We know, it’s hard to keep someone who stole your heart away off of your mind. Relationships take a hold of us and it seems to take forever before they ease up on their grip. Even if it’s been a long time since you dated that special someone. She’ll still find a way to run through your head every once in awhile. Let’s face it- Breakups suck. And they suck a lot. I mean breaking something is never fun and it’s right there in the name. Breakup. Therefore something has broken, which is always hard to deal with.
Dealing with a breakup is like having someone sit on your chest and continuously yell, “Are you over her yet?!”
That is why we find it so hard to stop ourselves from wanting to pick up our phones and dial the digits of an ex. You’re not over her yet. All you want to do is speak with her, even if it’s just this one last time.
You will constantly find yourself wondering, ‘Does she miss me? Should I text her? I wonder how she is doing?’
No matter how long ago you spoke, you might still be curious as to what she is up to these days. Of course, it’s not easy to stop caring about someone that you once cared for so much. We get it. However, there are a few things that you need to go over with yourself before you even think about picking up your cellphone.
That’s right, put away the phone and listen up:
Texting your ex without thinking certain things through is only a recipe for utter disaster.
So, what do you need to consider when you’re wondering whether or not to text your ex-girlfriend?
How’re You Lately?
Ask yourself what emotion you have been feeling a majority of the time lately. Are you happy? Are you depressed?
Being happy is good, but if you are depressed, it might be best to put off texting your ex-girlfriend for awhile. You may be just looking for someone to talk to and that’s okay, but you should find a friend to vent to instead. Opening up a conversation with a lot of baggage can make the situation even stickier. It’s already sticky enough- Y’know, because of the breakup? Don’t pile more wood on the fire. The flames will only get higher.
Think about what is occupying your time at this moment in your life. Do you think you could handle conversing with your ex at this time? Do you have a lot going on that doesn’t leave a lot of room for much else in your life? When you are busy and stressed with school or work, it’s best to not get re-involved with your ex. It might only add on more stress. Therefore making you inevitably feel overwhelmed.
Do you think you could handle fighting someone right now? You have to remember that everytime you text your ex, you’re opening yourself up to receive a negative reaction from her. You should be prepared for happy, angry or sad reactions. You can never really be sure which way it is going to go.
How Long Was Your Relationship?
An important factor in whether or not you should send a text to your ex, is the length of time that the two of you were together. Why is this so important? It’s crucial because if you two only dated for a little while, you have to ask yourself if it’s really worth it to be opening the floodgate to that relationship again? The two of you did not work out in a short amount of time and it’s very unlikely that you would work out if you tried again. However, if you had dated for an extended period of time, it might be more understandable for you to want to talk to her. Just remember that no matter the length of time that you were together, it might be a waste of time to text her either way.
What’s The Reason You Broke Up?
Undoubtedly, this is the most important thing that will help you decide whether or not to click send. Breakups are bad, but there are also really, really horrible breakups. Sometimes, if the relationship was torn apart for a serious reason, there is no point in trying to rekindle the flame that you once had.
Did you break up over something silly? It might have not seemed silly at the time, but if it does now, it might be okay to shoot her a text. Maybe both of you just needed a little bit of time and space to help you cool off.
Had one of you been cheating on the other? If this is the case at hand, then it’s safe to say that you probably shouldn’t open up that can of worms. Especially if they were the ones doing all the adultery. Why would you want to talk to someone who ripped your heart of your chest anyways? Where is the appeal in that? If you were the one that cheated, it’s also safe to say that you should avoid contact. She is probably very angry with you and will not respond with anything nice to say. You have already broken her heart, don’t further the damage. The only reason that it might be acceptable to talk to your ex when you have cheated on them, is if you are texting or calling them to apologize for hurting them.
What reasoning makes it absolutely unacceptable to text your ex-girlfriend? If there was any sort of abuse going on, do not text her. Whether it was you or her, if there was physical, verbal or mental abuse in the relationship, do not continue contact any further. There is no reason to text someone that you would hurt or would hurt you in any of those ways. Texting someone that you share that type of history with is only going to bring up feelings of heartache and resentment. It’s best to leave things be in this situation. Move on and start fresh.
What Are You Expecting?
Even if you are dead set on getting into contact with your ex, what do you expect to happen once you do?
Are you just checking in to say hello? That doesn’t seem like good grounds for bringing up such strong emotions. Let the past be in the past.
However, if you are possibly hanging onto something that belongs to her, it might be okay to let her know. You can arrange to return it to her or have someone do it for you. She may not even want it at this point. If she hasn’t texted you asking for it and it’s been over 3 months, there’s a huge possibility that she simply does not care about it.
Are you trying to get ahold of her to find out some information about a mutual person that you know? If that’s the case, make sure you are actually doing so because you care about the person of interest. Otherwise you might just be finding any excuse to talk to her again. Bringing another person into it doesn’t seem right. So, think hard about what you are going to say when you finally text her.
Are you looking for a chance to get together again? If you want to hangout with her, make sure that you are ready to take the steps necessary to work past whatever issues you have from your breakup. Getting together might be a terrible idea if there is a ton of bad blood between you and your ex. You don’t want to sit down for coffee with her and end up having to leave shortly after because she threw it in your face. Hot coffee is good, but not when it’s all over you. Can you say ouch?
An acceptable reason to text your ex-girlfriend is if you are looking for some sort of closure. Maybe things did end badly and it’s been eating you up inside. If you want to send a text asking to talk things through, that’s totally okay. Every relationship deserves closure, but sadly most do not get it. It’s even better if you are texting her to apologize for something that you have done. She might be more accepting of the conversation.
However, if you are the one that is looking for an apology from her, prepare to be disappointed. Getting people to apologize can sometimes be like pulling teeth. Painful and difficult all at once.
Why Are You Considering This?
What ultimately made you want to text your ex-girlfriend out of nowhere. Especially if it has been a long time since the two of you last talk. Why would you want to initiate conversation right now?
It’s never a good idea to text an ex because you are looking for intimacy. You guys were intimate once with feelings and it didn’t work out. It’s highly unlikely that getting intimate without bring those feelings back up is going to be easy. You will only be setting yourself up for failure. You can really only be “friends with benefits” if you haven’t already moved past the friends part and into lovers.
Are you angry with your ex? Is the reason you want to talk to take out your frustration? This is an extremely bad idea. Texting someone for the sole purpose of being aggressive is never a good idea. Not only will it make you look bad, but you might cause a whole lot of hurt for both you and her.
What Will You Say?
If you do decide to go through with texting her, just make sure you know what you are going to say. It’s important to think this through before you turn your life upside down.