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She Never Texts First But Always Replies. What Does It Mean?

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‘Is she interested? Or is she telling me she isn’t interested?

It might start to get frustrating when you like a girl, but you don’t feel like she likes you all the same. We know this can be a major let down and leave your confidence feeling as if it has been drug straight through the dirt. Like when you are always the only one who texts firsts and initiates the conversation between the two of you. Surely this can leave you feeling a little in the dark about how she feels towards you. But then you start getting even more confused because even though she doesn’t initiate contact, she responds to your texts. What could this mean? Her not talking to you first makes it feel as if she doesn’t like you, but then again when she responds it seems like she does!

We get that this is a confusing as heck situation. Which is exactly why we are here to help you figure this whole mess out.

Remember that there is more than a black or white answer to this whole ordeal. There are other factors that you are going to want to consider before deciding what you think is going on with her. Let’s walk through what those factors are to help you decide whether or not she really likes you or if she’s just simply being polite.

She Never Texts First But Always Replies. What Does It Mean

The Factors

Your Relationship: What your relationship is to her is going to be huge when trying to figure this whole thing out. Have you known her for a long time? Are you friends? Did the two of you just meet? You might be wondering why this matters at all. Well, the longer the two of you have known each other the better chance you have at maintaining a relationship through texting, such as a friendship, with her. Meaning she just doesn’t think about texting you first, but it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t enjoy talking to you in response. However, if the two of you barely know each other then she is probably only responding to you because she feels obligated to or because she feels like she should be polite.

Timing: You will want to think about the timing of everything. What do we mean by this? We mean to think about how long it takes her to reply when you first text her. Also consider how many times you have to text her to get a response in the first place. More than likely if it is taking her hours to get back to you, she is probably not all that interested in talking to you in the first place. But it’s important not to jump to any conclusions, because you will also want to think about when you are texting her. If you are always texting her in the morning and not getting a quick response or getting a morning message from her, you might want to ask if she is up that early or if she has a job that keeps her busy at that time. If she takes a long time to reply, you might want to consider that she had other things going on at the time.

Then again if she is consistently taking hours to reply each and every time you text her, she might not be very interested in talking to you.



Subject Of Messages: Another factor to consider is what she is saying when she responds to you. Are the messages short? Do they not really say much? Does she only ever say things like LOL or OK? Or are they full of substance? Do they have actual meaning to them. Think about whether or not she asks personal questions or if she keeps the messages she sends back as non personal as can be. The latter can be a sign that she is only responding to be nice, but not that she actually has interest in continuing a conversation with you.

Length Of Conversation: When you send a message to her and she responds, does she continue the conversation for a long period of time? Or does she just respond once or twice and then she disappears? When a girl likes you she will make the effort to hold a conversation with you. However, if she has no interest in you she will keep the length of time that you text to a minimum to prevent you from getting any wrong idea in your head.

Reasons She Might Respond, But Not Initiate

She Likes You But…: She likes you, but she is a very busy person. She might also feel nervous about being the first one to start the conversation. It could be that she is just old fashioned and thinks that a guy should start the convo first. Who knows! Some women are like that.

She’s Just Being Polite: She might only be responding to your texts because she feels it would be rude to stay silent. This usually is the case if she keeps the texts very short and impersonal.

Now you have all the info you need to help you decide what it means when she never texts first but always replies!

60 COMMENTS

  1. Hi I met this girl at my school in the fall semester we hit it off but she was dating someone at the time. Months passed by we snap chatted daily and texted daily too. I asked her out for coffee she said yes, but after I asked if she wanted to go on a date, but she said she just got out of a relationship and needs some time she hugged me tight and said I’m very sweet and she likes me a lot. We continue to text everyday and meet up every couple weeks to hang out. I’ve given her time to move on from her ex and she starts convos and we really click together. Should I ask her out again? She never really rejected me. She even said that she was being honest about it too and that she needed time to think before getting into another relationship. It’s been 4 months since then and should I ask her out she’s always texting me and hanging out with me. Thank you!

    • The two of you share a strong emotional and social connection. You have supported her during this time after the end of her relationship. She may be confused or uncertain about her feelings. Determine what action you believe is appropriate. If you want to speak with her, then share your thoughts and feelings with her. Continue to spend additional time with her in person. Have a great day, Aidan!

  2. I met this girl downtown a couple weekends ago and I took it upon myself to approach this beautiful woman. The conversation went well and I asked if she’d be interested in going out sometime, and she said yes. We then went to a movie the next weekend and at the end of the night after I drive her home I sealed the deal with a kiss and we had some more great conversations. We then went out again last night and she came to one of my baseball games to watch. After the game we drove to my place and ended up making out on the couch. May I add we have connected on so many things besides the physical attraction such as a similar upbringing, music, sense of humor, we’re both athletic but nerdy deep down and we can relate to eachother from our past relationships. All in all things seem to be going well but she has only texted me first one time throughout the multiple text convos we’ve had. So today I’m making it a goal to see if she will initiate a conversation. Idk if that’s a good idea to do the day after we hooked up but we do have plans to meet up again tonight, so should I wait for her to hit me up, or am I just overthinking this stupid texting shit.

    • She is not aware that you are testing her actions at this time. It would be unfair to judge her on whether or not she texts you during this time period. She may not initiate text messages. It sounds as though the two of you enjoy each other’s company. The two of you have a similar background and likely understand each other. If you want to nourish this relationship, then reach out to her. Perhaps attempt to spend additional time with her in person. Have a great day, John!

  3. Hi I met this girl maybe 1-2 week ago and she was « dating a guy » but she realise he was an asshole so she gutted everything after that she said she was done with all the relation for the moment. But then I started talking and I told her I had my eyes on her from way back like months ago and she said That this got her confuse because I’m making a lot of effort so she gave me a chance. Last Saturday we went to see a movie and she was bumping Into me touching my arm in the seat she was giving affection I guess then we hanged together after school she chose to skip her bus to hang and i didn’t ask anything she really seems to like me but the thing that getting me confuse is that her mindset is that we should not think about us in future so that we don’t have expectation so that we don’t get mad or disappointed if it doesn’t work and she said we should take our time and try to be *friend* even do i told her my Intention and this got me confuse because she never really text first. but every time i do we talk for long time she even told me that if I was wasting my time she would have told me what should I do I’m really confuse??

    • She said we should start to be friend at first and one thing too she can barely look at me in the eyes she is really shy in general

      • It sounds as though she is no longer in a relationship. It is possible that she wants to develop a relationship with you. She may only want to be your friend. You are confused and it is likely that she is uncertain. It is certainly possible that she is shy and having difficulty sharing her thoughts with you. Determine what you want for your future. Speak with her about your thoughts and feelings. Give her a chance to share herself with you as well. Have a great day, Donndiddy!

    • It sounds as though she is no longer in a relationship. It is possible that she wants to develop a relationship with you. She may only want to be your friend. You are confused and it is likely that she is uncertain. Determine what you want for your future. Speak with her about your thoughts and feelings. Give her a chance to share herself with you as well. Have a great day, Donndiddy!

  4. I met a girl about 4 months ago we hit of really good as we share quite a few interest and had the same out look on life , I had been single for nearly 3 years after my marriage break up and she had been on her own for 2 years after a very bad break up, I didn’t know people could be so mean but she had found one that had broken her , she has major problems with trus .
    But anyway we got on very well her kids my kid got on great, we text each other loads , slept together it was all going great until she started to move back to our home town, the texts went quite and I asked some questions about us and how her ex was trying to work back in , but I know she would not entertain him one bit .

    Then she text back to say that she doesn’t think she can trust a man ever again and just sees a future with her and the girls , but she did say I was her perfect partner but she couldn’t give me what I want .

    I’m Hart broken as I had waited for a very long time for this woman to come in my life and now I just don’t know what to do

    • Her behaviors are indications of her previous emotional suffering from her previous relationship. She clearly cares for you, but feels as though she can not give you the respect and love that you deserve. Determine what you want for this relationship and what is viable for your future. Speak with her about your thoughts and feelings. If possible, attempt to spend time with her in person. Have a great day, Ben!

  5. Not sure to call this a relationship
    We have been friend since the start of our college 2 years ago.
    After i quit college, we haven’t contact each other like months. Suddenly,she texted me like “hi, how are you?’,general conversation. I know she had a boyfriend so i just text casually like a friend.

    Then she broke up with her boyfriend and she started to frequently text me. She asked me a lot of thing that i can’t really tell. I just do it in a sense of She need someone to talk or listen to her but then i grow an affection toward her. Since then we started to casually text each other,voice chat,video call,hang out all that stuff like 5months.

    Then I got a new job,i decided to tell her,the respond/text that i get is “OK”
    Since that day, everything just feel weird like i have done something wrong. Our conversation used to be like 2-3 hours of just texting, now it’s even roughly 5minutes.
    Every time i try to make the conversation longer, she always say she had something to,or kinda busy. First few days I’m okay with that,but it’s been 2months.Between it We did have a few Video Call but We didn’t talk much,I call her on my free time but she always find something to do like studying or reading book

    Recently or last April(26/4/2018) should i say, I try to not contact her just to see if she reacting to it. She wasn’t reacting much as she just put “I opened my heart for you” in her Whatsapp Story.
    So yesterday i decided to text her. i didn’t know what to say,so i just go with ‘Sorry for not texting you’ kinda conversation. The conversation last for an hour and half. So I thought I’m on track with her.
    I gave “Good Night”=Read
    I gave “Good Morning”= Read
    I have a hectic day,so i didn’t text her much today but her respond today is generally OK,Yes,No etc.

    Here i am, in the middle of the night just thinking that i may just be caught in between her relationship with her previous boyfriend. I’m just don’t know anymore.

    • She has shared that he is often busy. You may text her more often than she is able to speak with you. She may want to have some time to herself. Give her an opportunity to reach out to you. Perhaps reach out to her in a couple of days. Share your kindness and compassion with her. If she asks you to message her less often, then respect her desires. Have a great day, Kaz!

  6. Alright I’ve been talking to this girl for several months now and I’m not sure if she’s interested or not. She’s not that great at carrying the text conversation with her incredibly slow replies and she never initiates, claiming that she wants to, but forgets to reply because she’s busy, but anytime I ask her out, she always says yes and states she has a good time after going out. So what’s a guy to do?

    We’ve known each other since 6th grade and I’ve liked her since then. Incredibly gorgeous. She looks out you and knees fall to the ground because her power is overwhelming. Being that she was too pretty though, there isn’t any reason why she would want to waste my time with an average looking person like me, so I decided to never really talk to her. One thing I didn’t know was that she was a very shy person, according to a few friends that remembered her.

    Skip to 11 years later in November 2017 and I asked her for lunch so we can catch up. The meet up was simple, but nice. I realized that she wasn’t just a pretty face. a sweet, down to earth, person, but was also fairly shy (she even mentioned it as well). Didn’t seem superficial at all, her personality seemed very genuine. Something I’ve never seen before in a girl. I was smitten, more than before 12 years ago. She told me about her past two boyfriends were no good. One was super toxic, while the other one cheated on her. Incredibly upset about these guys hurting the girl I’ve liked, but I hearing as though she was single, I thought maybe I could be the first guy to treat her decently. At the end of our lunch meetup, she suggested that we should watch the Star Wars Episode 8, since we both liked the franchise, which I thought, “Okay, maybe she’s interested, but can’t say for sure.”

    In between the time we first met and late December, I texted her a few times with some basic conversation talk, such as, “How are you doing?” and the like. She would always reply, but it took hours… This was due to her crazy work (8 hour days) and school schedule (4 hour night classes), which she informed me about. The night we ended up watching the movie, I asked her about her texting schedule and she told me, “I want to text you, but something always comes up and I end up forgetting. I’m so sorry, I don’t mean to do that to you.” Typically, I don’t buy this because I believe if you’re interested in texting someone, whether a friend, family member, or someone you like, you’ll make time. But gave her the benefit of the doubt (cause emotions or logic right?). Later after spending 4 hours together that night, she suggested to wanting to go out again. Once she get home, she texts me “I really enjoyed tonight.” She even texted me a Star Wars figure that she had. I thought, “Alright, we good, she likes you. Your 12 year old self would be proud of this moment.”

    Cut to early January, I follow up with her about going out and she says yes. I ask her when she’s available. No response. “Okay… strange…”, I thought. Waited a few days later, then asked her out again, she says yes, I ask her when. Again, no response. I thought, “Alright, I might be getting played. But let me ask one more time, but let me call instead.” So I call her, girl has the worst sore throat, I’ve ever heard. She was sick. And she told me she’s been sick for weeks now. I felt a little bad, but in my head I was like “Why didn’t you say anything that you were sick???!” She told me that as soon as she gets better she’ll go out. So I wait and I wait. End of January hits, I ask her if she wants to go out, she says yes and follows up with a day and time (FINALLY!!)

    We go out in February, it’s great. She texts me that she enjoyed herself and informed me of an event she was going to and said she’ll send me a few photos (nothing provocative). I’m thinking, “Okay, so when’s the wedding gonna be? What kind of cake are we getting? Venue. I’m about to wife this girl (joking of course).” Prospects were looking good.

    So I chill out for a few days, then proceed to text her and ask how’s she’s doing and the like. She responds, but it’s slow. Takes about a couples hours to a day to respond. Now this texting pattern has gone on since we first met, but I still feel it to be strange, especially after how things have been looking up. Not to mention, I’ve initiated about 98% of the time, while she’s almost never done so. Big roadblock to me, cause I want to build up positive rapport through text, before asking her out, so I’m not always being like, “HEY WHEN ARE WE GOING OUT? HEY WHEN ARE WE GOING OUT? HEY WHEN ARE WE….ETC.”

    So I text, she responds, I follow up, she follows up (a few hours later), I reply back, she does as well (hours later), I text back, then it drops. I wait about two days, then the pattern restarts. This occurs for about 2 weeks. I decide “You know what, forget this, positive buildup to date strategy, let me just ask her out.” I proceed with that, we go out. Good times are had, she enjoyed the date, we both go home. I give her a break for a day or two, then I text her, then her text cycle repeats for another week. “I say okay, I think I need to tell her that I like her and want to slowly push towards a relationship, otherwise we’re not gonna go anywhere.”

    Ask her out again, she says yes, but then later tells me she has a family event and screenshot the text conversation to prove it, which she then followed up stating, “I don’t want you to think I’m lying to you.” I say fine, let’s move it to another day.

    Two days before our next date, I ask her if she’s still good to go out and she then tell me, that she’s been incredibly overwhelmed with family, work, and school issues, clearly meaning that she wasn’t available, although she didn’t directly say it (which I didn’t really appreciate, even though I understand that stress buildup is not good). I tell her that it’s okay and hope things are gonna go well for her. Me on the other hand, starts to feel that things aren’t going too well between me and her. So I give her about a week or two of space for her to recuperate from the stress.

    With her birthday coming up during that period of space I gave her, I decided to send her flowers to her house and she called me (which is absolutely unprecedented) saying how thankful she was and she didn’t even know what to say. She cut herself off when she told me that she was upset that I haven’t been talking to her and thought I was going to forget her b-day, which I thought was interesting, but then I thought, “If you wanted to talk to me, why didn’t you just text me then???”. But we talked on the phone for a bit and she told me how busy she was and I also told her I’ve been busy as well, but we both didn’t mention anything about a date. Overall, it was a good phone call though, shared some laughs and whatnot.

    I wanted to ask her out two days later, but with finals coming up, thought it’d be a bad time. I wait until the weekend and I told myself, “You know what, just call her. Texting her is so complicated.” I called, no answer, which I expected. I text her saying to give me a call back, and she tells me that her cousin is having a grad party and she’s been helping her out, but she’ll call me when she’s free later. And here I am today with no call back or text as of yet…

    So here’s the question. Should I just try to ask her out one more time and discuss with her if there’s some type of future with each other or should I just drop her entirely (which I’m kinda leaning towards)?

    • You have reached out to her and indicated that you wanted to speak with her. She has told you that she would contact you when she had time. Do not reach out to her at this time. Give her an opportunity to reach out to you. If she does not, then allow thoughts of her to fade. Determine what you want for your future at this time. Have a great day, Kris!

  7. I met this girl some weeks ago. She came up to me and told me how handsome I was and I thought she was pretty good looking but she also seemed quite drunk. All of a sudden we started talking and after a few minutes we were kissing. She told her friends that she was staying with me. Some guys where not letting her come with me but It didnt really matter, she had made her decision. We were on the way to her house, but we stopped by a street store and I bought some beer for me and somethings to make her sober up. She finally sobered up and said I was not going home with her and that I should go back to my friends. I was okay with that but kept just conversating with her until she took me home. She seemed quite perplexed by the fact that she allowed me to go home with her (constantly repeating that she never lets a guy so easy) and this made me think she possibly could do it quite often. While I was laying in her bed, she looks up to me and tells me who are you? and I jokingly said “your future ex boyfriend” and she immediately sighed and told me why ex? not ex, maybe boyfriend. I of course said I was joking because she took me serious for it. After that we had sex and slept together. After that, we spent 3 days together, going on dates to restaurants, chill at the park, or helping her with some things and having passionate sex about 3 times a day… by this point I was really mind fucked about I was feeling (I am the type of guy that just dissapears in the morning). After spending all this time with her, I felt very connected to her. Like someone I had known for a very long time. I could feel our energies being very compatible and it seemed we had the power to bring the best out of each other. On the second night we spent together she lets me know that she hadnt been dating in a long time bc she was living abroad doing some kind of social work. Then when she came back she was just working on her stuff. She said 2 nights before she met me she went out on a date after a very long time of not dating and that she had planned on going on another date on tuesday but she canceled to spend time with me. However she said she was going back home for 2 weeks on thursday and that wednesday night she was gonna meet a good old friend so she was not going to see me. I asked what was her deal with her old friend and she said they had hooked up but now they were just friends. After that she leaves back home, and I am not a guy for the texting world but I felt like giving her some space. So I did not text her immediately until after the next day after she arrived to wish her good time with her family. After that I have texted her twice and she always replies but never initiates. Last thing she said is she was having a phone detox. I really feel confused about this whole situation and how fast I started feeling this very intense things for her. She is still at home and I dont know what will happen when she comes back. I would appreciate any thoughts. Thanks!!

    • She once felt a strong emotional connection with you. Your response to her question likely caused her to feel confused and uncertain about her feelings. She is no longer interested in maintaining a relationship with you over the phone. Determine what you want for your future. You may find great benefit in allowing this person to fade from your thoughts. Have a great day, Tony!

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