Breaking up – as cliché as it sounds – is very hard to do. It feels like you may never find someone else. But, there are a lot of reasons why breaking up is actually a good idea. If you one day realize you and your partner are always fighting, no one is willing to compromise, or you spend more time apart than you do together there is no reason to stay. You deserve better. You could just leave, and many people have done that, but it doesn’t allow for either of you to get closer.
It will leave things unsaid and unresolved – you will have baggage. And, let us be honest, it isn’t fair. The other person no matter what they have done or what they didn’t do deserves to know why things didn’t work out.
Okay, so now you are really thinking maybe it is time to throw in the towel – perhaps you are too scared to leave. The following list has some valid reasons to leave any relationship. This isn’t a complete list just some of the more common reasons people end relationships.
This is the first and most important reason to leave a relationship. Hitting and yelling are never acceptable. If you are being emotionally, physically, or sexually abused, you need to get out! This is a very scary type of relationship – and really isn’t a true relationship at all. It can be very hard to leave these situations, and they are no joke.
Seriously, if you have been hit, made to feel small and insignificant, or forced to have sex – even just one time – get out now! Your partner may have apologized, and you may have believed them. It will happen again, don’t be fooled. There is help call the National Hotline at 1.800.799.7233 or 1.800.787.3224. There is never a good reason for hitting, yelling, or forced sexual contact. You are not at fault, and this is their problem. Find a way to get out before it happens again.
They were unfaithful – or maybe you were
Infidelity is a hard one for any relationship to work through. If it isn’t in your heart to forgive them, let them know and leave. If they cheated on you, it is proof that they are not serious about a relationship and may not really be that into you.
If you were the one who was unfaithful, maybe deep down in your heart you already know the relationship is over – and that is why you cheated. Maybe you made a mistake. But the mistake wouldn’t have happened if some part of you really wanted it. You are not being fair to your partner. It would be more fair of you, to be honest about your feelings and tell your partner what happened. You screwed up, or you let it happen, put on your ‘adult’ hat and admit it. You have heard this before – but, honesty is always the best policy.
You think about other people – a lot
Fantasizing about other people or just one other person is normal. But if you find that you spend all of our time living out fantasies in your head, you may be headed towards being unfaithful. Your heart must not really be in the relationship if you only think of someone other than your partner. Again, be honest with yourself and your partner and tell them. End it before you end up being unfaithful – that would hurt more than being honest. You don’t want to have to live with that for the rest of your life.
All you do is argue
Sure, fighting will happen. It is natural for two people who live in the same space to have fights, spats, or disagreements. But, if you find that you fight over little things, and your arguments are the only conversations you have with each other, then something needs to change.
No relationship is worth all the stress and strain. Being unhappy is a very good reason to move on. Relationships are supposed to bring you happiness, fulfillment, and love. If you are spending more time being angry than you do being happy, you need a change. Take care of yourself, love yourself. If you can’t do those two things, then you need to get out of that situation. It may be sucking the life force right out of you!
Dating is just too hard
Staying in a relationship because you want to avoid being single (and alone) – what are you thinking?! Why would you want to suffer with a bad relationship? Get out. Find perspective. Find yourself and then find a person who makes you happy. Being alone isn’t the end of the world. You may be surprised at how refreshing it is to be out on your own.
You make the rules and are your own boss. Staying in a bad or unhealthy relationship just to avoid being single is the worst thing you can do to yourself – and your partner. As we said, if you can’t love yourself and can’t stand being alone, then the problem isn’t the relationship – it is with you. You aren’t being fair if you are pretending to be happy when you are not. Eventually, your partner will figure it out. How do you think that will make them feel?
Is there a future for you two?
If the answer to that question is no – then move on. We get into relationships for the long haul. Being in a committed relationship means you are both willing to work on things together and grow with each other. That means you have more than just common interests. You should plan to see if you both like more than the same teams, music, and food. Those are a good way to start a friendship, but a serious relationship goes much deeper than those things.
What if one of you wants have kids soon (and all the rest, a dog and a house with a white picket fence). But, what if the other person has career aspirations? The things you both want are going to hold your relationship back. Who has to give up their dream? You should share a dream, no one should have to give in. You may be able to change your partner’s mind that kids are better than a career – but what if you can’t? Where will you be?
The sooner you learn about your partner’s hopes and dreams you will learn if they are compatible with your hopes and dreams.
You are doing it all. Relationships take two people. You can’t do everything and let your partner do nothing. It is unhealthy for two people to say they are in a relationship when only one person is working on your relationship. Find someone who is interested in you and wants to share with you.
You have given up
That is a sure sign you are ready to move on. You just don’t seem to care. You do things intentionally that you know will upset your partner and don’t apologize. Be an adult, move on. The moment the ‘fight’ and drive to keep the relationship going has gone out of you, you are ready to call it quits. You both deserve better.
You have no good reason left to stay. Once the love is gone – it is gone and hard to get back. If you find that you have no real reason to keep trying, then you already have one foot out the door.
A real relationship takes work, love, trust, and honesty
As long as you still have those elements, your relationship is worth fighting for. But, the minute those things start to fade, so does the relationship. Don’t be a coward, be an adult, give them a reason why you want to end it. They may surprise you and turn around! But, chances are they are stuck too and are just hoping a solution comes along. You may have to be the strong one and bring up ending the relationship. But, don’t play games. That is never a good idea. If you tell your partner that you are ready to end the relationship – mean it. It is never a good thing to play with another person’s emotions.
Chances are you won’t find your Prince (or Princess Charming) after one or two relationships. It is okay to have a relationship that fails. It just proves that you know who you are, you know what you want, and you aren’t willing to settle for anything less. If it was meant to be, it will happen.