There are a lot of important things that each partner needs to do when it comes to maintaining a healthy relationship. Each individual needs to build trust with the other, declare loyalty, establish boundaries and be open to compromising. Without these, a relationship with royally fail in every way. These are the building blocks used to lay the foundation that holds a couple together. What happens when these building blocks aren’t laid down properly or if one or more is missing? Disaster. A relationship will, simply put, implode.
So what are you supposed to do if one person never seems to want to compromise in a relationship? How do you go about dealing with something so crucial to holding you and your partner together? First, you must understand the importance of compromise, what it is, and why your partner (she) isn’t agreeing to participate in it.
What is compromise?
You would be surprised at the amount of people who do not understand what a compromise is. Or even if they do, they do not know how to be a part of one. This happens more often than not in relationships and can even be the cause of their utter failure. It’s important to know what compromise is and how to utilize it with your partner. And it’s just as vital for them to do the same.
Compromise is defined by the dictionary as an agreement or settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making a concession. What’s the key information there? That each side is willing to come to a resolution. Without the involvement of one person in the relationship, a compromise cannot be made. Both persons must willingly include themselves.
An example of compromise would be…
Let’s say that you want to move to buy a new car. You want the high end model because it has all the perks that you could ever dream about having in a car. Therefore making it your dream car. You have the funds, that’s not the problem. But your girlfriend or wife is concerned about the payments, because even though you have the funds, this purchase would put you two a little below a comfortable monthly living budget. She doesn’t want you to get the car and she is adamant about it. She refuses to make a compromise.
However, if she were to say, “I don’t think buying that specific car is a great idea, but we can look at cars that could be leased at a lower budget.” That would be a compromise. Although you cannot get what you want exactly, she is willing to let you make a purchase under different terms. A less expensive car, but still a new car. It’s a win-win. That seems fair enough and meets both of your needs in the situation.
Unfortunately, you are here reading this because she never seems to want to go that route.
This can put strain on the bond that you two share, because you seem to never get what you want. And even though it is not all about you, you should sometimes be able to get or do the things you enjoy.
Why isn’t she compromising and how to fix it?
There are a couple of things that could be preventing her from wanting to come to an agreement with you in most situations. We can explore these reasons and help you figure out how to address them below.
She Might Be Self-Centered
We don’t like to believe we are dating someone who is selfish, but sometimes it happens. Some people are more concerned about their wants and needs than they are about anyone else’s. Including yours, even though you are their partner. This is unfair and simply not a way to maintain a relationship. Being selfish when you are essentially working in a team is a recipe for destruction. Do you notice that your partner has a tendency to care for themselves over you in your coupling? Yes? Then this would be a good time to address the problem before proceeding any further with commitment. Let her know that her self-centered characteristics are turning you off and possibly even creating resentment. It’s important not to attack her about this, but instead calmly approach her. Hopefully, once you tell her how this lack of compromise is making you feel, she will make the effort to change.
She Disagrees, Unfortunately, With Everything
We might have to come face to face with the fact that she isn’t the problem here. Do the things you demand compromise with make sense? Are the options you are laying out logistical and reasonable? If not, she might have a reason for just saying no to you. Make sure that the things you want are not damaging her or causing her extra stress in your life. Maybe you are the one who cannot reach a compromise. Has she offered other solutions, but you simply will not agree to them? This could mean that she is offering a compromise, but you are too stubborn to agree to it. You must realize that you need to make compromises on her behalf, just like you expect her to make them on yours.
Compromise is a tricky subject, but it is a requisite to a healthy partnership. Both partners must participate to make it work.