Breakups can be hard on you. They stress alone is enough to cause endless breakouts and quite a few mid-week breakdowns. It’s insane the impact love has on us.
Love has the ability to make it feel as if we are on top of the world, living like queens, or it can send us to the deepest depths of our own personal hell. That is why when we finally go through the major trauma of ending a relationship, it hurts. And it hurts real bad. The pain of being separated from someone that we were once so close to is enough to make us wonder if ending
We constantly find ourselves thinking, ‘Was this the right choice. Should we get back together? Maybe just shoot him a text or give him a quick call?’
It doesn’t seem to matter how long ago you last spoke. It could have been only a measly week or it could have been two years. We still somehow catch ourselves wondering from time to time if we should reach out to the person who once had our heart.
So, what should you do if this happens? Right now you are probably in panic mode, thinking about what the right decision is. Should you text him or should you stay away?
There are a few things that you need to take into your consideration when you are trying to figure out whether to get into contact with any of your exes. Going around texting the wrong ones made lead only to heartbreak or confusing or, in the worse case scenario, both.
How Are You?
It’s tough, you miss him a lot, but you have to think about whether or not this is something that you have time for. You should be evaluating how you are doing at this point in your life. Are you stressed to the max? Is work getting you down? Finals coming up? Whatever it may be, if you are super busy right now and seem to have a lot on your plate, it may not be the best time to be sending out anything to your ex. The drama that may ensue could only prove to make things worse. Especially if you receive a negative reaction. If you don’t receive a reaction at all, it could potentially send you spiraling into a rollercoaster of emotions. Do you feel like you are emotionally and mentally available to withstand something like that? Are you prepared for what comes after you hit the send button?
How Long Did You Date?
Remember how long the two of you were together.
It’s understandable if you want to talk to someone that you dated for a year or more. If you had only dated for a few months, we suggest avoiding conversation. It obviously did not work out in a short amount of time. If you couldn’t make it to a year last time, how do you expect it to work out in the long term? Is someone that you only knew for a little bit really worth wasting your time on any further?
Why’d You Breakup?
The next thing that you are going to want to mull over is how and why the two of you broke up in the first place. This is an essential piece of information that you need to consider when you are thinking about texting your ex-boyfriend. This will be your reasoning to everything.
There are many reasons that couples don’t last forever, but not all of them are horrible enough to keep them apart for long.
Like if the two of you got into some silly argument over politics and actually broke up because of it. That would be grounds that lead you to text him back eventually. Because it wasn’t that big of a deal. One of you just got butt-hurt. No one actually got hurt.
However, if one person had cheated on the other, then it’s safe to say that you probably shouldn’t be sending them any messages. Especially if they were the ones who cheated on you. Why you would want to text someone that broke your heart like that, we don’t know, but it’s ultimately up to you if you want to look past his mistake or not.
If you had been the cheater, you can trying sending a text, but what’s done is done. Your ex-boyfriend may never forgive you for something like that. Texting him may only anger him and open up fresh wounds. Put yourself in his position. How would you feel?
Physical, verbal or mental abuse are all grounds to never speak to your ex again. If you have endured or caused any of these actions, do not text your ex. If one of you felt the need to go that far to hurt your partner, then neither of you are meant to be together. Reuniting with your ex under these circumstances only sets the two of you up for failure. Even if it’s just a talk, nothing good can come of it.
What Do You Expect To Happen?
Maybe you have decided already that you are going to send that text. But you really need to think about what you want to come out of this whole situation. What are you expecting?
Do you just want to have a simple conversation? Texting an ex just to ask them how they are doing might be acceptable, but conversations can sometimes get out of hand. They start in one direction and end in the complete opposite one when you are done.
Are you asking about a mutual friend? This may be acceptable, too, but are you really concerned for your friend or are you just thinking of an excuse to say hi?
What happens if the conversation falls flat? Will you be okay if your ex doesn’t appear to be interested in conversing with you? Because sometimes that is the case.
Just because you are feeling up to a convo with them, doesn’t mean that they want to speak with you. If you choose to text them, it’s important that you prepare yourself for rejection and disappointment.
Do you want to meet up and hang out with your ex? If you are texting your ex to coax them into a hangout, think critically about whether or not you are prepared for what comes after that.
Do you want to give your relationship another shot? Hanging out with your ex might lead the two of you into something more romantic once again. You have to be ready to fly or fail.
Keep in mind that there was a reason you broke up in the first place. That might also cause resentment between the both of you, especially if you start hanging out again.
Do you want closure? Texting your ex to get closure is always acceptable. Maybe you want to try and get them to apologize for hurting you or vice versa. That is always okay. However, you may face some backlash from your ex for this type of conversation. They may not be ready to deal with it or want to deal with it at all.
What Made You Think Of Them?
If it’s been a good period of time since you talked with him last, why are you thinking about initiating conversation now? We only ask, because it does play a factor in whether you should go through with it or not.
Did you only think of them because you were lonely? Loneliness is never a good reason to get back together with someone or even bring them back into your life. It’s a bad foundation for any relationship. When you become lonely, you will become blind to whatever made the two of you breakup, because you just want some company. Obviously, being single is lonely. Sister, it’s time to find another man to stand by you!
Do you still have one of their items from when you were dating? This is an okay reason to text your ex. You might just letting your inner good samaritan come out. He might need the item you have, or so you think. However, if it’s been an extended amount of time since the blowout and he still hasn’t asked for it, he probably doesn’t need it. Ask yourself if it is just a crutch to make contact? If so, continue to search for the real reason you want to text him.
Are you thinking about him, because you suddenly found yourself angry with him? Maybe he left you with some debt or you were thinking of the hurtful words he said to you. This might make you angry enough to pick up your phone and pull up his contact info. But that isn’t a good reason to text your ex-boyfriend. Just contacting him to blow up at him will cause nothing but trouble and hurt for both of you. It might feel good to take a karate class or pick up a sport until you feel that aggression slip away. Just don’t take it out on other people, even if your ex is the one that caused this anger in the first place.
You don’t want him going around calling you the ‘crazy-ex’ because you went grade-A psycho on him over a $30.00 gas bill from last year.
What Are You Going To Say?
You might want to text him, but have you thought about what you are going to say to him? If you haven’t, then you probably shouldn’t be texting him. You should not send out a random text to an ex just to say hi. There should be something substantial in what you are saying. At least if you do that, you can make the conversation worthwhile.