Home Love & Relationship 10 Signs He Is Obsessed With You

10 Signs He Is Obsessed With You


Sometimes, it is nice when a guy seems obsessed with you. If you like the guy back and want to be with him, then it is flattering that he always pays attention to you. Having a crush pay attention to you shows that he is interested, and it can feel nice. You have an admirer in your life, which makes you feel desirable and happy.

Unfortunately, there are many cases when it is a bad thing for the guy to be obsessed with you. If you do not like him back, it is obnoxious that he constantly messages you or shows up where you are. In some cases, it can even be dangerous. An original obsession can quickly turn into stalking. In addition to being obnoxious, it can also be a potentially dangerous obsession. Stalkers are often insecure and jealous. Once they fixate on you, their obsession only becomes worse. If you think that you might be dealing with an unhealthy relationship or person, read through the signs he is obsessed with you.

Sometimes, a guy will be obsessed with you after you reject him or after a break up. In some cases, he realizes that you are not interested and eventually goes away. In a number of cases, the obsession turns into stalking. Unfortunately, about one out of six women will be the victim of a stalker in their lifetime. Two out of three of these stalking cases will involve a past or current partner.

Ideally, your first goal is to avoid getting involved with someone who fits the stalker personality. If he already shows obsessive behaviors when you first starting dating, his obsession is only going to get worse over time. Once you realize that he shows signs he is obsessed with you, you need to avoid him and take steps to protect yourself from him.

1. He Spies on You

Does it feel like you are being watched constantly? Listen to your gut instinct. You may not notice he is there at first, but he may be just around the corner or walking behind you. This is generally not the initial sign of an obsession. Often, it happens as the obsession deepens. His mind makes him seek you out because he wants to be around you all the time to see what you are doing and get to know him better. If you run into him “by coincidence” a few too many times to be just chance, it might be a sign he is obsessed with you.

2. He Has a History of Addiction or Mental Illness

There are many, many people who have mental illnesses who have amazing relationships. There are, however, certain mental illnesses that can be a warning sign. If he seems to have codependent tendencies, sadism or masochistic tendencies, then you should be extremely wary. Individuals who have an addiction also lose some of their impulse control and may act differently than they would otherwise.

3. He Does Not Understand “No”

When you first met, he asked you for your number and you told him no. Or, he asked you out and you told him that you were not interested. He keeps trying to call you or text you, and he does not listen when you tell him that you would rather him go away. If he does not listen to what you think or feel, he is obviously not living in the real world. You need to make sure that you are protected. Whether this is by a restraining order or something else is up to you.

4. He Keeps Messaging You

When someone likes you, it is normal for them to send you a message to see how things are going. If they are not used to a romantic relationship, they may even send another message because they are afraid that you did not get the first one. If the guy keeps sending texts and you never respond, you have a problem. Someone who is obsessed with you will keep messaging you whether you respond or not. If you do not respond, he may get angry or jealous. This type of guy is extremely insecure and possessive. He may even want to know where you are at all times, even if he is not actually dating you.

5. He Breaks Into Your House

This is a fairly clear sign that he is obsessed. He either breaks into your car or your apartment. Even if you gave him a key before, this is completely inexcusable behavior. There is never a justification for someone to break in and wait for you. It is a complete violation of your privacy and an extremely dangerous situation. If he does this to you, call the police and do not go inside.

6. He Sets You on a Pinnacle

When someone is obsessed, they are not basing their decisions on reality. An obsessed guy will often create a dream version of you in his mind. In this idealized version, you are completely perfect and set apart from the rest of the world on a pinnacle. If he realizes that you do not live up to his unrealistic expectations, he can become violent and upset.

7. He Is More Helpful Than He Should Be

The intent for this one matters. If you have a friend or boyfriend who is extremely helpful, way to go! You are lucky to have someone help you out and care for you. The only time this is a problem is when he does it for the wrong reasons. He might offer to drive you when you do not need it to ingratiate himself with you. He might volunteer to clean your home or cook just to be around you. For this sign, you have to consider the reason why. If this is the only sign that he does, he probably just has a normal crush on you. If he also matches many of the signs on this list, then you should be worried.

8. He Misrepresents Your Relationship

You barely know him, but he tells your family that you are best friends. When he talks about your friends, he says that you are dating him. He may even talk about your future together, even though you aren’t even friends yet.

9. He Becomes Violent After a Rejection

In his idealized fantasy about you, you never reject him. When the object of his desire turns him down, he becomes violent or angry.

10. He Threatens to Hurt Himself

At first, he may not have accepted your rejection. Later on, you made your rejection clear. If you were dating, you broke up with him. Instead of just accepting his loss, he threatened to hurt himself. In extreme cases, he may have even threatened to kill himself or you if he could not be with you. Any threat about self-harm or harming someone else is extremely serious. It is a sign of a dangerous obsession and should immediately be reported to the police. He might just be trying to guilt you into staying with him, but he could easily become physically dangerous.

If you think that he is obsessed with you, you should do your best to avoid him. If his obsession grows worse, get help. Talk to a police officer, your employer or a parent about his behavior. You have to stop his obsession before it can become even worse.


  1. I believe I might be in this situation i been knowing this guy for yrs we never been in a relationship but always been friends but very intimate he has popped up at my house different times without notice he will text and call most times I respond but other times when I don’t he will pop up when I do see him he will tell me he missed me he even remembers very detailed intamicy they we had in past that I can’t even remember to a certain degree he even lives him my neighborhood i did not for a couple of months I did not know until I ran into driving down my street after the months of not seeing him he told he would see me walking but he would not speak because last encounter we had he popped at my house I told my daughter to tell him I’m not home because it was late he then told her to call that guy who house she at i then came out told him to leave after that we did not speak now we reconciled and been intimate once so he just did another pop up and I did not answer door but I heard him walking off like he was mad even though were just friends should I be concerned I mean I know he told me he love me but he never said in love I think he is obsessed with and good at keeping it undercover we always been intimate even though we had relationships over the yrs do you think he see me as girlfriend and I don’t know it even when I discuss other guys he criticized their good skills but I always ignore it please people give me feedback

    • It is possible that he is interested in a developing a relationship with you. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Kim!

  2. This guy likes me a lot and I like him too. He told me this before he got a gf and I was fine because I’m not allowed to date. And we became best freind. They’ve been dating since December. Most recently he told me he still had feelings for me. And that he couldn’t get me out of his head. He started calling me certain things and of course I like the compliments but, he shouldn’t be telling me should be telling his gf. I’ve told him several times not to but he doesn’t listen. He says he’ll break up with her to prove how much he likes me. I don’t want to be the reason he does. So should I avoid him and wait until he breaks up with her on his own or talk to him like nothings going on?

    • All of your feelings are positive and correct. He should not be harming someone else because of his feelings for you. If he does not want to be in a relationship with this girlfriend, then he should end that relationship. If he becomes single and wants to develop a relationship with you, then speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. He should not be flirting with you while he is in a relationship. Have a great day, Mari!

  3. So there was this colleague that I worked with for a few months. While we were colleagues, he managed to get my phone number without me giving it to him. I didn’t make a big deal out of it because I figured I could always block him if things got out of hand. We texted back and forth-nothing serious, just polite small talk. But soon he started texting a lot. If I didn’t reply, he’d start calling and if I didn’t answer, he’d show up to my house(I didn’t give him my address either, but he managed to get that too). I blocked him. This was in July 2016. It’s 2018 now, but he still shows up to my house every few months. The people I live with have always told him I’m unavailable, so I’ve not had to ever actually meet him when he shows up. I’m really confused. I don’t know whether I can classify this as stalking and I’m also worried about the safety of the people I live with. Please, please advise.

    • He has decided to stalk you. You have shared your thoughts and feelings with him. He has chosen to disrespect you. If you see him around your house again, then take photographs. Write down his previous actions. If you see him again, then call the police and inform them of his history and share your pictures with them. If he comes to your house a second time, then attempt to get a restraining order. For now, spend additional time with your friends and family. Best of luck, Anon!

  4. Hi, I think my girlfriend is obsessed with me and I was wondering if I am right or wrong. She constantly calls and messages me after we have not long left each other, I am talking like 20mins to half an hour, she messages things like I miss your smell, she always asks who is messaging me, if my phone bleeps she’s like is that a message you got, she wants to know what my friends talk to me about which is not my business to tell so I say to her no I’m not telling and she doesn’t like it, she keeps trying to tell me how I feel, what I should be doing when I’m down, if she doesn’t like what she hears she cries and the other day because I was unwell I said I didn’t want date night and we argued and she said she was crying so I called her and she wasn’t even crying and that leads me to another thing she always tries to make me feel bad and even though I gave her just about all my attention she still craves more attention. Am I right is she obsessed with me or could it be something else? Thanks.

    • You are your girlfriend are maintaining a relationship with you, so it is likely that she cares for you. It seems like she is interested in having your attention, which is normal and acceptable. However, it also seems that she may be jealous regarding your relationships with other people. Make a decision about what you feel is appropriate for you and for your relationships. You will find great benefit in sharing your kindness and compassion at all times, as this will draw positive people and energy into your life. Have a great day, Charlene!

  5. I think I might be in something similar with a now former friend. He was one of my best friends. He was also one of my boyfriends best friends. When I first met them we were all friends they both liked me. I chose my boyfriend now. The other guy never got over that. His jealousy constantly got the best of him. He got used to seeing us together in time. But he would still flirt with me all the time till I put a stop to it. It just escalated to him trying to start drama. He tried to stir the pot and get me and my boyfriend into arguments. Till we had to cut him out of our lives. But he is still trying to weasel his way back into my life. But he’s doing it through other people using the sympathy card even though he’s the one who did wrong many times. I have to see him regularly so I don’t know the best way to go about it. Cause I do care about him as a person. As a friend too.

    • His behaviors are selfish and inappropriate. He has attempted to harm your relationship numerous times. Inform your partner about the behaviors of this person, and let him know that you are not welcoming his behaviors. Reduce your interactions with this person who is harming your relationship. It is likely that his behaviors will continue if you attempt to nourish a social relationship with him. Have a great day, JEM!


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