoy).
- No bathroom selfies. Seriously. No one wants to see your bathroom.
- In general, keep the number of selfies down as it indicates you aren’t out doing things where others can take photos of you (i.e. you’re always alone and somewhat narcissistic taking photos of yourself all the time).
- Flirt, but don’t overdo it. Remember you need to build tension – if you send a super flirtatious message to someone you’ve never interacted with before, that’s sort of coming out of the blue. Rather flirt a little bit and make them want more.
- Add some humor to your profile if you can, but avoid too much sarcasm as it easily comes across as pessimism.
- When you see a profile you like, send a message. Keep it short and light, but show you cared enough to actually read their profile. Just sending a wink won’t get you as good response rates.
Here are two sample messages:
1) Hey, I loved your profile! Especially the bit about cooking naked…/traveling to Egypt/running off with the circus/(insert what you liked)… Would love to find out more about you! Maybe we could exchange some messages or grab a quick coffee some time?!
2) Hey, I loved your profile! Especially the bit about going to secret pop-up restaurants – I love food! So tell me…how can I charm you into revealing one of the secret restaurants and a little bit more about yourself? 😉
3) Now you’re a person I would love to grab a drink with! What an interesting profile! So tell me…is it as bad ass being a pilot as I used to think when I was thirteen? 😉
Finish the messages with a simple “Best” or “Have an awesome day!” You can make the messages a bit more flirtatious, just don’t go overboard!
If you’re using a dating app instead, like Tinder, you only have space for like two sentences about yourself in your profile, so make it count. And remember if you’re looking for something serious…mention it. A lot of people use Tinder just to have a fun weekend…
2. Other Apps Connecting You to People
With the rise of online dating people started figuring out that people want to make new friends online too, not just date. Sure, you’re looking to meet single gays, but by connecting with other people, gays especially, guess what? They’ll have single gay friends who they will introduce you too! Besides, rather than sitting at home sulking about being single (if you should be doing that), get out and have fun! After all, being single is a chance to do all the things you don’t have time for when in a relationship.
3. Meetup Groups and Other Events
Meetup Groups (www.meetup.com) exist in almost all bigger cities and offer meetups for anything from coders and entrepreneurs, to people who love cats. So whether you want to find a group where you improve your French, or watch old movies, you will. There are also meetups for singles, gays, etc. It’s probably one of the most brilliant tools you’ll ever find for meeting a lot of new people fast. And unlike going to a bar, you won’t feel awkward showing up alone and wondering if you’ll find someone to talk to. A lot of people will show up by themselves and they all have one thing in common: they want to meet new people.
There are also usually events like bar nights for networking on the first Friday of the month, etc. in bigger cities as some genius worked out that it’s easier to meet people that way. Likewise there are membership clubs/organizations that arrange events. First Tuesdays is one which arranges monthly events in the city. And membership clubs are a great way to meet people full stop. It used to be only high profile people who could access these kind of clubs, but nowadays there are all sorts of membership clubs. Especially for creatives who want to network.
If you are an expat, or simply enjoy meeting international people, try A Small World, Couchsurfing (you don’t need to couch surf to be a member!) and InterNations. People who move abroad/move cities pretty quickly figure out that it can get lonely. As a result someone decided to set up organizations arranging weekly/monthly events in bigger cities around the globe. Not everyone may be single, or gay, but the more people you meet, the higher the chances of meeting someone who is. And everyone you meet will have friends they’ll introduce you to…
4. Speed Dating Events and Single Nights
What used to be horribly lame and stilted affairs in bars have evolved into the most fascinating events. While you can still attend mixers at bars, there are now single nights where you play old fashioned board games, or sing karaoke. There are some incredibly fun concepts out there – just check what’s going on in your town.
The great thing with single events? It’s not an issue to show up on your own.
5. Bars for Gay People
There is something to be said for bars. While it is stressful (and sometimes downright depressing) to go to bars just hoping to meet someone, it is still a good way of meeting someone. So long as you are doing other things, like joining dating sites, attending events, etc. so that you don’t feel any kind of pressure of meeting someone, a night in a bar can be lots of fun! Go with people you enjoy hanging out with and show up to have fun instead of meeting men and you will be a lot more relaxed.
A good thing to remember on the bar scene is that getting plastered doesn’t make you attractive, nor is it a good tactic to determine whether you really like the men you meet. If you want to find your next date in a bar, stay sober enough to know what you’re doing.
Yes, shocking, I know. Social media is for connecting with existing friends, right? Wrong. Well, right and wrong. LinkedIn was built on the premise of networking for work. Twitter allows you to connect with almost anyone whom you want to by enabling you to mention them in a tweet. And Facebook, well it’s good for a number of things when you’re single.
First of all, you can check which of your existing friends are single (just type it into your search bar in Facebook).
Secondly, it’s a great tool for getting to know if someone is interested – when you meet someone connect on Facebook as soon as possible and shoot them a message saying it was nice meeting them. One thing tends to lead to another if there’s interest…
Thirdly, there are a ton of groups on Facebook for single gay men. Find one in your area and see what’s happening!
7. LGBT Events and Fundraisers
If there is one place you’re guaranteed to meet gay men it’s LGBT events and fundraisers! And if you show up by yourself, people will assume you’re single, which will make it even easier to meet someone. Especially if you feel comfortable mingling, or know the organizers, or someone else there. Offering to be the Table Captain may also get you networking!
8. Professional Organizations
A lot of professional organization have a special chapter dedicated to LGBT members, such as the National Gay Pilots Association.
9. Business Networking Events
Business networking events may not be targeted to gays in particular, but as already mentioned: the more people you get to know, the higher your likelihood of meeting the right man for you, or making friends that introduce you to him. Networking events are also the kind of events you can show up to by yourself, making it easier as you don’t need to drag someone else along for the ride.
Networking events tend to be one-offs (unless you are part of an organization that do them on a monthly, or annual basis), which means you have to follow up with the people you meet to create lasting connections. Classes, whether in art, business, or something else, are usually weekly, or bi-weekly, meaning you meet the same people over and over again. This makes it a lot easier to form long-lasting friendships.
If you’re really keen to learn, most universities offer year long diploma courses happening in the evening, such as UCLA Extension. These courses can enrich not only your social life, but also your career.
Local organizations offer plenty of volunteering opportunities, which in turn are opportunities to meet great people while doing good! Some organizations do work supporting the LGBT community, which make them ideal for meeting other gays.
12. The Gym and Sports Classes
Gyms are a great place to meet people, especially if you partake in the various group classes.
If you join the yoga classes at your local gym, chances are that sooner or later you will be notified of upcoming retreats. Yoga retreats aren’t the only retreats around either – use Google to find retreats near you that are of interest to you. Having an immersive weekend experience tends to lead to forming close bonds faster with people.
Big seminars pull a big crowd and you’re bound to meet new people. Seminars are often set up to allow for networking as well, making it easier to interact with people. And hey, if you hate to mingle, maybe attend a seminar on how to network, or one on people skills. That, if anything, will get you networking!
There are some places that are more obvious than others for meeting gay singles, such as organizations targeted to gay people. However, the more you widen your social circle, the greater the chances of being introduced to more gay men, as well as having more fun with friends in general. And remember that you can bump into your next date anywhere, even at Starbucks, so get out of the house and focus on having fun and meeting people, as opposed to obsessing about finding your next date. You will find him, so long as you just get out there and have fun!