Sometimes, it is nice when a guy seems obsessed with you. If you like the guy back and want to be with him, then it is flattering that he always pays attention to you. Having a crush pay attention to you shows that he is interested, and it can feel nice. You have an admirer in your life, which makes you feel desirable and happy.
Unfortunately, there are many cases when it is a bad thing for the guy to be obsessed with you. If you do not like him back, it is obnoxious that he constantly messages you or shows up where you are. In some cases, it can even be dangerous. An original obsession can quickly turn into stalking. In addition to being obnoxious, it can also be a potentially dangerous obsession. Stalkers are often insecure and jealous. Once they fixate on you, their obsession only becomes worse. If you think that you might be dealing with an unhealthy relationship or person, read through the signs he is obsessed with you.
Sometimes, a guy will be obsessed with you after you reject him or after a break up. In some cases, he realizes that you are not interested and eventually goes away. In a number of cases, the obsession turns into stalking. Unfortunately, about one out of six women will be the victim of a stalker in their lifetime. Two out of three of these stalking cases will involve a past or current partner.
Ideally, your first goal is to avoid getting involved with someone who fits the stalker personality. If he already shows obsessive behaviors when you first starting dating, his obsession is only going to get worse over time. Once you realize that he shows signs he is obsessed with you, you need to avoid him and take steps to protect yourself from him.
1. He Spies on You
Does it feel like you are being watched constantly? Listen to your gut instinct. You may not notice he is there at first, but he may be just around the corner or walking behind you. This is generally not the initial sign of an obsession. Often, it happens as the obsession deepens. His mind makes him seek you out because he wants to be around you all the time to see what you are doing and get to know him better. If you run into him “by coincidence” a few too many times to be just chance, it might be a sign he is obsessed with you.
2. He Has a History of Addiction or Mental Illness
There are many, many people who have mental illnesses who have amazing relationships. There are, however, certain mental illnesses that can be a warning sign. If he seems to have codependent tendencies, sadism or masochistic tendencies, then you should be extremely wary. Individuals who have an addiction also lose some of their impulse control and may act differently than they would otherwise.
3. He Does Not Understand “No”
When you first met, he asked you for your number and you told him no. Or, he asked you out and you told him that you were not interested. He keeps trying to call you or text you, and he does not listen when you tell him that you would rather him go away. If he does not listen to what you think or feel, he is obviously not living in the real world. You need to make sure that you are protected. Whether this is by a restraining order or something else is up to you.
4. He Keeps Messaging You
When someone likes you, it is normal for them to send you a message to see how things are going. If they are not used to a romantic relationship, they may even send another message because they are afraid that you did not get the first one. If the guy keeps sending texts and you never respond, you have a problem. Someone who is obsessed with you will keep messaging you whether you respond or not. If you do not respond, he may get angry or jealous. This type of guy is extremely insecure and possessive. He may even want to know where you are at all times, even if he is not actually dating you.
5. He Breaks Into Your House
This is a fairly clear sign that he is obsessed. He either breaks into your car or your apartment. Even if you gave him a key before, this is completely inexcusable behavior. There is never a justification for someone to break in and wait for you. It is a complete violation of your privacy and an extremely dangerous situation. If he does this to you, call the police and do not go inside.
6. He Sets You on a Pinnacle
When someone is obsessed, they are not basing their decisions on reality. An obsessed guy will often create a dream version of you in his mind. In this idealized version, you are completely perfect and set apart from the rest of the world on a pinnacle. If he realizes that you do not live up to his unrealistic expectations, he can become violent and upset.
7. He Is More Helpful Than He Should Be
The intent for this one matters. If you have a friend or boyfriend who is extremely helpful, way to go! You are lucky to have someone help you out and care for you. The only time this is a problem is when he does it for the wrong reasons. He might offer to drive you when you do not need it to ingratiate himself with you. He might volunteer to clean your home or cook just to be around you. For this sign, you have to consider the reason why. If this is the only sign that he does, he probably just has a normal crush on you. If he also matches many of the signs on this list, then you should be worried.
8. He Misrepresents Your Relationship
You barely know him, but he tells your family that you are best friends. When he talks about your friends, he says that you are dating him. He may even talk about your future together, even though you aren’t even friends yet.
9. He Becomes Violent After a Rejection
In his idealized fantasy about you, you never reject him. When the object of his desire turns him down, he becomes violent or angry.
10. He Threatens to Hurt Himself
At first, he may not have accepted your rejection. Later on, you made your rejection clear. If you were dating, you broke up with him. Instead of just accepting his loss, he threatened to hurt himself. In extreme cases, he may have even threatened to kill himself or you if he could not be with you. Any threat about self-harm or harming someone else is extremely serious. It is a sign of a dangerous obsession and should immediately be reported to the police. He might just be trying to guilt you into staying with him, but he could easily become physically dangerous.
If you think that he is obsessed with you, you should do your best to avoid him. If his obsession grows worse, get help. Talk to a police officer, your employer or a parent about his behavior. You have to stop his obsession before it can become even worse.