“Girl, he’s just not into you.”
Those are hard words to hear, but sometimes that’s exactly what you need to hear. Finding out that your feelings aren’t being returned is painful, but it’s not as destructive as wasting your life waiting for a guy who doesn’t like you.
Of course, we can’t tell you whether or not he likes you. You’re all the way across the internet from us! But we can give you ten red flags to look for. If the man you’ve got your eyes on shows these signs, then it’s probably time to move on.
1. He won’t make time for you
Guys can be busy, if a man can’t meet up with you on any particular night, he probably has a good reason. But if a man likes you he’ll find time to meet you.
If you invite a guy over and he turns you down without trying to find another date, then he’s clearly not all that interested in hanging out or doing anything more.
2. He flakes out on you
Your time is precious. Every minute that passes by is time you’ll never get by. So if you make plans with a guy and he doesn’t show up then it can be a real sign of disrespect.
A guy who really likes you respects the value of your time and will apologize and try to make things up to you if he’s ever forced to miss a date.
A guy who doesn’t care about your time doesn’t truly care about you, so the second a guy starts flaking you should think about moving on.
3. He ignores your messages
In the olden days, it was difficult to talk to your crush. You’d have to call them up and hope they were home. Since those days communication has gotten much easier and excuses are harder to come up with.
It’s one thing if you can’t find time to make a phone call, it’s another if you can’t be bothered to shoot off a quick text. A man who isn’t willing to take a few seconds to write a text isn’t worth your time.
4. He doesn’t look at you
Some guys can be shy around the girls they like. They might avert their gaze and glance around awkwardly, afraid to make eye contact. That’s natural with shy guys. What isn’t natural is a guy who doesn’t look at you when you’re around.
Guys are naturally drawn to women they’re attracted to, staring at them even when they shouldn’t be. If you never catch a man looking at you, then he’s clearly not interested. Or blind. Make sure his eyes work before judging him on this one, but most men have no excuses.
5. He flirts with other women around you
A guy who really likes you won’t act like he’s constantly looking to make an upgrade. Some dudes are just natural flirts; they find it hard to stop flirting. Still, if you’re supposed to be on a date, then he’s supposed to focus on you.
A guy who really likes you will focus on you. Love is about putting another person ahead of yourself. You might not expect total devotion right off the bat, but you should expect a man to show some basic decency and save the flirting for later.
If you’re not dating a guy and he’s flirting with other people, then the matter is more difficult. You can’t say he’s doing something wrong, after all. The question there is whether there’s a difference in the way he flirts with other people and how he flirts with you.
If he seems more interested around you, then you might have a chance. But if he flirts with everyone but you then it’s time to move on with your life.
6. He never starts the conversation
When was the last time he approached you out of the blue to talk? It doesn’t have to have been in person; maybe he contacted you online or over text.
That sort of behavior is what you should expect. If you have to corner a guy to get him to talk to you, then he’s not interested. Try to stop initiating conversations with him for a few days and see what happens.
7. He talks openly about other relationship possibilities
Men tend to be a bit possessive when they have strong feelings. It’s only human. And smart guys understand that women can also be possessive.
So if a guy is comfortable talking to you about women he’s attracted to and doesn’t’ mind you talking about other men then he probably doesn’t see you that way.
Consider pointing out guys you think are hot and see how he reacts. If he doesn’t do anything, he might not be interested in you, or he might just be really confident. Remember, you have to look at the whole picture.
8. His body language is closed off
A man who likes you will try to be open. He will move closer to you when he can and face towards you if possible. Guys who are attracted to you will also try to touch you, or make it easier for you to touch them.
A guy who looks cold and closed off around you is most likely uninterested. Once again, some guys are naturally a little shy and distant. What you need to do if you want to be sure is compare the way he acts around you with the way he acts around others.
If he opens up around you, then things look good, but if he closes himself off then it’s time to back away.
9. He’s not interested in you as a person
Does he ask you about your day? Does he really listen to your answers? A man who isn’t interested in your life isn’t honestly interested in you. Maybe he has some superficial interest, but it’s not the sort of thing solid relationships are built on.
Give your man a quick quiz to see what he remembers about you. You might need to cut him some slack because men can be a little slow. But if he can’t remember basic facts, then you should be concerned.
10. He doesn’t change when you’re around
When someone is in the presence of a person they are attracted to they change. It can be purely involuntary, brought about by a chemical reaction in their body. You’ve experienced the blushing, sweaty palms, and beating heart.
A guy who really likes you will be experiencing similar things. Try and pay attention if your guy’s demeanor changes when you’re around. See if he talks to you like everyone else.
Men will make subtle changes to try and be more attractive, becoming louder, talking lower, talking faster, using different words, it’s different for every man.
The important thing is looking for any real change. A guy who sees you coming without so much as blinking an eye is completely disinterested.
Deciding for yourself
As we said earlier, we can’t tell you what’s going on in your life. Human beings are complicated; some guys can show a few of these signs even though they are interested you.
But the more of these behaviors you see, the worse your chances are. When you see your crush again keep this list in mind, checking to see how he measures up. As a rule of thumb, if you can check off three items on this list then you might as well move on.
No matter what happens to you, just remember that there are plenty of men out there, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. The right man is out there, and he will care for you. Don’t waste your time trying to convince a man to take an interest in you.