When you are in a bad or difficult relationship, one common question you ask yourself is why you are in that relationship in the first place. It was fun at first, but now your relationship is nothing but stress.
Even when you are in a good relationship, you may tire of being with your partner. You may stop feeling the same way about them, or you may wonder if you are really compatible for each other. While science might not be able to dictate who you love, there actually is a scientific checklist that you can use to determine if you should stay in your relationship or not.
You can use the following questions to see if you should stay in your relationship or move on. If you are not sure about what you want, this will help you to decide. There is nothing wrong with waiting a week or two after taking the checklist to see if you still feel the same way. After all, you wouldn’t want to throw away a long-term relationship over night. Once you know what you want to do though, take steps to put your plans into action. If you are in a bad relationship, dragging things out for months or years will only make leaving that much harder.
Should I Stay in This Relationship?
Next to each of these checklist items, write true or false. At the end of the survey, count up the number of “true” responses and score your survey.
1. I generally feel like it is rewarding to be with my partner.
2. I trust my partner.
3. I think my partner normally does fairly well when it comes to spending habits.
4. My partner wants me to achieve my dreams and goals.
5. I often enjoy helping my partner.
6. My partner rarely criticizes how I spend money.
7. My partner normally talks to me if there is a problem instead of holding it in.
8. My partner generally thinks about me without getting jealous or angry.
9. I do not gossip about our relationship with other people.
10. My partner is generally good about talking about his/her personal issues with me.
11. I generally do not feel angry or jealous in our relationship.
12. My partner can relax and unwind when I am around.
13. I can relax and unwind with my partner and share my day.
14. I think of my partner as one of my friends.
15. My partners sometimes looks excited when we meet or see each other.
16. If I am angry with my partner, I can generally cool off, forgive and forget.
17. We do not hit each other.
18. I do not feel anxious, isolated or depressed because of my relationship with my partner.
19. I would choose to do everything again if I had the choice because I can’t imagine life without my partner.
20. My partner generally relaxes after he/she talks to me about a stressful event.
21. While we might have our differences, we do not fight in public or call each other names.
22. I can share my ideas and goals without my partner shattering my dreams.
23. If I share my sexual needs, my partner listens and understands.
24. My partner seems content after sex.
25. It is important to me to help my partner succeed in life.
26. My partner will normally forgive my mistakes instead of reminding or nagging me about them.
27. My partner normally helps me if I need help.
28. My partner sometimes tries new things with me in bed.
29. I am generally satisfied after having sex with my partner.
30. I can share my personal problems with my partner without it being an issue.
Now, count up your answers that were “true.” This will determine your score. It basically shows if you and your partner have your emotional needs met in your relationship. In general, this is what each score means:
25-30: Awesome relationship. Keep up the great work!
19-24: Your relationship is alright, but you should probably discuss your responses on this survey with your partner.
13-18: Your relationship is in trouble. You should consider counseling.
7-12: Your relationship is probably not worth it. A break up isn’t inevitable, but you should prepare for one.
0-6: The relationship is already over with. You just have to realize it.
Deciding If You Should Stay in Your Relationship
Deciding to stay or leave a relationship is not easy. If your score was between 19 and 30, then you should probably stay in your relationship. Unless you just believe that you are not compatible or have some major reason for leaving, your relationship is probably good enough to last. If you do think that you are having a problem, just talk to your partner about it. Opening up the lines of communication can help you fix any of the problems that you noticed while taking this survey.
If you scored between 13 and 18, then your relationship is in trouble. This does not mean for certain that your relationship will fail though. This is the most difficult spot to be in because the answer to, “Should I stay in this relationship?” could really go either way. If you decide to stay or want to see if you could make your relationship worth staying, it would be worthwhile to go to counseling. This could be with a professional marriage counselor or the pastor at your church. Look for someone who can offer unbiased advice and who both partners respect.
If you scored between 0 and 12, then your relationship is on the rocks. Individuals in the 7 to 12 category should prepare for a break up—even if you aren’t planning one, your partner will probably want one soon. If you are absolutely sure that you want your relationship to work and are in the 7 to 12 range, then you need to make changes in your relationship quickly.
For people that fell in the 0 to 6 category, it is probably time to pack your bags. Both partners are aware that the relationship is essentially over with, so you are basically waiting for one person to make the move and break up. Get it over with early, and it will make things easier.