When someone has an affair, they will often feel guilty afterward. Even if they try to rationalize their behavior because of problems in the relationship or drinking, they still know in their heart that what they did was wrong. When someone starts to feel ashamed of their actions, they show signs of being guilty after an affair. Keep in mind that someone could do just one or two of these signs randomly. Don’t assume that your partner is cheating if they only do a couple of the signs. If they do many of the signs, then you might have a reason to be worried.
1. They Overreact
When someone seems to overreact to everything you do or say, it might be their guilt talking. You might ask what they were doing last night, and their response is completely overblown. They accuse you of being needy or suspicious when you were merely curious about what you were up to. If your partner responds drastically in unexpected ways to many of the things you say, then it could be his guilt talking.
2. He Wants to End Things
You get in a fight and are trying to find a solution. Instead of wanting to solve the problem, he threatens to just end the relationship. Part of this is because he now has a different option. He does not have to feel as committed to the relationship because he has a backup plan. Plus, he is continuing to feel guilty about the affair. He knows that he will have to tell you at some point if you keep dating, so it just seems easier to end things early. Because he has this secret leverage, the power dynamic has shifted. He knows that he has a backup plan, so he demands you to change and is fine if that causes the relationship to end.
3. He Blames You Instead
People never want to think that they are a bad person. Sometimes, people who feel guilty about an affair will blame you instead. He wants to justify his bad behavior by thinking that it is all your fault. Even if all you did was a tiny pet peeve, he will point it out and say that it is the reason why he is acting so irrationally. He basically wants to find a way to justify his guilt in his own heart, so he has to look for a way for it to be your—or anyone else’s—fault.
4. He Becomes Moody
When his behavior suddenly changes, it is time to look for a reason for it. This is one of the signs of being guilty after an affair that can happen for other reasons as well. If the only sign he does is moodiness, he might just be in a funk and stressed out at work. If he shows some of the other signs on the list, then he might be having an affair. Having an affair is stressful. He feels guilty, sad and upset around you because he knows that he did something wrong. He might stop making eye contact because of his guilt, or he may go overboard in trying to be extra kind to rationalize his behavior in his own mind.
5. He Is Extremely Attentive
This sign goes along with the last one. After feeling guilty, he wants to do something to make himself feel better. Because of this, he goes out of his way to be affectionate and attentive. He might start giving you gifts for no reason or take you on amazing dates. This is not a problem if it is the only sign, but it is a reason to be worried if he does some of the other things on this list.
6. He Is Always Busy, But Never With You
When someone has an affair, it takes a lot of time out of their life. They are with the other person and are unreachable at certain times. In addition, he could be legitimately trying to stay busy and away from you. He does not want you to realize anything is wrong, and he knows that you will pick up on his guilt if you are around him too much. He is always out with friends and on social media, but none of that time ever seems to be spent with you.
7. He Watches Your Social Media Closely
He feels guilty, so he wants to show that he still cares. Because of this, he reads, likes and retweets everything you do on social media. He may also follow you on social media because he is suspicious. Once someone cheats, they realize that you could cheat as well. Because of this, he may be trying to see what you are up to as he projects his own guilt onto you.
8. He Is Negative About Your Relationship
Sometimes, your date really falls out of love or realizes you are not the right match for him. In some cases, these feelings are from guilt. He starts to wonder what it would be like to break up, so he says things like, “Even if we break up, I would still value you as a friend.”
9. He Takes Offense Easily
He has a lot to be defensive about, and he is constantly afraid that you will figure it out. It does not matter how small your comment is, he will take offense about it. This behavior is also driven by his guilt. If he can show himself that you fight all the time and the relationship is bad, then he will not feel as bad about it. Whether you ask him where he was last night or mention that he forgot to do something, he will turn it into an argument.
10. He Stops Saying “I Love You”
Before, he always told you how much he loved you. If he suddenly stopped, it could be because of an affair. While long-term relationships tend to say “I love you” less than new ones, this could be a sign that he is mentally starting to separate himself from you.