Once in awhile it is totally okay to be a tiny bit selfish. We all deserve things for ourselves every now and then. However, there does come a point where we overstep our boundaries and become too self absorbed. We start forgetting about other people’s feelings and this can have a hard impact on the relationships that we share with people. Relationships are built off of empathy and kindness towards the person you are in them with. Relationships are give and take. A relationship that is purely based off of take sets them up for ultimate failure.
It can be difficult to know when you are overstepping said boundaries. You might not even realize that you are doing anything wrong. Yet your partner always tells you that you are being selfish. Then you might catch yourself wondering if you are truly being selfish or if your partner is being overdramatic and just saying so to grind your gears. How can you tell what is really what in this situation? It’s not easy to identify when you are being self absorbed. It can take a lot of effort to figure it out. But we are going to make it simple for you by giving you some tips, signs and advice in this situation. Just keep reading to get the help you need!
The Difference Between Too Selfish and The Right Amount Of Selfish
And, yes, there is a difference. There is an okay amount of selfishness allowed in each relationship. You can’t give, give, give and expect to keep your sanity by any means. It is definitely more than okay to do things for yourself. But not at expense of hurting your partner. There has to be a balance in there somewhere.
It’s okay to buy things for yourself or do things that you like, even if your partner doesn’t like them. However, sometimes we might forget entirely about what our partner is thinking. Or more importantly we forget what their needs are. As humans our first instinct tends to be to put our needs before others needs. But that dynamic simply does not work in a healthy relationship.
So where do you draw the line between being just the right amount of selfish and too selfish? When you constantly start putting your needs before your partner. You might feel like their thoughts, opinions and feelings no longer matter in a situation where you want something that they don’t seem to want. Or they might ask you to do something important and you blow them off because you don’t feel as though it’s important to you. Remembering that not everything is about you is key in these types of situations. Even if you don’t feel as if something is super crucial, you need to consider how your partner feels about it and respect what they are thinking. Otherwise the relationship just won’t work and will blow up in your face.
Mutual respect is of the utmost importance when it comes to dealing with your partner.
How To Tell Your Partner Is The Selfish One
You might find yourself considering that your partner is just being dramatic and trying to hurt you by telling you that you are being selfish. Yes, there are cases in which your partner may just be lashing out to get something that they want. They may just be saying you are selfish because it’s a tactic to make you feel bad. This is not healthy. If this is the case, you need to address it with your partner. They may be a little bit of a sociopath. Trying to drag you down by lying to you and making you feel bad about yourself is not something that someone who loves you does.
Pay attention to when they are calling you selfish or telling you that you are too narcissistic, etc. Are they only saying these things when they aren’t getting their way with something?
Ex: They need money for something frivolous, such as gambling or an unnecessary large purchase. You say that it isn’t a good idea. Then they come back at you by telling you that you are being selfish.
Ex 2: They want to go on a trip or vacation without you, but will not give you a good reason why. You express your concern about this and they then tell you that you are being extremely self involved.
There are a hundred different types of examples we could give you, but you probably get the picture. There will be no logic to them telling you that you are being selfish. They will just say it and stamp their feet because things aren’t panning out the way that they want them to.
Signs You Are Actually Being Selfish
You Don’t Consider Their Feelings
The very first sign that leads to you being kind of a selfish person in your relationship is that you forget about your partner’s feelings altogether. You do things without regard to what they might feel. You don’t seem to mind what they are feeling as long as you get what you want in the end. Taking your partner’s feelings and tossing them aside is a great way to kill your relationship. Being selfish like this will only make them resent you in the end.
You Make Rules With Double Standards
Having double standards is another prominent sign that you are being extremely selfish. Like making rules in your relationship isn’t bad enough, but making rules that you expect your partner to follow, but that you don’t have to follow is terrible. You cannot make rules and hold standards for your partner that you cannot follow yourself. This is an awful thing to do to your partner and ultimately makes you a selfish person.
You Whine When You Don’t Get Your Way
Throwing a fit when you don’t always get your way is a sign that you are being a selfish partner. Sometimes you need to make decisions with your partner, but forgetting to include them in said decisions might make you a bit self absorbed. Lashing out at your partner when you don’t get what you want is going to put strain on the relationship that the two of you share. No one wants to be with someone that acts childish when they are told ‘no’. Of course, remember that if your partner is constantly saying no to everything that you bring up, might actually mean they are the selfish one. There is a fine line there. Compromise is going to be key when it comes down to what you need to make things work between you.
Your Wants and Needs Always Come First
It’s important to make sure that your needs are fulfilled. But being a good partner means that you also make sure that your partner’s needs are being met. Ditching their needs entirely makes you a selfish person. Again we are going to mention having balance. Balance is vital in any relationship. Making sure that both person’s needs and wants are being fulfilled is one of the most important things you can do to keep your relationship alive and well. Resentment will build if you are constantly putting your wants and needs before your partners. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices. It’s just part of being with someone and loving them!
You Bring Your Partner Down
Another thing that might signal that you are being selfish in your relationship is that when you don’t feel as if your needs and wants are being met, you try to cope by bringing your partner down. You may try to guilt trip them into getting what you want. This is a terrible thing to do to someone you love. If you are doing so, you might not be fit to be with this person. Why? Because when you truly, deeply love someone, you don’t do such things to them. Dragging your partner down over something so silly is not only detrimental to their mental healthy, but also to the relationship that you have with them.
You Don’t Ask For Their Opinion First
Giving the greenlight to anything without asking your partner about it first might make you a tad bit selfish. Especially when it comes to large things in your life. Like purchasing a house, car or having a child. There are many other things we could include, but we are sure you get the gist of it. Without asking their opinion and going ahead to do things without it, makes you a selfish person. Your partner’s opinion should always matter. Relationships are built by the two of you being a team. Relationships are not meant to be set up like dictatorships.
You Think “Me” Not “We”
Do you always think about you and nothing else but? That might mean that you are being a self absorbed person. Thinking the term “we” is vital to keeping any relationship healthy. If you find yourself thinking only “me” all the time, you might not be cut out to be in a relationship with another person at all.
It’s Always A Race
Always being in competition with your partner is another thing that makes you appear as selfish. Relationships are all about supporting one another. Being competitive is like poisoning your relationship. You will not succeed if you are always trying to beat your partner at everything. Sure, some people are naturally competitive. That is totally okay for your career or schoolwork, but when you come home there should be no competition between you and the person that you claim to love so much!
You Sabotage Your Partner
Along with being competitive, sabotaging your partner’s routine to success is another thing on the list of ‘things you shouldn’t do in a relationship’. Not supporting your partner could mean that you only care about yourself. You are supposed to be there to cheer them on. Otherwise what are they doing with someone like you, when they could be with someone who encourages them to succeed?
You Never Say “I’m Sorry”
One thing that selfish people never do is become humble enough to apologize. Even when they are wrong or know they are wrong. They will never swallow their pride and say they are sorry at risk of feeling idiotic. Selfish people don’t tend to care if they make their partner’s feel bad by never owning up to their mistakes. A good relationship consists of placing equal blame when things go wrong. Always placing the blame on the person you are in a relationship with is a great way to destroy their trust in you, as well as their confidence.
You Manipulate Them
The last sign on the list of things that mean you are being selfish in a relationship is that you are out to manipulate your partner on a consistent basis. If you feel they are wrong, you will go to no end to make them feel that way. You will manipulate how they feel about themselves to work to your advantage. This is not a healthy tactic and should be avoided. If you do this, there is no doubt that you are extremely selfish in every way possible.