No one wants to have a controlling boyfriend, but sometimes we don’t know what to be on the look out for. Read these following 12 signs to help you identify if your in a controlling relationship or not!
- You Are Pulled Away From Friends And Family.
The number one sign that you are in a relationship with a controlling boyfriend is that he will isolate you from your friends and your family. They will get into your head and start to convince you that the people you love are not good for you. They want you to feel alone in the end so that you have to rely on them for emotional support at all times. They will do it very carefully at first. You may not notice this is happening until you have actually burned a few bridges. That is because controlling people are very sneaky when they are manipulative. He will make you feel as if letting go of these people in your life was your idea all along.
Why does he do this?
The less people you have around you to lean on when things go wrong, the weaker you are. That means you will be less likely to hold your ground against him in a cruddy situation.
He wants you to feel as if you have no one else. That you will be lonely if you ever decide to leave him.
This is unhealthy and if you find that your partner is pulling you away from the people that love you most then it is time to pack your bags and leave. Once you burn those bridges, it is not alway possible to rebuild them. This will leave you feeling trapped with him.
Do not let it get that far!
- He Physically, Mentally or Emotionally Abuses You.
Another strong sign that he is a controlling person is that he will abuse you. It does not always mean that he will hit your or hurt you in a physical manner. But he may abuse you in other ways that you are not aware of.
He may verbally abuse you by constantly putting you down and making you feel worthless.
He may mentally make you believe that you are a bad person.
He might constantly criticize you, even for tiny issues to make it feel like you are doing a bad job at something.
These are all ways for him to have control over your mind. If he physically hits you it means that he is trying to obtain control over your body as well.
You may notice he commandeers how you do things. That you aren’t doing things a proper way and he would like if you did them another way. He may obsess over the way that you dress and tell you what he feels is appropriate for you to wear.
A controlling person will also cut you off from things if they feel you aren’t living up to their standards. They might say that you will not get to do something you like or have a certain privilege.
This type of behavior is abuse and should be recognized immediately before it becomes dangerous. If you see signs of an abusive boyfriend, please find a family member or friend you can talk to and seek help as soon as possible.
- He Wants You To Depend On Him.
Just as he will isolate you from your family/friends to make you depend on him emotionally, he may do other things that will lead you to be dependant on him.
Sometimes this may include convincing you to work less hours at work or quitting your job entirely. That way you can depend on him monetarily and he can be in charge of the financial decisions within your relationship.
He might purposely destroy your stuff or convince you that he needs to purchase it. He will also put bills, cars, houses, etc. in his name so that he is in full control of all assets.
It’s a good idea to always have things split as evenly as possible in relationship so that both of you hold responsibility for things.
A controlling person will not make that easily doable for you.
- He’s Too Jealous Of Everyone.
That does not mean he is just jealous of when you hang out with other guys. He will also get jealous when you spend too much time with your friends. They might make it seem as if hanging out with other people is wrong for you to do. They would rather that you spend all of your available time with them. This leads them to be overly jealous. Even of your friends or acquaintances. They will do everything in their power to convince you every other person in your life isn’t worth your time, because he is afraid they might lead you away from him.
Although is it healthy to spend a majority of your time with your partner, it is also healthy to develop and maintain other relationships in your life.
- He Guilt-Trips You All Of The Time.
A controlling boyfriend will try to guilt you all of the time no matter what the reason. They may keep a scoreboard of all the things they consider mistakes and throw them in your face when you two are fighting or if he is not happy with something you have done. This is not a healthy way to continue a relationship. There should be no counting mistakes. The guilt tripping will be done to you on a daily basis. This way they can keep you in a state of feeling sorry for something. This makes you weaker and easier to control.
- He Spies On You.
Privacy is important in relationships. That is why you can tell someone has controlling aspects when they start monitoring every little thing you do. Having trust in your partner is also crucial to stay in a loving relationship. So when your boyfriend starts checking up on you every minute of the day, it is not healthy. He may require you give him all of your passcodes to social media and your cellphone. You might find him driving around the block of the friends house you are at.
Virtually he might become a stalker of some sort.
This is a red flag.
- Everything Is Always Your Fault.
The thing about manipulators, or controlling people, is that they will never take responsibility for anything. Even if what has happened is one hundred percent their fault. They will always find a way to take what was done and turn it around to make it appear as if it is all your fault. This is a common tactic when it comes to trying to control someone. You will play on their insecurities and inevitably make them feel worthless.
They will not listen to anything that you have to say, because in their opinion the whole blame falls on your shoulders.
They may even go as far as to make you feel as if you have done something wrong, when in reality you haven’t done anything at all.
- He Forces You To Do The Things You Don’t Want To.
When you find yourself doing a lot of things he is interested in, but you aren’t, he might be a controlling person. This means he never wants to do anything that you like and every activity seemingly revolves around him. He chooses what you do on a daily basis and doesn’t give you a chance to plan anything.
This is a bad sign and it means you should get out of the relationship.
Life is about doing the things that you love. Relationships are all about compromise.
And when he prevents you from doing both it is not a good way to live your life.
- There Are Always Ultimatums.
You will notice that someone who is controlling will serve a lot of ultimatums. Why do they do this? Because it gives them power over any situation. An ultimatum is like having a ‘veto’ button. That way they can veto anything that they want to and always win. Ensure that your partner is not constantly giving you ultimatums. Not only are they exhausting, but they are unfair and should be avoided to maintain a strong bond.
- You Are Not Allowed A Voice.
When you are in a controlled relationship, you will start to lose your voice in everything. Not literally, of course. You will still be able to talk, but you won’t get to voice your opinion about anything. Your partner will make a point to silence you when they do not like what you are saying to them. That means you will never have a chance to tell them that you dislike something they are doing or you would like to do things a different way.
It’s important in relationships that each person be able to voice how they feel to their partner. Nothing should ever be one sided.
- You Change For Him, But He Won’t Change For You.
When a boyfriend refuses to change, but requires that you make changes for him, he is most likely a controlling personality. This is a dangerous sign. He will want to change you into an entirely different person and make you question anything outside of that. When it comes to problems in your relationship he will simply make you mold to fix it, but will not doing anything himself to help.
- He Has Double Standards.
Just like he wants you to change for him, but won’t change for you, he will also hold double standards between you. This will mean that he can do certain things and act certain ways, but it is unacceptable for you to do those things.
He might feel like it is okay for him to have a boys night weekly, but he will get upset when you want to have a girls night.
He might want you to take care of the house/kids/pets, but does not feel as if it’s his responsibility to do any of it.
This creates stress and resentment in a relationship and is a sign that your bond has already broken.